The Day When He Disappeared

Jun Hyung noticed the light was coming from the master bedroom. Who’s at home in work hour ? Little Jun Hyung tiptoed to the bedroom, slightly opening the door. He addressed the familiar fatherly back he’d known for seven years. “Dad ?” Little Jun Hyung was questioning why his dad was home at daylight.

He turned his head to Jun Hyung, facing the young version of himself. Mr. Yong gave his son a bitter smile, opened his arms awkwardly to give the child a last warm hug.

“Dad, what are you doing at home around this time ? You’re supposed to work at your office,” Jun Hyung innocently asked his dad. he observed the bag on the back, his dad was packing his clothes hurrily. “Are you going somewhere ?”

“Ah...yeah, as you can see,” he answered, cleaning the shirts cluttered on the bed. He hurrily put them inside the bag. Mr. Yong closed the closet which was already empty.

“Are you going for a long time, this time ?” Jun Hyung kept asking question with his little kid voice. He stared at his dad’s eyes, he didn’t hide the regret feeling in his face. But somehow, little Jun Hyung knew that nobody could stop his dad for leaving. “Dad, are you gonna comeback home ?”

“I...,”Mr. Yong looked at Jun Hyung’s eyes, didn’t have a courage to lie or tell the truth. He only hugged his son, his hair, holding the tears which almost dropped from his eyes. “I have to go now, okay ? Take care of your mom, for me, okay ?”

Jun Hyung kept calling his dad when Mr. Yong walked to the front door, dragging his heavy bag. Little Jun Hyung already bursted in to tears watching his dad entering the cab without saying anything.

“Dad, please don’t go ! It’s me who broke your golf club ! I’m the one who scratched your car, I’m the one who broke the window in the kitchen ! It’s all my fault ! Dad, I’m being honest right now, why can’t you stay with me ?! Dad, please don’t go !!” Little Jun Hyung screamed to the window, chasing the cab along the road.

When it accelerated, Jun Hyung lost his balance and fell to the ground. He injured his knees, but his physical pain was not as bad as the pain in his heart. The dad, the guy he considered as his hero. A person who’s never mad at him, the gentle man who cared about him a lot, patiently teaching him Math. The one who always told him to love his mom.

He suddenly left without explanation. And never came back.

Jun Hyung gasped as he opened his eyes. He just had a dream about his childhood memory. He wiped sweat from his forehead. He was surprised, how come the past memory suddenly appeared clearly in his dream ?

Jun Hyung got up from his bed. He walked to the balcony to sober himself. The cold breeze and the dark sky greeted him without words. He didn’t know what time it was exactly, but he didn’t care anyway. Jun Hyung was finally free, he could do anything he wanted to do. But first, he had to take care of his health. He decided to leave everything behind, the fame, the music he believed in.

The love.

Yes, Yong Jun Hyung noticed that he’s a coward.

*

3 Days Before He Disappeared

The boss never expected that Yong Jun Hyung finally made his last decision. He stared at Jun Hyung’s serious expression, he had no doubt at all. Both of them were sitting inside the director’s office, no need to have a long discussion to decide what’s best for Jun Hyung.

“Are you sure about this ?” the boss asked.

Jun Hyung smiled, nodding his head. “It’s better like this. I don’t want to be an obstacle for the boys. They need you and this company to reach their dreams. While me... all I need is my health.”

“Well...we’ll miss you,” the boss didn’t spend his time to chit-chat. “But I agree you have to take care of your health first, there’s nothing more important than that. We better hold a press conference tomorrow, I don’t want your fans to attack the company if we let you leaving without any notification for them. I’ll take care of everything, all you have to do is show up tomorrow afternoon.”

“Sure, I’ll do anything to help you,” Jun Hyung agreed. He stood up, grabbing his boss’s palms and shoke it for the last time.

“Jun Hyung,” the boss called his name, “I want you to know that you’re a great musician. After you get your medication and feel healthier, you can comeback here. The door will open forever for you.”

“Thank you, Boss. Please take care of my friends. They’re just like a family for me,” Jun Hyung added.

Jun Hyung left the office with no burden. He walked to the alley where he’s passing the dance studio. He unintentionally stopped himself, peeking in to see his buddies were practicing their dance moves. They didn’t know that Jun Hyung already made his decision to leave the industry. He had to lie to them saying he’ll be late for practicing because he had an appointment with his doctor.

He reminisced the memories he had made with his friends, wether it’s good or bad. All the winning and the losing. He felt the same pains with them, but he’s the one who left first. It was hard, but Jun Hyung had no choice. He had to strengthen himself, walking alone for his own good. He didn’t have to look to the past.

*

2 Days Before He Disappeared

He got dizzy because of the flashlight from the cameras. He covered his face with his palm, but it didn’t help much to avoid the photographer capturing his image. Jun Hyung sat behind the long desk between the BEAST members. The manager and his boss were standing close at the edge of the stage. Jun Hyung was ready to announce his resignment from the group.

“Today,” he started, already memorizing his words last night. he didn’t even have to work hard to remember them, the words naturally came out from his mouth, “probably the saddest day of my life, because I have to make the final decision for my own good. This probably sounds a little bit selfish, but it’s time for me to take care of myself.

I leave, didn’t mean to hurt anyone who has given their loves for me without hesitation, even when I never asked for it. But the BEAST members, who are always there to support me, I can’t say anything greater than showing my gratitude toward you, guys : thank you. And I’m sorry that I’m leaving like this.

But you all know that this is because of the health issue I’ve had for almost a year. I’ve hidden it from people who loves me because I don’t want them to worry so much. I have to take serious medication so I can live healthier, and maybe someday we can meet again.

Leaving like this doesn’t mean we can’t see each other anymore. Leaving this group, doesn’t mean that I already give up towards everything. I’ll continue writing good music for myself, and maybe someday, you can hear my voice in the radio again.

And the last one, for people I hurt the most. The one who’s actually taken care of me for at least a year, but somehow I don’t know how to repay you. You’ve given me so much strength but I’m the one who’s weakened you in the end. I love you, I’m sorry.”

Jun Hyung sighed. He stood up, followed by the BEAST members behind him. The camera started capturing them crazily again, but BEAST just left the place without words.

Jun Hyung wished Joon heard the last words he said.