stσrч títlє: Hey Ugly, I Love You!

rєvíєwєr: threecheers

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ღ Title (3.5/5)
Five very clichéd words yet the end product was good; must be because of how effective you pulled the irony off. We all know the basic stereotype of people when it came to the word ugly, especially if it applied to physical elements; so I saw your title as an appealing thing in some way. I wasn’t sure if I should call it juxtaposition or a simple paradox but I found the way you put two things very fetching. You thought it was simple yet on second glance it was something that might appear to be contrasting at first but was really a very possible deed. And even without the “Romantic Comedy”, I would have automatically thought it WAS a romantic comedy. :)

It was just a weird thing because I sort of thought that the “Ugly” here was Chanyeol, not Kris when I looked at the story in a default AFF page (must be how you listed the characters in your Character Box).

The thing was, after reading through the fic up to your latest update, I might have been a little ticked off at how the story progressed. The context behind Hey Ugly, I Love You! sort of conditioned my mind that the story would somehow focus (or at least elaborate) on how the OC fell for Kris despite his physical impairment (this was before I even read the description about Kris transforming into a hot guy eventually) and I thought “well, that’s weird” after coz things just went too fast at that phase and yes, that was not a good thing.

 

ღ Poster & Background (4/5)
Over-all, the poster served its purpose of letting your readers have a glimpse of the genre of your story (if title and tags were disregarded). It was light and very appropriate to the mood of your story.

As for the background, well I saw it as something nice and cute. It enhanced the over-all feel of buoyancy that accompanied the idea (of the fic) and I found it very refreshing to the eyes, not too straining and detailed to make me blurt out a “what’s up with the background” question, but just right for me to enjoy the feel and pour. :D

 

ღ Foreword & Description (7/10)

Description (3.5/5): I assumed (on first read) the short line there was an excerpt of some sort, yeah? Well, I liked it (err, sort of). It was simple but catchy and the emphasis on the word not was timely and right. Also, the succeeding lines were effectively introduced by making the readers relate to the OC’s “problem at hand”. The only thing that bothered me was the string of (anime) pictures. They were a nice touch; however, I didn’t find their presence significant or impactful in any way.

Foreword (3.5/5): The summary was good. You not only laid out things that were important to know as the general background of the story, but also left enough questions to activate the curios bunnies in readers’ heads so they would click on the “Next” button and start reading (personally lauding the thread of questions you left). However, it was too long for my taste and so much clattered with needless statements. I also appreciated the bit where you provided just the pictures and not descriptions of the characters (because personally, Character Listings with lots of descriptions really turn me off), but I didn’t really see the need for it.

 

Individually speaking, your Foreword and Description are okay. However, I found it a bit, you could say, unsettling because I had this thought that they should be interchanged, as in the contents of the Foreword (not all okay, but just a concise version) should be moved to the Description and vice versa. Or something like that.

Technically, Forewords are some sort of introductory texts (often include excerpts from the real thing). I got it that you were “introducing” you fic by giving the plot, but on a closer look, the summary you provided better suited the Description Category (because it was theoretically the “description” of your story). Did I make sense? Just an observation. Again, you could just ignore me. XD

 

ღ Plot’s Uniqueness (11/20)
I decided to dissect this criterion into two sections; therefore, I had some notes raised about the plot AND the uniqueness of the story in general. The division of the points was not done equally though, as I reckoned the plot should weigh heavier than any issues of originality.

 

Uniqueness/Originality (4/5): To tell you honestly, I haven’t encountered a fic that tackled an ugly Kris before. Sure yours had him eventually turn into this hunk that everyone had always envisioned him as, however, I saw how you tried to recreate and twist this cliché that somehow transformed the story into something un-cliché sounding over-all (err, -ish).

Plot (7/15): Plot. Hmm, I couldn’t say I liked it but I wouldn’t say I disliked it either. I saw evaluations for first love, impressions, stereotype to “ugly” people but there weren’t enough points given that explained them. I didn’t particularly know where the story was going and honestly? I found the plot not engaging.  (You could refer to the notes at the end of this review for my personal questions/points.)

 

ღ Flow (& Characterization) (11/20)
I didn’t know if I was allowed to do this but I saw that Characterization wasn’t part of this review, so I took the liberty to include it here. Hahaha.

 

Characterization (5/10): Poor. I’m so sorry for saying this but I didn’t see any real characterization going on. The portrayal of characters was boring and ineffective, there were a lot of inconsistencies and contrasting thoughts, and they did not develop as the story progressed. The over-all effect was: I wasn’t fond of reading about any of them. Obviously, that was a very bad thing.

 

Flow (6/10): Maybe a tad better than characterization but still unsatisfactory. Again, I’m so sorry to say this but I didn’t really agree with most of your transitions, be it with the ideas, the thoughts of your characters, the atmosphere, the scenes, and ultimately the plot of the story. There were a lot of chops and leaks and the paragraph jumps (and continuous dialogues) were very sudden they always threw me off.

 

ღ Grammar & Spelling (13.5/20)
You had no issues whatsoever with spelling. As for the grammar part, I found mistakes yes, a lot of inconsistencies on your tense usage and punctuation misses. I didn’t want to be such a stuck-up so I didn’t do much about pointing out your mistakes one-by-one (because I wouldn’t want that done to me too). I could if you want me to…? No, I wouldn’t. What was I even thinking asking? Stone me now.

 

ღ Words (6/10)
Your diction (or vocabulary in general) was not very well-utilized and attractive. There were moments where they sort of suited the mood yes, but those were always overthrown by other contradictions. The concept behind your plot and all the thoughts you wanted to portray was not expressed in such a way that would make the readers want more. Personally I didn’t find it very likeable.

 

ღ Interest & Enjoyment (6/10)
I enjoyed it alright. But to be honest, I was kind of disappointed. It didn’t turn out to be the thing I was expecting. The attempt for comedy was there but things just weren’t working well together and I wasn’t so amused at some parts.

 

ღ Overall Grade (62/100)
These are my honest thoughts all the way. Sorry if I appeared a little harsh and straightforward. Message me for reactions or questions; I swear I’m open for anything. And I’m friendly, I’ll gladly explain anything. :)

 

ღ STORY NOTES

 

Over-all Observations

The introduction was simple yet strong, in that there was a vivid preamble of conflict already which was an effective kick-off, in my opinion. Although “The lady in a white wedding gown…” seemed a bit weird to read – the stereotype is that wedding gowns are always white.

I observed that you were inclined to putting dialogues of different characters into one paragraph and I found this a bit off. I thought it would be easier to read it if the dialogues (of other characters) were put to new paragraphs instead of just leaving them off as one whole continuous thing. It wouldn’t be just easier to read but it would also minimize confusion as to who spoke what, and hey, this would definitely hundred-percent help uplifting your flow too.

I could imagine the scenes but your way of narration was just so…mechanical and stoic. You always stuck with the same words to follow your dialogues. I got it that this was a comedy and dialogues were supposed to be vital parts but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to brush a little exposure of the character’s emotions or sentiments. I’m so sorry but I just found it very detached and disconnected.

Just an opinion okay, but I really thought the first two chapters were meant to be a prologue instead of actual chapters. For one, they “introduced” the background, setting, and over-all feel of the fic. They had essential impact on the story yes, but they were not very critical to the plot development.

Thoughts and internal musings should at least be left italicized so readers wouldn’t be confused and think they were part of the narration.

I saw there were signs of timeframes of some sort, but I still thought past happenings were better off italicized (like internal thoughts). That way the readers would know where the narration of the past started and when it ended, so when the OC resumed her relaying of the story (in the present frame), readers wouldn’t get perplexed and go “hey what’s she saying now?” or something of this sort.

 

Additional Notes:

When ending a quotation and following it with the action (of the speaker), you should always use a comma, unless the quoted statement ends either with a question mark or an exclamation point. For example:

“Especially when it’s my wedding?” the woman asked the man.

“Oww!” the man groaned.

“I still love my boyfriend and I will steal him back if I can,” the man said.

Expressions of anger and disbelief and all other emotions could be achieved by different punctuations. It would be enough to use an exclamation point, a question mark or both but not lots of them together (unless maybe they are deliberately called for).

Ellipses are always composed of three dots.

The address should be Ms. Kim (separated by space), not a continuous Ms.Kim.

When using “did”, the action verb following the word should always be in its normal present tense (lol what is the technical term for this?) form. Example: “Did something happen between you two?”

Same is true when using can/could or will/would. Always use the normal present tense.

 

 

Plot Notes (According to Chapter)

 

One:

At the wedding, Key had insisted on them (he and Jihyun) just getting married despite Jonghyun’s ADHD stunt but then he just went and ran off with Jonghyun in the end. Later on it was revealed that Key only wanted to marry Jihyun because he pitied her (yet that wasn’t how I caught his line about him insisting they should just get married). Was this arrangement actually known by everyone – Jihyun’s parents and supposed-to-be inlaw’s?

It was weird to read few years later… and then be greeted by a scene of Jihyun giving birth (I assumed this because of the “What are you going to name her, Ms. Kim?” question of the nurse). Perhaps you meant few months later…?

The grounds for Jihyun and Key’s friendship were a bit shaky and inconsistent in some way. It seemed like the ultimate running-off-with-ex deed Key pulled was only brushed off just like that. Maybe it was a best friend thing? Haha.

For some reason, I thought Jihyun lived alone all those months. IDK why but I sorta forgot she still had her parents and Key (eventually when he was forgiven) and Jonghyun too. You made it look like she struggled alone.

 

Two:

How come Jihyun’s mother (and father; really, his existence was so inconsequential I almost forgot about him) let her daughter go just like that, especially when she already had her child? What was Jihyun’s reason in the first place?

Why did Key and Jonghyun decided to move with Jihyun? Didn’t they have their lives in Seoul?

Why did Jihyun feel she needed a new life in the first place?

What happened to Jihye’s father?

Jihye saying “He’s really tall.” when she was cooing Kris was weird because Kris was only a baby then right? Like a small baby and yeah, you get the gist. XD

 

Three:

Jihye learned to speak only when she turned five? WHUT. Children learn to form words when they turn one year old on average.

They were still kids so Jihye should have described Kris as a boy not a guy. (What did she know about falling in love? Seriously, at five years old? Or I just confused this because of how I absorbed the narration. Sorry.)

Jihye had a sharp memory. That or the incident when she was five involving the well was just THAT traumatizing (it wasn’t depicted as that though) it stuck to her brain.

In this chapter, apart from Jihye’s friend ing her about Kris and their babies, I wouldn’t have thought Kris as ugly. Seriously, the way you put it was like he was the opposite of ugly, being a basketball player and all that I-can’t-help-but-stare-at-you-while-you’re-playing sheez from Jihye. It was explicitly told yes, but it was weird because I thought it somehow had a major impact on the plot.

It seemed that the relationship between Jihye and Kris was also shaky. I thought they were close? Or weren’t they? (It was told in the first part of this chapter that their families were close, so I assumed they were too yet Jihye addressed him with such unfamiliarity – when someone told her Kris likes her – that I almost thought he was just a random unsuspecting stranger doing a cameo.)

 

Four:

The setting of Jihye’s neighborhood was awkward. Their doors (Kris and Jihye) were closely adjacent to each other? As in THAT abutting that Jihye heard Kris’s sobs? (Or it might also be that Kris was just sobbing so LOUD. LOL.)

I saw an inconsistent train of thoughts in Jihye’s part, especially when she said “If it’s your business, it might as well be mine.” Prior to this, you made no indication that they were THIS close. Sure you relayed scenes in their childhood but all of them involved Jihye and her annoyance to Kris and then the preceding chapter was also about her getting surprised that Kris liked her and I was just “huh?”, you get it.

Again, they appeared close but prior to this I never felt they were (sure I assumed but that wasn’t the same thing).

Kris being annoying here wasn’t really portrayed well (It said in your Foreword/Description that he was). Jihye’s thoughts were starting to be conflicting and disorganized. The sudden I’m-avoiding-him was just so…sudden (sorry can’t find another term) and the transition of mood wasn’t nicely executed.

The thing about the birthday party got me a bit confused. I thought they were at a party (that was your note) but then Kris was playing basketball and then they were going home. HUH, WHUTT? Seriously, I was confused.

Oh I wanted to add something about Kris. Err, you actually included in your Description the thing about “In the end, it’s that ugly boy/girl that stares at you.” I didn’t really feel this in the story. I meant, there wasn’t anything laid down that remotely implied Kris being all lovesick and a staring-creep for Jihye. I thought it was actually the other way around, Jihye was the ONLY one very conscious about things.

 

Five:

Didn’t Kris think of looking for Jihye at “their” place? Or maybe it wasn’t really such a major, major thing for him.

Apart from “driving” Kris and his mother to go to Canada, what else was the significant of the cheating role Kris’s father had? Just wondering.

 

Six:

I didn’t feel proper build-up for Jihye’s feelings. And I thought it was something to look forward to when I read the Foreword/Description.

 

Seven:

Kris and his internal thoughts were so confusing. I thought he didn’t want attention but then he suddenly wanted it and then he was smirking but hating the effect of it. What was happening? And to think he used to be ugly, he was one conceited bro.

The way you said things about Kris didn’t sound very appropriate to a high school student. If anything, you made him seem like an adult already. (I thought him and Jihye were of the same age?)

 

Eight:

Kris sounded a little too apathetic and indifferent for me. I thought he liked Jihye? Wait. Did he really like her?

Was Jihye an intentional trouble-maker? She looked like she was the rascal herself. She was so confusing!

It seemed that Jihye wasn’t the type to fall just because one guy was popular or good-looking.

I thought Jihye loved History? She was falling asleep there as well! Was she just a I-sleep-anywhere kind of girl? If then, maybe that would make sense. LOL.

Jihye’s reaction to Kris being back was not what I expected. SERIOUSLY NOT WHAT I EXPECTED. I remembered her still having the candy wrapper after all those years and then she was just “oh okay, he’s back”. I personally thought it wasn’t the expected (normal) reaction.

I assumed they didn’t have any communication while Kris was away right? But I thought they were close?

 

 

Okay, I’m stopping here. You could curse me for this but please don’t. If you want my further notes, just message me alright? But I don’t expect you to because gaaaah, I think I’ve been such a freaking here. I told you I’m strict all the way. I’m sorry! I just hope you take this review as a push. Again, I didn’t mean any harm. I had no reason to do that (what the hell), I just really wanted to help.

Thank you for requesting me! I look forward to reading more of your stories in the future!

 

At your humble disposal,

threecheers

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