stσrч títlє: Marrying an Ice Prince

rєvíєwєr: Suweetiesama

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

ღ Title(5/5): Your title fits the story perfectly. No kidding, its an amazing match. It pretty much summarizes the whole story in 4 words. Of course, it wasn’t unique nor was it cliche but I liked the title alot.

ღ Poster&Background(5/5): Your poster had nice colors and all but I noticed the posters in the description and maybe its just me, but I found the 2^nd poster more attractive. The 2^nd poster and the current poster you are using showed the theme well. I noticed it had a winter background to fit the word “ice prince”. The 2^nd poster used a princess on the front probably to match the word “prince” which was pretty nice because the poster is all about matching the title and I think the 2^nd poster did the job. However, poster choice is up to the author, not me so I can’t dock off points just because you didn’t choose a poster of my liking. The background blended pretty well with the poster and I liked how the author included linking rings to hint the “marriage” part. So basically the poster showed all aspects of the title and the story. That probably didn’t sound right to you. Lol.

ღ Forword&Description(9/10): The characters are explained simply and normal. No long pasts or unneccessary details that gives away the story. I wouldn’t say that the characters’ personality was special or something but they had their differences which was the main point. You do not want 10 characters with the exact same personality. Its no fun so I give you a thumbs up for making them different. As for the foreword, same as the description, short and simple. It showed the readers what story plot you have and where your story will be heading towards. But it didn’t give away anything. It pretty much matched up with description you had.

I won’t take off points for this, well, maybe a bit, but I think highlights are a big no-no. It seriously irks me. And you used black and yellow. No good. I liked how you colored the words to make them stand out but try to make the colors match more with the poster, background or the theme of your story because the colors you chose were horrible. It would’ve been better if you used a font that make the words look smooth and soft. Make everything match, it’ll make your story look more organized, pretty and attractive. Overall, not everything looked matchy-matchy and the font and the colors kinda destroyed your foreword.

ღ Plot’s uniqueness(16/20): Overhearing a marriage proposal between a boy and a girl is not very cliche so that’s good. Arranged marriage is cliche, whether you believe it or not. Many stories include arranged marriage with someone they dislike then they begin with a hate relationship then slowly fall for each other. And there would always be somebody or some people who tries to get in between them and hopefully break them apart so they can end up with who they want to be with.

I didn’t read the story yet when I typed this section so I’m basing this off my assumptions. I’m only taking points off for the arranged marriage plot. Honestly, I felt guilty doing this section because I have a fanfic with arranged marriage too. So I kinda have no right to talk.

ღ Flow(20/20): I’ll say that the story processes at a considerate speed. Not too fast or too slow. The flow is perfect. (:

ღ Grammar&Spelling(17/20):

Chapter 1: “You liked him before, e!” I didn’t know what it meant at first but as I continued reading your fanfic, I think its some sort of sound, right? Well, just one ‘e’ made it weird.

Chapter 2: “So? Why do you want us to meet?” that doesn’t make sense, it should be ‘So? Why do you want to meet me?’ or ‘So? Why do you want to see me?’ But anything is fine as long as ‘us’ isn’t in the sentence.
Chapter 2: “You smiled and sniffled the roses.” Sniffled doesn’t fit here, should be sniffed.
Chapter 2: “You left without letting anyone greeting you.” It should be ‘You left without letting anyone say something’ or ‘You left without letting anyone greet you.’
Chapter 2: “While talking with Hanna, your eyes went to sehun and you froze on your seat. Remembering what you heard and saw earlier.” That sentence has a fragment. It should be: ‘While talking to Hanna, your eyes fell upon Sehun. You froze in your seat remembering what you have heard and saw earlier.’
Chapter 2: “....but you can’t buy you project..” well, the mistake is clear if you read it.

Chapter 3: “Do we look like were joking?” The mistake is quite clear, it should be ‘we’re’ not were.
-Do not capitalize morning. You wrote “Good Morning...” Also, young master is two words not one.
Chapter 3: “...as Sehun came down from his room.” It should either be ‘as Sehun came down the stairs from his room.’ Or ‘as Sehun came out of his room.’ He can’t come down from his room, it doesn’t make sense.
-Again, young master is 2 words and should not be capitalized unless its his name.
Chapter 3: “...digged his face on the pillow.”  It sounds awkward... maybe something like “...digged his face into the pillow.” Or “... buried his face into the pillow.”
Chapter 3: “..were you listening childre?” Spelling error.
Chapter 3: “Oh, its that come one.” I don’t exactly understand whats that supposed to mean but I think you meant, “Oh, its that. C’mon.” I’m not sure but use puntuations.
Chapter 3: “You’re on a dress..” It should be “You’re wearing a dress” or “You’re in a dress.”

Chapter 4: “The maid didn’t answer talk but she made me follow her.” Okay, “answer talk” doesn’t make sense. I think you were indecisive about whether using the word “answer” or “talk” but please proofread.
- make sure the readers know who you are talking about. You wrote ‘her’ many times when Sehun was thinking. Is the ‘her’, min hee or han nee?

Chapter 6: “It doesn’t suit your face, smile always.” That doesn’t really make sense, I suggest you have ‘smile’ and ‘always’ switch places so its ‘always smile’.
Chapter 6: “I don’t know what’ll do if ever I didn’t met someone like you.”
That is just ALL wrong. Makes no sense and wrong tenses. It should be something like, “I don’t know what I would do if I never met someone like you.”

Chapter 7: I noticed you wrote that Han Nee heard what Lay was saying about Min Hee. You already wrote that she heard the topic, meaning she heard their conversation. There’s no need to write she heard what Lay was saying, that was unneccessary information.
Chapter 7: “He took his glass, full of vodka.” I think you meant “You took his glass, full of vodka.” Because you mentioned afterward that Han Nee said she’s thirsty.
Chapter 7: “You stood up and walked helding your head.” This is a no-no. Again, it should be something like: “You stood up and walked away, holding your head.”
Chapter 7: “How dare he say the he’ll try his best to be a good man to me?”
Correction: “How dare he say that he’ll try his best to be a good man for me?”
Chapter 7: “...Please don’t call of the meeting.”
Correction: “... Please don’t call off the marriage.”

Chapter 8: “..it was cold also but it’s still delicious.” -> “..it was also cold but still delicious.”
Chapter 8: “ You decided to left your and ran to your house.” -> “You decided to leave your car behind and run back home.”
Chapter 8: “Sehun was watching.” Watching what? You need to make sure the readers understand what you’re trying to explain. I know this is small but if more of these happen, the story can become very confusing!
Chapter 8: “He opened the door and got surprised, wet from head to toe.” You didn’t make this sentence complete. It sounded like Sehun was the one who was wet from head to toe. Correction: “He opened the door and was surprised to see you wet from head to toe.”
Chapter 8: “He got what you mean...” -> “He got what you meant...” If you started the sentence with past tense, finish it with past tense!
Chapter 8: “You blushed to saw Sehun’s smile” That sentence meant that Han Nee HAD to blush in order for her to see his smile. I don’t think you meant that so type it correctly.
Correction: “You blushed when you saw Sehun’s smile.”

Chapter 9: “He stood there for a fre minutes then walked awy.” Simple typo errors. I think you know how to fix that.
Chapter 9: “She offered with shake hands” -> “She offered to shake hands.”
Chapter 9: “While entertaining myself, surfing at my phone.” -> “I entertained myself by surfing through my phone

Chapter 10-12 was pretty much mistake free so thumbs up!

Chapter 13: “.. making his luggages fell on the floor.” -> “...making his luggages fall onto the floor.” The word ‘making’ is a present word so ‘fell’ must  be present too.
Chapter 13: “I heard she’s going back here to finish her studies.” Now, that just sounds bad. Correction-> “I heard she’s coming back to school to finish her studies.” Or you could just scratch out the school part.
Chaper 13: “He sat aside the bowl...” Well, he can’t sit on the bowl. XD Correction: “He set aside the bowl.”
Chapter 13: “You stretched you arms...” -> “You stretched your arms.”
Chapter 13: “You both opened your eyes...” -> “Both of you opened your eyes...”
Chapter 13: “..when you foor opened.” I thinkyou meant -> “...when your door opened.”

Chapter 14: Like I said before, ‘you both’ technically doesn’t make sense. Should be ‘both of you’.
Chapter 14: I notice you use the letter ‘e’ a lot. At first I didn’t what it meant. Is it supposed to be some sort of sound like ‘eh’ ?? If it is, don’t forget the ‘h’. With just the  letter ‘e’, it looks so awkward.
Chapter 14: “...and bowed many to the Japnese investors.” -> “...and bowed many times..”
Chapter 14: “You held Sehun’s hands and had it up and down.” -> “You held Sehun’s hands and shook it up and down.”

Chapter 15: “Yah! Did you freaking came from...” -> “Yah! Did you freaking come from...”

Chapter 16-17, mistake free~ a few spelling errors but I got lazy

Chapter 18: this was just me being curious. I noticed you wrote Annie and Sehun saying Itadakimasu. But they’re Korean, wouldn’t they be more familiar with using their own language instead of suddenly switching to Japanese manners after being there for maybe a little more than 2 days?
Chapter 18: “You finished preparing yourseld.”
                    “You wore a smiole shirt..” I think the errors in these 2 sentences cane be easily spotted.

Chapter 19 is mistake free~

Chapter 20: “... so I can be sure it won’t tie off.” Makes no sense. Correction: “...so I can be sure it won’t be undone.”

Chapter 21: “..reminiscing what happenes last night.” -> “...reminiscing what happened last night.”
Chapter 21: “I took a glimpse on my phone.” -> “I took a glimpse at my phone.”

Chapter 22: “Because I must withdrew myself...” -> “Because I must withdraw myself...”

Chapter 23-25 mistake free~

Chapter 26: “Did she even told you that she loves you?” I don’t know how to fix it but it sounds really awkward and weird. Maybe something like: “Did she even tell you that she loves you?”

Chapter 27-31 mistake ~

Chapter 32: “You groaped..” -> “You d..”

Chapter 33-34 mistake free~

Hahaha. I think I probably freaked you out by listing all of these mistakes. I was kinda surprised myself. You should re-read your chapters and fix the tiny mistakes. I mean, I think the mistakes are quite clear. You just have to read it aloud and you can hear the mistake. I know English isn’t your first language, it isn’t mine either but more reading will fix you up quite good. (:

*I kinda wanted to only list some mistakes while reading but as I read each and every chapter, I found myself listing the mistakes for each chapter. I’m weird so that pretty much sums up everything about me. XD So I hope you don’t mind me pointing out everything.

ღ Words(8/10): Not much repetitive words so good job! You didn’t use “pretty” words but that didn’t really matter since your story came out nice. Atleast you didn’t use those simple and boring words. (:

ღ Interest&Enjoyment(10/10): Super enjoyable~ It was really entertaining. (: The grammar and spelling mistakes weren’t like super big. It was still readable and I could understand. There’s nothing much I can say in this section but trust me, it was well written story despite the mistakes.

ღ Overall Grade: 90% Congratualations~ You have managed to score a 90 and a spot on the feature list!!

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Kamsahamnida for requesting at Sueweetie's Boutique.
Don't forget to credit us in your foreword & description.
Special thanks to our reviewer!