pic credit: Tumblr

[A/N]: Disclaimer; Twitter name used is fictious, please don't think it's actually mine. 

**Playlink

The aroma of dog breath filled my senses; my left eye opened slightly- and ended up getting shortly blinded by the rare autumn sunshine peering through my window. Opening my other eye was my dog away at my tear stained cheeks. I groggily patted his head, and he jumped down to the floor and headed towards the hallway.

What day is it?

My hands outstretched all over my bed, searching for my phone. It was like I was making a snow angel, but instead I was on my bed wrapped up in sheets. My foot hit something- Got it. Too lazy and tired to reach down and grab my phone, I instead moved it up with my leg and met halfway with my hand. Clicking the lock button to my surprise- it showed that it was only Saturday. My finger swiped across the screen, and my heart clenched.

ing bastard.

How did I manage to forget to delete that picture from my phone? At the sight of my now ex-boyfriend, yesterday’s incident came flooding back to me. I felt like I was in some type of outer body experience, thinking about what happened on the side of my building complex, I was so driven by pure black anger.

Unconsciously, I stood up, the bellowing radiating from my body, I marched into my living room and snatched everything that had his face, our memories, and anything he had ever given to me. Taking a black garbage bag, I threw everything inside there, and wished to never see it again. The breaking sounds of glass and metal momentarily soothed the burning sensation in my body.

When I finished throwing everything in sight, between my living room, kitchen and hallway, the therapeutic sounds ceased. And I made a 360.

God damn low life.

How could he of done this to me? How could I of been so blind? How could have I prevented this? My anger only increasing, the liquid pooled in my eyes- I dropped to my knees. There had one other instance where I had felt this much pain. Looking up through my eyelashes, the picture of my mother, father and I stood.

“It was when you became an angel Mami.”

A muffled cry escaped my throat, and I clutched the picture frame with my hands. Letting go of my embrace with the inanimate object, I looked at the picture again. My mother’s wise words spilled out of my mouth. “Don’t ever let a men disrespect you.”

But, I did. I did let a man disrespect me. How pathetic.

I put back the frame and another string of words came out, “Never waste your tears on someone who isn’t worth it. There are worse things to cry about, and others who have it worse.” I found myself in the bathroom when I finished the sentence.

God, I look so crappy.

The reminder of my mother’s words was enough for me to find the strength to get through today. After all, she was right, JiHoo wasn’t worth my tears. . He didn't deserve any my tears.

But, I couldn’t help my mind wander off in the do not enter zone. Those wretched curiosities swimming around in my head: what days did he go off and see her? When did he decide to do this to me? Had he even loved me? If we had stayed in the states, would this of happened?

Thinking of when, where, and how he managed to get this passed made me recoil. What if he came to see me after he was finished with her?

I could hear my inner devil telling me that it was my fault.  

But as the warm water soaked my unclothed body, I let my worries wash away. For the moment anyways. I kept my mother’s words playing on repeat in my mental record player. In this moment, there are others going through worse things, people out there with no families, or that are even starving- and I was crying over an unworthy .

I cringed at knowing that he was doing things behind my back.

“Scrub it away, scrub it away.”

For a while, I just laid in my bathtub, letting the water prune my skin, when a heard a small bark coming from Leo. Crap, I don’t think I filled his bowl last night with food- or even water. Just because I’m in a crummy mood, I can’t let my dog suffer for my own problems. Quickly getting up from the tub, I quickly reached over to turn the knob off-, that’s when my fingers failed to reach, and I slipped hitting my head against the hard wet surface.

“Yes, thank you life for that. I definitely needed that wake up call.” I muttered underneath my breath.

I wrapped myself up in my red Pucca robe and while I was doing so I yelled over to Leo, “Leo since you’ve been at my side this whole time, let me spoil you a bit- 10,000 won can food for you today~”

Playlink: 

“Eva?”

I looked at the foggy mirror; my blurred faced was confused- Oh darn! I never called Lina that I was back!

“Girl!”

The drop of her belongings on my couch sounded off before I heard her footsteps coming towards me.

Wait-no. I wasn’t ready to face someone yet. Crap- was I? I shut the door before she entered the hallway.

“Don’t come in!”

She heard the quavering panic in my voice and busted in the bathroom. I turned around, and froze. “Uh- sorry I was…changing so yeah I was changing.”

Please tell me she took my sorry excuse.

Please tell me she took my sorry excuse.

Her hands went to her hips, not a good sign. “Eva, please, how long have I known you for, and how many times have I seen you?”

Nope. Nope. She hadn’t taken it at all.

“Nice try.”

She continued, “What happened between you and JiHoo?”

My face was struck with surprise, how the world she did know about that? My mouth opened to speak but instead nothing came out but just air.

She pointed outside the hallway, and I remembered, “The garbage bag.” It seeped through my lips, and I jumped.

Lina’s eyes went soft, and she wrapped her long pianist fingers around my shoulders, “Eva, what happened?”

My surprised face changed; and I looked dead straight into her eyes, “Taekwoon and I caught JiHoo with another woman. He was cheating on me.” The words just slipped out of my tongue, like nothing.

Still holding me, the questions didn’t seem to stop, “Taekwo-Leo? You and Leo? JiHoo cheating? When? Where? How? What!”

But when they did, I paraphrased yesterday’s episode, leaving out my reactions and words to him. I was unsure if I would have relapsed and my progress from this morning would have just gone straight down the drain.

Her hands loosened its grip and I brushed past her. God, I could only imagine her face, because the face that I met in the living room was the enflamed-rage-in-her-eyes Lina. “This complete !” She took a large intake of breath readying her for all the profanities in the Korean language to come out.

I would of told her to save her breathe, but just like the crashing of the glass from earlier before, hearing her words- and the fact that they were geared towards JiHoo was- therapeutic.

“And that lives in your complex?” Her face was scrunched up with a disgusted look plastered all over it.

“I must be pretty lucky right?” A fake smile lifted my face.

A large exhale came out of , “God, I would of kicked the living crap out of him.”

Throwing her words right back at her, I said, “Unnie, please, how long have you known me for?” I raised my eyebrow, and a sarcastic smile shaped my lips.

Her eyes narrowed, and softened again, “Why do you always get like this?” She sat on the side of my couch and with her arms crossed.

She was addressing my attitude. My sarcastic attitude, it’s one of my only walls of defense. “I don’t know. I just do.” I grabbed the large black bag, and moved it towards the front door, “This is me, Lina.”

For whatever reason, I felt a knot starting at my throat. And it wasn’t about JiHoo it was about me. The fact that I tend to push people away when I should instead lean on them. The fact that this was how I was dealing with what happened, inside it made me feel like a coward.

I walked towards my kitchen, trying to distract my inner battle for picking emotions and opened up the top cabinet.

“Coffee?”

“No thank you. I already had some this morning.” She dismissed my efforts on trying to change the subject and walked towards me. Her eyes squinted peering into my own.

“Eva. Are you okay?” Her tone was concerned.

“Okay, as I’ll ever be.” My voice in a singsong as I jokingly shrugged my shoulders.

She leaned closer and embraced me. There in the middle of my kitchen we stood in silence. Lina my damp tresses soothingly, and I closed my eyes.

I felt vulnerable and I hated it.

The tears welled up in my eyes, could I break down my walls right now? Could I just let go, and let myself drown out my feelings? My arms rose up to accept her embrace, and as soon as I locked my arms around my best friend, my breathing became jagged.

Steady yourself Eva.

He’s not worth it.

My mental record player endlessly repeating my mother’s words. My defense walls thickened and my breathing became regulated. No, I wasn’t going to let myself break. And as long as I kept reminding myself of that, I could keep my mental stability.  

I sniffled my nose, and diverted my attention to my morning coffee. “I’m really okay Lina.”

Her arms were crossed, and she lightly shook her head, “Eva- c’mon. Don’t do this.”

“Lina- I’ve chosen to deal with the issue this way.”

I told her that I was going to finish up on cleaning him out of my apartment, and she offered to help, but I couldn’t let her do that. This was something that I think only I should be doing. After a few minutes of bickering with her, she finally understood my position. Lina picked up her things from the couch and handed me my extra house key.

“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” She asked me again, seeing if I would change my mind.

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay, call me if you need anything. Anything. Got it?” Before she stepped out of the door, she gave me one last hug and a reassuring squeeze on my arms.

“I need 1 million won!” My sarcasm was getting the best of me. She turned back around, shook her head in dissatisfaction, and playfully rolled her eyes. Before she could tell me off again, I cut her off- “Arasso, gomawo unnie.” She gave me a final smile. I stuck my head out of the doorway and yelled over to her, “Yah!” Her vibrant red hair flying over her shoulders, “Don’t say anything to anyone- please.” Lightly nodding her head, the red hair of hers flew back into place as she stepped in the elevator.

I locked the door behind her, and large exhale left my lungs. My back was pressed against the cool surface, how was it that I couldn’t even tell my best friend my feelings. Maybe it was that god-forsaken devil in the depths of my mind reminding me again that it was my fault.

The red button on the coffee pot caught my attention, and at the same time, Leo came up to me with his mouth open, tongue rolling out. I was so wrapped up in my own things that I forgot to feed him!

“Sorry little man,” Feeling apologetic, I scratched the back of his ear in a lame attempt to seek his forgiveness, and bolted for the cabinets where his canned food was.

After I fed him and fed myself, I started at the beginning off the house looking through every nook and cranny that had his memory on. It was going to be a long day, but in end, it would only help me get through this rough time. I didn’t like feeling this way, it was a damper on everyone around me, and without wanting it, I would probably receive pity from people. I didn’t want that. Who wants that? No one ever wants to feel helpless, and I certainly didn’t.

Getting out my robe into something comfy, I took a large shirt I had tucked away in my dresser. Looking at myself in the mirror, horror struck my face.

Playlink

Ugh- this was his freaking shirt.

I tore it off my body and saw the reality that was my body. Jesus, I hadn’t worked out in a while. With all the long hours with at work, I could see it starting to take a toll on me physically. Looking away from the mirror, I dug deeper in the drawers, one right after another; I saw that all my big lounge shirts were from him. Getting down to the last couple of long sleeve shirts, a sigh of relief left my lips.

I had 4 shirts that were my own, and 15 that were his- well at least I can give these away to a goodwill or something.

The rest of the day was spent on a rollercoaster of emotions; with every new room part of my apartment, I found more of him. The record player in my head staying strong as I threw his-our things into the numerous garbage bags taking up space in my doorway. Taking a break from exterminating him, I cooked myself a simple omelet with the diminishing contents in my fridge.

Lazily, I plopped myself on my couch with Leo sprawled on my side. Flipping through channels, I saw that there was a re-run of Running Man episode- a little humor would do me some good. And it certainly did, there were tears in my eyes at the end of the episode, but I wondered if those tears were all just from laughter…

Afterwards, an Inkigayo re-run came on and the first thing to come to mind were my boys. How were they doing? Jesus, how is Taekwoon holding up after seeing me in such a state. I should probably apologize to him again. Poor guy. He’s really a great friend for not running off scared, or completely turned off at that other side of me.

Before any other question could pass through my mind, my cell phone vibrated- flipping the case open, it was a Twitter notification.

A smile formed on my lips, it was N.

‘@EVAcuate Feeling better? Hope you didn’t catch a nasty cold! Kekeke.’ I guessed that a cold was the excuse Taekwoon gave to them.

Speaking of the which- oh new message!

Direct Message with > J_TAEKWOON: “Are you well these days?”

Pfft. ‘These days~’ So courtly with your words Taekwoon. I messaged him back, as best as I could with curtaining my dreaded emotions. He asked me if I needed anything/help- great, I’ve damper yet another person with my problems. I let him know that the help was appreciated, but not necessary.

As much as I wanted to sit on my couch like a walrus, I begrudgingly picked up my body and continued to go through my apartment. With my pocket less lounging outfit, I stuffed my phone in between my bra. The vibration of the phone going off every time I received another message from N and Taekwoon. 

We talked for a bit, exchanging messages, while they both told me about their day and what they were up to. The contrast of their messages were hilarious, N kept talking about how wonderful they were spending time with each other, whilst Taekwoon kept telling me how he wished they would quiet down for a day. Our talk kept me pleasantly distracted from the storm tormenting my heart and mind. Taekwoon, didn’t mention his name or yesterday at all, and being that N never knew the actual truth he blindly continued talking to me as if everything was fine in the world.

Entering into the night, N had told me that they were heading out to the late night movie, because by then the chances of running into fans would have been less. My messages with Taekwoon ended earlier, because of the lack of the wifi and lack of an actual phone.

Reining in the darkness, I switched on my table lamps to light up my apartment. I couldn’t help but notice how after I went through everything imaginable in my place- it looked a bit empty.

I could see border of light dust on my the black TV stand where picture frames once stood proudly, or even the white vase that was the center piece of my kitchen island- it now looked . Walking towards the black bag that laid my favorite vase, I undid the knot and reached inside. Carefully taking it out, my hand molded to its shape- it was so beautiful, I couldn’t find it in my to let it go. Maybe I could use it to remember its jackass giver; a friendly reminder of all the pain he caused me, and to never let him in my heart again.

Crawling into bed, I let the cool feel of the silk sheet wrapped my body. Leo soon jumped in with me creating a resting place for himself by my feet. Cocooning myself up, half of my face peered out from the sheets, and I took a glance around my room. Looking at some of the opened drawers, I turned off my mental record player so it could save its energy for tomorrow, and consequently, my mind wandered into its deep depths.

The pitter-patter of the mild rain on my windows masked the small whimpers from my throat. It was nighttime, and I would pull down my dam of defense and let some water pool out-just for the night. I let out about four percent of the river of tears I housed inside.

Hoping that the rest would just evaporate from my body.

Hoping. Hoping

Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, pitter-patter. . .

~

**Playlink

I awoke the next day to a cold sensation overflowing my body. Grabbing fistfuls of air, my eyes opened to see my spilled sheets on the floor with Leo, curling up so snuggly against them. A gentle sigh left my lips; I tore my body away from the comfortable mattress and headed into the bathroom. Going about my regular morning routine, I walked into the living room, switched on the local news channel, and increased the volume to hear the weather for the day.

‘10:11AM’ was flashing brightly in top right corner of the screen.

Hm, atleast I didn’t wake up that late.

Heading into my kitchen, I bypassed the bags that trailed from my doorway, and went to fix up a pot of coffee. Soon after, Leo came in to give me my morning greeting; pawing my legs, and away at my bare skin. Behind me, I could hear the weatherman, telling today’s forecast; Sunny skies.

My eyes blinked gently, and repeated his words: “Sunny skies.”

After putting out Leo’s food for the day, I stretched my arms over my head. I had a lot of bags to throw out today, but luckily, the trash receptacle was right down the hallway along with the bin for donated clothes.

Folding my body forward to stretch out my back, I frowned, There’s so many-gahh. I turned around to Leo who was chomping away at his food, but stopped his chewing when I looked at him straight in eyes. “Leo, cant you transform into a Pokémon and use your nine tails to help me take out the garbage?”

He yapped at me, I guess not.

‘BING’

My neck practically snapped in the direction, when I heard the sound my doorbell. Who in the world was that? I wasn’t expecting any company right?

Duh! Of course I wasn’t!

Without noticing, my heart started accelerating, taking the express train to the base of my throat and any second now my heart was going to be splattered on my floor.

It wasn’t JiHoo right? Right?

My breath turned choppy, and my soul jumped out of my body when the second bing went off. It couldn’t have been JiHoo; he knew my number pad combination. I patted my hair down, and shook my body in hopes that my soul had come back.

Taking small shaky steps to door, I had finally reached it and peered through the peephole.

On the other side of my door, I recognized a baseball cap, and large sunglasses. My heart settled; it was only Taekwoon.

Taekwoon?

Taekwoon!

There I was on the other side of the door, bottomless and barefaced. Great, this is absolutely perfect.

“H-hold on!” I froze, “Just a minute!” I was hoping at the murmur from the TV was enough to disguise my harsh steps to my bathroom.

It was morning, so I couldn’t come out with a full set of makeup. A bit of eyebrow shadow and tinted Chap Stick would have to the do the job. I combed through my hair with my hands, and walked out of the bathroom back into living room.

Wait a minute, I feel like I’m forget-

I looked down to my legs, completely forgot to put some pants! I grabbed the first thing on my bedroom floor; black Pucca pjs shorts and calmly walked to the door.

The click of the lock went off, and I opened the door, greeting him with an eye smile. “Hey.”

He hurriedly entered my apartment, taking off his sunglasses he bowed. “Sorry, for coming without notice, but-” He lifted his head up to look at me with that signature face of his, “I was running around the area, so I thought I’d stop by to see how you were doing.”

What a liar, what would he be doing running all the way over here?

A sighed laugh left me; I really had transferred my problems to someone else.

With his modulated voice he continued, “Or if you needed any help- with anything.” I couldn’t help but smile at his sincerity. What a guy.

I locked the door behind him, and he took it as an acceptance to his visit. Slipping off his running shoes, and taking off his baseball cap- that left him with ‘hat hair’ mind you. He took a glance at the seemingly never-ending line of trash bags; his hand coming up behind his neck, he huffed out a light sigh.

A small giggle escaping me, “You’ve come at the right time I guess.” The left side of his cheek pushed up in a faint smirk.

I showed him which bags were going to go into the trash, and which ones were going to be for donations. I couldn’t have been happier to have him with me to help; it worked out better than wishing Leo to turn into a Pokémon that’s for sure.

“Taekwoon-ah”,

“Mm?” His face came up to meet mine as I was going to hand him bag for his other free hand. As I went to tell him a genuine ‘thank you’, I could feel a beatific expression setting up camp on my face.

“Goma-”

Something shot through me in an instant; the hairs on my back stood up. I dropped the bag, and heard the thrashing of the broken glass against metal- but it was no longer therapeutic. Instead, it mimicked exactly like what went through my mind. Slowly I turned around.

“Kim JiHoo, the charismatic lawyer for the biggest case of the year- came out on top, beating the appeal case for the largest company in Korea.”

Behind me, I heard Taekwoon place the garbage bag on the floor and walked besides me. There he was in all his glory, talking to reporters about his win, and all other irrelevant material that had to do with his ‘gut feeling’ or his ‘work ethic’.

I harshly scoffed at TV, with my thickening voice, I sarcastically told Taekwoon, “How wonderf-”

As my eyelashes batted back to the news, I stopped mid sentence, and that’s when I noticed her. She was behind, JiHoo, contrastingly in work professional clothes. I saw how they looked at each other. They were gazing at each other.

He had even taken her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers rubbing small circles on it with his thumb.

It was something that I always did to him, and as our relationship advanced, he had picked up the habit as well.

Taekwoon stepped a bit closer to me. And that’s when I noticed my blurring vision from the hot liquid in my eyes.

Foolishly, I had forgotten to press play on my mental record player this morning.

My defense dam was down this whole time. And here came my river of tears with all the strength of the world. 

Fact: 96% of the river had been left.

Author's Note:

Before I start, I would just like to promote my oneshot-ish side story: Universal Language. It's [M] so please only ! 

Whew. That was another load of writing. Wow. 

Well guys, you finally got the Eva POV you wanted so much~ I was glad to write her, because honestly there's more to Eva than meets the eye. I hope you all noticed that too. As you tell theres alot of inner battles in her personality, and such- hence why it was so freaking hard to find good songs- thanks to her rollercoaster emotions!

Were you guys surprised at Leo & JiHoo entering in the end of the chapter? Or did you already have a feeling? Do you think he's starting to take iniative or as Coralie_x_SHINee says 'stepping up his game'?

Question of the day: Was Eva how you imagined her to be? What are your thoughts on Eva & Lina's friendship? And will Leo stick by her this time? 

(SEPERATE QUESTION~) Liked Eva's POV? Let me know in the comments if you'd like another one!

<3 <3 <3 
Oh and guys- I wanna say: That I love you all for writing long thoughtful comments on these last couple chapters. It honestly means so much to me. I really put alot of work and time into these chapters, and at first I started writing this just to take care of my Leo feelings, but after all the support I've been receiving with this story...I wanna say that I write this now for you guys as well. 

So reading these nice thoughtful long comments about the chapter, characters, or your opinions on anything else. Mean so much. Thank you all <3

@Coralie_x_SHINee: Yeah will now is his chance. Do you think leo will be starting to step up his game now? 

@YmiNgo: She's definitely going to need him this time. Or will she push him away again? 

@xElise: *sniffles* Thank you for agreeing lolol. 

@themixedtape: What do you think for events in this chapter? & Thank you for that. I agree with you too. I think all my stories (if I make more after this one) will probably have the same type of 'strong female' characters. && Ily for that lovely compliment- it means alot <3

@sarahmariecarmel: Hell yeah empowered women! Wah~~~ always with the compliments, thank you hun! Gotta keep rooting for this guy, maybe this time will be his shot! 

@infinitelymine: LAs of right now their relationship doesn't seem to be awkward...(thatmuch) but let's see what happens after this whole thing with JiHoo. 

@mydivakey: Yeah she had to kick his , I mean I know we all here wanted to atleast! 

@AvyA7x: Yes, exactly she definitely needed the time alone. How do you think her feelings are now? 

@aidapark: Hopefully, she'll be able to let everything come out in the next chapter! Sorry, I put JiHoo in the end of the chapter, don't be mad! T^T. & thank you for answering the question of the day~~

@ilovekpopforever: yes that's what happened lolol. If you ever need me to explain something, just shoot me a message!

@Sheireen: *sniffles* thank you for the compliment. You cried?! Omg, I made someone cry! I would have never thought! (I personally love it when stories do that) I guess you're like me when you read a story: getting really engulfed in it. Probably because you also read it with the songs, that's why I put them in- to pull more emotions. This chapter was kinda tricky tho. Oh eva TT^TT. & Ily for leaving amazing comments

@heavenelite: Thank you!!!~~~~~~ I hoped you liked this chapter!

@dissful1: Page stalker, did you like the chapter??

& XOXO to @Sheireen & @themixedtape for v o t i n g up my story! ily guys \(TT^TT)/

Here's an uber cute photo for you both~