From the second that Jongin had signed his life away to SM Entertainment, I had seriously dreaded going back to the building. I knew that any idea of Echo ever leaving the establishment as a group would be shot down. Dynamic had gone the extra step. They were the only rookies now.

There would be a lot of crying today.

Briefly, I had contemplated not even coming in at all. I had a VIP seat to watch Dynamic become a real thing; I already knew that it was over. The only thing that I would hear different today would be “You’re done” and watch as my almost band members broke down on the hardwood floors.

It was going to be painful, but we could make it through.

That morning, my headache that had been dulled just hours before had attacked with a strong pain, leaving me in an even worse mood. Jongin had one hand on the steering wheel, the other rubbing the top of my thigh comfortingly. Despite how happy he should be, he was now quiet and hesitant to say anything to me.

I didn’t like that.

My head, resting on the window and vibrating with the rolling of the wheels on the asphalt, throbbed as I opened my mouth to speak. “You’re allowed to be excited, you know,” I mumbled, putting my hand over his own, which was now moving on autopilot against my jeans. “You have every right to be ecstatic right now, but you’re not.”

There was a small sigh as Jongin pulled into a parking spot behind the entertainment facility. However, instead of in a place marked ‘trainee’, he was now in a place marked ‘idol’, where, from what I could tell, the other members of Dynamic were also parked. I couldn’t explain how I felt seeing this, so I just kept my mouth shut. He put the car in park with a jolt, turning to look at me straight in the eyes. “I am happy.”

Bull. “You don’t look very happy.”

“I’m just good at hiding my emotions. Trust me. I couldn’t be better.” He paused, his eyes softening with concern. “If you need me today at all…” He trailed off, looking afraid to talk.

This confused me. “Why would I need you?”

“Well, you seem so cool with losing your dream, I thought it’d be like losing someone… it didn’t really register that Sehun was dead until a couple days later.”

I smiled at how cute he was. “I promise that won’t happen. One, it’s not as traumatic, and two, I have something to fall back on. You go have fun with your idol business.”

Jongin grinned like a little kid. “Thanks, baby.” He pecked my lips before we got out of the car, the warm breeze no match for the amount of hair product he had used this morning… or my short haircut.

I let him get a few steps ahead of me so he could turn in his form while I swiped my access card to go to my room. I saw a glimpse of the secretary smiling before they shook hands and she bowed to him. Odd. He was nowhere near her sense of authority.

Before I could walk with him to our practice rooms, she stood up and guided him down a hallway, in which he didn’t turn back. Oh, right. Things would be different now. I was about to make my way alone, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Why are you walking so fast?”

I knew that high pitched voice anywhere. I turned to face Kwangbae, who looked very enthusiastic today. His sweet face radiated with happiness, and it hurt to know that in a few short minutes, that face would soon crumble into sorrow. To not make him feel bad, though, I laughed. “Hey. You look like you’re in a good mood.”

He grinned. “Oh, I am. I heard some rumor that the new group is being announced today?” he announced sheepishly as we turned the corner, only feet from our new room. Getting out of this conversation couldn’t come any quicker. “I think it might be us, Kyungsoo. I think we did it.”

Oh, if only he knew. Completely uncomfortable now, I tried to fake a crooked smile. It didn’t come out great, but he was too unobservant to notice my awkward. “Yeah, maybe.”

Kwangbae pushed the door open and joined the other three quickly to talk over the possibilities. I had never felt so bad in my life. If I hadn’t let Jongin sign, they wouldn’t have to go through this pain. I couldn’t take it. I wanted to go home, lay down, and never get up again.

Much later than usual, the door opened, making the other four boys go quiet and stand up to greet what they think is our instructor. Instead, Lee Sooman strolled in, causing all of us to bow our complete ninety degrees out of respect. He bent his neck with a sad smile.

“Hello, boys,” he greeted.

“Hello, sunbaenim,” we all shouted in unison, adding a small bow after. He gestured to us to sit on the floor, in which we did, and he sat down on a chair strategically placed in front of us. He was no longer even close to happy.

“So, as you guys might have noticed, competition’s been pretty neck to neck with Dynamic, the people who could steal your spot as idols.” Could and already have. “The showcase, the progress checks, even the billboard above the grocery store. But, recently, we have come to a decision on who will debut or not.” I was the only one on the floor not squirming in their spot.

“And that decision is…” He paused dramatically, adding a sigh as well, as if he actually cared. “You will not be debuting as idols. Dynamic is. I’m sorry, boys, but it’s over.”

You could hear a pin drop in the room. My heart was throbbing against my ribs roughly, and, somehow, hearing it from an official made the news seem much worse. Jangsun was already sobbing. Youngwon had him tucked under his armpit, trying to comfort him, with a hurt look on his face. Jongchul had a stream of tears already pouring, but Kwangbae and I weren’t affected.

Weird. I thought he would be the one crying the most.

Lee Sooman sighed. “I’m very sorry, but all of you can try again! The fact that we even picked you as a possibility means you have great talent, so you should not give up here. You will resume your schedules as you did before the idea of Echo as early as tomorrow. My secretary will print out another schedule for you if you have already forgotten. You still have hope. Goodbye.”

He walked out, and all of our heads hung low. Jongin was right. It hurt a lot more now, and left a big lump. The three were now all crying, but Kwangbae just looked depressed. I turned to look at him. “How are you okay with all this?”

He shrugged. “I’m young. I’m going to have a lot more chances later on.”

I thought about taking after his attitude, but I couldn’t. “Good. I’m glad you’re still pursuing.”

Kwangbae smiled, before asking me the same question. My answer, I forgot to say quietly. “Oh, well, I watched Jongin sign the contract last night, so I had sleep and a few hours to digest the news.”

The sound of this apparently infuriated Jangsun, for he stood up and sent me a nasty look, his breath labored as he seethed. “Your friend is the reason we’re not idols anymore?!” he shouted, causing all attention to turn to us in the room.

“We were never idols,” I shot back. “Just guinea pigs.”

“We could’ve been huge,” he snarled.

“Or we could’ve been nothing. Which is exactly where we are now. Square one. The bottom of the SM Entertainment food chain. There’s not a thing you can do about it now, so it up and stop blaming your failure on the success of others.”

He was silent, so I added a “prick”, just to be sure he got the point. When no one spoke, just stared at me in stunned silence, I left. I picked up my bag, slung it over my shoulder, and left the only professional practice room I would ever be able to step foot in. It hurt to realize, but I couldn’t do anything about it.

The hallways, covered in high-maintenance paint and posters of current and past idol’s teasers from each album scattered on the walls, were completely empty as I made my way down them. I passed Jongin’s room where he had trained before he got the big news, and I wondered if he was in there. Probably not. He probably got moved to the famous practice room with a couch and sky blue wallpaper where I had seen dance practices of different groups online.

He was the real deal now.

Soon he would have fans and stages and concerts and he would be surrounded by thousands.

But he was still my dorky, loving Jongin, idol or not.

At least… I could only hope.

The walk down the stairs was uncomfortable. This time of the day everyone was in class, so to see one man walking alone confused the staff. They were silent, though, and as was I. The automatic doors slid open with a small click, and I stepped out into the breezy, warm air. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was doing, or where I was headed, but I couldn’t stay there anymore.

Jongin was right.

I felt so much worse.

The car Jongin and I shared sat in its registered ‘idol’ spot, leaving me to have to walk. If I was to get in and someone sees me, I could be fined, even if I said I was with Jongin. They wouldn’t bother him for something like a confirmation, and I wasn’t about to risk losing won for that.

It wasn’t even nine in the morning, but my day was already screwed over. The fact that I wasn’t going to become an idol like Jongin hadn’t truly sunk in until I heard it from the man who made all the decisions himself. I supposed I could go back to writing, but I was so ready to be successful in a much tougher world, but, instead, I failed, forced to go back to once was.

I didn’t want to.

The streets of downtown, usually crowded and noisy with chatter and clicking of shoes, were now almost dead. I tried to keep my head up, but it was so hard. I had failed. I was so used to success coming to me after I moved out of my parents’ home after high school easily. For once in my life, I had felt important for more than a day. I had felt important for two years. That importance, that sense of belonging had left as soon as I had met Jongin. Instead, those feelings of confidence had quickly been changed out with infatuation and romance, and the writing had become more of a side project.

When you lived with parents like my own for eighteen years left you used to being purely book smart. I didn’t have any other friends besides the ones I do now, mostly because my social life was like my writing had become. It was all about studies just so I could get to a great college.

Yet I had dropped out because of my boyfriend.

My parents would be disappointed if they even knew.

I hadn’t spoken to them since the day I moved out. I didn’t plan on it, either.

My absentminded walk had led me straight the grocery store around the block, where the billboard still stood. Well, one side, anyway. The side with Echo had been ripped off, to be replaced by an advertisement for a radio station, the same one that had been there before any of this happened. Dynamic’s side was still intact, of course, but I knew it would be replaced as soon as they got a photo shoot in.

The tearing had been done very recently, too, because the man who had switched them out was now climbing down a ladder resting against the side of the store, the torn remains of our ad tucked under one of his armpits. I stood there blankly, just watching, and he gave me a weird look before walking back into the store.

I let out a sigh from the breath I had no idea I was holding, continuing my small journey down the sidewalk. I felt my eyes brewing with tears, ready to blow at any second, but I wouldn’t let them. The lump in my throat was choked down as my sneakers clicked against the calm sidewalk with each step.

This side of town was mostly health places; dentists, doctors, pharmacies. But one sign caught my eye as my gaze fell on it.

Kim Changsun, MD

Neuro Scientist and Specialist

My headache, which I hadn’t noticed until I thought of it, was aching right in between my eyebrows at every second of every day and it was driving me crazy. I couldn’t stand it. It was part of my reason, towards the end, why I lost my motivation to be an idol.

One appointment wouldn’t hurt.

When I opened one of the front doors, I was hit with the smell of artificial air freshener and there was a stiff feeling in the air. Only one person was in the waiting room, an ahjumma who had a thin magazine on her lap, not even giving me a glance. The secretary, a young man who couldn’t be much older than me, was speaking into the microphone wrapped around his ear as he typed away.

The ahjumma was called in before I could even walk to the counter.

Seemingly finishing right on cue, the secretary sent me a warm smile. “Hello. Do you have an appointment?”

That caught me off guard a little. “O-Oh, no, I don’t. Do I need to set one?” I asked nervously. I really wanted to be done with these headaches as soon as possible.

Instead, though, he smiled more. “No. It’s pretty slow today, so we can fit you in almost immediately. You just need to fill out this,” he explained, handing me a packet of papers held down with a clipboard and a pen, “and he’ll be able to see you.”

“Oh, thank you,” I said nervously, adding a bow gratefully. He nodded to me as I took a comfortable chair by the wall. The questions were normal things you’d expect to see, like my name and age and how often I got headaches. The ahjumma was out right as I handed him my form, and not five minutes later a man, probably in his forties, appeared in the doorway, navy blue scrubs and a white lab coat covering his otherwise wrinkled complexion.

“Do Kyungsoo?”

I hurriedly stood up, giving him a bow as he smiled as he led me down a hallway to what I assumed to be his office.

Finally time to see what’s causing this mess.

~*~

Oh my gaaaaahhhhh I'm so soooorrrrryyyyyy. >.< This was supposed to be updated three days later, not three weeks later. D: I just got really caught up in school but it's going to be over on May 31st and I'm so haaaapppyyyyy cause that's only a day after EXO's comebaaack so I can spaaaaaazzzz. :DD

Speaking of which, Wolf looks good, huh? :)

Anyways, thanks for reading~ Comments and love are appreciated~ <3