The funeral was conducted 2 days after the accident. Lu Han’s family, friends, the EXO members, President Lee Soo-man, the staff, and other groups from SME were all present. Even Janna was there. Everyone was dressed in white, Lu Han’s favorite color. After the words of the priest, everyone put their white roses on top of the casket.

 

            You looked at your rose then to the casket and laid the rose on top.

 

            “I’ll miss you”.

 

The casket was lowered and eventually, covered in dirt. Everyone left except Kris, Janna, Jonghyun, and you.

 

            “How are you feeling?” Kris asked resting his hand on your shoulder.

 

            “I’m fine…I think” you said, still looking where the casket was earlier.

 

            Kris walked in front of Lu Han’s grave.  “Please, don’t feel guilty about it. It was an accident. Don’t worry about the other members. They were just shocked about what happened, especially Xiumin. He says he’s sorry for before” he said looking at you. “We’ll be making the announcement after a few days. I think it was a good thing that you two weren’t known officially by the public or this would be harder for your part” he nodded.

 

            “Yeah…I guess so. Thanks” you nodded back.

 

Janna walked towards you and hugged you really tight. “I’m sorry about Lu Han. I really am. Also, I know that Jonghyun doesn’t like me. That’s why I’ll just back off so you two can have the chance that you both deserve. Take care of him for me, okay?” she whispered.

 

She let go and said goodbye to all of you.  Kris nodded and waved goodbye and walked towards his car with Janna and drove off.

 

You turned around and looked at Jonghyun. You both stood in front of Lu Han’s grave. With everyone else gone, you stopped holding back your tears. Jonghyun placed his hand over your shoulder and pulled you to a hug. These past days, he has been keeping you company and has been there for you to lean on.

 

            “You know, I still don’t know what happened” he said letting you go. “He was rehearsing and then suddenly he ran out of the place and when we went out to check where he went, we just saw you cradling him…”

 

            You eyes got big. “Rehearsing? Rehearsing what?”

 

            “You didn’t know? It was your 100th day right? He asked you to go out to get something to prepare for his surprise. He told everyone about it and asked to cooperate. We rehearsed everything. He even rehearsed the things that he was going to say to you with Janna”.

 

What?

 

            “What are you talking about? Do you mean that…when he said I love you…” you trailed off suddenly realizing it all.

 

He wasn’t confessing to Janna. He was rehearsing the things that he wanted to tell me! Then I dropped his clothes and ran away. He must’ve seen me and ran after me. It means I really am at fault with the accident!

            “What happened?” he asked noticing your reaction. “Do you know somethi—Hey! Why are you crying?” he said looking really concerned with his hands holding your shoulders.

 

You turned your head away, not wanting to look at him; ashamed with yourself.

 

            “Hey! Tell me why you’re crying!”

 

            “It’s my fault. It’s my fault!” you said feeling your legs go weak. “It’s my fault he’s dead!”

 

            “Kris told you not to worry about it anymore! It was an accident! It wasn’t your fault!

 

            “You don’t understand” you cried. “I saw what happened last night; when he said those three words to Janna. I got hurt. I misunderstood. I ran away. He saw me. He ran after me. I was being stupid. I thought…I thought…Then I saw these lights coming for me then I just…I just felt someone push me out of the way. I looked back and saw him got hit by the car. It was my fault! If only I asked him what was happening instead of running away…He would’ve been alive right now! It’s my entire fault!!” you cried out trying to get away from Jonghyun’s grip on your wrists. “I killed him! I killed Lu Han!!” you said falling to your knees.

 

            Jonghyun sighed. “Is that what happened?” he asked softly, slowly sitting down in front of you. He pushed the hair covering your face aside and touched your chin, tilting it slightly so that he can see your face. He took out his handkerchief and wiped away your tears, smiling. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. It was an accident, okay? Stop blaming yourself. Do you think Lu Han will be happy if you continue on blaming yourself? It’s okay. He loves you and you know that. You should do him a favor and live happily. He wants you to be happy” he said hugging you.

 

You hugged him back and when you did, you felt a lot calmer. It was a good thing that he was there. You would’ve done something stupid at this rate if he wasn’t there to comfort you and be by your side.

 

He drove you back to the hotel and into your room. For a few days, you were always watching the television in case EXO was to make the announcement. You also wouldn’t let anyone contact you, not even your family. You needed time alone. But Jonghyun…He always visited you even if you told him to give you space.

 

A week passed and you finally let Jonghyun in your room. He cooked for you while you fixed yourself and changed clothes. You sat on the sofa with the television on when Jonghyun came with a bowl of soup and a plate of bread and butter. When he sat down next to you, the news was on and it was EXO. Kris was holding the mic while the other EXO members were all sitting quietly.

 

            “In behalf of SM Entertainment and EXO, it is sad for our part to announce…that Lu Han is now…gone.” The media were in an uproar, shooting questions at them all at once with the continuous flashes from their cameras. “We will give no further details on how this happened. Please respect our and Lu Han’s privacy. We are really sorry for all our fans and thankful for the support that you have given. We would be halting our activities for now and will be on temporary hiatus. We promise that we will come back soon, ready to face the world without our dear friend Lu Han physically with us. But please remember that he will always be in our hearts. Thank you” he bowed and with that, EXO left.

 

Jonghyun turned the tv off. Once again, you were in tears. You just can’t help it. You lost the guy that you love. How can you be this calm? Jonghyun reached for your hand and looked at you.

 

            “I’m sorry that I can’t do anything for you right now. But please, stop crying. It hurts for me to see you cry like that. I’m sure Lu Han will be really sad if he sees you like this. Please, live and be happy in his place. Can you do that for him?” he said looking at you.

 

You weren’t sure. It’s just been over a week after what happened. But with Jonghyun here with you, you knew that it won’t be impossible thought it’ll be hard. You nodded as he wiped your tears and smiled at you.

 

            “I know I won’t be able to replace him. But I promise you that I’ll never make you cry, or leave you, or hurt you in any way possible. I’ll take care of you. I promise.”

 

You felt guilty. You felt like you were betraying Lu Han.

 

            “I know this was too sudden. But I’ll wait for you. I will. Even if it means forever. I will wait for you Nikka,” Jonghyun said as he stood up. “I’ll go now” he said as he walked towards the door. He was about to open the door when he felt your arms go around him.

 

What the hell am I doing??

 

You were surprised that you stopped him from going.  You realized that you didn’t want him to leave. “I’m sorry…I don’t know if I’m ready. I still love him truly...”

 

He smiled. “It’s fine. I told you that I’ll wait for your heart to open up to me.”

 

-----

 

A year passed.

 

It was Lu Han’s 1st death anniversary. You and Jonghyun visited him first thing in the morning, before sunrise. Both of you walked slowly towards Lu Han’s grave. You knelt down and smiled.

 

            “Hi Lu Han…We’re back. I miss you and your dorkiness…By the way, we brought white roses. I hope you’ll like them.”

 

            “Hi man…” Jonghyun said softly as he sat down beside you. “It’s been a while. I’m doing exactly what you asked me from before. I hope you’re happy for us.”

 

            “Eh? What did he asked you?” you said looking at Jonghyun who was smiling.

 

            He looked at you and smiled. “Taking care of you.” He leaned forward and planted a kiss on your forehead.

 

            You blushed and looked at him. “I hope Lu Han’s not too jealous with us right now” you said smiling.

 

You watched as the large glowing sphere rose slowly into the dull morning sky; casting sunbeams in every direction while it illuminated everything in sight. The both of you sat in silence, soaking in the liquid gold droplets that slowly began to warm up your pale skin. You looked at the guy in front of you and smiled.

 

Words weren’t needed to describe how thankful you are for having Jonghyun by your side ever since that event.

 

He leaned in and kissed you in the lips. His lips were so soft on yours, trying to express all that he felt for you.

 

          “Thank you for caring for me and loving me, Kim Jonghyun.”

 

          “Thank you for giving me the chance, Nikka.”

 

Before your eyes, the clouds become lit with a fabulous, warm light as the rising sun announces the coming of a new day and knew that with Jonghyun beside you and Lu Han watching over you, everything will be okay.