19 Days Before He Disappeared

Lee Joon laid himself on the floor, his chest moved upside down for breathing. It was passed midnight but he couldn’t relax himself to sleep. He decided to practice his dance move in the dance studioalone, in hoping he could find a light to separate the mist in his mind. He wiped the sweat that ran down through his temples. He got up and turned the music on, once again. He passionately moved his body side to side, synchronizing himself with the rhtym of the music. He danced with his eyes close to feel his flow, suddenly forgeting the choreography he’s supposed to be practicing. His body unknowingly expressed his mind : all the pain, loneliness and longing. That one person image was getting clearer.

Joon made a turn but got stopped as his ankle didn’t follow his body. He fell to the floor, throwing a detained moan. He took off his shoes, start rubbing his ankle. He cringed where he felt the pain. He put his right foot higher than his body against the wall, healing his cramp alone. He had to be ready for today’s comeback stage.

*

Few hours later, at different place, Yong Jun Hyung felt lazy to get up that morning. Yoon Doo Joon already kicked his calves several times which caused physical pain, but Jun Hyung didn’t want to leave his bed.

“Ya, Yong Jun Hyung, get up ! We always late because of a sleepyhead like you exist !” Doo Joon took the blanket away, showing Jun Hyung’s skin. “Wash your face and we go. Don’t make me yell at you again.”

“Okay, okay ! Sheeez...” Jun Hyung kicking but it didn’t make Doo Joon pliable at him. He pushed Jun Hyung to the bathroom and let him clean himself.

Inside the bathroom, Jun Hyung stared at his own reflection in the mirror : losing his weight because of his illness, the jawline which getting clearer to be seen than before, his eyebags were getting worse. Jun Hyung easily felt dizzy lately and he couldn’t work out as much as he did before. He’s afraid it’s about time for him to leave. He stripped off his clothes and took a cold shower.

*

Inside the dressing room at one of the tv station, Joon changed his casual clothes with his stage costumes. He checked his eyebrows, hoping the last wound he got already disappeared. He breathed out once again before leaving the room to the narrow alley with s. He felt uneasy because the pressure of comeback stage while the other reason was a chance to see Yong Jun Hyung again after a long time.

As he’s walking with the other members, Joon could feel people were staring at him in strange way. He’s getting use to it after couple incidents and threats, he didn’t want to think about it anymore. He had to be focus on his performance in couple minutes, until Joon saw the figure he missed the most. Without himself knowing, Joon already chased the figure, leaving his groupmates who already walked two steps away from him. He pushed people aside, didn’t care about anything but that person. The face Joon missed the most, the one he wanted to meet the most. He didn’t care about all the physical pain anymore. He was couple feet away from Yong Jun Hyung. He could clearly see his back.

Joon reached out, felt like all people around him were invisible. He grabbed the familiar shoulder, making the person turn around. Yong Jun Hyung finally faced him, looking more pale than before. But Joon didn’t care about it. He moved forward, couldn’t think straight, giving Jun Hyung a warm hug. Joon held him tighter like he didn’t want to let him go. He could care less with all the medias who were watching him, as long as he could feel Jun Hyung’s body on him. It suddenly felt real again after a long time.

Noticing people around them started making weird noises, Jun Hyung pushed Joon away. He didn’t prepare for the sudden greeting. He hadn’t prepared himself to meet the person he couldn’t contact for more than a month. Although all the good memories attacked his mind again, Jun Hyung couldn’t put his mind together. The familiar smile he knew before, suddenly it didn’t look the same. All the pressure Joon had get, it’s overshadowing his trueself. And it’s because of me, Jun Hyung said to himself.

“Where have you been ?” Joon asked, the smile was still there.

Jun Hyung looked down, answered the question as short as possible, “I’ve been around... I have to go.”

Joon grabbed Jun Hyung wrist, he realized the guy infront of him was acting weird. “You can’t even say hello ?”

“Well, hello, then,” Jun Hyung forced a smile, he tried to release himself from Joon but his grip was too tight. “Seriously have to go now.”

“You’re the one who said that I shouldn’t ignore you !” Joon almost yelled. The crowd was still watching.

Jun Hyung was stunned. Firstly he released himself from Joon’s grip before he said, “I did, but a month is a long time for me to wait.”

“What ?” Joon couldn’t believe what he had heard. He tried to explain with stuttered voice, “I...I have my reason for that...”

“I really have to go,” Jun Hyung fixed the bag on his shoulder, turned his body around. He didn’t want to imagine Joon’s feeling. It was hard for both of them, but receiving dead roses infront of the dorm’s door every morning since the article about him and Joon came out made Jun Hyung realized : there’s no way for them to be together. Jun Hyung would do anything to keep him in the safest place, although he wouldn’t be part of it anymore.

*

That night, Yang Yoseob felt agigated when he was looking through the window of his dorm. He didn’t want to believe what he had seen, but it was obvious that Lee Joon had been standing in front of B2ST’s front door for couple hours. It was cold that night, Yoseob really wanted to let him in but Yong Jun Hyung told him not to do anything.

“Why ?” Yoseob asked. “Hyung, it’s cold outside !”

“He’ll leave soon. Just ignore him,” Jun Hyung coldly replied, he flipped the next page of the magazine on his hands. He threw his cellphone somewhere just to ignore the incoming calls—Jun Hyung knew who kept calling that night. He was literaly too lazy to answer it.

“He’s probably looking for you, Hyung,” Yoseob peeked from the window once again. He knew it wasn’t right to let him staying outside. He could hear the light knocking sound on the front door. The sound was getting weaker and weaker yet Joon’s determination to stay there couldn’t melt Jun Hyung sudden cold heart. “I thought you want to meet him. But now all of the sudden you’re ignoring him. Don’t you think it’s a bit...cruel ?”

“I don’t care. Just go to bed,” Jun Hyung got up and went to his bedroom. Yoseob sighed, hardly leaving the front door but he had no other choice. He decided to go to sleep while hoping Joon was not stupid enough to stay outside along the night.

*

With running nose, Lee Joon was sitting on the porch, alone and chilled. He crossed his arms around his chest to avoid the strong wind. He was tired, hungry and foolishly waiting there hoping that Jun Hyung would come and open the door. He knocked the door with his head because he got bruises on his knuckles for knocking too hard earlier. Everybody said Joon was too naive to believe that Jun Hyung would open himself this time. He didn’t know why Jun Hyung treated him badly that day. He pushed Joon away when they finally had time to meet and tighten the grip which was getting loose. He knew Jun Hyung wanted him, he just pretended that everything was over. It was so not Yong Jun Hyung he knew.

When Joon couldn’t hold his fatigue anymore, the front door suddenly opened. Joon fell backward and his head almost hit the floor. He saw those feet in slippers. Joon looked up and saw Jun Hyung holding a blanket. He quickly got up and smiled but Jun Hyung stared at him with blank expression. Jun Hyung offered the blanket, “Here. Use it or leave.”

“No need to say it coldly,” Joon took the blanket from Jun Hyung’s hand. “I knew you’ll open the door for me.”

“Look, hyung,” Jun Hyung cut off, he’s tired with all of the sweet words came out from Joon’s mouth. He had prepared himself for the worst, he was ready to leave him. “I can’t be with you anymore.”

Joon freezed. He tried to understand Jun Hyung’s words but prefered to deny his own interpretation.

Looking at Joon’s expression, Jun Hyung realized that he didn’t take it seriously. “Just...go home, please. It’s late already.”

“No, I can’t,” Joon replied. He grabbed Jun Hyung’s arm but he rejected it. “What do you mean you can’t be with me anymore ? Just explain everything to me. We haven’t met for a while but how come you ignore me like this ?!”

“I just can’t, okay ? All these things about us make me sick. I can’t stand seeing people attacking you in harsh way...all those scars you got. It’s impossible to be together in the end,” Jun Hyung tried to explain. But he got stopped as Joon grabbed him once again and put his arms around Jun Hyung’s shoulder. He covered him with the blanket Jun Hyung gave to him earlier.

“We’re this close, it’s not imposibble, you see ?” Joon replied.

Joon’s cold skin addressed him gently as he kissed Jun Hyung on the lips. His fingertips ran to Jun Hyung’s neck and shoulders, pushing him to the wall nearby. Although he wanted to release himself from Joon, Jun Hyung couldn’t lie his heart wanted everything to work well. Jun Hyung decided to follow the game, the last level he would play. Next time, he’d stop himself before it’s too late to let him go. For that night, Jun Hyung excused himself to be selfish and have Joon alone.

--

really sorry for the late update !! busy working for my final exam T.T

anyway, congrats to the new couple JunHara ! :D my mind was a bit distracted because I was worried how to continue this fic if the official couple is out there XD lololol

i can't think straight... ᅲᅲ anyway, leave comment ?