As always update spree~ Wow that's 4 chapters in a span of one week, I'm so impressed with myself. LOL. Don't read this yet if you haven't read parts 6-8 hurr.

part 09. what wasn’t lost

April 18, 2011, 5:25 PM___
Donghae’s house___

It’s funny.

For months, there was a point where he never really stopped crying. That every night, after a grueling day of studying and pretending to be okay at university, he always ended up finding himself clutching a little monkey pendant while crying himself to sleep. That he would wake up at two or three in the morning only to continue crying while he holds his phone and stares at a certain person’s number, itching to call him, to talk to him, to simply hear his voice again. But he always managed to stop himself. Because he knew it was for his own good. Because he knew he didn’t leave the most important person in his life only to come crawling back to him again. Because he knew he can’t have any of that anymore. Because he was tired of hurting. And it was time to move on.

And so, he did. He changed his number, deleted him and all of their friends from his contacts, so they wouldn’t be there anymore to tempt him into calling. He finally agreed to go out at night with his new friends, coming home slightly drunk after only one glass – having absolutely no tolerance when it comes to alcohol, and he thought it was pathetic, but it was better than crying. Soon, he learned to smile again without faking it. He learned to laugh genuinely and realized that he can still go on with his life even without that person.

It still hurt. At times, he thought of him and his fingers would touch the little pendant resting against his chest through the fabric of his shirt, and it still hurt. But the pain was dulling. Donghae was healing. He didn’t shed tears anymore and stopped waking up at ungodly hours of the night.

He was better. He was okay.

But okay was not enough.

It only took one incident of almost losing the necklace, and the waterworks were at it again. Donghae found himself crying again over the thought that he had forever lost his most treasured gift from Hyukjae, only to cry even harder the moment he found it in a tangled mess underneath his pillow. And it was when he realized that leaving and keeping himself away had been useless so far.

He kept the necklace in a small box, placed it in the farthest corner of a drawer, filled that drawer up with so many useless things and kept it locked so he wouldn’t dare clutch that pendant again. He found the poster at school advertising about the overseas exchange student program and Donghae thought there was still a chance. This was his chance to finally move on – to be in an entirely different environment, surrounded by completely foreign people, with absolutely nothing to remind him of Hyukjae. He applied and passed, and soon he found himself in a plane, on the way to Australia, where he will spend a year becoming a better person, ridding himself of the hurt and the tears that came at the mere thought of his high school best friend.

And it was great. As expected, being in a foreign place had been enough to eliminate the thoughts he wanted to get rid of. He met people of different culture and race, spoke to them in his broken English, and was still welcomed with friendliness and warmth. They took him to places, introduced to him their culture and way of life, taught him things he never imagined he would ever learn. He didn’t have to be afraid – they accepted his uality and made him realize that he wasn’t alone in it, that it wasn’t something wrong.

And for the first time in a long while, Donghae was truly happy.

He loved it there – loved the culture, the places he explored, the adventures and experiences, and the friends he’d made. The only reason for his tears the moment his one year was over was the fact that he would miss them dearly – even though they’ve added each other up on facebook anyway.

When he came back and saw that locked drawer again, he had no fears in opening it and pushing aside the bunch of useless things he stuffed into it. There was no sense of dread when he took that little box and opened it to see the familiar monkey pendant glinting under the room’s artificial light. There was no pain, no heavy feeling in his chest, no lump in his throat when he the smooth, cold surface. And there were no tears when he decided to wear it again – for no reason at all, because he had moved on already. It shouldn’t mean anything anymore.

He really was okay.

But then, life had to show him again that okay was not enough. That he could stop hurting and be able to smile, thinking that he had been successful in moving on, only to break into tears the moment Hyukjae walked out of his bedroom door.

It’s funny.

How he tried so hard and convinced himself. How he truly believed he will never cry for him again. How his two years of trying to move on so easily went down the drain.

Just like that, he is crying again.

Just like that, he is thrown back to square one.

Just like that, Donghae realizes that he is still pathetically, hopelessly in love with Lee Hyukjae.

April 18, 2011, 7:19 PM___
Kyuhyun and Sungmin’s shared apartment___

“Well, we knew it wouldn’t work out so quickly,” Sungmin says from his position on the couch. “I mean, why would we have bet on it if we both thought it’d be okay the moment you confess?”

“Doesn’t make it hurt any less,” Hyukjae mutters dejectedly, pulling his knees into his chest and hugging them as he blinks his tired, swollen eyes.

Kyuhyun enters the room from the kitchen, a mug of hot chocolate in hand. He places it on the coffee table in front of Hyukjae before plopping down beside him and giving him a pat on the shoulder. “It’s only the start of the battle, Hyukjae-yah. You’re supposed to win him back, remember? This is only one episode out of many. There’s more to come. And you shouldn’t end up crying every time he turns you down.”

Hyukjae merely snorts, burying his face into the crook between his knees. “I don’t even know if it’s worth it anymore. The way he looked at me… as if he was so hurt by my confession. If I try and chase after him again he might just end up hating me.”

Sungmin bites his lip and exchanges a glance with Kyuhyun before clearing his throat and speaking, “You do realize though… that if he looked hurt, it simply means he still cares? That you’re still able to affect him like that? That you still have the power to hurt him? Not saying that it’s a good thing you hurt him but, if he has totally moved on, he wouldn’t have reacted that way, you know.”

“Which basically means, he still loves you,” Kyuhyun says. “You probably just surprised him. He needs some time to think and figure things out.”

Hyukjae lifts his head a little, allowing his eyes to peek at the steaming mug sitting in front of him. “But… I asked him if there was someone else and he said… what if he does…”

“Keyword, what if,” Sungmin makes quotation marks in the air. “It doesn’t necessarily mean there is someone. He could’ve just said that to throw you off.”

“And even if there is someone,” Kyuhyun continues. “I told you you’re gonna be the homewrecker. That someone is just a part of the battle. Defeat him, crush him, pulverize him to bits as you reclaim what is rightfully yours!”

“Kyuhyun, this isn’t Starcraft,” Sungmin rolls his eyes.

“Excuse you, Starcraft applies to real life situations.”

“Whatever, geek.”

“Loser.”

Hyukjae chuckles, his mood effectively lightened up by his goofy friends. He takes the mug of hot chocolate and sips carefully, wincing slightly as the liquid burns the surface of his tongue. He allows his friends’ words to tumble around in his mind, considering them and rethinking the possibilities.

“So what are you planning to do now?” Sungmin asks as he examines his nails.

Hyukjae hums, placing the mug back on the table as he purses his lips in thought. He tilts his head to one side before allowing a small smile to grace his plump lips and saying, “I’m going to be a leech.”

April 20, 2011, 6:21 PM___
Donghae’s house___

“Mom, I’m home!”

“Hi, honey, I’m here in the kitchen!”

Donghae changes into comfortable slippers and walks towards the kitchen, where his mother is busily preparing dinner. He places the plastic bag full of groceries on the table before proceeding to take a seat.

“Did you get everything, dear?” his mom asks after placing a quick peck on his cheek, rummaging through the bag in search for certain ingredients.

“Yeah, though I bought a different brand of tomato sauce since they’ve ran out of stock of the other one,” Donghae says as he watches his mother retrieve food from the bag and transfer them to the refrigerator. “What’s for dinner?”

“Oh, just something,” she chuckles, a secretive look on her face. “Your dad’s favorite.”

“Mom,” Donghae whines, allowing a small pout to form on his lips. “I don’t like dad’s favorite. Didn’t you tell me you’re only making dishes I like while I’m still here?”

“Yes, but that doesn’t apply if you’re going out for dinner,” she says with a light laugh.

Donghae blinks at gapes at her. “But I’m not going out for dinner.”

“You sure about that?” she looks back at him, looking slightly confused.

Donghae returns the look. “Yeah? I don’t remember saying anything about going out for dinner.”

“Oh, I must’ve confused myself,” she hides a smile as she rearranges things in the fridge. “That might’ve been your dad mentioning something about going out with his co-workers tomorrow night.”

Donghae raises a brow. His mother doesn’t usually mix things up like that. He shrugs to himself, thinking it must be one of the downsides of aging, as he stands from his seat. “Okay. But mom, I don’t like dad’s favorite, so please make me some kimchi fried rice.”

“Alright, you baby,” she says, a small chuckle escaping her lips as she hears her son whining I am not a baby as he walks out of the kitchen and stomps up the stairs.

*

The moment Donghae enters his bedroom, he nearly gets a heart attack.

He jumps, curses out loud, and ends up plastered against the door with his hand clutching at his chest, his eyes wide in disbelief.

Hyukjae looks up at him from his position on the bed, a small, hesitant smile on his face as he greets, “Hi.”

“Wh-What the hell are you doing here?” Donghae asks loudly, his mind still reeling from the shock. “How did you even get in here without my mom knowing?”

“Hey, she knows, okay?” Hyukjae says, standing up from the bed and approaching Donghae’s frozen form. “I kinda told her not to tell you because…” he bites his lip, seemingly nervous as he stops in front of Donghae, bashfully looking away. “I wanted to surprise you.”

What the actual .

Donghae gulps, roughly shoving Hyukjae aside as he drags himself to his closet, rummaging through his clothes uselessly in an attempt to hide his blushing face. His heart is currently racing madly inside his chest, his hands trembling, and he couldn’t help it – not when Hyukjae is right here, just a day after Donghae realized he still loves him. Not to mention, Hyukjae is telling him in that adorably shy way that he wanted to surprise him.

“Why are you here?” Donghae asks, struggling to keep his voice stable as he continues looking through his clothes, still feeling his cheeks burning.

It’s insane.

Honestly, Donghae still hasn’t come to terms with the fact that Hyukjae actually confessed to him. He thinks it must have been some kind of crazy hallucination or a really mean prank, because seriously, why would Hyukjae say that? Two years of not seeing each other and then suddenly, Hyukjae apparently fell for him back in high school? The idea is absurd, and while it made him realize that his so-called moving on was futile, he still couldn’t find it in himself to actually believe what Hyukjae said.

“Well I wanted to go out for dinner,” Hyukjae says softly. “With you.”

Donghae feels his blush rising to the tips of his ears. He wants to bang his head on the closet door or just freaking jump out of a window, seriously. What is up with Hyukjae and that timid voice of his? Why is he acting like he’