"An umbrella? You're kidding me right?" Kai looked amazed at the other's statement. Lu Han was pointing to a group of stars just to his right and he just told Kai that it looked like an opened umbrella.

Wow you are Lu Han's great great grandson. Kai thought to himself. He wouldn't dare tell Lu Han this because he remembered how Lu Han hated being compared to his great great grandfather.

    Then there was that comfortable silence again and it was okay. They were both used to this and both appreciated it equally. This time, however, a chuckle broke the silence making Lu Han look at the other.

“Hmm?” Lu Han hummed to Kai.

“I was just thinking how nice it is to lay here star gazing with you. You seem to know when to chat and when to shut the hell up.” Kai laughed to himself.

    Lu Han a bit taken aback, chuckles out loud and bites his lower lip. He couldn’t agree more at the statement because he feels the same way for the other. There is this comfortable feeling this warmth and sense of togetherness in their alone times and Lu Han always appreciated it as well. He was taken aback, however, because he never pegged Kai to say anything close to this. He found it a bit out of character.

“So how are things going along with the group and Sehun?”

“Fine, I guess. Sehun’s a bit lost with everything being so different yet still the same. But I’m glad that he hasn’t thought of Lu Han at all.” Kai replies confidently. Until Lu Han turns to look at him and breaks it down for him. Lu Han tells him something he already knew and suspected yet has denied himself to believe or even think of.

“How do you know he doesn’t?” 

    Kai suddenly stiffened beside him and Lu Han panics in response. He stumbles to turn away and tries hard to find a certain opened-umbrella in the sky. He can’t seem to see it anymore.

    There was another deep silence between them but this time it hung anxious and weary to both.  Kai continued to look at the other mesmerized at what the other just said. He bites down a chuckle when he saw Lu Han flustered in panic frantically looking for a made-up constellation. It must’ve been the stars or the way the wind played with his hair and face. Kai smiles to himself at a memory he remembered Sehun saying to him once.

  ‘He looks like a painting smooth around the edges but sharp between the lines. He’s so beautiful.’ 

    Kai doesn’t really know what all that meant but he agreed to the very least about looking beautiful. As he gazes at the other without Lu Han ever noticing, he thought of many things he wanted to know about the other. All this time, Lu Han had always made himself available to listen to anything Kai said. But Kai realized now how he knew nothing about the other. There was nothing more explicative about Lu Han but the sheer loneliness that is too obvious when he looks deep into the other’s eyes.

“I always wonder..” Lu Han began to speak, Finally sighing as he had managed to find the opened-umbrella once again. Kai now attentively listening as he looked at the glint in the other’s eyes. The boy was deep in thought and was definitely thinking intently. There was no moon today but a light that reflected from the field’s lamp is fighting to graze the beauty of the other’s light-colored orbs.

“I always wonder with the stories you tell me about Sehun and the things I read about Lu Han in the journal..how it is to really be in love, to love someone so deep, it makes you smile, laugh, cry, mad, anxious, fearful, hopeful and even helpless at times.”

    He doesn’t know why he thought of it. Maybe he was starting to feel like he hasn’t been living at all lacking that part of his life that he should’ve felt already at his age. There’s this empty almost confused part of him that yearns for that kind of feeling although he doesn’t know what it is and he has no idea what to expect. He just yearns to feel something, anything at this point.

“How did you know?” He now turns to Kai catching him staring on the side.

    Being caught made Kai a bit flustered so he turns away and tries to wrack his brain for an answer, trying to calm his sudden heart pounding. He clears his throat and he himself feels the awkward and confusing reaction he found himself encountering. His mind went in a daze. The flash of the boy’s side profile comes back to Kai and he is surprised to see that he couldn’t shun the memory away. 

I might be losing my mind. I can’t sympathize for this kid. I have my own problems. He thinks to himself.

     And so he his head and adjusted himself on his spot. He averted his eyes towards the sky again and went back to the lingering question that was left unanswered. He tried to think of Sehun and he remembers the little things that made him fall for the other once again. He perused every reason yet he couldn’t put into words the right one that might help the younger Lu Han and guide him in his own search for love. 

    He replayed moments that he loved about Sehun and realized that they all had one single theme and this wasn’t going to help Lu Han at all. 

“I fell in love with...” Kai started again but stops as he himself was starting to feel a bit confused with the things that were popping in his head. He was thinking of the countless times he felt jealous of the way Lu Han and Sehun communicated, touched, connected and he thought how superficial the other things that made him fall for Sehun; his looks, his body, mannerisms and even the way he spoke. But bottom line was that he fell for Sehun as he responded to Lu Han. It might not be the right reason to love someone but it was the truth. It wasn’t something he wanted to tell the younger Lu Han though because that would only confuse the other.

So Kai reverted back to his sentence and shook his head trying to clear everything that was still hanging in their conversation.

“You can’t choose the one you love. You may like, love them for all the wrong and right reasons but bottom line is that you will never be able to control any part of it. I don’t even remember the exact moment I fell for Sehun.”

The words stirred something inside Lu Han and he remembers an excerpt in the journal.

“There is something inside me that awakens every time I see him and every time I’m with him. I have to catch my heart and calm it down because that is exactly what he does to me. I somehow can remember every single moment and it almost feels like the most important parts of my life as each and everyone of them is embedded in me, engraved, tattooed never to be erased or replaced ever. Sehun makes me feel everything and makes me want to be everything he needs and wants. I have to be careful not lose myself. It’s scary, but I’m at ease because Sehun reciprocates the feeling and we can only be good for each other as we connect in every little similar and different ways. I trust that he wont hurt me and I know he only loves me.”

    Lu Han remembers this one bit and he is confused because Kai and Lu Han’s perception of love is totally different. Where as Kai has only loved the other, Kai will never know the feeling of love being reciprocated. Lu Han remembers it all piece by piece and trusts everything that was given to him. But nonetheless, Lu Han understands that both is still Love in two different levels. 

“There are no stars sparkling and fireworks going off. There is no fire within and gooey melted chocolates sliding down your tongue. It is just simply the warmth and comfort of everything that you are being mirrored into someone else’s soul. That is what love is all about. You want to be good and you want to be the only one. You want to be the best yet for no one else but him. You will do anything even if it hurts, even if you have to... let them go..” Kai stops and tries to fight a choke in his throat and Lu Han turns to him cupping his cheeks. 

    It makes the older one jump a bit but he settles in instead after seeing the deep intent from the other. Because the warmth radiating from Lu Han’s touch is good enough to calm and relax him. He closes his eyes and takes it all in.

“I’m sure, this time around, Sehun will feel your love. Don’t give up.” Lu Han’s voice was pure bliss coated with innocence and Kai wants to believe and delve in it because it’s been too long since he felt comfort like this. He is sure that Lu Han is just an angel sent from above to comfort him. Kai is beyond thankful and he can only smile into the fingers that is now drawing slow circles onto his cheeks.

    Lu Han watched Kai leave the training field head hung low and shoulder slouched. It doesn’t take a scientist to know that there’s something bothering the other. But he knew not to worry. Kai had these feelings for more than a hundred years. He knew the man would be alright. He has lasted this long with a brave and patient heart that this time around, Lu Han knew nothing can pull the other down now.

    He packed up his things and shoved them in his duffel bag. After Kai left the training field, he dragged himself to stand and sighed to himself realizing that once again, he is left alone to his grim reality of being by himself. There’s no certainty to when Kai would decide to come by and visit again. With his existence still hidden from Sehun and while the two had been getting along well lately, he knew it’d be a while until he sees his best friend again.

    He looked at his watched and hurried when it displayed  passed midnight. He knew the dorm leader would go ape once again if he’s late or was found wandering the school grounds passed 10pm again. He couldn’t really help it. This is the only time of the day he was able to relax his mind. He finds comfort in the silence of the night. Running away from his unsettle day living of school and sneaking into the laboratory, he sneaks almost every night and trains in the far end field closest to the manor by the lake because no one should really be there and no one would find him there not even EXO except for his best friend, Kai who he had shared the information with.

    He started for the tree line back to the path towards the school when he heard a deathly cry and numerous “Help” and muffled “please”. Groans and screams filled the air and he just knew that someone was in trouble. Lu Han dropped his bag and shut his eyes before honing in to the sound and following it with the wind. The groaning now is like a faint howl but he hears it and he panics on the spot. He thought maybe it was Kai and so he darted towards the source of the sound until he found himself on the top of the highest hills and he hears rustling of leaves beneath him.

“Hello?”

His call earned him a faint “Help!” and more rustling of leaves.

“Please help me!” The muffled voice started to say but was drowned by the sobs that came along with it. Lu Han can barely understand.

“I’m here! Keep talking so I can find you”

“Please please hel- AHHHHH!”

    The last loud cry helped Lu Han find the source and he found himself looking down into a hole in the ground. There was no moon nor did he have anything to light and see down the hole. He could barely see a thing but he’s certain there is a figure laying on the floor. He could see that it was indeed someone who is clutching onto his leg but he could barely see the face.

The figure beneath him looks up elated to find someone to his rescue.

“Oh my god, please help me. I think I fractured my leg and I’m bleeding a lot. I can’t move my legs.” The boy panted through his sentences. 

“Don’t worry. I’m here! I’ll get you out of there. Here, grab onto my arm. It’s not really that deep and you can step on that rock to support yourself higher.”  Lu Han encouraged but he hears another groan and he was sure that the other was trying but is badly hurt.

“I can’t. My leg. My shoulder. It’s too painful.” The voice barely got it all out. Gritting through his teeth he could hear the voice beneath hissing in pain.

    Lu Han bit the bottom of his lip and darted his head side to side as he thought of a solution. There was nothing to help him and he was sure that no one would hear him if he cried for help. In addition, there is no way he was going to leave the boy in the hole so he opted for the one and only solution. He was going to jump in and carry him out. He started yelling down to the figure telling him to move.

“I know you’re hurt right now, but you need to go closest to the wall and give me some space to jump to land into.” The boy wanted to question but he knew that it was useless. 

He can’t be serious. He’s not thinking of jumping in here. How are we going to get out that way? He barely got to say it all to himself before the boy jumps and lands just inches away from him.

    Lu Han instantly turns to the other and hovers over him. He could barely see the other’s face but it didn’t matter. In an instant he grabbed both wrist and uttered “Which shoulder is injured?” 

    The response was ‘left’ and Lu Han immediately slings the good arm over his back and around his neck. He crouches down and settles the other’s whole body in the middle of his back and cautioned the other to hold on as tight as he can because he’s going to climb out. 

    But Lu Han may have bit more than he can chew. Because the other was actually a grown boy who is actually bigger, heavier and taller than he thought. But nonetheless, he grabs the boy’s thighs and asks the boy to deal with the pain. 

“You need to wrap your legs around me so we can climb out of this hole.” Lu Han tries to guide the other as he tugs on the thighs to tighten again on his waist. But the boy fails to wrap the other  leg because of the fracture. So his leg just dangled making it that much harder for Lu Han to carry him out.

    The boy began to groan and cry out in pain obviously having a hard time even clinging on to Lu Han. And it’s all it took for Lu Han to feel sorry for the other.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get you back home. I promise” Lu Han utters to comfort the other. It took all his power and persistence to grab hold of a steady uproot above him and another hand to pull  himself up while he had the boy slung around him on his back.

    But something about Lu Han’s words that startled the boy on his back and Lu Han misses his footing and falls to the ground again. 

“AHHHHHHHH!” The boy yelps in pain as he dangles and hits his leg awkwardly against the wall.

“I’m sorry.”  Lu Han began to say helplessly.

“Wait, are you—-” The boy tries to say still caught up with the words Lu Han just used. But he was caught mid-sentence with another sharp pain from his shoulder. Whatever was in his head, whatever he thought he wanted to say, the boy knew it wasn’t going to help and this isn’t the time and place for it.  But there was an eerie feeling that hung heavy on his thoughts.

“I’m sorry…” The boy finally cowers.

    Lu Han turns to the boy on his back faces inches away in the dark and he grunts out “It’s okay. Just please hold tight this time”. He pulls on the boys once again and he hunches over to settle the boy on his back perfectly mid-spine. This time he grabs tight of the good leg and holds it still on his waist before he reached for the uproot once again. It took all his might and prayers to haul him and the boy up and above the clearing. 

    It was a mission pulling them both out the hole but Lu Han managed to do it. He plopped himself onto the ground and panted, heaving to himself when he finally reached the ground above.  But before he can relax, out of nowhere,  a body hovered right on top of his chest and a face dreadfully looking directly at him, inspected his face too close for comfort.

“Lu Han? Is that you?” The shock stricken face is all he can see even in the dark he can see the white behind the dark orbs that is now opened too wide. The boy leans in more and he rests his weight on Lu Han’s chest propping himself with his good arm and forcing the injured one to reach the other’s face. The boy maneuvered his head into a certain tilt until he finally saw it clearly. 

“Lu Han. It is...It is you.” And although he can barely see, although he doesn’t know whose voice it was or why the boy knew his name, he only had one guess in mind.

“Sehun?”