Hello!

So, right now it's December 24 and we have to leave in a few minutes. Since there is no decent internet connection where we're going, I decided to put this up as an advance Christmas present. I split this into two parts because because if i didn't then you'd have a monster of a chapter in your hands. the next chap will be up on New Years Eve.

So okay, same disclaimers: english not my native language, y grammar, typos, yadda yadda and all that crap.

OH YESSSSS!!! To the two lovely people, Happie and mi-chama, who put that number beside the arrow up there, THANK YOU!! *throws cake* 

MERRY CHRISTMAS! :D

Enjoy!

-Akira ♥

Kyu opens his eyes and wakes up staring at a white ceiling. He was back in their dorms. The groggy feeling he got from sleep was still muddling his mind so he just let his thoughts wander while trying to fully regain consciousness. He vividly remembers everything that happened. The train station, the city, the rain, the playground

Wait, the playground…

The cold feeling from the rain, that heavy feeling caused by fatigue, those eyes, that husky voice

His voice…

But as he was staring at the familiar white ceiling of his room, He slowly realizes that the feeling was like what he was before he left. He felt heavy, tired, but mostly sad and lonely. It’s like Cheonan never happened and he just woke up from a dream.

It was a dream…

He just wanted to drown in his sheets and never come out. Tears were streaming from the sides of his eyes when he realized that his encounter with Jongwoon was nothing but a dream; A painfully real one. He is again overcome by that dreaded feeling of loss when he hears the doorknob turning.

He doesn’t even turn to see who came in; knowing that it was either Sungmin or Ryeowook. He just closes his eyes and let his tears flow. He was brought back to reality by the warm feeling of a hand being pressed against his forehead and a familiar voice that broke through all his dread.

“Hey, are you okay? Are you in pain? Do you need a doctor?” Jongwoon asks, worriedly when he saw the younger crying.

That voice brought Kyuhyun back from his depression and made him fully open his eyes. He stared at his lover for a while and noticed the differences between his dorm room and the room he was at. It was bigger and brighter than their room. It looked more comfortable to live in maybe because he was comparing a single bedroom to a single bedroom being occupied by two people with lots of stuff. The room looked cleaner that what their room was like. There was no absurd amount of pink in any part of the room except the occasional pink shirt on the clothes basket. Lastly, the smell of the room itself was different. It smelled like Jongwoon; a hint of coffee and something unexplainable.

He remembered everything clearly. He was soaked in the rain and he was freezing to death when Jongwoon found him and carried him here. He blushed while feeling the soft fabric of the sweatshirt he was wearing while thinking of Jongwoon changing his clothes and seeing everything. He just wanted to embrace him and not want to let go. To feel that warmth that he craved for ever since he woke up that one day only to find out that Jongwoon was gone; but was stopped by the logical part of his brain and the shake he received from the older when he took too long to respond.

“I said, are you okay? Can you hear me?” Jongwoon asks more while waving his hands in front of Kyuhyun. Worried that something might have happened to the young star. Kyuhyun went back to reality and could only respond with a soft grunt.

 “Damn that old geezer; doesn’t know how to take care of his children; sending you here in this weather.” Jongwoon mumbles softly but close enough for Kyuhyun to hear; satisfied at the reply he received from the idol.

“Kyuhyun-sshi, wait here for a while. I’ll get you something to eat and medicine for your fever.” The older tells the maknae as he goes to the kitchen.

Kyuhyun-sshi?

The formal tone of his lover was enough to tell Kyuhyun that this Jongwoon is not the same as his lover. Though it felt painful to accept, he kept reminding himself that just seeing Jongwoon for now is enough for him. But that did not stop him from wanting to whisk his hyung back to Seoul so he could be with him again. Even if the circumstances are different.

I miss him so damn much...

After a few minutes, Jongwoon returns to the room with a tray of sandwiches and a glass of water with a pill for his fever and set them on the small table next to the bed. He then quietly studied Kyuhyun as he was lying in the bed thinking of various reasons as to why he was in Cheonan. Finding only one, he goes ahead and asks.

“What brings you to Cheonan?”

Kyuhyun was caught off guard by the question. Torn between telling the truth and lying, he chose the former thinking that he’d get in trouble eventually if he lied because Jongwoon will see through him if he did. Kyuhyun knows how Jongwoon despises liars.

“I came here to ask you something. But you moved from the last place you lived so I got lost.”

“Oh. I see.” Was the only reply the maknae got from Jongwoon.

Kyuhyun took the pause as an opportunity to get on with his mission. “Jongwoon-ah, why did you leave SM?” Kyu asks straightforwardly.

Jongwoon raised one eyebrow at the maknae. Not because he was surprised at the question, but because he noticed the informal tone the obviously younger one was giving him. Nevertheless, he let it slide. Seeing as the young idol had a rough day.

“Kyuhyun-sshi, I believe I’m not cut out for the entertainment industry. Your world is very difficult to live on. You don’t know until when you’ll be loved. You don’t know when your so-called fans will turn their backs on you. You don’t even know who your friends really are. It’s not for me.” he ends with a resigned smile.

Kyuhyun didn’t know what to say back to those words; because they were true. He’s seen them happen. Those are also his fears. The fear of not being loved anymore, the fear of being replaced by someone else, the constant fear of being thrown away once he isn’t profitable anymore. He couldn’t tell his hyung that all of those are false. But he still wants him to go back.

“But you are good. I’ve heard you sing. You’re better than most singers that I’ve heard in SM.” Kyuhyun answers back before even thinking.

“When have you heard me sing?” Jongwoon asked; surprised that the maknae seemed to have heard him sing before.

. We never met. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Kyuhyun inwardly berates himself. “Uh. Umm… Yeah, I saw some videos from your days back when you were a trainee. You were very good.” The maknae answers hoping that his hyung would buy it.

“Oh… well, times have changed. I’m perfectly content in teaching music. So you can go back to Seoul now and tell Soo Man-sshi that I decline.”

He should’ve known that a simple rejection won’t deter the maknae lying in the bed from what he wants.

“Oh. Then I won’t be going back then.” Kyuhyun answers with a smile.

The smile from the idol sent a weird feeling down Jongwoon’s gut; a weirdly fleeting feeling. He shook off those feelings as he was slightly getting irritated at the insistence of the younger. He tried to dissuade the maknae from whatever it was that he was trying to do but to no avail. Kyuhyun was showing to be determined; more determined than the others that he sent away in the past. But what was different between Kyuhyun and the representatives from SM was that Kyuhyun was being quite informal with him. This was getting to Jongwoon’s nerves.

“Tell that old man that no matter who he sends and no matter how many times he asks, I’m not going back. It’s not worth my time.” Jongwoon’s patience wearing thiner as the conversation is dragged longer.

“I will not go back until you agree to come with me Jongwoon.” Resilience laced with every word.

With that, Jongwoon’s control snapped.

“Didn’t anybody teach you manners when talking to someone older, brat?” Jongwoon’s husky voice rose when he heard Kyuhyun addressing him impolitely and gave the maknae a smack on the back of his head.

“Ow. Sorry hyung. But I really won’t go back until you come with me.” Kyuhyun sheepishly apologizes. Though regretful of his impoliteness, he couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that even if they didn’t know each other; his reactions to certain things never changed.

“Jeez, why are you making this difficult? Those other guys would leave when I said no the first time. What are you getting out of this?” Jongwoon asks exasperatedly. He was losing his patience with all the other SM representatives coming to offer him a contract; which was mainly the reason he agreed to move into their current house six months ago.

“Wait? SM has been coming to you? I didn’t know. I went here without telling the company.” Kyuhyun was surprised by that bit of information.

“They’ve been coming here since the beginning of last year. So they didn’t put you up to this?” the older was also surprised that the maknae did not know about SM giving him an offer.

Finding out that SM was coming after Jongwoon comforted Kyuhyun. It was like destiny was working to bring them together eventually. But knowing Jongwoon, his stubbornness will not make things easy. This made him want to convince his lover more to go to SM.

“No, I really didn’t. But if they have their eyes on you; then the more I should convince you, right?”

“Humor me then. What good would my coming to Seoul do?” Jongwoon asks with a chuckle.

Kyuhyun was well aware that if he wanted Jongwoon to go back to Seoul, It wouldn’t be as part of Super Junior. He was worried about those people who wouldn’t acknowledge him. It was hard for Henry and Zhou Mi who wanted to be part of the group let alone someone who didn’t want to be part of it in the first place. Taking the fact that Jongwoon didn’t want to be an entertainer, he had the perfect place for the older one; a job on which they’d get to see each other and be with everybody else without his lover in the spotlight.

“Well, I kind of want you to be our vocal trainer.” Kyuhyun hesitantly answers because he’s watching out for his hyung’s reaction.

The vocal trainer offer was new to him. The ones that he sent away in the past were offering him a contract to debut as a solo singer. But he always used the reason that he was already too old to enter the industry. But the thought of training Super Junior absolutely terrified Jongwoon. The one thing he was scared other than him failing in the entertainment industry was bringing someone else down with him because of his lack of talent. He’s always found himself not good enough when he was a trainee; and even after studying and performing during his university days he still finds himself not good enough for them.

 “Are you crazy? Why would you want me? What the hell could you possible see in me? If you haven’t noticed, I quit already. I’m not good enough. Why the heck would you put your career in my hands?” Jongwoon says in a hushed scream while looking at the younger shocked like he had something growing out of his face.

The maknae was slowly losing his patience with his hyung. Though in their relationship, he was normally the stubborn one; there were rare times when Jongwoon would prove that between the both of them, he was the one with a more stubborn personality. This was usually the time when they’d have their arguments. When this happens, the older got what he wanted most of the time.

“Why do you always say you aren’t good enough?”

“Because I’m not!” Jongwoon almost shouted.

“But you are! You don’t know how amazing you are. Of course you wouldn’t know. It’s because you’re too much of a coward to find out!” Kyuhyun’s strong feelings coming out as a loud shout.

Jongwoon was taken aback by the younger’s words. It made him feel very weird; like he was floating in a sea of emotions. Fear and sadness for one part, but there was also the feeling of joy and pride stirring deeper within it. It was confusing and overwhelming at the same time to know that someone had that much faith in his talent. Something he never had when he was a trainee. He could only stare at the floor.

“Kyuhyun-sshi, you should leave in the morning. You didn’t inform anybody of your coming here. They might be worried.” Jongwoon  tells the maknae with a clipped tone.

All that high tension and screaming made Kyuhyun feel worse. He saw his vision spin and felt a bout of nausea well up from his stomach.

“Hyung…”

“What?”

“I-I think I’m going to…urrrrp… barf.”

“What?! Oh god! Wait! Hold it in! Wait for a bucket or something!” Jongwoon panics while dashing off to the kitchen downstairs to find a bucket. Gladly, it was just a false alarm.

“Sorry for shouting, hyung. But you are good. Don’t worry, I’ll leave soon.” Kyuhyun weakly apologizes to his hyung.

Seeing Kyuhyun weak from exhaustion and sick from being out too long in the rain, Jongwoon couldn’t find it in his heart to send off the maknae in such a condition. Despite the idol being snarky and somewhat impolite, there was a small part of him that wanted to protect the young man.

“Don’t. Forget what I said earlier. Stay here until you get better. I can’t have you going off like that.”

“Thanks, hyung.” Kyuhyun smiles weakly at his hyung before closing his eyes and drifting off.

“You’re actually polite when you’re sick. It’s weird. So get better, brat.” The older returns the smile at the maknae.

When Jongwoon went out of the room to help clean up the café, he leaned against the wall because he needed a moment to hold his tears.

No, Thank You.

Kyuhyun’s fever broke a day after and was supposed to go back to Seoul as per Jongwoon’s request. Only to be surprised that the maknae, instead of going to the station, went and checked in to the pension near the café. He surprised everyone when he came into the café as a customer causing the patrons—which most are young college students—to gush and cause a commotion.

“What are you doing here? I already told you to go back.”

“And I told you before that I won’t be going back without you, hyung.” Kyuhyun replies with a smug smile and the word “hyung” emphasized as he orders coffee and a sandwich.

“Oh my god Jong-oppa, you know Kyuhyun-oppa?” one of his regulars asked.

“We just met, a couple of days ago; and now he won’t go away.” Jongwoon couldn’t help but roll his eyes just thinking of the possibility of the idol keeping to his promise and not leaving until he comes to Seoul.

“So it is true. You are being scouted by SM.” Another girl spoke up.

“Where did that come from?” He asks not even looking at them but rather concentrating at the sandwich that he was making.

“Well, word goes around quick if it’s about the neighbourhood hottie” She replied nonchalantly.

“And those men in blazers coming in and out of the shop were a dead giveaway.” Another one added.

 “Anyways, since I’ll be staying here for a while, let’s get to know each other. I’m Cho Kyuhyun.” The maknae re-introduces himself to Jongwoon while taking a bite of his sandwich.

After a couple of days hanging out in the café acquainting himself with Jongwoon, he was able to find out what has happened to Jongwoon since he left SM. He did his military service after leaving the company. After which he took up his college degree in music majoring in voice in Baekseok University. SM started to scout him immediately after his graduation and was pursuing him since. He decided to become a high school music teacher instead.

Despite all of the changes that happened to Jongwoon, there were still some things that never changed. One is that his lover still had that insane love for coffee; as he figured when he caught Jongwoon sneaking in a couple of cups of coffee while working.  It also irked him to find out that since he wasn’t there to stop him, his fingernails were now almost inexistent stubs found at the tips of his fingers because of his notorious nail biting habit. Still, Kyuhyun couldn’t help but compare the two versions of his Jongwoon.

Hah, my Jongwoon…

Kyuhyun mused by himself. But all his fleeting thoughts were shattered when a girl came into the café. A yellow summer dress, waist length brown wavy hair, taller than most girls, has a small face, cheekbones just right, a small nose, a heart shaped mouth and eyes that turn to crescents when she smiles. To his surprise, said girl came behind the counter and gave Jongwoon a kiss and a hug. What numbed down the maknae’s brain was the fact that Jongwoon didn’t even resist but rather accepted her with open arms and a smile.

What?

Kyuhyun watched the two as they interacted; each sickeningly sweet moment making him want to scream more and more. He almost forgot how possessive he was of Jongwoon that even if it was his hyungs that got too close and frisky with his lover, he wouldn’t let it pass. But knowing the situation right now, he knows that he has no right whatsoever to do anything about his possessiveness. Each unsaid word between the two made his skin crawl. Every touch they shared made him want to disappear. Every laugh coming from their whispered conversation made him want to cry. That moment was the first time he was hit by reality.

To Jongwoon, the love of his life, he is no more than a stranger.

He suddenly shook out his negative thoughts when he saw the two coming towards him; both with smiles on their faces.

“Hey brat, this is my girlfriend.” Jongwoon introduces the girl with a wide smile.

Girl…friend?

“Annyeonghaseyo Kyuhyun-sshi, jeo neun Jung Hyorin imnida.” The girl bows deeply and extends her hand in a friendly handshake; her soft voice burning itself into Kyuhyun’s memories.

He wanted to do a lot of things. The desire to slap away the hand extended to him being most dominant. But no matter how much he wanted to lash out and just take away Jongwoon, he knows that it’ll never be the same. This Jongwoon had someone else. He put on his brightest smile and met her hand in a friendly gesture.

“Annyeonghaseyo, jeo neun Cho Kyuhyun imnida.” Bows slightly and shakes the girl’s hand.

To normal eyes, this looks like an amicable introduction between two people; a girl asking for an autograph and a picture from an idol. But in reality, one half of this introduction was trying his absolute best to not breakdown then and there. Apparently, Jongwoon was able to notice this but interpreted it in a different way.

“Hey? Are you alright?” The older asks with a slightly worried tone.

“What?” The maknae looks at his hyung curiously, still with a wry smile in his face.

“You look like you’re in pain. Is something wrong?”

You seriously have no idea how much… He couldn’t help but laugh inwardly at his hyung’s question.

“Migraine. It’s like there’s a jackhammer in my head. I’ll come back tomorrow, hyung. Nice meeting you, Jung-sshi.” Kyuhyun acts as if has a headache and leaves the café leaving everyone to what they were doing.

The sun was about to set when he came out of the café and the walk back to the pension will take about five minutes. So he took his time and tried to compose himself. If not, someone might see him break. He attempted to replace his sad thoughts with happy ones, as he usually does when he has a problem. He looked up at the sky. An endless canvas of orange littered with shades of indigo. It was like his mind. Once filled with bright beautiful memories of Jongwoon, slowly being tainted by sad thoughts until its entirety is turned into darkness. The source of his happy thoughts was being corrupted by that single moment. Every happy memory he had with Jongwoon was being replaced by that one kiss that he saw the couple shared back in the café.

He ran back to the pension as fast as he could.

He cried for hours. A cycle of soft sobs turning to muffled screams then silence; with simple memories as triggers for the cycle to restart. This was a feeling he never wanted to experience again. It was like back when he was in Seoul but with more intensity. The palpable sensation of sadness and longing materializing like weights chained to his body. Kyuhyun wills himself to get back up. He wanted to get away. He wanted to be anywhere but where he is at the moment. With slow and small steps he makes his way outside. He returns to the neighbourhood park where he first met Jongwoon in an attempt to recall what pleasant memory he has left of Jongwoon that hasn’t been defiled.

The night sky was dark. His only lights were the ones coming from the moonlight and the rows of street lights that were illuminating the streets. He checked his phone for the time and it blinked a neon 9:00 PM. Even in the midst of depression he still has enough sense to check if there were still people out. The streets were practically deserted and he could count the people he could see with his one hand. There were five people behind him. A family going home; the father and the mother holding their child’s hand side by side and a young couple walking behind them with hands intertwined.

He didn’t want to risk it so he turned to the nearest street and waited for the young couple to pass. Pretending he was on a phone call, he turned his back and waited for a few seconds until he heard the footsteps of the family and then the couple passing the street he was at. It was at that moment when he heard a familiar voice; eyes going wide at recognizing the half of the couple that he was watching.

“Wanna go on a date tomorrow?” Kyuhyun overhears the boy as they pass by.

“Sure. I don’t have classes tomorrow anyways.” The girl answers softly.

Is that… Jung Hyorin?

Not believing his eyes, he did a double take and confirmed. It was the same yellow summer dress and waist length hair. But something was wrong with the picture.

That guy isn’t Jongwoon.

The guy was just a little taller than the girl and was plumper than Jongwoon. But Kyuhyun didn’t bother remembering what the guy looked like because his mind was reeling; thoughts of depression and loneliness being pushed back by the sheer overwhelming feeling of anger. He was furious because Jongwoon was being cheated on and absolutely seething with rage to the fact that the girl was taking for granted Jongwoon’s love. The same love that he couldn’t have and would give his life to get.

They were kissing. He was holding himself back; directing all rational thought to stop himself from walking towards the couple and smashing their heads in the pavement. The only thing stopping him was the repercussions of his plans which mainly consisted of Jongwoon’s wrath definitely being directed at him. As the situation stands, he has no right whatsoever to meddle in Jongwoon’s relationship. But he also couldn’t let this slip by. Following the two and eavesdropping. He was able to make out that the two were going on a date and will meet at the front of the train station tomorrow at ten.

“That’s all I need to know. See you both tomorrow.” Kyuhyun silently remarks as he makes his way to the café a smile slowly forming in his lips.

“Hyung?” Kyuhyun peeks his head into the café to check if Jongwoon was still manning the counter. It happened that Jongwoon was cleaning up the tables while his younger brother was at the kitchen helping with the dirty dishes.

“Hey. Feeling better?” Asks the older when he saw the idol. He was worried earlier when Kyuhyun left abruptly and wanted to go and check up on him. But seeing the maknae at the café made him laugh at himself for worrying too much.

“Yeah, but I have to leave the day after tomorrow.” Kyuhyun sadly informs his hyung. Alibi or not; he really has to go back to Seoul anyway. His ‘vacation’ time was almost up and he wanted to get some real rest before then.

“Oh. I thought you won’t be going back without me?” Jongwoon sarcastically comments. Ignoring the inkling of sadness that he felt when the younger informed him of his departure.

“As much as I want to stay, my manager is going to kill me soon.” Kyuhyun jokingly tells Jongwoon.

Kyuhyun had already convinced himself that he is going to expose Jung Hyorin—as Kyuhyun loves to refer to her as— ‘that cheating she-devil’. But of course, directly telling Jongwoon was out of the question for a couple of reasons. One is his hyung would never believe him. Another one is Jongwoon will not take kindly to Kyuhyun meddling in his personal life to care. Third and the worst of the three, Jongwoon might think he was stalking that she devil and that Kyuhyun wanted to keep her for himself. Ugh.

“Can you come with me tomorrow, hyung? I need to do some shopping for everyone.” Kyuhyun starts after eating the pasta served by his hyung because he hasn’t had dinner since he left the café hours ago.

“Sorry. But you know I can’t. I have classes.” Jongwoon answers apologetically.

“Can’t you just give them a self-study period? It’s just one day.” Kyuhyun obviously not going to give up easily.

“Nice try, brat.” Jongwoon chuckles at the younger’s attempt at convincing him.

Making Jongwoon come with him to shop was taxing; and as much as he just wanted to scream out the truth behind his agenda, he chose to do it the long way. One by one mentioning the different reasons why he should come. Using everything he had from the sick puppy method to the I’m-an-international-idol-so-you-should-do-as-I-say method; which gave him a smack on the back of his head courtesy of Jongwoon. In any case, after half an hour of discussion— or begging, from Jongwoon’s point of view—Jongwoon finally gave in to the maknae. They were going to meet in front of the train station at ten in the morning. Kyuhyun couldn’t hide the skip in his steps when he was walking home that night.

A/N: Sorry I don't do well with cliffies, so as much as I want to make a cliffhanger, I can't. Tell me what you think!

         Comments are like my drugs, make me high. *winks**hugs**glomps**hides*