Well that was quick lol. If you haven't read part.06 yet, do read it first. This isn't a double update but...lol I updated in less than 3 days can you believe it. Yeah, me neither.

part 07. a little too late

College life, in Hyukjae’s opinion, is very nice compared to high school. True, the workload is just about the same – if not worse – but there are quite a lot of perks to it. They are no longer bounded by strict regulations and tight study schedules. They don’t need to wear those dull school uniforms that make them unable to stand out from the mass of fellow students wearing the same damn thing. They can wear whatever the hell they want, and do all kinds of things with their black boring hair and dye them with all the colors of the rainbow, and go out to parties and drink all night and throw up in the nearest alleys.

They’re practically free birds.

And Hyukjae loves it.

Despite how much he finds himself enjoying this new life, however, he couldn’t seem to stop thinking of how everything would be so much better if Donghae was with him. He couldn’t stop wondering about the best friend he’s never seen or heard from since high school graduation. Couldn’t stop wondering how that boy is doing in Incheon. If he still thinks about his best friend in Seoul. If he’s just as overwhelmed as Hyukjae is about the culture shock that is college life. If he’s doing great, if he’s having fun or if he’s stressed about the workload, if he’s met a whole bunch of new friends. If he also believes that everything would be better with Hyukjae right next to him.

But all of those are just thoughts – thoughts that couldn’t do anything. Thoughts that just end up with Hyukjae merely staring at his phone, at Donghae’s name and number, and ending up not pressing anything. Thoughts that college, and his new friends, and new activities force to the back of his mind.

That’s the thing though. It’s always in the back of Hyukjae’s mind. Somehow, somewhere, no matter how busy, no matter how much he’s having fun, he’s still very much aware that there is something lacking in this new life because Donghae isn’t in it.

May 4, 2009, 2:46 PM___
Kyunghee University___

“Hyukjae!”

Kim Junsu, one of the first guys he met in college, wraps an arm around him as they exit the lecture hall and walk through the crowded corridors of the building.

“What’s up?” Hyukjae asks, as he greets fellow freshmen in the hallways with small smiles and nods.

Truth be told, he might have been rather plain, and looked like the background wallpaper for more popular kids like Boa, Siwon, and even Donghae back in high school, but once Hyukjae entered college, with his newly dyed red hair and rather fashionable sense of style, he’s got to admit. He has become quite popular.

Guys want to befriend him, and girls send him quick glances with their flushed cheeks and shy smiles. It is one of the pleasant changes he has encountered in this new life, and Hyukjae honestly couldn’t wait to gloat to Kyuhyun and Sungmin (and Donghae) that he’s now one of those cool guys.

“So, this weekend,” Junsu says, effectively jostling Hyukjae out of his thoughts. “Jungsoo-hyung is organizing a group blind date for us freshmen. Y’know, for us to get to meet some girls from the other departments. Mingle with them, maybe go to noraebang and play a couple of games, and get some drinks. Yoochun is absolutely ecstatic, and I’m willing to ditch some math homework for it. What do you think? Are you coming?”

Hyukjae bites his lip.

If it were his younger high school self, there would have been zero hesitation and he would’ve nodded like an excited puppy in an instant. But this is now cool college boy Lee Hyukjae. He isn’t eager to meet some girls in a blind date. Not to mention he has a girlfriend studying in one of the most prestigious universities in Seoul – although there’s the fact that said girlfriend hasn’t met up with him ever since the first college semester started.

“Erm, I…” Hyukjae trails off, his hand quickly scratching at the back of his head. “I don’t mind partying and drinking with the guys but… blind dates are kind of off-limits for me.”

“What? Why?” Junsu looks genuinely surprised. “This is one major part of being in college you know!”

“I have a girlfriend.”

“What the , man!”

He receives a painful smack to the head that has him widening his eyes in Junsu’s direction. “Yah, what the hell was that for?!”

“What the hell are you?” Junsu retorts, pointing at him in disbelief. “You can’t possibly have a girlfriend!”

“And why not?” Hyukjae looks offended.

“Because! Who has girlfriends when they’re college freshmen?” Junsu scoffs. “Don’t tell me this is your high school sweetheart or whatever because that’s even harder to believe. Show me proof or this is just you bullting me.”

Feeling challenged, Hyukjae quickly whips out his phone and opens his gallery to show Junsu one of Boa’s pictures. He has a triumphant smirk on his lips when his friend’s eyes widen and stare at him incredulously. Junsu’s brows furrow and he grabs the phone, looking for more photos and accidentally exiting the photo gallery, only to see a mundane puppy as the gadget’s background wallpaper.

“Yah, you’re a liar!” Junsu shoves the phone irritably into Hyukjae’s chest. “Girlfriend, my , you don’t even have a picture together and she isn’t even your wallpaper! Plus, you never talked about her during our nights out! If anything this must be your sister or cousin or just someone you used to like but you got rejected or some like that.”

Hyukjae doesn’t even process the last part of Junsu’s speech because his mind has frozen over when he realized he never really did talk about Boa nor did they have at least one picture together on his phone despite them being in a relationship for about seven months now.

*

He knows there has always been something off.

He likes her, yes, and he still finds her to be the prettiest girl he has ever laid eyes on, despite all the others who are trying to catch his attention now in college. She’s sweet, and smart, and intelligent, and friendly. She’s pretty much perfection. She’s every man’s ideal woman, and Hyukjae knows people would call him a fool if he let go of someone like her.

But that nagging thought that he had back in high school has now resurfaced and it’s become more potent than ever. He realizes that liking someone, and finding them beautiful and perfect, does not equate to being in love with them. Biting his lips, he remembers familiar sad eyes and a faint whisper of those very words.

“I’m in love with you.”

And he feels a little jolt in his chest, as thoughts of his best friend emerge from the back of his mind. He finds himself clutching at the little octopus pendant resting against his chest and he exhales.

Do I love her the way you loved me?

It takes him barely a second to find his answer.

June 17, 2009, 8:07 PM___
Tree Shade Café___

Hyukjae thinks he should be sad.

No, he doesn’t think he needs to go under some kind of depression and weep his eyes out and cry himself to sleep every night. It’s not like he had his heart broken. But he thinks it’s only right to feel a little bit of sadness. Maybe it’s there. Maybe in the deeper recesses of his mind, there is a part of him that must be upset. There might be a little hint of regret somewhere.

But truthfully, there is nothing but relief when Boa uttered softly that maybe they needed to break up.

He knows this is how the night would end up, whether she said those words or not. When she asked him to meet up a week ago, Hyukjae had been determined to finally tell her the truth – that although he likes her and cares about her, it’s pretty much the same level of care he has for Kyuhyun and Sungmin, his friends. He wanted to tell her that there isn’t anything wrong with her, that she’s perfect and wonderful and beautiful, but he just didn’t feel that way. He wanted to tell her that he’s sorry, for not being the good boyfriend she more than deserved, and he is just about to speak when she beats him to it.

“You know,” Boa says, absently stirring her teaspoon through the thick brown liquid inside her little cup. “I’ve noticed it for a while. Especially during the last few months before graduation.”

Hyukjae tries not to flinch visibly, as he is perfectly aware of what she’s talking about.

“I just thought that it would be cruel of me to do it back then, when you had other far more important things in mind,” she continues, “I didn’t want to add more to your burden, even though I realize now that maybe if I did it back then, the burden of our relationship would be off your shoulders and you’d be able to breathe more easily.”

And there it is. The sadness. Hitting him like a ton of bricks on the head.

“I’m sorry.”

It’s all that he could say. He loses all of the words he wanted to tell her, and he couldn’t do anything but apologize instead. And he hates himself for it. Hates himself for allowing this lovely girl to waste such precious time and thoughts on him.

Boa smiles, shaking her head wistfully. “I know that you liked me, Hyukjae. At one point, I know you really did. And that’s enough for me. But sometimes, the things we like may not be exactly what we truly want or need the most. I know because I liked you too, but I valued my future more. Which is why I chose not to go to the same university as you, even though I could have. Even though I would’ve liked to.”

He exhales, looking down on his lap, and he wishes, honestly wishes for her to be happy. “You deserve someone better.”

“And so do you,” Boa answers, reaching out and placing her soft, warm hand on top of Hyukjae’s. “And that’s the most cliché line you’ve ever told me, seriously. You at this.” He sees her smile, bright and beautiful like the first day she stepped into their classroom. “Friends?”

And he smiles back, turning his palm to hold hers as he answers, “Friends.”

And it’s suddenly so much easier to breathe. So much easier to smile and talk to her comfortably, sharing about his new college experiences, new friends, as she shares about her own. It has always been easy talking to her. There has always been that sense of comfort and reassurance that no matter what, she’ll always continue to be there for him.

When they part at the nearby train station, her words before saying goodbye plant themselves so deeply within his mind. On his way home, he finds himself wondering about their meaning.

“You know, sometimes the things you truly want and need are closer to you than you think they are. I hope you find it before it flies away from you.”

*

Despite being unable to prove to Junsu that he has a girlfriend (which is now an ex-girlfriend), Hyukjae still refuses to join those blind dates.

He wishes he knew why.

December 18, 2009, 9:21 PM___
Chunghae Restaurant___

He isn’t drunk.

He might have lowered his inhibitions without realizing, and his brain no longer filters the things he allows to come out of his mouth, but he isn’t drunk. Hyukjae is a