part 04. a wounded heart

April 10, 2008, 9:28 PM___
Kyunggi High School___

It isn’t that bad.

Truthfully, watching Hyukjae stare at Boa isn’t that bad. It is, as Donghae expected, just like the others. It’s just another episode of Hyukjae liking someone who wouldn’t even glance his way. Sure, the small feeling of jealousy makes it different from all the other times, but really, it isn’t anything Donghae can’t handle. He can still mock his best friend and roll his eyes at him, tell him he’s being dumb again for liking someone who’s out of his league, and Hyukjae would pout and mutter about Donghae deserving an award for being the most supportive friend ever. Same old.

It really isn’t that bad. In fact, Hyukjae is even less annoying compared to before. It seems like he was being true to his word when he told Donghae a little over seven months ago that he would no longer try so hard and change himself to be liked. He contentedly watches Boa from his seat in the room, allowing himself to stay as a simple admirer from afar just like the others. He didn’t even give her anything for White Day, saying that if he’s to give someone something, then it would be the girl who gave him chocolates for Valentine’s. Which is sad, really, because that wasn’t even a girl. Which is sadder for Donghae, because he honestly would’ve loved to receive something from Hyukjae on White Day, but he couldn’t reveal the truth about him being the sender of the chocolates.

Oh well, he thinks, it’s the thought that counts.

He is jolted out of his thoughts when Hyukjae casually leans a head on his shoulder, whining, “I don’t wanna study anymore.”

“Me neither.” Donghae grumbles tiredly, keeping his eyes on the Math notebook on his desk and mentally scolding his heart for picking up its pace again over a simple act of skinship from his best friend.

It’s one of those days when they are required to stay at school until nighttime to do some self-studying. Being seniors in high school, they now need to study even harder for the upcoming college entrance exams. They are expected to get into good universities, and according to their homeroom teacher, their mediocre grades would not bring them anywhere. They need to excel. Each and every one of them. The pressure is a little overwhelming, and honestly, Donghae wants nothing but to drop dead on his bed and sleep until the school year is over – college and high school diploma be damned. He could tell that Hyukjae, and a whole bunch of their other classmates, feels the same, but none of them can do anything about this anyway. After all, it isn’t just the school and the teachers who are expecting a good future from them. There’s also the parents.

Donghae can disappoint the entire world, but not his parents. And Hyukjae, of course.

The entire class goes from whining tired lumps of laziness to alert students sitting straight when the homeroom teacher enters the room after a thirty-minute disappearance. He eyes them sternly, as if knowing exactly what they’ve been doing for the past moments while he was away. Hyukjae is forcing himself to sit straight, blinking his sleepy eyes furiously as he stares hard at his Science notebook, pretending to study when he honestly can’t even understand his own handwriting. Donghae is just frowning a little over the loss of the warmth perched on his shoulder earlier.

The teacher walks to his desk and arranges some papers before he clears his throat to gather the students’ attentions. “It’s almost time to go home,” he says, causing the students to cheer lifelessly from their seats. “But I have one more announcement first. You are to work on a major project for this semester,” the class groans simultaneously. “Don’t worry. It’s a group project. You’ll work on this with a team.”

The class quiets down and the teacher pauses for a moment before continuing. “I’ll explain the details tomorrow morning. For now, I’m announcing the groups. Sorry, but you don’t get to choose.”

Again, the class erupts into a mass of whining creatures and the teacher has to tap his knuckles against the desk to quiet them down. “Be quiet so this can be over soon. I’ll announce the groups one by one today just so you know who your teammates would be. You can start discussing the project tomorrow.”

The students listen to him, half of them antsy to get home quickly, while another half is fretting over the new project and the group arrangements. Donghae is a part of the former half. He fights back a yawn and tears stings at his eyes as he blinks sleepily, drowning out the words the teacher is spurting, totally uncaring of this bull project. All he really wants now is sleep.

That is, until, he hears his name called, and he is suddenly alert, waiting for the next name to be called just so he would know who to approach tomorrow. The teacher says Lee Hyukjae and Donghae smiles a little to himself before he begins to zone out again, briefly wondering if it’s possible to fall asleep with his eyes open.

And then Hyukjae nudges him excitedly from the side. Donghae turns to glare but he’s blinded by a bright gummy smile and he sees nothing but adorable perfection. It all crumbles into dust when Hyukjae stupidly says, “Did you hear that? Kwon Boa will be in our group!”

Donghae loves him, really. Though there are just times like these where he wants to punch Hyukjae in the face. He sighs to himself. It seems like he will be getting this urge pretty often from now on.

June 2, 2008, 2:04 PM___
Kyunggi High School___

It’s getting bad.

Donghae used to think he is a good person. Of course, he isn’t perfect. He has his flaws. He mocks and tortures his best friend like it’s his main purpose in life. He acts like a spoiled brat with his parents. But he’s not that bad. Despite the harsh words and physical abuse, he does love Hyukjae. (Though he sometimes wishes he doesn’t. But he’ll get to that later.) And even though he never says it, he works hard on his studies because he wants to make his parents proud. He’s also generally nice to fellow classmates and friends, like Kyuhyun and Sungmin. And he’s the kind of person who would willingly help a person in need – even if it’s a stranger.

He’s a good kid.

But lately, he’s beginning to doubt it. Truthfully, Donghae himself is a little surprised at how his own mind works when it’s being controlled by a green eyed monster.

If he was going to be honest, he’d say Kwon Boa is a sweetheart. Really. She’s nice, like really nice and sweet to everyone around her. She’s popular, not only because of her beauty, but also because of her brains and talents. She’s a great girl who is outgoing and friendly and intelligent and has a lovely smile. Donghae has even entertained the thought that if he weren’t the way he is right now (and by that, he means completely head over heels for a certain primate), he might actually like Boa that way.

However, if he was going to be completely honest, he’d say Kwon Boa is a .

No, she didn’t do anything bad to him. She didn’t tell him harsh words or slap him in the face for no reason. Hell, she’s even very nice to him. But she’s a because Hyukjae likes her.

Real mature, monster of the east sea.

Donghae doesn’t want to think like this. In fact, this is why he’s beginning to doubt his own kindheartedness. Who would call a sweet girl a for no reason at all? Donghae, apparently. He feels bad, knowing that she’s not doing anything wrong, just being a likeable person in general, and yet she’s being labeled as a in his mind simply because she’s the apple of the eye for Lee Hyukjae.

He can’t help it though. Not when Hyukjae is being such an obvious little er, blushing to his ears every single goddamn time Boa would talk to or merely smile at him. Everyone and their mothers now know about it, and they to no end, and he keeps on wearing that stupid gummy grin while looking down shyly, his face and ears all red, while Boa would blush as well and giggle behind her palms.

ing bastard and his ing .

Honestly, Donghae is surprised he hasn’t stabbed anyone yet with a pencil. Mostly, he is surprised he hasn’t stabbed himself yet to get relief from this misery.

He groans inwardly as the History teacher leaves the room, resulting in Park Sunyoung, one of the girls in Boa’s clique, to approach Hyukjae’s desk most likely for another invitation to hang out after school.

They have been inviting him to hang out with their clique since last week and Donghae has witnessed every single invitation. He has also witnessed Hyukjae being unable to say no every ing time. He knows today won’t be any different.

“Hey, Hyukjae, wanna join us later after school? We’re watching a movie,” Sunyoung says cheerfully.

Hyukjae smiles up at her kindly. “Um, I’d love to, but I kinda have plans…”

“Boa is going to be there!” she whispers conspiratorially as she sends him a playful wink.

Hyukjae looks to his seatmate, looking torn, and Donghae could tell how much he really wants to go so he grits his teeth and forces a smile.

“Go on, Hyukjae, I can play Kingdom Hearts 2 just fine without your help,” Donghae says as casually as he could, keeping his eyes glued on his notes.

“But you said you’re stuck in Hollow Bastion,” Hyukjae utters. “I promised you I’d help.”

“You think you’re the only one who can help me get out of there?” Donghae rolls his eyes. “You’re forgetting game master Cho Kyuhyun is also my friend.”

“Are you sure?” Hyukjae looks guilty and conflicted. Donghae forces down the strong urge to kick that puppy face.

Sunyoung suddenly claps her hands together, effectively gaining the best friends’ attentions as she chirps enthusiastically. “Ah, why don’t you join us too, Donghae-ssi? So Hyukjae wouldn’t be the only boy in the group. Maybe then, he’d be less shy.” She sends Hyukjae a teasing smile, which causes the boy to look away shyly as always.

Donghae tightens his grip on his pen as he smiles apologetically at Sunyoung. “I’d love to, and thanks for inviting me, but I already told mom I’m coming home early. I made her prepare snacks.”

This seems to make Hyukjae even more conflicted. Donghae’s mother is also making snacks for him, surely.

Donghae senses his distress and waves a hand dismissively in the air. “Go ahead, Hyukjae. I told you I can just drag Kyuhyun with me, didn’t I?”

“Okay,” Hyukjae pouts a little before smiling. “Thanks, Donghae.”

“Alright, it’s settled then! I’ll see you later after class!” Sunyoung cheers happily before sauntering off to her seat in the front of the room.

Donghae keeps his hard gaze on his notebook as he ignores the excited grin Hyukjae is sporting.

*

In the end, Kyuhyun already has plans with his sister and therefore, cannot help Donghae to get out of Hollow Bastion in Kingdom Hearts 2. Donghae huffs and throws the PlayStation controller against the wall before screaming profanities into his pillow.

July 14, 2008, 9:42 PM___
Donghae’s house___

“Surprise!”

Hyukjae suddenly bolts into Donghae’s room and the latter yelps, shouting garbled profanities because he’s in t