“One round-trip ticket to Busan, please,” Jessica said quietly, sliding some money underneath the small hole in the glass separating her from the ticket operator. The careless woman behind the glass printed out the ticket and slid it back under the glass, silently taking Jessica’s bill.

“Enjoy your trip,” the lady said in a monotone voice.

“Kamsahamnida,” Jessica said, bowing. She immediately boarded the speed train. She looked down the aisle and was lucky that there were only a few passengers. She decided to go toward the back and took a window seat all to herself, keeping herself away from other people.

After about twenty minutes, the train finally started moving. Jessica stared peacefully out the window, overlooking the water.

She remembered the conversation she had with Yoona the night before.

-          Flashback –

“So…what do you want to do?” Yoona asked, taking out the tea bag from her mug.

 

Jessica shrugged her shoulders. “I’m not sure. What do you think I should do?” Jessica asked, her head leaning on her hand, mindlessly stirring her tea with the other.

 

“I mean, if Siwon passed that long ago, his family must have buried him or something, right?”

 

“Siwon was an organ donor,” Jessica points out.

 

“Well, does he have any family that you know about?”

 

“Only his parents in Busan...” Jessica tried to remember.

 

“Do you have their address?” Yoona asked holding her mug firmly between her hands.

 

“I think so…I think Siwon wrote it down for me one time…”

 

“You should go see them,” Yoona suggested.

 

“I don’t…know if I can do that,” Jessica replied, her eyes aimed downward.

 

“Why not?”

 

Jessica took a small sip from her tea – her tongue slightly burned from the heat, but she felt relaxed when its warmth soothed her itchy throat. “We’ve never met…Siwon and I were going to visit them together after he got back from his service.”

 

“But Jessica, what better time than now?” Yoona tried to look into Jessica’s eyes.

 

“They probably don’t even know about me…it’ll seem strange…”

 

“Well, they deserve to meet the girl Siwon was madly in love with, don’t you think?”

 

Jessica bit her lower lip, still uncertain about Yoona’s suggestion.

-          End of flashback –

Jessica looked up at the door’s house number – 418. The numbers looked like pure gold against the mahogany door.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

Come on…you can do this, Sooyeon.

She finally reached her hand to the doorbell and pressed the button once. She heard a bell chime inside the house and she continuously took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down.

The doorknob suddenly creaked and Jessica immediately held in her breath.

The door opened slightly, and behind the opening was a lovely-looking older woman. She had a very gentle look in her eyes – she seemed kind.

“A-annyunghaseyo…” Jessica stuttered.

“Jessica?” the woman murmured her face with a look of surprise.

But Jessica was just as surprised at the sound of her name.

…

“How did you know it was me?” Jessica asked, taking a seat on the leather, ivory couch. The living room wasn’t as large as it was ornamented with vintage décor.

“Siwon sent us a photo of you,” the lady replied, taking a seat in the arm chair next to her.

“He did?”

“Yes, he did,” Siwon’s father chimed in, standing behind his wife. Siwon’s father appeared to be very calm, very father-like. His hair was slightly whitening and he had on a pair of thin, gold-framed glasses. He wore a dark grey dress shirt and grey pants. “With a letter.”

“A letter?” Jessica asked.

Siwon’s mother picked up an envelope from the coffee table in front of them and handed it to her.

Looking at the back of the envelope, Jessica noticed it was already opened. She looked inside and found a photo of her and Siwon from a friend’s engagement party they had attended together.

“I remember this picture,” she said, holding it in her hand, smiling.

“The letter is in there too,” his mother said.

Jessica nodded her head and took out the letter, placing the photo and envelope on her lap. She skimmed over the letter, feeling unbearably nostalgic at the sight of Siwon’s hand-writing.

“Siwon has planned on visiting us early – before his service even ended,” Mr. Choi explained.

“It says he got injured during his training?” Jessica points out.

“Yes, he twisted a muscle in his shoulder and was moved to a desk job for a while. But because of this, he had some time to come back home to visit,” Mrs. Choi replied.

“But…I don’t understand,” Jessica shook her head. “Siwon never told me—“

“He wanted to surprise you,” Mrs. Choi smiled. “He told us all about you.”

Jessica looked over the letter.

…She’s amazing. I can’t even describe how perfect she is. She’s beautiful, charming, witty, and terribly understanding – maybe even too understanding. I have never met anyone like her. She makes me so happy. We want to come visit you together, officially, for the first time. And my God, I can’t wait for you to meet her…

Tears almost formed at the edge of Jessica’s eyes.

“But…what happened?”

Mrs. Choi took a deep breath, her husband rubbing her shoulder. “Well, the night he wanted to come visit, he stopped by his condominium first. He got into his car and started driving through Seoul to surprise you at your home.”

Jessica gulped, sweat beading on her forehead.

“But on that night, Siwon had collided with a motorcyclist.”

She couldn’t say she knew who she was talking about.

“He was rushed to the Incheon hospital, but they could do nothing to revive him. The doctors said he must have died instantly at the site,” Mr. Choi cut in.

“Oh…” was all Jessica could make out. “So…is he buried? I know he was an organ donor.”

“Well, he had some organs taken out while he was still in Incheon,” Mr. Choi began.

“But afterwards, we brought him home, to have him cremated, like he had wanted, and spread his ashes over the ocean,” Mrs. Choi finished.

“I never knew Siwon wanted to be cremated,” Jessica replied.

“Jessica, we would have contacted you if we could,” she said, her eyes had a sense of apology in them. “But we didn’t know your address or your phone number.”

“It’s not your fault,” Jessica tried to reassure the couple.

“Siwon obviously loved you very much and you made him very happy. We’re glad that he had you while he did. We are so fortunate.”

She looked at the loving, older couple. Mr. Choi’s hand still rested on her shoulder and she then placed her own hand on his, the two looking at her with tender eyes. Jessica let out a relaxed breathe and smiled.

“No, I was the fortunate one,” she answered.

…

It was about 10:30 PM, when Jessica finally returned to Seoul. She couldn’t say ‘no’ to sharing a dinner with Siwon’s parents that evening. It’s definitely what Siwon would have wanted – even if he couldn’t be there.

His parents told funny stories about him as a kid and got to know Jessica a lot better.

Since it was late, Jessica wanted to get home as fast as possible, so she decided to cut through the park. It was pretty much a short cut to get back to her apartment complex and she didn’t want to risk walking alone at night.

The park is dimly lit by the large pole lights that are dispersed throughout the area. As she’s walking, she looks up and sees someone standing underneath one of the lights a couple of feet away.

Rather than scared, Jessica was annoyed. She knew who it was.

“Jessica,” the painfully familiar voice called, his voice torn.

Jessica didn’t even bother to glance at him and walked around him.

“Jessica, please,” he pleaded, going after her. He placed his hand on her shoulder and she threw him off.

“Leave me alone, Donghae,” she commanded her voice stern.

“Please, don’t avoid me.”

But she continued to avoid him.

“How many times do I have to tell you ‘I’m sorry’ for you to believe me?!” He finally yelled, stopping her in her tracks.

She closed her eyes, taking in a deep breath, trying to restrain herself from lashing out at him. She turned around and glared at him. “Trust me, it’ll never be enough.”

“Jessica, I can’t change what happened,” he said, slowly approaching her, his eyes watering with agony. “Please, believe me,” he said, gripping his chest.

“I can’t do this,” she said, turning around.

He, almost violently, grabbed her wrist, restraining her from escaping him again. Her eyes widened angrily, shooting dagger through her glare. “What are you doing?”

“Look, you can ignore me all you want. You can avoid me and you can tell me to stay away from you. But I am not going to let you lie to me,” his voice full of frustration.

Jessica pulled her arm out of his strong grasp and stepped back.

“Lie to you? You’re the one who lied to me!” she yelled back.

“And I’m sorry, Jessica. I’m sorry! Can’t you imagine how hard it was for me to confess to you the truth?”

Jessica turned her face away, tears beginning to form.

“Jessica…I didn’t want to keep that secret from you…I didn’t want to hurt you,” he whispered, slowly approaching her, his face inching closer toward hers. “I know you want to walk away from me…but I can’t believe that you don’t have feelings for me too.”

“Donghae…listen,” she said, her voice becoming stern again, still avoiding his gaze.

“No! You listen,” his voice more sorrowful and pained rather than angry. “I am not the only one who thinks that this may have been our destiny…you said it too. You said that you and I met for a reason. Maybe...maybe falling for you...maybe that’s the reason…”

“Donghae…I..I can’t.” Jessica couldn’t face him. She could feel his agonized stare . She could hear the grogginess buried in his throat. She heard the pain in his voice. It was all real. It’s like he was human again.

“I love you,” he confessed. “I love you, with every piece of me. Until the day I die or until they decide to pull the plug on me and end me themselves…I will love you.”

“You know this can’t be right,” she told him. “I can’t…I can’t do this, Donghae!” she said, pulling herself away from him.

Donghae heaved out a breath. “Fine.”

She looked at him, confused.

“You tell me,” he said, pointing at her then to himself. “You tell me, right now, right here, that you don’t love me…and I will never bother you again.”

Jessica was stunned at this ultimatum. She thought she would just blurt out that she didn’t love him. But something was surprisingly holding her back. Words were stuck in and she couldn’t even understand herself.

“I…I…” she stammered, her cheeks blushing.

“Stop…” Donghae stopped her, halting her with his hand, his eyes closed, his expression disappointed. “I get it.”

He turned around, his hands in his pockets. He lazily glanced over his shoulder to her and said, “I’ll leave you alone.”

He walked away and he vanished into thin air – like he always does.

“Wait…” Jessica cried, going after him.

But he was gone.

Jessica dropped her purse on the ground. Then suddenly she dropped to the ground, her knees giving in beneath her. She began to break down, grabbing her chest with her hands, her tears staining the pavement.