part 05. seeing you

October 15, 2008, 8:47 AM___
Kyunggi High School___

“Yah, Lee Donghae!”

Hyukjae speeds up through the hallway the instance his eyes locked on that familiar mop of dark hair. He barrels through the small crowds of students littering the corridor, apologizing swiftly for those he bumps into but never slowing down his pace.

“Donghae!”

The said boy doesn’t turn to look and Hyukjae mutters a curse under his breath, thinking it’s either his best friend has his headset plugged into his ears or he’s just purposefully ignoring Hyukjae again like the he is. Hyukjae finds out it’s the latter when he jumps into Donghae’s unsuspecting back, causing the both of them to stumble slightly in the middle of the hallway as Donghae lets out a surprised yelp, and Hyukjae finds no earphones attached to the shorter boy’s ears.

“The , Hyukjae?” Donghae yells, scurrying away from Hyukjae’s tight grip around his neck.

“I could say the same to you!” Hyukjae shouts back, unrelenting against Donghae’s struggles to get out of his arms. “Why the did you leave your house so early? I was supposed to pick you up! I went there for nothing!”

“What am I, twelve? Why do I need you to pick me up?” Donghae retorts. “You’re not my chaperone or baby sitter or something.”

Hyukjae frowns, a little peeved that Donghae is so casually brushing off what he considered as tradition between them – the one where he becomes Donghae’s slave, literally, on his birthday. It’s somewhat an unspoken agreement, but technically, Hyukjae does every single damn thing Donghae wants on his birthday – pick him up, buy him food, clean after him, give him his jacket if it’s cold even if Hyukjae will be left freezing, carry his things, do his homework (though to be honest, Hyukjae thinks some of these things happen even when it isn’t Donghae’s birthday, but oh well). They’ve been doing this for as long as Hyukjae remembers, ever since Donghae grew out of his innocent baby phase and became the evil sea monster he is now.

Although he doesn’t say it, Hyukjae doesn’t mind. He’s even very willing to do it, because he believes that it’s a lot more meaningful than material gifts. Sure, they still give such presents to each other, like on Christmas, but Hyukjae likes how they have something that definitely, other best friends do not have. He likes being a little special with Donghae.

His mind is jolted out of his thoughts when the boy in his arms irritably pinches his arm, and Hyukjae cries out in pain before reluctantly letting his best friend go.

“God ing damn it, Lee Donghae, you always find a way to hurt me,” Hyukjae whines, pouting miserably as he rubs the sore area, falling into pace with Donghae as they walk through the hallways to their classroom.

Donghae glares at him from the corner of his eyes before sighing to himself. “Shut up, slaves are not allowed to complain and curse at their owners.”

And Hyukjae forgets about the pinch and only grins happily before linking an arm through Donghae’s because yes he hasn’t brushed off our tradition.

It’s too bad Hyukjae is not facing his best friend, because if he was, he would’ve been asking already why Donghae looks like he’s about to cry.

*

“Honestly though,” Hyukjae says through a mouthful of rice as the four of them eat lunch on a picnic bench under a tree in the school grounds, Kyuhyun and Sungmin discussing something mundane like chess or something, and Hyukjae completely uninterested in whatever they’re talking about. He eyes Donghae who is sitting quietly in front of him, eating his own lunch, before he continues, “Why’d you go so early to school today?”

Donghae shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe for once I didn’t want to see your face so early in the morning as it might ruin my day like it always has the past few years?”

Hyukjae kicks him from under the table.

“You better not do that if you don’t want me to pour seaweed soup on you, slave,” Donghae reminds sternly.

“Yes, I am sorry, great monster, I mean, God of the east sea,” Hyukjae quickly behaves and stuffs himself with food before asking again. “But really, why?”

Donghae looks up at him and there is an unreadable expression on his face – one that gets Hyukjae slightly alarmed because since when did he become unable to read Donghae’s expressions?

“I just wanted to,” Donghae mutters, returning his gaze back to his food and continuing to eat. “I woke up earlier than usual and went on a whim.”

Hyukjae thinks it’s rather unusual for Donghae to do something like that and while he isn’t completely buying what his best friend is saying, he figures that Donghae probably just doesn’t want to talk about it now. Hyukjae knows he’ll find out sooner or later, maybe when Kyuhyun and Sungmin are not around. Although it leaves a little unsettling feeling in his chest, the idea that there might be something bothering Donghae on his birthday.

Well. That’s what he’s here for. He’s not ending this day without making sure Donghae is happy.

October 15, 1998, 2:33 PM___
Hayan Elementary School___

The first time Donghae cries on his birthday, it was Hyukjae’s fault.

At the time, Hyukjae thought it was an excellent idea to do what he saw in some drama: pretend that he is mad and ignore Donghae for an entire day before surprising him with the biggest chocolate cupcake from the bakery near the school (because he couldn’t afford actual cakes at age eight) and a present by the end of it. It could have been perfect, really. Donghae followed him around like a clingy puppy to its owner, asking and nagging constantly about what’s wrong, his eyes wide and scared, and Hyukjae would’ve stopped his stupid plan if he’d seen those eyes, but he didn’t because he was too busy trying to stop himself from laughing out loud and also ignoring Donghae in the process.

He is so close already, to his locker where he kept the cupcake and the gift, and he just needs to open it and yell surprise, happy birthday at Donghae’s face, when suddenly he hears sniffling, and the footsteps that followed after his halts abruptly.

Hyukjae turns his wide eyes to Donghae, who has big fat tears rolling down on his cheeks, his lips quivering and his tiny fists clenching by his sides.

“W-Why are you ignoring me, Hyukkie?” he whimpers, his eyes staring on the floor, avoiding Hyukjae’s as he watches his own tears splash against the tiles. “D-Did I do something bad? I-I’m sorry if I d-did. Please tell m-me what I did because I d-didn’t mean to make you angry.”

And Hyukjae feels his heart shattering into a million pieces for the first time in his eight years of living.

With his own lips trembling and his eyes beginning to prickle, Hyukjae approaches the sobbing boy and gathers him into his skinny arms.

“No, Hae, you didn’t do anything wrong,” Hyukjae says as he begins to cry as well. “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. It’s my fault. I saw a drama w-where,” he hiccups, “the girl pretended to be angry at her best friend on her birthday, a-and then she surprises her in the end. I-I thought–”

“You were just pretending?” Donghae gasps and looks up at him through his teary eyes and Hyukjae cries even harder, certain now that their friendship is over and it’s all his fault.

He slowly pulls away, ashamed to even have the audacity to hug Donghae after all he did. Before he could even step back, however, he finds himself yelping, stumbling backwards towards his locker with an armful of a sobbing Donghae.

“Ah I’m so relieved!” Donghae cries happy tears into Hyukjae’s uniform as he hugs him tightly, unaware of how his action caused Hyukjae to smash the back of his head into the metal locker door. “Hyukkie isn’t mad right? You’re just pretending right? You’re still my best friend right?”

And somehow, Hyukjae doesn’t mind that the back of his head might be swollen now from the impact or that their other classmates are eyeing them weirdly. Donghae isn’t upset anymore.

Silently, as he laughs with all his teeth and gums bared, Donghae in his arms, he promises to himself that he will never make his best friend sad again, that he will always make Donghae happy, most especially on his birthday.

He stays true to his word by willingly becoming Donghae’s slave the next year. And the next. And the next. Until they enter their final year of high school and without meaning to, Hyukjae breaks his promise and Donghae’s heart.

October 15, 2008, 12:18 PM___
Kyunggi High School___

Two sets of footsteps coming from his right jostle his mind away from his thoughts and Hyukjae turns to look, his curious gaze met by a pair of shy eyes.

The younger girl – who is obviously someone from a lower grade – nervously walks up to them, her arms wrapped around a big white box. Her friend, another girl from her grade, is following quietly from behind, huddling close.

The four boys halt all conversation and stares at the two shy girls, their eyes widening simultaneously when the first girl stops in front of Donghae, her eyes shutting as she s the box out into the space between them.

“Oppa,” she utters in a voice barely audible. “We made this for you. Happy birthday.”

Donghae blinks in astonishment and Kyuhyun sniggers teasingly from beside him, exchanging mischievous glances with Sungmin. Hyukjae, on the other hand, is too stunned to process what the hell is going on. He watches, wide-eyed, as Donghae smiles timidly at the girls, carefully holding the box in his hands as he thanks them.

The girls sport big, relieved smiles as Donghae accepts their present and they bow politely before rushing away, giggling among themselves.

Hyukjae stares. Donghae seems a bit flustered, his cheeks tinted pink, while Sungmin and Kyuhyun teases him to no end. They haul the box from Donghae’s grip, hooting when they find a heart-shaped cake inside.

“Someone’s popular~” Sungmin sings, waggling his eyebrows suggestively and Kyuhyun cackles while Donghae yells indignantly that no he isn’t, quickly sending Hyukjae worried glances.

Hyukjae only blinks dumbly.

“What?” Sungmin turns to his side. “Jealous, Hyukkie? Because you don’t receive gifts like these on your birthday? Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get one from Boa-ssi. But don’t expect too much ‘cause she’s just one person, while Donghae here probably has tons of other admirers lurking around. What can I say? I think a lot of people find him attractive. I mean if I were a girl I know I would–”

“Shut up!” Donghae roars in embarrassment, and only then did Hyukjae snap out of his daze, his mind picking up Sungmin’s words.

“Yah,” he playfully shoves his friend’s shoulder in retaliation, before diverting his eyes to Donghae who is blushing furiously while refuting Sungmin and Kyuhyun’s words of him being popular.

Huh.

Hyukjae doesn’t know why he hasn’t seen it before. He thinks it’s probably because he grew up with Donghae, has known Donghae ever since he was a chubby-cheeked crybaby. He’s been with Donghae during the time they were losing baby teeth and had skinny scraped knees. Donghae was with him through those awkward pre-teen years, experienced with him the era of their thirteen-year-old selves’ acne-infested faces. Donghae has been by his side through every rejection in middle school up to high school, and even now, he’s just right there.

Donghae has just always been there, and Hyukjae realizes that when you see a person for nearly every day of your life, you never really notice the little things about them.

To him, Donghae is just Donghae, no matter how he looks like, no matter what he does. The Donghae in front of him right now is the same crybaby Donghae he knew in first grade. It’s also the same Donghae who whined about pimples at early middle school. It’s the same Donghae he’s been eating jajangmyeon with during Black Days, the same sea monster who enjoys tormenting him on a regular basis.

The thought of Donghae being attractive and popular among girls has never bumped his mind, probably because there hadn’t been any signs of it before. But now… now as Hyukjae eyes the white box an