We humans tend to have really strange personalities. We all are different yet we are so similar it makes one cry.

What is it that we have to exist everyday without enjoying it? Why do we rush and push people around so we could gain money? We won't need them when we die.

Why can't we keep those we care about close to ourselves? Why do we meet our relatives only at funerals or weddings but do not meet occasionally, even if we miss them?

When did this world tuned into one huge money and pollution making machine? How come did we forget about love, caring, generosity, nature?

Why does the person you should trust the most turns you down and makes you feel miserable and unwanted?


It is said that a butterfly lives only one day. People stare at them flying from flower to flower. Those butterflies flap their huge colorful wings, enjoy the beauty around them.

Probably they know they're gonna die in the evening but they do not close themselves in the shadows and they do not push other butterflies of their way.

They just live and enjoy each other's company. They know what it's to come yet they use all the means to make their short lives worth something.

Can we humans sincerely admit that we live such lives that are worth more than money? We cannot. And we only blame each other instead of sharing the burdens together....

Abandoned children, abused children, ignored children, hungry children... Jealous wives, husbands, sisters, brothers, girlfriends, boyfriends.

Hateful mothers, drunkard fathers, creepy coworkers and erted bosses. All we care about is power and money. Why do we exist?


I always thought mother and child has a deep connection between each other until I grew older enough to understand mother never loved anyone but herself. She could nag all day long about how tired she is, how sick she is, how caring she is, and so on.

Me or papa, we never had the right to be sick or to be tired. We were, many times but if you think she cared even one bit... When granny called and asked about my health my 'dear' mother murmured one sentence about me and then started her usual ramblings about herself.

At that time I ran to my room and cried while clutching onto the pillow tightly wishing it was a sharp glass which would crash and cut me so she would start caring.

No one knows how many times I thought about hurting myself but I never found the courage in me to do that. Not because I am a coward but because those who try to hurt themselves are cowards.

And yet it crossed my mind many times how nice it would be to die just like that then maybe, just maybe I could feel mother's love. Once I told her she probably hates me and wants me dead.

She said she will send me to psychiatry clinic if she ever hears me saying this again. I stared at her and couldn't believe my own mother could say things like that to her own daughter.


I have a younger brother, Jun. He always got lots of love from her, maybe because he's a man... Papa, even though mother did not sincerely cared about his health, she pretended to and gave all the love to him and Jun.

As for me... I have a deep connection with papa, he is the one I can confine in. Also, I have granny too. And I am close with Jun, yet somehow I never called him brother... It just doesn't sound right, coming from my mouth.

But he said he doesn't mind as he likes how I call him by his name, showing we are more than family. We are friends. He always defends me from mother, changing the topic or telling about his day at school so her rage would not go to me.

He is the person I love really sincerely with all my heart and I hope he does well in the future. Do I sound pessimistic or suicidal? Like I said, I would never raise a hand against myself. It is a low and cowardly action.

Of course there are times when she is good and caring towards me and I treasure those tiny moments of happiness but they are so rare... It feels sometimes like back at school where I was bullied for not taking care of my looks, for being into anime too much or for going to such crazy lengths as in loving alpacas.


The clothes I wore were not okay to them, those rich spoiled brats. They always made fun of me, knocked food out of my hands, talked behind my back, sometimes even humiliating me in public with their remarks.

The whole school 'knew' me because of their rumors and I never had the chance to prove myself being different. Then I couldn't defend myself.

One good thing about school was having a best friend. If not Lovetan I probably would have gone crazy. She helped me to go through everything by supporting me and staying by my side, by showering me with care and jokes and friendship.

Even now I have no one I can compare to her. I proudly call her my sister as to me she's more like a family than my real mother... Whenever I feel down, I call Lovetan and cry my heart out. She consoles me and makes me laugh a lot so I would forget bad things.

It's hard to trust people for me and I don't have many friends. Most of my friends are online anime lovers from abroad. But that's it.


Today is my birthday and yet I am alone. Of course, I got people congratulating me but no one could celebrate it with me. Jun is busy with his school project, papa is on a business trip, mother has a drinking outing with her co-workers and my best friend is studying abroad...

Passing the streets aimlessly in a cold spring breeze, looking for a someplace fit to sit  alone and drink some tea and have a cake. Ah, maybe that cafe over there, it looks really nice... Even though it's exterior looks old and the name "Jester Cappe" is not a very nice name for a cafe it somehow attracts me.

I feel somehow drawn inside. The interior is different, it has a cozy and warm feeling. A waiter leads me to a table and I order some tea and a strawberry shortcake. The waiter leaves and I look around.

There are not many people here but it feels like this place is for lost souls to mend their hearts. The piano music in the background is nice, the dimmed lights and pastel furniture gives a natural warmth.

I see a waitress approaching me with my order. She is taller than me, her black raven hair is in a tight ponytail, her curvy body in a waitress outfit looks rather de... Wait... WHAT THE HELL AM I THINKING?!!


She comes and gives me my tea and shortcake. And then asks me in a gentle and soothing voice what am I celebrating. I look down and murmur the word "birthday". She asks if Iam celebrating alone. I nod my head and look away from embarrassment.

She chuckles lightly and says that I am the cutest person she ever met. I stare at her while she wishes me happy birthday. Her eyes are so pretty... I cannot take my eyes away... But she leaves and I feel disappointed.

I start drinking tea, not having the mood to eat the cake. Suddenly the music changes the lights concentrate on a small stage and I see that waitress in a short tube dress. She sings a song and I can only stare and listen feeling her gaze takes me away to somewhere where there's only her and me.

kodomo no koro kara
kyoudai no you ni
issho ni otona ni natte kita yo ne
SHOOTOKEEKI no ue
ICHIGO de kenkae
futari wo kikazuni
toukou a

mawari no tomodachi ga
kekkonshi hajimete
shiawasette
chikaku ni aru to
ima ni natte omotta yo

suki to ietara rakunanoni
iji wo hatte ita　zutto
katakuna ni
te mo furezu ni...
koi ni taishou ni naranai
osonajimi datta kedo
sukoshizutsu
nanika ga kawatta
mune ga DOKIDOKI shinakute mo
futo　HOtto suru you na
renai mo arutte kizuita yo

ochikondeta toki
riyuu ha kikazuni
kankeinai hanae warawa seta
totsuzen　anata ga
shoutengai　itsumo no mise e
SHOOTOKEEKI wo
katte kita

watashi ni dake ippai
ICHIGO wo kureta ne
shiawasette
konna fu ni
jin to suru koto dayo ne

imasugu ni　suki to iitai keno
SOPPO mui mama　kitto
anata wa
"nanika itta?" nante...
mou ichido　iwa seru tsumori?
watashi　yuuki daa no ni...
ijiwaru
nani mo kawattenai
kikoeteinakutemo ii
kikoeteitatte
ichiban　daisetsu na　I love you!

wataachi no
KEEKI ni
ICHIGO ha ikutsu?
kazoenagara wakeatte
issho ni kurasou yo
moshi　anata ga
ochikonde iru toki wa
watashi no ICHIGO mo ageru
namida mo wakeaou

suki to ietara rakunanoni
nani wo tameratteta no darou

kono koi

suki to ietara rakunanoni
iji wo hatte ita　zutto
katakuna ni
te mo furezu ni...
koi ni taishou ni naranai
osonajimi datta kedo
sukoshizutsu
nanika ga kawatta
mune ga DOKIDOKI shinakute mo
futo　HOtto suru you na
renai mo arutte kizuita yo


After singing she comes to my table and puts a candle on the shortcake. She lits it and sings me a 'happy birthday' with people inside the cafe joining in. I feel tears in my eyes, make a wish and blow the candle.

I thank her but she shakes her head and kisses my forehead. I blush and froze in place while she leaves, probably to change back into her waitress outfit. After I regain myself I eat the cake and leave some money (more than needed).

When I go outside I see her standing there in a black coat and smiling at me. She says she doesn't want me to spend my birthday alone and suggests we go for a walk. I never knew wishes can come true that fast.

You wonder what I wished for? It's simple. "I don't want to spend my birthday alone... I want to take a walk with this beautiful girl. It's all I ask." Well, my wish came true...

By the way, her name is Yuki. It's such a nice name. The moment she took my cold hand into her warm one my heart melted and I felt butterflies in my stomach. I think this is my best birthday present ever. A new friend. A new beginning.