Ch. 9

Krystal’s POV:

I’m done, I’m tired of this. How many hints am I supposed to drop? I should just throw in the towel; she’ll never see me in the way that I see her. I’m just making a fool out of myself, hoping that my love for her will be returned.

Yeah, I said it. I’m in love with that . After her breakup, we just seemed to get closer. We hung out more, talked on the phone when we couldn’t. I hoped for too much, I thought that she was starting to have feelings for me.

I told myself to not get attached but it’s hard. She’s always so caring with me. She makes me laugh when she knows that I’m obviously mad or stressed out. She holds my hands when we walk down stairs or cross streets. Anyone around us would think that we are dating.

I really just can’t help it if my heart leaps with joy at the small action. She brings me food when I’m sick, takes me shopping and doesn’t even complain when I make her carry all my things. She is always at all my recitals supporting me from the front lines but I’ll never tell her that with her there it makes me a hundred times for nervous.

My heart warms up every morning when I wake my screen and see a message from her. How am I supposed to contain the feeling of my heart bursting when she is saying that she wishes me a good morning and that she couldn’t wait to see me today? How could I not jump to conclusions she’s walking me to and from classes on most days?

Someone tell me how to not let the butterfly in my stomach make my legs weak when she tucks my hair behind my ear and tells me I’m beautiful.

I really am confused.

Lately I haven’t been returning her calls or her messages. Whenever we bump into each other I make up excuses that I’m busy. I can see the disappoint flash across her face but what more can I do? I don’t want to be playing any more of these games.

Daydreaming just isn’t enough anymore. Hanging out and messaging just doesn’t cut it anymore. I want the real thing. I want her.

But what hurts more than the fact that she might not feel the same for me is that now, her attempts have ceased.

XxxxxxX

Amber’s POV:

What is wrong with me? Is there anything wrong? I’ve never felt this before…

For a girl.

Am I gay? Not that I know of. Then how can this be? I show all the signs that I’m head over heels but I don’t want to accept this. I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m so confused. How is this even possible?

Never once in the time that I have been alive have I ever had to face something like this. I’ve never even thought about girls in the way that I am thinking of Krystal right now.

I’ve never even taken a second look or had a second thought about a girl in the romantic aspect. So how is it that she is doing this to me?

How could she make my heart flutter so when just one smile? I’m not oblivious to the fact that I just want to be near her every hour of the day. This feeling is making me sick and I hate myself for it.

I hate myself for having such thoughts and feelings for a person I consider to be one of my closest friends now. Does it bother me that she’s a girl and I like her or possibly falling in love with her?

No, it’s unsettling and I don’t know what to do or think about it but it doesn’t bother me in a negative way. I just want to know what to do.

What if Krystal knew I had these romantic feelings for her? What would she think of me then? Can I tell her? Will she reject me?

I don’t think she’ll like me back the way that I think I like her. Seriously, someone give me the answer or my brain will rot. I haven’t been able to sleep in days and if I don’t get these feelings sorted out soon it will soon reflect on my performance both musically and athelectically.

Maybe I should just avoid her for a while and see if these feelings subside if so, I’ll act as if it never happened.

Yeah…I think that’s a great solution.

“And what if it doesn’t go away?”

“Huh?”

“Seriously? You called me all the way out here just to talk and you don’t even listen.” Key scoffed and walked off to order another drink. It’s not my fault I’m zoned out.

Argh! I hate this feeling! This is all Krystal’s fault…yeah, her fault. Why does she have to have such flawless skin? Seducing me with curvy figure, tempting me with her full plump lips. She is definitely the cause of all the soon to be gray hairs.

Walking around campus with those tight jeans on, swaying her hips side to side. Who does she think she is? America’s Next Top Model? Please, she’s more talented and beautiful than that. She could be Miss Galaxy.

Great and here I go complimenting her again.

“Are you thinking about Krystal again?” Key came back with a basket of fries.

“I can’t help it. She’s just—“

“She’s just so beautiful, yeah, yeah. I get it, lover girl. You still didn’t answer my question.” Key said grabbing bunch of fries and stuffing it into his mouth.

“The only logical thing I can do, pursue it.”

“And if you get shot down.”

“Then I hope she won’t be too disgusted with me and will still be my friend.”

“I don’t think she will be.” He smiled at me. Weird, it was a creepy smile, as if he knew something. Is he hiding something from me? Or is it something he knows and I don’t? Nah, he’s just messing with me.

XxxxxxX

Krystal’s POV:

I miss Amber. I know I shouldn’t but I can’t help it. This is just too difficult. How am I supposed to move on when I can’t help but let her presence invade my mind? This is the only time that I could be with her, in my imagination. I wish she were here.

It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve spoken to her. I haven’t seen her around campus either. She probably locked herself in her studio again. Key told me he had to once knock her door down because she refused to come out for a week.

Maybe I should text her, just to see if she’s okay.

No, you have to stay strong Krystal. If she wanted to see you, let alone talk to you she would’ve done it by now.

Could it be that I pushed her away? Does she hate me now? Maybe I should explain to her…but I can’t tell her I have feelings for her that might really push her away.

God, what in the world am I supposed to do?

“Soojung, if you don’t stop sighing this instant I’m kicking you out the door.” Luna said throwing her eraser at me.

“I can’t help it, I’m just in a sighing mood.”

“Just call her.”

“No! I’m supposed to move on.”

“Which isn’t working. You’ve fallen too hard. It’s either you make a move and go down in a blaze of glory.”

“Or?” I questioned her when nothing else came out of .

“There’s no other option.”

“Then why did you put the word either in there?!”

“Just do it.”

“I can’t.”

“You’re going in circle, Krystal. How are things going to change if you stay on this path? You accomplish nothing by contradicting your every move.”

“You’re right.”

“I always am and you know what?”

I gave her a half-hearted response as I rested my hand on my head looking out the window, analyzing my pathetic life.  

“I have a really strong feeling that she feels the same way too but she just doesn’t realize it yet.”

“Don’t give me hope, Luna.”

“It’s funny how you are so good at noticing other people affections towards other people but when it’s directed towards you, you are so blind.”

“Honestly it’s kind of hard to tell when she’s like that to almost everybody….every girl and guy.” I yelled in frustration, pulling my hair with both my hands.

“It makes me so mad!”

“Well you better get your anger under control because look who’s calling.” Luna said picking up my phone and shoving it in my face.

“I’m not ready yet.”

“Well, you have to be she’s calling.”

“N-no. Tell her I’m busy.”

“You know I can’t lie.”

“Fine, bye!” I said running out of Luna’s dorm room without my phone. I’ll just come back for it later.

“Coward!!” Was all I heard through the door.

Yeah, I am.

(A/N: Sorry, its shorter than my usual updates. Just really haven't been in a writing mood. Can't seem to find the inspiration to and i really don't want to be pushing out half assed chapters for you guys. (though i can't say this isn't one)

Please be patient, i'll bounce back once everything is back to normal for me)