He couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something he was missing completely. He thought he already submitted to the idea that Lu Han is gone. But then he his lips and he can somehow remember the kiss he had as soon he came back. The warmth and the plumpness, he thought at first that it was just a dream, a kind of wishful thinking or hallucination or even a day dream. But as he it once again, he couldn’t forget the taste, and the shocked stricken face of what would’ve been Lu Han in his illusion. That is now stuck in his head. He kept replaying the moment he stepped foot into the foyer, from the time he yelled out for the other, to the time he was punched in his jaw. That too, proved that all was real, because he now stands in front of the bathroom mirror early morning the next day and he’s sporting a hint of discoloration in the area.  Nothing too obvious unless the other person really looked closely. 

     The boy he kissed was Lu Han. He was certain of it. Yet he wasn’t at the same time. He remembered the doe-eyed look and the same innocent eyes that looked back at him. He remembered the honey-colored hair, although that could’ve be changed. The shape of his head that’s what confused him. It was small just like porcelain doll, one of the things he still remembers of his Lu Han. Sehun remembers noticing these things as he had been accustomed to cupping the other’s face all those time. He was certain it was his beloved. But the way he looked at him at that very moment, the way his lips didn’t respond to his kisses at all, the strange look in his eyes told Sehun that he is no where near the Lu Han he knew, and once loved.

     Dismissing it was his first plan. He figured not to say anything to the others in fear that he may worry or even scare them.  He wasn’t really sure to begin with and he thought that the members might think he was losing his mind as well and he didn’t want that happening. 

     He could tell by the way everyone regarded him. It was like they were too scared to offend him or even affect him. They all just kind of stayed away. The sympathetic looks and the pity in their eyes whenever he walked into a room made him more annoyed. He thought he was stronger than that and he was a little disappointed that the members thought he’d break just like that. 

     However, it was hard for Sehun even if he didn't admit it to himself. He was really feeling like he would just snap any time soon. There are moments when he catches himself in a daze still laboring or functioning through with his daily life yet his mind would be elsewhere, to some far off land where he disappears completely into thin air.  His power enables him to manipulate the element and he wishes so much to just take away all the hurt and pain and send it away blowing it all with the wind. Or maybe he'd dissipate in the element instead and just scatter himself freely.  

    But then, there was Kai pulling him out of that rut and saving him over and over again. He was the only one who didn’t try. He acted the same way, treated him the same and even tried playing around with him just like he used to. Although Kai is not really known for being humorous, he still saw the boy had his old charm as he used to.  It was sarcastic and a bit rash but his jokes were something only Sehun could understand. But still there were times that he thought even Kai grew tired of trying to make him feel better and it was all just for his sake and nothing else. It was hard trying to move on and look forward when everything around him seemed unnatural. Everything just pushed forth to seeming like it is, like how it used to be, yet nothing is the same. Everything did changed and still continued to change along with time passing.

     It wasn’t really bad during the day. Although, he had much planning and training to do with the rest of the members anyway, he was able to forget it all because of exhaustion. It’s those cold lonely nights when he’s laying in bed unable to sleep, that he felt it the worst. Because that’s when he felt the emptiness and the loneliness that he tries so hard to cover up and hide in front of his family the whole day. That’s when he finds himself broken at the very least desperate to erase it all. It is also the same time when he starts to break down into the fluff of the pillow under him until time and fatigue caught up with him and slumber stills for him and he has no choice but to wallow back in the pain.

      He was barely living, just trying to get through the days without so much as a choked feeling of regret or sadness. He ate breakfast forcing himself to chew, swallow and smile at people that he once knew too well but now was merely a memory to him not even close to being an acquaintance. It was just a polite gesture now and the empty feeling left him awkward and weary to look at the others. The way they looked haven’t changed a bit, although the leaders and Chanyeol had defining haircuts now, short and shaved on the sides, and Baekhyun, D.O. Xiumin and Lay dyed their hair a lighter shade, nothing more changed. The hundred years didn’t touch their age one bit and Sehun could only wonder. They age slower than humans hence they gain a couple of decades over them but this. No one aged at all. 

     His gaze fell upon the boy who hasn’t stopped watching him since he had awoken, Kai. Kai is still the same. The way he looked could've fooled Sehun the most since nothing at all changed about him. He still sported that dark brown long haircut that he would always comb over with his fingers during training. Sehun will never forget it. He always told the other to cut it since he thought maybe it got in the way and he always caught the other combing it over anyway just for it to come back to his face. But Kai never did. It was immature really the way Kai kept it long just to be noticed. There would also be times when Sehun couldn’t help him self and he would reach out and comb it back for him and the mere touch from the other would send Kai over the edge. Hence, Kai always kept it long.

     To Sehun, Kai is still as loyal a friend as he had always been. He remembers how the boy took care of him in the mausoleum, embraced him and hushed him until he was all sober from the tears.  He remembered how the boy slowly and gently tucked him in bed before kissing his forehead and bidding him good night. It became a nightly routine that he is starting to grow accustomed to. Sehun closed his eyes at the tender touches and the sweet smile the other always offered him because that is the only thing that made him feel at home after being away for so long. Kai is his home now and he couldn't be more settled and comfortable with his unconditional offer of friendship. He felt that with Kai around, he can push forward and look to tomorrow again.

    Nothing about their looks changed. However, Sehun knew everything else did. He looked across the table and there sat Chanyeol and Baekhyun flirting. Yes, flirting. It was the first and most obvious thing he realized as soon as he came down for breakfast this morning. 

“Here you go.” Baekhyun placed a piece of toast with jam on the plate that he spread too diligently for the other earning him a sweet and tender smile, and a sparkle in the eye of the a member that he always thought was the fiercest of them all during battle. Baekhyun has been a dear friend to him. They have fought side by side for a long time and he has not once seen him this gentle and poised even caring for someone other than himself.  Sehun looked around the dining table and thought how everything and everyone looked the same yet nothing is what it seems. He wanted to say something but he was too shocked by it so he sat and ate quietly instead. Suho, however, picked it up right away and finally tried to appease the other with some comforting words of assurance. 

“Sehun you must have a lot of questions. I promise to answer every one of them for you but please, eat up. D.O. has prepared the table since the crack of dawn just for you.” Suho assured him with his voice that seemed to melt in his ears. He was always too agreeable. He was never able to turn down any request from the leader.

    Sehun looked in the man’s direction and bowed slightly to the Chef. He wanted to say more and compliment him as Lu Han and he used to do but he chose other wise. He thought that D.O. even seemed different to him. The warm smile was not so warm and comforting anymore. There were traces of hurt and pain in the eyes of the other as he looked back at Sehun.

    He caught sight of another flirting gesture from the couple in front of him and he could only feel a bit jealous. He remembered how he and Lu Han used to try to do the same things. A slight brush of hand, a sudden touch, tender glances, sweet smiles and stolen kisses were sneaked in between the halls of the manors. The occupants of the manor had ideas about their relationship but they were never really open about it. They hid it from everybody in fear that they would not get accepted. In the contrary, however, everybody knew and everyone had already accepted it. The group just decided not say anything about it. 

     Sehun and Lu Han hid everything to all but one person who should’ve never seen and known about it in the first place, Kai. They always brought Kai along with them because it didn’t seem like they were hiding at all with the freedom that they were able to show at least one person the kind of relationship they had. They felt liberated to know that there was another witness to their love someone to profess and tell all about their stories one day, especially if they happen to forget themselves. Kai never minded it. And it sure as hell, didn’t stop him from continuing the very creative ways he tortured Lu Han in his mind and how he slowly killed the other in his imagination. He would drag out the little attention he would get from Sehun and almost always show it off rubbing it in the other’s face.  Lu Han would just smile and brush it off. He knew he couldn’t get in the way of their friendship and so he had to swallow his pride and instead choose to adjust and accept the other as another part of Sehun. It was an awkward arrangement but everyone just left it alone, for them to sort out in a later date.

     The gestures now are more obvious. Chanyeol reached for Baekhyun’s hand under the table and only Sehun realizes it since he’s been a pro back then at doing the same to Lu Han.  Lu Han would try to jerk his hand away in fear that they’d get caught but Sehun would just grip it tighter and intertwine their fingers. 

     Sehun glanced up at the two, finally unable to hold in his surprise and shock. He couldn’t believe how bold the couple is acting in front of the other members. He grew weary, worried that they would get caught and scolded if one of the elder ones found out but nobody cared or said anything.

     It was too obvious to everyone now as the couple snickered to each other, clasped hands peeking from under the table. Just as he notices the two in front of him now, they all noticed it too back then. They watched Sehun and Lu Han get all cheeky and flirty towards each other while they noticed Kai shoot dagger-like stares at Lu Han. They weren’t really oblivious to it all. They all just speculated that someday Kai would crack and just dart a steak knife to the human’s eyes or maybe heart. 

     Baekhyun finally noticed the stares that turned into glares from across the table and he realized that the man in front of them were probably at a lost since he had never seen the two of them this close and the changes between him and Chanyeol’s relationship had drastically took a turn with time as well.

“Lu Han, Chanyeol and I..” Baekhyun started but was interrupted.  He finished his sentence however with the last words almost hushed in response to Sehun’s uneasiness. “are together.”

“I don’t want to know.” He lowered his head and shook it, scared that the other’s might find out and hear. He definitely heard the last bit and is now pretending to have been deaf to it.

“It’s okay, Sehun. They all know.” Chanyeol had to assure the other.

     The voice that were far from a whisper, low and grounded as it had always been, made him dart his eyes on everyone on the table. Just as he thought, there were a lot of changes since he left. They all knew about it and looked as if they didn’t care.

“Wow time had definitely changed.” He didn’t mean to sound sarcastic but he thought of the hardship he and Lu Han had to go through back then. Irritation crept up on him until he finally snapped.

“I’m sorry. I’m not really hungry anymore.” He averted his eyes quickly to his plate and brought a napkin to his lips before he pushed the chair and stood up to leave the dining room. He didn’t dare look at anyone although everyone knew why he acted as such. All eyes fell on him and then to the couple

“What? What did I say?” Chanyeol retorted.

“Don’t mind him you two. He’s still trying to get over the news and getting used to the changes. “ Suho tried to comfort the couple. 

“Wait til' he hears about Duizang and the maknae.” The playful remark from Xiumin earned him a roll to his face while everyone laughed. Xiumin put his hands up to surrender and apologized to Tao. “I’m sorry. But you have to admit, that is the most shocking thing ever, next to Chanyeol and Baekhyun. I can’t believe you guys have been going out for a hundred years, and longer than those star-crossed soul mates, Sehun and Lu Han.” The remark left Kai with distaste and he eventually had to excuse himself from the table as well. D.O. nudged the eldest, and Xiumin could only cup his mouth in shame.

cr: drunkai