TAEC'S POV

  Taec stares at the number. He’s been looking at it for minutes now. Contemplating on whether he should press the dial button. The guy deserved to know too. After all, he used to be a part of them. Still am, really. Taec winced, remembering that he has been meaning to give their leadja a call ever since he managed to acquire the number from the other idols. Him, and the rest of the members as well. But they never got around to it. Not because they didn’t have the time. Nope. Just cause… they’re still unsure of the right things to say.


  True, they could simply say that they missed him. And ask of his well being. But truth is, its not as simple as that between them right now. They missed him. And they still think of him as their brother. No doubt. But.. what about him? Does he feel the same way? After all, they were the ones who put on an ignorant act about his presence in front of the world. They had to.. but..would he understand..? Sighing, he rubbed his temples.


“Call him..”


“Khun?” Taec turned around to look at a weary looking Khun standing by the countertop. Arms crossed on his chest. He hadn’t realized that Khun had entered the kitchen.


Poor Khunnie.


  It’s the only thing that came up to his mind when he sees the dishevelled looking Thai. Khun looks..kinda old. It’s the first time that Khun look that bad. Like, his babyface features had suddenly matured overnight.  His eyes and lips, swollen. His hair a mess. It was hard on him. On all of them. But Khun especially. By looking at Khun, one doesn’t have to be a genius to figure that out.  


“Just call him Taec.. he needs to be informed too…”


“I know.. im just thinking on the right words to say..”


“Need my help?” Khun sat on his opposite side. Reaching for the phone.


  Taec smiled to himself. Khun, no matter how stressed out, will always be Khun. Always courteous towards others. He didn’t just earn the nickname “Thai Prince” based on looks alone. And besides, this is important for Khun too. Everything that is in regards to their Wooyoungie, is important for him.


“Nah it’s okay.. you should get some sleep Khun.. I know that you didn’t sleep last night..”


“……”


“You do know that you’re looking bad right now.. aite?”


“I can’t.. ive tried.. but I cant. Not until I see his body with my own two eyes..”


“khun….” Taec sighed. He could really feel the pain himself. Heck, he himself hadnt had any sleep as well. But he’s just too tired right now to try to convince Khun again. Not after all the ordeal that they had gone through yesterday.


“I know.. but.. just let me be for the time being. Alright? I just need to sort out my mind.. Maybe if I see him for the last time, then.. then maybe I can sleep again..” Khun raised his eyes to Taec’s.. Again, tears had started to pool. Taec tears his gaze away.


“I really hope the best for you Khunnie..”


“Thanks man..” Khun tries to smile. But it looks more like a grimace.


“you know.. I had never thought that when we’d finally give him a call, it’s just to deliver a bad news…”


“………….”


“if I had known things like this would’ve happen.. I would’ve called him earlier.. you know. At least, if that happens, all 6 of us would have had the chance to talk with him..”


“youngie’ll be thrilled im sure…”



“yeah.. he misses Jay so much.. that pabo..” Taec smiles to himself. His head suddenly filled with the cute smile of his dongsaeng again.. wooyoungie..yeah.. even as a guy, Taec would have to admit that Uyoung is pretty cute. It’s no wonder that Khun dote on him so much.


  With that thought in mind, Taec turns to look at Khun. He wonders whats on Khun’s mind. Or really, what is on the mind of someone who had just lost their beloved. Knowing that they would never see the beloved again. What do they think about? As of this moment, what is Khunnie thinking about? Is he reminiscing? Or picturing Wooyoungie’s smile? Or really, still hoping that this is all a nightmare..? Taec sighed.


  As far as he knows, to Khun, Wooyoung is a little brother figure. Someone whom he feels responsible to care for. To protect. Though Wooyoung himself had often wondered outloud on what is it about him that prompt Khun to act in such a manner towards him, since he thinks he’s ‘a pretty capable and manly man’ anyway. Tssk! He is.. but yet there’s something about him that makes those around him to want to protect him. And Khun, being the kind of person that he is, especially took on the role and adapted it as his own. Not only Khun though, even their giant maknae put on a mature look whenever he’s around Wooyoung. Much to the latter’s annoyance. That, everybody knows.


But really,  Wooyoung…he.. he just seems so fragile. Even taec himself feels it. There’s a reason why he has the most fanboys anyway. His charms just appeal to both . Taec reached out to hold Khun’s hand.


He’s trembling..


“Khunnie..?”


“Taec.. what If.. what if he’s still alive? What if he’s lying around somewhere, his body getting cold, and…and there’s nobody there to help him.. and he needs us.. he’s looking for us.. but we’re just not there.. “


“khunnie…. Stop…”


“im serious Taec. For all we know, he might be lying helplessly somewhere, waiting for us to come and help him but here we are just sitting around
doing nothing I..i cant stand this Taec, we need to go and find him.. WE NEED TO GO..”


“KHUN JUST STOP!” Taec dropped his fist on the table, surprising Nichkhun who somewhere along the lines, had risen up and was about to go out the door. Barefooted and in a mess. Looking like a lost kid in panic, trying to search for the mother. The mother..


The umma. The umma of the dorm.


  Taec snickered to himself, remembering the inside joke of theirs, of how Wooyoung is always referred to as the mother due to his endless nagging to the boys. How fitting. Taec’s smile faltered.


  Khun, now awaken from his stupor, slumped himself onto the floor and hugged his body together. Burying his face in his knees, letting the tears flow freely, wetting his own jeans.


  Upon the silence that ensued, Taec walks over to Khun and sat right beside him on the floor.

“You know… " Taec hesitated, unsure of how to continue. He decided to do it slow


".Jy hyung called me just now. Right after Minjae hyung left. His body. They’ve… found it Khun..”


  That revelation brought a gasp from the Thai. Khun raised his head and stared shockingly at Taec. Like, the reality has finally sunk in. Like, he had been punched in the face. Taec forced himself to look away.


“The paramedics are flying the bodies to Korea now, ya know… his and the other victims. And.. and they’ll be arriving at the hospital.. tonight.” Taec stopped, as he can hear his own voice shaking at the end of the sentence.


  He should probably stop imagining the image that his words are bringing to deliver the news well to Khun. Why did Jy hyung had to call him. This burden is too much for him. But he knows that out of all the members, he’s probably the only one sober enough to deliver the news.  Taking a deep breath, he continues..


“and.. Jy hyung wants us to be present there tonight. Along with his family.. you know. To.. to be a witness and all. And.. maybe some personal time to spend with him before…before the…”


“funeral.” Khun finishes for him. His face back between his knees now.


“yeah.. tomorrow.”


Nichkhun scoffed, much to Taec’s surprise. This certainly wasn’t the reaction that he had imagined.
“How did things turn out to be like this Taec?”


“i.. I don’t know. I guess fate does take you by surprise..”


“he.. he was looking so alive yesterday morning. So energetic. Woke up early and all. Worried about his shooting in Japan. Kept on muttering to us on how you’re not accompanying him since you’re gonna take another flight tomorrow.. He was pretty pissed…” NIchkhun smiled to himself. Remembering the last of Wooyoung’s antics. His eyes softening. The way it always does when he talks about the other boy. Nichkhun really is so fond of his Youngie.


Taec chuckled. “Yeah.. I did promise to help him with his lines.. That kid..”


“He was wearing his favourite yellow sweater. The one that the fans gave him. And a black cap with my sunglasses. Said his one wasn’t cool enough. Though it looks the same to me since we bought it at the same time. Funny isn’t he. Junsu was nagged again that morning as well “


“Yeah I sort of heard their bickering in the hallway. Pissed me off that I was woken up early on my day off.”


“Yeah.. cause he didn’t take out the trash the previous night. Woo had to do it himself. What a freak..”


  And the two laughed for a bit, even with the tears silently streaming down their cheeks. Trying to gather their last encounter with the bestfriend they dearly longed for.


“where are the rest?”


“hmm?.. oh Junho is still locked in his room. Doing God knows what. I just hope that he’s not hurt cause he was throwing things around right before you guys came back yesterday. Junsu, he..he went out last night and hasn’t been back home since. Channie, probably sleeping. He didn’t sleep at all last night”


“yeah. I could hear him crying in the living room. He.. he didn’t lock the door last night. probably hoping for..you know..”


“yeah…”


  Silence again. Taec noticed that all this talking had somewhat calmed Khun down a bit.


“what about you Taec? Did u sleep at all?”


  Taec kept on quiet for awhile. Contemplating on how he should answer Khun. Whether he should put up a false pretense of being strong, or to be honest. Honest, to say, that even if he has been trying to stay strong for everyone else, he just couldn’t help it but to behave like any other people would in the midst of losing a bestfriend, a brother.. He had hoped for the impossible, and even at a point, gotten angry with himself, for not making the best out of the last time he was in the company of the deceased member.


  But.. but  how would he have known though.. that Wooyoung is gonna leave them. Even so, he couldn’t help but to blame himself that there’s so many things he wanted the boy to know, has now been left unsaid.. he loves wooyoung so much, had come to think of him as his own dongsaeng, but he had never gotten around to say it. He regrets it. All of which are among the thoughts that had been playing on his head the whole night.


“….... I well umm.. i couldn't. I just couldn’t.. Much like the rest of us, im still hoping that he’s still out there.. that maybe Jy hyung will call at night to say that there’s been a mistake and he’s all well and all.. or. Or maybe he.. he himself would call to nag us to even think of him in that circumstances.. you know.. I’ve never longed to hear someone’s voice so much as last night. I ended up clutching the phone all night. And his contact profile ended up as being my wallpaper. Just cause it didn’t appear when I hoped it would appear. So putting it as that kind of make me even more hopeful. But..but the last call from Jy hyung…. Crushed.. crushed all of it. All of my hopes. “ Taec sighed.


  After pouring his heart out, he was met with silence again. Not that he’s complaining, since he needed the time to think as well. To sort out his thoughts. To let the entirety of his own words to sink in.


“I love him so much Taec..” Taec just nodded.


“It’s so painful that every little thing in this house reminded me of.. of him.. I would’ve never thought that yesterday”s morning would be the last time I’ll ever talk to him.”Taec kept on listening. Silently agreeing with all that Khun has said.



“ He wasn’t suppose to go..not yet..why did he have to leave us…” Nichkhun’s body shook heavily again.


“Wooyoung ah…” Nichkhun cried out.. “Wooyoung….”


And this time, Taec’s heart is calling for the same name as he embraced Nichkhun.