stσrч títlє: The Thing about Twists in Life

rєvíєwєr: SavvyXD

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ღ Title(3/5): The title made sense, but it didn’t connect to the story as much as I expected.

ღ Poster&Background(3/5): I like how your poster included the main characters, but I didn’t really like how light the color was. Perhaps if you had a darker background or had more tones and shades of color in the poster, I think it would’ve looked a bit nicer, or ‘popped’ even further. It would have been nice if the quotes were easier to read and stood out from the pictures of the poster. I think what would’ve topped it all is if the quotes seemed to be a reoccurring theme or they were simply used more often in the story.

ღ Forword&Description(6/10): The first line of the description is just a little awkward in my opinion. Maybe you could say something like, “He’s stuck. Should he do what he wants, or what he needs?” That probably wasn’t a very good example, but I hope you got the idea. The color in that scenario is just a bit too awkward. The second sentence in the ‘Summary’ was a bit of a run on and was quite confusing. I know what effect you wanted to get, but maybe you could chop it down to clarify. It’s hard to easily understand, and that might drive readers away. The foreword felt a bit long, and in the first paragraph, you used the word ‘he’ quite often. That sort of repetition makes the text flow less smoothly as the reader is reading your story. I suggest giving a slightly bigger glimpse at the conflict of Kyungsoo being split in the story to attract readers more.

ღ Plot’s uniqueness(13/20): Your plot is definitely something I’ve read before, so it’s not particularly unique at all. Though the characters and specific events that take place could be unique, the plot is a bit cliché in the sense that it’s one character caught between two choices, whether they be two loves or just to simply save two lives. This sort of plot can be used in all sorts of genres of writing and it would still flow smoothly. The plot was a bit predictable as well. I found myself already knowing what would already happen, and it was just a matter of time for me to read up to those events. In terms of uniqueness, this plot didn’t have anything extremely special.

ღ Flow(17/20): The flow of your story was overall good, but at some parts I wished you would’ve explained more in depth. For example, I would’ve loved more interaction between Kai and Kyungsoo at the beginning as examples of their friendship. They don’t have to be extremely detailed, but lace the hidden emotions in each event, wording it in such a way that the reader can figure out for themselves the relationship of Kai and Kyungsoo, as opposed to you directly telling us. I also felt you could’ve described the scenes more in order to heighten the experience for the reader and give a clearer visual.

ღ Grammar&Spelling(18/20): Your grammar and spelling was extremely good, but there were some minor grammatical errors here and there. They weren’t so huge that it was hard to understand what you were trying to say, but they were noticeable enough for someone like me to get a little distracted. For example, some sentences seemed to overuse commas while others needed it, but this can easily fixed by looking up the comma usage rules. Commas can be useful for adding effect to your story, but when they’re overused, they tend to lose the effect. Remember, commas DON’T necessarily go where you feel you would take a breath. That’s just what you’re taught when you’re a little kid. Also, there were some instances where you could’ve used an apostrophe but didn’t. “He has been bottling this up, and everyday…” In this example, I would’ve liked to see you use the word “He’s” instead of “He has”. “He has” feels more professional and proper compared to the casual “He’s”. The flow was a bit disrupted and I felt distracted from the story.

ღ Words(8.5/10): The vocabulary in this story was pretty good in the sense that you chose meaningful words. For example, I really liked the seventh part where you started with “Ubiquitous”. Also, the use of repetition and pattern in adjacent phrases and sentences added emphasis and drama to the idea you were conveying, which was very good. But be careful when using ‘he’ too often. Because both characters are male, it’s unavoidable, but be cautious. The reader might get confused seeing ‘he’ so often, and might not know who you’re referring to, especially in your short fragmented sentences added for emphasis, it might be hard to deduct the subject of the sentence.

ღ Interest&Enjoyment(9/10): I really did enjoy this story, especially since Kaisoo is one of my favorite ships. Sometimes I found myself falling out of the text in a sense due to some of the grammar (i.e. where you should’ve used an apostrophe in a word) but other than that, I really did like the story!

ღ Overall Grade: 77.5%

ღ Extra Notes: Great job with this story, I’m glad I read it! And good luck with your contest, I hope you win first place!

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