part 06. the inevitability of saying goodbye

February 14, 2013, 7:36 PM___
Aux Petits Plats Restaurant___

Cho Kyuhyun smiles tightly at one of the waitresses he passes by as he walks anxiously towards the front door of his family’s classy French restaurant, eyeing the time indicated on the expensive watch adorning his left wrist. It has only been six minutes since the expected time of arrival of his guests, and yet he’s already bouncing on the heels of his feet, impatience and agitation apparent in his features as he pushes the glass door open, glancing out at the busy roads of Seoul.

Grunting in slight annoyance, Kyuhyun walks out, retrieving his phone from his pocket. He scrolls through his contacts and stops at a certain Lee Sungmin’s name before pressing ‘call’ and putting the phone to his ear.

It takes three rings for Sungmin to answer, not even bothering to say hello as he chirps into Kyuhyun’s ear. “They’ve left! They went out like forty minutes ago. As planned, Hyukjae drove to Myeongdong and probably turned back to Itaewon. So, are they there yet? Is anything happening? Did he pop the question already? Is he officially engaged now? What, what, what?”

“Sungmin,” Kyuhyun snorts as he shakes his head, laughing at the excitement emanating from Sungmin’s voice. “They aren’t even here yet. If they left forty minutes ago, then…” he glances at his wristwatch again and frowns. “I suppose they’ll be here in another five minutes or so.”

“Ah, I am impatient!” Sungmin whines. “Can you give me a live update of what’s going on when they get there?”

“As much as I would love to, you know I can’t,” Kyuhyun says. “I need to go soon as well. I have my own Valentine’s date, you know. Which is why they better get here as soon as possible or I’ll get late. If that happens, I’m skinning them both alive,” he grumbles the last part irritably under his breath.

“Oh you’ll be fine,” Sungmin says before groaning. “I really want to know what happens though. You see, if that Lee Hyukjae didn’t get the entire freaking restaurant booked, then I could’ve gone there myself to eat and watch from a distance.”

“He knows how to use his connections well,” Kyuhyun rolls his eyes. “He’s lucky my family owns this restaurant, otherwise, he would’ve paid a lot more for renting an entire place.”

“He’s really going all out, isn’t he?” Sungmin mumbles. “And he has the nerve to think he might get rejected tonight.”

Kyuhyun makes a face. “Seriously? Him? Rejected? God, sometimes I wonder what is wrong with his head.”

“I know,” Sungmin snorts. “He says he’s had enough of that but come on, we’re talking about someone who confessed to him way back in high school. How would he get rejected?”

Kyuhyun cackles, shaking his head in disbelief. “His stupidity astounds me seriously. I have nothing to say anymore. Good luck to his future spouse,” Sungmin laughs at the term. “for having to deal with his stupid and – oh , Sungmin, I see a white car,” Kyuhyun eyes the approaching vehicle, squinting to see past the tinted glass and grinning widely when he confirms his suspicions and sees Lee Hyukjae with his date. “They’re here.” And Sungmin squeals in delight into his ear.

Hurriedly, Kyuhyun enters the restaurant and heads towards the staff area. “I need to hang up. Don’t worry, our CCTV cameras are activated so we’ll capture everything.”

Sungmin giggles excitedly. “I’m looking forward to the footage! See you soon, Kyuhyun-ah! Have fun with your date!”

“Of course I will,” Kyuhyun says, a smile on his lips as he hangs up. Pocketing his phone and facing his staff, he claps his hands loudly to gain their attention. “Hey, hey, our VVIP guests are here! Make sure you play the right music at the right time, serve the right food to the right person, and dim the lights after dessert, understand?”

The staff nods simultaneously, nervousness and excitement evident in their eyes.

“Now get to work!” Kyuhyun bellows as everyone scrambles off to their respective places. He watches them, satisfied, before taking his phone again and smirking to himself. “I have my own date to attend to.”

October 21, 2008, 8:19 AM___
Kyunggi High School___

When Hyukjae enters the classroom, his eyes quickly dart towards that seat. He finds it empty, as he did for the past few days and once again, he feels his heart sinking into his stomach. With heavy steps, he swallows against the lump in his throat and walks towards his own seat, eyes still glued to Lee Donghae’s empty chair as he sits down.

“He’s still not coming, huh?”

He turns to look at Sungmin who is leaning against the other chair next to him, arms folded across his chest as he eyes the empty seat.

Hyukjae looks down on his own hands, loosely fisted on top of his desk. “I don’t know.”

Sungmin sighs, sounding weary and exhausted and Hyukjae thinks it’s because of the lack of sleep. Lately, it seems as if none of them are getting enough sleep. The day for college examinations are closing in on them, and the pressure is now a thick, heavy weight on their shoulders that they couldn’t shrug off. Everyone in their class is stressing out, studying all day and night, and spending their free time comparing eye bags and complaining. Kyuhyun’s acne has gone worse than ever, and even Sungmin’s usually flaw-free face is now marred by a few zits here and there and the usual dark circles.

Hyukjae is no different.

However, for him, it isn’t only the pressure of exams and studying on his shoulders. There is a pressure on his heart too.

“Hey,” Sungmin speaks, and although Hyukjae doesn’t raise his gaze, he knows Sungmin is aware that he is listening. “Let’s talk. We still have time before class starts.”

Hyukjae is quite sure he knows what Sungmin wants to talk about, and while he doesn’t really want to talk, he stands up anyway and follows the shorter boy out of the classroom. Once they’re in the confines of the empty, silent hallway, Hyukjae leans against a wall and stares at his friend.

“Okay, so,” Sungmin starts, staring back at him with an unreadable expression on his face. “I don’t know what happened between you and Donghae during his birthday, and I already know since a few days ago that you don’t wish to talk about it with me or Kyuhyun, but…”

Hyukjae stays still, unflinching even at the mention of a particular name.

“I hope you guys can fix it soon,” Sungmin utters softly. “Truthfully, I am quite concerned. Because even though I’ve seen you two fight before, I don’t think it has gone to this extent. And I’m worried, because now isn’t the right time for this. We have exams soon, and we all need to focus on our studies. This… this thing with you and Donghae, whatever it may be, clearly stresses you out as well. You don’t need any more stress, isn’t school an enough source for that? And Donghae not showing up at school… it isn’t good for him either.”

He pauses for a while, watching Hyukjae. But when the boy doesn’t speak, Sungmin takes it as a cue to continue. “What I’m trying to say is, I don’t like seeing the both of you like this. I mean, of course I don’t know how Donghae is doing, but he’s skipped school for three days now. And if we include the weekends, it’s been five days of not showing up. Today is the sixth day. He can’t go on like this. Especially now. It’s a very important time for us, you and I know that well. I’m sure Donghae too knows that well. So please… knowing the both of you, you’re gonna end up making up anyway. So why don’t you just do it sooner?”

Hyukjae watches Sungmin. The glassiness of his eyes. The slight quiver in his lip. And he understands that this isn’t taking a toll on him alone. Sungmin and Kyuhyun must be very affected too. After all, if he were the one to witness his friends fighting, he knows he wouldn’t be happy as well.

But is this even considered fighting?

This… thing between him and Donghae… how does Hyukjae categorize it? Is it a fight? A misunderstanding? He can’t even put a name to it, how can he solve it?

“Hyukjae-yah,” Sungmin says, his palm gently patting Hyukjae’s arm. “It’ll be alright. Just go see Donghae. Make up with him. You have to, okay?” He smiles encouragingly before he brings his hand down to his side and turns to walk back inside the classroom.

“I don’t know what to do, Sungmin.”

His voice stops the shorter boy on his tracks.

“I… I don’t even understand what’s going on, I don’t know what to think, or what to say,” Hyukjae murmurs, his voice unstable. “I’m confused… and I’m scared. I’m too scared to face him… I’m scared of what he will say and what I might say in return. I’m–” he exhales shakily, “I’m scared that I might hurt him again.”

Sungmin turns to look at him, eyebrows scrunched upwards, concern etched firmly on his features. “What… what do you mean? What happened with you and Donghae, Hyukjae-yah?”

Hyukjae could only stare at him, unable to say anything because he doesn’t know the answer to that question as well.

“Hyukjae–”

“Lee Sungmin, Lee Hyukjae.”

They look up to see their homeroom teacher standing a few steps away from them, hand on his hip and eyes narrowing at them sternly.

Not without bowing politely towards their teacher, Sungmin and Hyukjae immediately go back inside the classroom. Sungmin sends him a worried glance before they separate to the direction of their seats, and as Hyukjae slumps heavily on the wooden chair, he allows his mind to drown out the sounds around him. He doesn’t hear his teacher’s voice reminding them once again about the exams. He doesn’t hear the whining of his classmates. He only hears the words from five days ago, clear and vivid in his mind, and yet he still couldn’t believe he heard it.

“I’m in love with you.”

The words bring him nothing but confusion and Hyukjae buries his face in his palms as his mind conjures up the image of Donghae’s face. In his mind, he hears his voice cracking and wavering. He sees the tears in his eyes. The hurt and the disappointment on his face.

And Hyukjae hates himself so much for being the cause of it.

*

He stares at the front door of the house that has been like a second home to him ever since he was a young boy with skinny scraped knees and missing front teeth, and he feels astounded over the hesitation within him that causes his feet to be rooted to the floor of the porch, his fists clenching and unmoving from his sides. In his entire life, Hyukjae has n