“ Take a deep breath Minjae..You can do this..” he muttered to himself. Hands trembling as he stood outside of the boys’s apartment. He could feel cold sweats forming on his forehead, slowly dripping at the side of his head. Minjae shudders thinking that the last time he stood outside of this very same door, few hours back, things had been so much different then. How the last time, he was standing here, with Wooyoung. He marveled at how much the world could change in just a few hours. How this morning, right at the very same spot, he was conversing with a live Wooyoung, before sending him to the airport,and..and stuff happens. Minjae quickly shove the thoughts aside and concentrates on the task ahead. Ever since he heard of the news, his heart has been slowly breaking. Pieces by pieces continues still, as he took careful steps to the apartment.. Aside from the few tears in the car, Minjae forced himself not to think of the said dongsaeng.

Not yet..

Instead, he filled his thoughts on ways to break the news to the unsuspecting members.. Trying to think of ways, to lessen the blow. But no matter how slow, how promising the words appeared, the impact of the news couldn’t be lighten. Impossible to be lighten. And thus, the shattering of his heart, thinking of how the boys are gonna react, and most importantly, how he was gonna be there, his words, responsible for tearing their hearts. The five boys whom he have come to love as brothers. Seven originally, and seven still..He could only pray that they haven’t heard it from anywhere else.


Minjae rubbed his eyes one last time to get rid of any sign of tears before slowly turning the doorknob and enters. The familiar brief music played, announcing his arrival. “God help me..” he lightly whispered.. It didn’t take long before he hears footsteps rushing towards him and he was faced by a desperate looking Taec. His hair in a mess. Minjae felt his stomach swirled at the sight. Guess they’ve heard.


“Hyung.. have you heard..?  It’s not Woo’s plane is it?” he quickly inquired.. Face bearing hopefulness..


“Hyung! Look! Some fans tweeted about it!” the maknae appeared beside taec, cutting his hyung off. Face as desperate as he shove his phone to Minjae’s face.


       Minjae tries to read the words off the screen, but he couldn’t make anything of the blurry screen. He couldn’t no matter how hard he tries, see through the newly-formed tears. It took him seconds to realize that he’s cying. Right in front of the boys. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t. How could he break the news when the boys are seeking for the opposite..? Amidst the frantic looks by taec and Chan, Minjae tears his gaze away. Glancing sideways to look at Junho, quietly sitting on the couch, eyes boring into him. Reading his fears and panics. Analysing his tears. Minjae quickly averted his gaze. This time, staring at the cold floor. He’s being a coward. He knows that he’s being a coward.


“Hyung..please..answer us..” Taec pleaded.. Refusing to give up. Refusing to believe the obvious..but he was met with silence..


“hyung..please..some fans tweeted about it..but there still wasn’t any news on the tv.. and we couldn’t contact him hyung.. we’ve tried.. he was supposed to have arrive there at this time but his phone isn’t working.. and..and we’ve contacted his family, but they still haven’t heard from him either.. and Khun hyung has been trying to contact him, but he couldn’t reach him too.. He’s on his way.. Him and Junsu are on their way here.. hyung..please…it’s not true is it..?” ..Taec approach the silent Minjae once more..But this time too, he was met with silence..


“hyung..answer us..please…” Chansung whimpered.. his voice as light as a whisper. As the room grew silent, Minjae once again scolded himself for the way he’s handling things. For not helping to ease the blow, but worst, increase the tense of the situation. He has to tell them. Now. He started to form sentences in his head.. But all he could managed to squeak was


“It’s true..”


Call it karma, for he was then met with silent too.. And it seemed like the silent would stretch on forever before he heard a strained whisper..


“Hyung..” chansung whimpered.. .. his voice so light that one would’ve probably thought that it was the wind blowing.. Minjae raised his head to face the boy and immediately regretted it.. He knew that, out of all six, no..seven of them, Chansung was the crybaby of the group.. So it doesn’t come as a surprise to him to see that Chansung already has tears streaming down his cheeks..  but he has never fainted before.. no matter how hard he cries, he has never fainted.. not once..except of that moment.. in fact, the only one who have ever fainted out of crying was Woo.. The one who cried and fainted because his leadja was leaving the group.. Now when it’s his turn to leave, his brother fainted too..


“Chansung-ah! “ Minjae rushes to the lying maknae. Shaking the seemingly lifeless body. He looked over his shoulder to seek Taec’s help. But what he saw immediately rejected the idea. Taec was crouching on the couch..his face between his two large hands.. And judging from the water pooling around his feet, he couldn’t be mistaken for doing anything else but silently crying his eyes out.. His sobs, a faint whisper that echoes throughout the room.


Minjae has always hated the word hopeless. Especially one to describe his boys. But as of that moment, no other words could describe the way Taec is. Taec, to him, looked as hopeless as the fainted maknae.. Minjae clutched at his heart. His hand at the fabric of his sweater. It hurts. It hurts him to see them in this condition. Especially Taec. The strong taec who didn’t even shed a single tear when he sent his bestfriend, their leadja at the airport. The Taec who, again, didn’t shed any tears even if he was the one who received the most hate for that matter. The Taec, who didn’t even flinch when fans hurled curses at him in the conference.The Taec, who was always strong for s, his brothers.. But Minjae knows that none of the other events could even come close to be compared with the devastation of this news.


Because, even though they had lost a brother before, they know that it’s only a physical separation, and that their hearts, are still beating as one.. But this time, this brother’s heart, the one that they have lost now, his heart.. has stopped beating. Forever, from then on, with only his memories left for them.