Author: wookiebear

Pairing: Kangteuk

Music: "Gray Paper"- Yesung

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"I don't love you anymore"

He stopped and looked at me, his eyes wide with a mix of fear and disbelief.

"T-that's not funny, don't even joke about something like that" he said in a strained voice, trying to laugh it off, but failing.

My heart clenched in my chest, and I looked away.

"Teuk... I'm not kidding"

I wasn't looking at him, but I could feel him stiffen beside me.  I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn't dare look, knowing I would crumble if I did.

"Y-youngwoon?"

I squeezed my eyes closed, the hurt in his voice was so clear, so painfully obvious.  He sounded so scared, so vulnerable, it was breaking my heart.

I wanted to take it back, take back the words I didn't believe, but I couldn't, it was too late.  So I steeled myself, making myself numb.  I needed to do this and I couldn't let my resolve waver.  This was for him, this was for his sake.  I knew I would hurt him, but hurting him now would save him so much pain in the long run.

I slowly opened my eyes and tunred towards him.  He was looking at me desperately his eyes glazed with unshed tears.  I stared back at him coldly, not letting him see my inner anguish.

"I meant what I said.  I'm just tired, tired with us.  I just don't want to keep leaving like this, it's not fair to you and it's not fair to me.  Let's just end this"

He looked down at his feet, biting his lips and blinking rapidly in an attempt to hold back his tears.  When he looked back up, his lips were set in a fake smile.  It was the smile he used when he was being Super Junior's Leeteuk.  It was the smile he used when he was on camera, the smile he used when he didn't want the other members to see he was upset.

I had seen that smile so many times, but never directed towards me.  It hurt more than I imagined.

"I-is there a reason for... for t-this?" he asked softly.

I shook my head, but it was just another lie.  Of course there was a reason, but I couldn't tell him what it was.

"I just... I just don't feel the way I used to.  I'm sorry Jungsu"

I heard him sniff slightly, his smile never left his lips, but I could see all the pain in his eyes.  I could see him falling apart and it killed me that I was the cause.

"N-no, I-i understand.  T-thank you for staying with me and l-loving me" he laughed quietly, but it sounded too broken to be considered a real laugh.

He met my eyes again and he smiled, this time it was genuine.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't make you love me like I love you"

A single tear slid down his cheek, but he wiped it away quickly.  My hands twitched, wanting to reach out and comfort him, but I restrained myself.  I needed to be strong.

I watched emotionlessly as he bowed deeply, formally.  He sent me one last sad smile before he turned and slowly walked away.

My eyes never left his figure, and I watched him as he moved farther and farther away.  I clenched my chest, and I finally released a choked sob.

"I-i'm so s-sorry" I whispered, wondering if he would ever know how truly sorry I was.

Part of me wondered if he was expecting this, he had accepted it so easily.  But in reality, I knew the truth.  Leeteuk always was and always would be like this.  Always putting others before himself.

It didn't matter what he wanted or what he was feeling.  All that mattered was what the other wanted and he would comply even if it killed him. 

It didn't matter that I was the one who broke things apart.  It didn't matter that I was the one who made promises I couldn't keep.  It didn't matter, he would only blame himself.

At that moment, I hated myself.  I cursed myself and wished I was dead. 

My phone rang and I pulled it from my pocket, my heart growing cold as I read the caller id.

"What?!" I snarled into the phone, hoping the person on the other end could feel my hate.

"You done with it?" came the amused reply, her high feminine voice making my hends tighten into fists.

"Yeah..." I muttered.

"Good, now come to the venue.  Your mother wants to finalize the engagement details"

I bit my tongue so hard that the coppery taste of blood invaded my mouth.  I didn't bother to answer her and just hung up.

I looked up and I could still see the faint outline of Leeteuk.  My heart thudded in sharp pain.

"I'm s-sorry I couldn't tell y-you" I whispered to the the empty air.

I knew I had hurt him, but I hurt too.  One day, he would be able to love again, he would find someone that would truly complete him.  I would not.  I would be stuck with someone I didn't love, forced into a marriage that I didn't want.

He had disappeared now, but I still continued to stare in the direction in which he had walked. 

"I'm sorry" I whispered again, "I will always love you"

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I'm sorry this is derpy, I don't even know...

I honestly didn't know what to do with this song and writing Kangteuk was harder than I thought it would be...

Meh...