It's been a little...back and forth lately.

Niel doesn't eat lunch with us anymore, though he's still friends with Taemin. Often he just...disappears. No one even notices him, he's just...gone. 

I suppose he's gone off somewhere to practice for the showcase. It grows closer each day. The janitor was putting up signs for it the other day, and reporters have begun hanging out at the school, trying to get a glimpse of the next 'stars'. After all, so many talent scouts will be there looking to sign people. 

"What are you thinking about so deeply?" Boram waves a hand in front of my face and I flinch. 

"Just..the showcase. You think Niel will be all right?"

Hyomin nods her head, Taemin nods with her. It surprises me they aren't dating yet, what with the mysterious way they do everything together. I roll my eyes and slam my head on the table. "What's wrong with me?"

"What is she talking about?" Taemin points at me.

"Nothing!" Boram slaps his hand away. Taemin rubs his sore hand and eyes Boram. 

"Oh my look at the time! We have to...um...Go to the..convenience store!"

"You don't even have a watch!--" 

Boram slaps her hand over Taemin's mouth and starts dragging him away. "It doensn't matter! I have a perfect sense of time!"

Hyomin watches them leave, then quickly squeezes her way out of the table and scurries after them. 

Now it's just me. My eyes lazily wander around. A couple students crowd together chatting and laughing. Behind them something catches my eyes and I focus on it. Flashing in the spaces not occupied by someone's head I see Niel rush through the hall. 

My head flies up and I watch him. I have to move fast. I slide my legs out of the table and take off, shoving kids and teachers out of my way to get through. I manage to shimmy through some upper classmen in time to see Niel start to open a classroom door. 

"..What are you doing?" Niel turns to face me, whose attached myself to his blazer sleeve.

"Hey...Let's talk." I practically pant. 

"About what?" His eyes are cold and expressionless. 

"It doesn't matter, just come with me." I grab him and drag him down the hallway. If he was actually legitamently trying to escape, he could easily push me off and leave, but he follows me obediently. 

I pull him to the roof and lean against the railing while he smooths out his jacket. "So, what did you want to talk about?" He asks.

"Why are you so weird lately?" 

"I'm not."

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"I'm not."

"Hmph. Liar."

He turns his head away and sighs, then his eyes rolls back over to me. "Why do you care?"

"Because--" I swivel my head to look at him, "Wait. What?"

"I said, why do you care? You don't even have a right to. I don't belong to you."

"What are you talking about?" I feel anger growing in the pit of my stomach. "We're friends!"

"I know that's not what you thought." He doesn't even seem angry. Just...empty. 

But he's right. I can't say anything to justify myself because it's true. I felt guilty towards him, because I never really cared about him. Maybe I thought I did, but in the end, it was to save myself. Every valiant gesture to force him to come here, was all for me. 

"I'm not the liar here. You are!" His voice begins to rise.

"Why are you acting like this?" I lower mine. I consider myself to be pretty tough, but his words sting. Tears threaten to break through the back of my eyes. 

"You're just a no one." 

I breathe out, and then hold it. I shut my eyes, and when I open them, I can't see. The tears are blurring my vision. They don't fall, just gather in the corner of my eyes. 

"Really." I breathe, unable to look at him. "I expected this from everyone else." I shake my head, "But not you. Not you. I thought maybe you had a little bit of faith in me. I guess not."

Niel's eyes are wet too, from sadness, or anger, I don't know. He starts to walk away, then stops in place. 

"I thought I did too." He whispers.

"What?" 

"See you at the show case."

Without turning around, he crosses the roof and disappears down the stairs. As soon as he's out of view, I drop to the ground. 

Why does it hurt this bad? It feels like I've been hit by a truck. He used to smile, he used to be gentle. The worst part is, I think I did this to him. I don't know what I did wrong, but I wish I could fix it. I wish I could just apologize somehow. But everytime I try, the words that come out are cold ones. I can't stop saying the things I know I shouldn't say. 

I just want to hurt him like he hurt me. But at the same time...I don't.

My shaky breaths fill the air of the roof, and my tears fall from my cheeks onto my blazer. I sit crouched on the rooftop, with my head down. 

It hurts. 

Love hurts. 

-----

oooooh~ What will happen next?

Does this mean perhaps...THE ROMANCE IS STARTING?

It's about time!

Thank you to all my subbies you're awesome!