Author: wookiebear

Pairing: Hanchul

Song: "U (Chinese Ver.)- Super Junior-M

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I sighed and stared out the window.  The sun was shining brightly and everything seemed so cheerful and optimistic.

"Screw this!" I hissed, drawing the curtain closed.

I threw myself on my bed glaring at the ceiling with malice.  I seethed silently, anger and frustration rolling off of me in waves.

There was a faint knock on the door, but I ignored it, hoping the person would just leave me alone.  The person knocked again, this time a little bit harder than before.

"Go away!" I yelled harshly, not wanting to deal with other people in my current state.

I heard the door knob turn and the door open quietly.  I sat up, ready to break some bones.

"I ing told you to leave me alo~... oh..."

I paused mid sentence when I saw Siwon stading in the doorway.  I averted my eyes and didn't say anything.  I heard him close the door and I heard his foot steps as he came closer.

"Hyung" he said softly, his voice gentle.

I looked and glared at him,

"Choi Siwon, you better not be here to pity me"

He smiled slightly, but it looked forced, just like all the smiles the other members had plastered on their faces these last two weeks.

"I don't pity you hyung, but I am worried about you... everyone is"

I sighed and looked down at my lap.  I knew the others cared and I knew they were all worried.  I felt slightly guilty for adding to their stress. 

"I made Sungmin and Eunhyuk cry"

Siwon nodded and added,

"Ryeowook too actually"

I flinched, feeling even more guilty than before. 

"Don't worry about it hyung, they're not mad at you and they understand.  No one is blaming you for how you acted, like I said we're all just worried"

I nodded again, but I didn't make a move to reply.  Talking took too much effort and I was tired, just so tired.

"H-has he.... has he called?" Siwon finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

I bit my lip and shook my head.  I blinked back my tears, not wanting to cry.  Siwon was my best friend, but even he had never seen me shed a tear.  Only one person had ever seen me cry...

"I'm sure you'll hear from him soon, things are probably crazy for him right now too.  Just try to understand"

I finally looked up at Siwon, anger replacing my sadness.

"How can I be understanding?  He's the one who started all this!  He's the one who ed everything up without even giving me a goddamn warning!  He didn't even tell me, he never even hinted at it!  One day we were fine and then the next morning I woke up to an empty bed and a tv blaring about a ing lawsuit!"

I clenched my hands into fists, my nails digging into my palms.  I squeezed harder, hoping the pain would help me keep my cool.  I took a deep breath before continuing,

"But it's fine.  He had to do what was best for him and I don't blame him.  The company treated him like and he did what he needed to do.  I refuse to be mad anymore, I'm not gonna waste anymore time thinking and obsessing over him.  If he loved me, then he would have told me.  It's obvious that he didn't care for me, so why should I spend my nights crying over him?  I'm done, it's over, and as of now I'm gonna pretend that Han Geng was never part of my life"

I stood, my face determined, and walked past Siwon to exit the room.  I looked back at my dongsaeng and saw him watching me, a knowing look in his eyes.  I bristled slightly at the doubt that clouded his handsome face, but I chose to ignore it.

"Are you coming?" I asked in my infamous diva-like attitude, my hand automatically coming to rest on my hip.

He hesitated slightly before nodding and trailing after me as I strutted into the main room of the dorm.  I looked around my eyes narrowing slightly as I saw all the members milling about.  I rolled my eyes, I knew they had been listening to my conversation through the door, it was just sad how obvious they were.

My eyes softened slightly when they fell on Sungmin, Eunhyuk, and Ryeowook.  The three were seated together with Yesung, Donghae, and Kyuhyun standing close by in case their prospective lovers needed support.  I smiled at them hesitantly, feeling a bit better when they slowly returned my sheepish grin.  After the silent exchange I knew I was forgiven.

"Listen up everyone!" I commanded, "From now on, I'm done sulking and I hope you guys are too.  Obviously Hangeng had his own reasons for leaving, and as his bandmates we should accept them.  However, I cannot excuse he fact that he left without a single word.  I'm just telling you now, I personally have driven every thought about him from my mind, and I'm ready to move on.  I hope you guys will follow suit.  We are Super Junior and we can't let something like this rattle us, we're stronger than that"

I sent everyone a pointed look before smiling and walking towards the door.

"Where are you going?" Leeteuk called out, his role as leader not forgotten.

I looked over my shoulder and smirked,

"Shopping.  Two weeks without a new outfit is horrifying"

With that, I left the dorm and all it's bewildered occupants behind.  I was determined, I wasn't going to let my feelings for Hangeng cloud my mind any longer.  I would force myself to forget.

**********

I was pretty sure I had them all fooled.  Sometimes the sharper members, or the members that knew me best seemed a bit doubtful.  Luckily Kyuhyun never said anything and Siwon was never around long enough to question me. 

On the outside, I might have looked fine, great even, but on the inside I was slowly falling apart.  Forgetting was much easier said than done.  Purging my mind of his thoughts proved impossible, seeing as almost every thought revolved around him.

I sighed, frustrated at my weakness.  I guess I really loved him.  I always told him I loved him, but now that he was gone I finally realized how much I meant those words.

The dorm was empty tonight, all the other members either having a schedule or some errands that they needed to take care of.  I knew I could have tagged along with one of them, but that had never been my style so instead I chose to mope in the silence.

I slowly walked into my bedroom and opened the drawer in my bedside table.  Inside was a dried and shriveled rose and a small black box.  I smiled sadly at the rose, flicking one of the petals till it snapped off and settled at the bottom of the drawer.

I picked up the box and opened it, studying the last gift that Hangeng had ever given me.

The diamond sparkled even in the dim light of the room.  It glinted cheerfully, almost like it was mocking my sorrow.

"You didn't mean it, huh?" I whispered to the ring like it was the person who had given it to me, "You're so full of crap, telling me how much you loved me, telling me that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me"

I closed the lid with a resounding snap, tossing the box carelessly among the rumpled sheets of my bed.

"S-such b-bull" I choked out, tears blurring my vision.

I allowed myself to cry.  Sobbing and clutching my chest as if it would ease the pain in my heart.  The realization that he was really gone and the thought of crying alone for the rest of my life only intensified the pain.  I had never felt so alone.

I hastily wiped my face and tried to dry my eyes when I heard the door opening.  I looked at the clock and frowned slightly.  It was only 7:28, much too early for anyone to be back yet.  I quickly pulled my covers up, hiding my tear streaked face. 

I heard my bedroom door open and I yelled in irritation,

"Damn, learn to knock!"

I bolted up when I heard a familiar voice chuckle,

"Funny, since when does a guy have to knock to enter his own room?"

"H-hangeng?" I whispered slightly, unable to believe my eyes.

My brain didn't seem to compute that the man who had terrorized both my mind and my heart was standing in the doorway like nothing had happened.

"W-what the do you want?" I snarled hatefully, hoping he didn't notice the tell-tale tremor in my voice.

"Chul" he said pleadingly, his eyes begging me to listen.

"Don't you 'Chul' me you !  What gives you the right to be here!?  Get the hell out!"

"Baby~"

"Baby?  BABY!?  You're still gonna call me baby after you freaking abandoned me!?  Abandoned everyone!?  you, seriously get out!  I've forgotten all about you, you're nothing to me so just leave!"

I glared at him, but he seemed unaffected.  He came closer and I scooted as far away from his as I could, my back hitting the backboard of the bed.

"If you hate me, then why do you still have this" he asked softly, holding up the black box that had made it's way to the foot of the bed.

I was silent, not daring to speak in fear that I might give myself away.  He came even closer and sat on the bed, his eyes tender.

"Chullie, I'm sorry.  It wasn't supposed to happen this way.  I asked my lawyers to wait and I was going to tell you and everyone else.  But they acted without me, it surprised me too.  I tried to call, but SM blocked me, I promise you that I never ever meant for this to happen"

I refused to look at him, choosing to stare at my hands that rested in my lap.  He sighed softly and I felt the bed dip as he leaned close.

"Heechul, please hear me out.  Please, I need you"

I scoffed at this, closing my eyes and laughing bitterly,

"Don't act like you love me.  At least let me have some dignity"

He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, refusing to let me pull away.

"But I do love you.  Are you seriously telling me that everything we've been through means nothing to you?  I love you so much that I want to marry you, can you honeslty tell me that you don't feel the same?"

I looked up and glared with as much heat as I could manage,

"I don't love you.  The day you left was the day you became dead to me"

His eyes bored into mine, making me feel vulnerable and exposed.

"Tell me you haven't thought of me once" he whispered, "If you can honestly say 'no' I'll go"

He looked at me, waiting for my answer.

"N-n~" I started, but I couldn't bring myself to lie, not when he was staring into my eyes with so much love.

When he saw I wasn't going to answer, he smiled and leaned close, kissing me gently.  I slowly closed my eyes and kissed him back, tears slipping past my eyelids.

When we pulled away he smiled softly and kissed the tears that rolled down my cheeks.

"I c-couldn't stop t-thinking about you..." I sobbed, clutching his shirt desperately, "d-don't leave me alone, p-please"

He pulled me close, holding me tightly,

"Shhh, shhh.  It's okay, I'm here, I'm here"

I let him hold me and slowly, my fractured heart repaired itself.

Soon it was strong again, beating along with his as our two hearts became one.

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I was excited when this song popped up, it just screams Hanchul!

Make sure you watch the mv I linked at the top, then you'll catch the details like the rose and the ring ^^