stσrч títlє: Rising from my Crashed Dreams

rєvíєwєr: Suweetiesama

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ღ Title(4/5)
The title wasn’t chiche like other fanfics nor was it super unique but it had a nice ring to it. To me, it sounded really special. I docked off a little bit of points because I think it needed a bit more something.

ღ Poster&Background(4/5)
The poster was breathtaking. It matched well with your story because of the ballerina in the middle and the colors that surrounds it. The clock on the top left kinda confused me though. What does it have to do with the story? In addition, the background is too extravagant. What does flowers have to do with the story? I suggest you use a simpler background with a color that contrasts or matches really well with the poster.

ღ Forword&Description(9/10)
The quote and the definition of the noun, crash, really did it for me in the description. It gave me a hint of what was the story about but not giving too much that I knew what was going to happen. As for the characters, they were simply described, not too much, not too little, more like their background and past. I’ll give you high marks for that. (:

ღ Plot’s uniqueness(16/20)
Your plot is quite eye-catching. Ballet is not a everyday topic you find on AFF. However, the only thing that ruined it was the ‘guy left the girl for the girl’s best friend’ part. Many fanfictions have this sort of plot in it and the girl becomes either devastated or she has her dream ruined. I do admit that the ballet idea made up for it but I suppose your story focuses a bit more on romance than ballet so the romantic plot kinda well.... took your points off in this section.

ღ Flow(15/20)
Your story was going quite smoothly. You included flashbacks so the readers can understand the story even if they didn’t read the foreword&description. One thing that went wrong, in my view, was the pace that Chae Rin and Kai moved at. At first, it was fine but he found out that chae rin was christine was a teeny weeny too quick. But it was still fine however, at the part where Chae Rin came to trust Kai almost automatically seemed a bit too fast. Maybe its just me but its like she trusted him after a few days. I understand that she felt a connection but wouldn’t she try to make sure what that connection she felt was before trusting him with her past? But either way it was fine because the story flowed quite great. Since its ongoing, I don’t know how it will turn out.

ღ Grammar&Spelling(13/20)
Sometimes, you mixed up the character’s gender and you capitalized the wrong words or you didn’t capitalize at all. It looked like you were starting a new sentence but then before that was more than one period so I got confused. New sentence or continuation? Some sentences can be shortened and put together making a more smooth sentence but you had quite a few fragments. Also, you had sentences that just don’t make sense. I mean I somehow understood it but some readers might not.

Example 1: Kris groaned and wore his back his shirt.
Example 2: You pout on your shirt and went outside.

If you read it aloud, you can clearly see or hear the mistake, I don’t think I need to guide you on how to fix it.

Example 3: Don’t you want to lose me?

Hyun Ah asked that but I was wondering, if she liked Kris, wouldn’t she say something like “Do you want to lose me?” The question you typed made it sound like Hyun Ah wants or encourages Kris to lose her.

Those are taken from chapter 1 since I typed this while I read your fanfic. Another mistake is wrong tenses and wrong words.

And what does this mean ? “You found Hyun Ah a:pme.....”

There were little spelling mistakes. Such as “heard” as “head”.

Second chapter: “I’ll tour you around.”

It should be something like “I’ll guide you around” or “I’ll give you a tour around the house.”

I mean, what you wrote sounded like it makes sense but still seems awkward.

Another example: Why is this guy have too much questions?

It should be “Why does this guy have so many questions?”

Much is singular and many is plural. Be sure to use the correct words.

I mean, what you wrote sounded like it makes sense but still seems awkward. There are so many small grammar and spelling mistakes as I continue reading each and every chapter so I won’t bother listing them all but the ones above were the ones I caught. Please re-read your chapters before you post them. Overall, you seem to have okay grammar and spelling but probably got careless as you typed away so be sure to proofread and you will be fine.

ღ Words(7/10)
Your vocabulary was okay. Not so much repetitive words nor were there creative and words that make me go ‘wow’. So overall it was pretty much fine.

ღ Interest&Enjoyment(9/10)
I have to admit that your story was absolutely amazing. Even with all the flaws and mistakes, I found it really enjoyable and a good read. While reading it, I had many questions going on through my brain. Your story presuaded me to keep reading and find out the answers to my questions. As I said before, your plot was a bit cliche but you made it really interesting with how you wrote it out. Of course, plot is nothing if the story is well written.

ღ Overall Grade: 77%

I know you will be absolutely disappointed with this grade. But feel free to come back and request another review. (: Trust me, your story was wonderful but a few points off from here and there caused the grade to drop. I’m usually a strict reviewer so do not get discouraged. Fighting, author-nim!

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Kamsahamnida for requesting at Sueweetie's Boutique.
Don't forget to credit us in your foreword & description.
Special thanks to our reviewer!