I'm Hopeless at Small Talk and Have a Problem Making Eye Contact

Dreams Don't Turn to Dust

     The only thing I can give is this song. All I have is this voice. Even if this makes you laugh, I still sing. I hope you accept it.

     She had forgotten to put her phone on silent. Sighing, Seulki saved what she was doing- one, two, three times, in rapid succession, just to make sure- and then started rummaging through the papers that gave her desk another inch of height. Just as the song was coming to a close she found the elusive cell phone and jabbed her finger onto the green answer button- which was not really a button, just a bunch of pixels on a touch screen- without bothering to look at the caller ID for fear of missing the call.

     "Hello? This is Lee Seulki of Nalgae Publishing Company speaking," she answered, trying to keep her voice from sounding robotic as she repeated the greeting that was, by now, second nature. She didn't immediately get an answer, but she was positive the call had connected. Knitting her eyebrows together, Seulki strained her ears to hear any sort of activity on the other end. It was muffled and faint, but she could definitely hear piano music playing. Not live music, but a studio recording on a CD or other digital device.

     Seulki had no idea why a piano was calling her.

     "Hello? Lee Seulki of..." there was a crackling noise as the phone moved, and then Seulki could hear faint breathing. Slowly the goose bumps on her arms began disappearing, and she was able to successfully chase away the online ghost stories she had recently been reading through.

     "Ms. Lee?" Seulki resisted the temptation to hang up on the chilly, condescending voice right then and there. "Are you busy at the moment?"

     "No, I'm available at the moment," Seulki lied, knowing that the woman wouldn't care if she said she did, in fact, have quite a bit of work to do that was far more important than whatever was currently irking the insufferable lady. It was just easier to go along with things and deal with the outcome later.

     "Do you hear that?" By that Seulki assumed she meant the piano music. "Hei-Ryung has been blasting that awful music for hours now, but the hermit refuses to turn it down or even open the door when I knock! Come here and get her to shut up!" This wasn't the first time that Mrs. Hong had demanded Seulki drop everything- the woman apparently assumed Seulki lounged around all day and then had mountains of money thrown at her- and come solve a dispute between her and Hei-Ryung, but it was the first time she had ever heard the neighbor speak so hostilely. Apparently this music was developing into much more than the usual slight nuisance.

     Unfortunately, Seulki was trapped in her office. Partly because of the mass of work acting like ball and chain to keep her in this prison, but more so because of the warden that had taken to leaving his office door open so that Seulki couldn't so much as take a bathroom break without his knowing. If she tried leaving now he would have a fit, going into a long tangent about how she was a busy woman and so needed to work hard and take her job seriously. She didn't know why Himchan had suddenly taken to breathing down her neck, but something had rubbed the man the wrong way because he had been heckling her for days now.

     Squeezing the cell phone between her shoulder and ear, Seulki rubbed her temples with one hand and used the other to start rummaging through her papers again. "Unfortunately I'm unable to leave at the moment-"

     "You just said you weren't busy!" Mrs. Hong accused, sounding like she was ready to bring God's judgment down on Seulki's head.

     "I'm quite capable of sitting in my office and having a conversation with you, but physically leaving is impossible," Seulki explained, keeping her voice pleasant as she refrained from ripping into the woman.

     "Yes, I suppose you are busy just sitting around all day," Mrs. Hong muttered, possibly trying to remain discreet but failing miserably at it. Rolling her eyes, Seulki let the comment slide. "Well then what do you plan on doing about the hermit's music? I will call security on Hei-Ryung if you can't get her to stop soon," Mrs. Hong threatened. It wasn't an idle threat, either. Already the woman had gotten the apartment building's security involved eight times, and had even called the police once or twice. It was ridiculous what lengths the crab was willing to go to when she wanted her way.

     "There is a young man helping me out as of late. I'll send him over to check in on Hei-Ryung," Seulki assured Mrs. Hong, fishing out Youngjae's number from among her papers. She had no qualms with him personally, but as a professional Seulki found it extremely annoying to have him poking around and trying to interfere with Hei-Ryung. Most of her missed calls were now from Youngjae, who was constantly asking when he would be able to start work on getting Hei-Ryung ready for promotions in two weeks. Hopefully giving him this little task would get him off her back for now.

     After all, her back was already occupied by a particularly annoying Senior Editor. Scowling out her office window at Himchan, who was walking by at the moment and peeking in at her, Seulki rambled off a quick "Thank you for calling, he'll be by soon," before hanging up. She wished she could throw her phone down on the desk and be done for the day, but there was no way Himchan would let her.

 


 

     "So you must be the young man Ms. Lee mentioned before she so rudely hung up on me!" Mrs. Hong harumphed, her critical stare boring into Youngjae's skull as she stared at him with her arms folded over her chest. Swallowing hard, Youngjae tried not to squirm under her gaze and focused intently on inserting his spare key into the lock on Hei-Ryung's door. On the other side he could indeed hear piano music playing, though at the current volume it hardly seemed like the life-threatening issue Mrs. Hong had turned it into. No wonder Seulki had sounded so frazzled when she called, if this was what she was dealing with on a nearly daily basis.

     As the key turned in the lock and Youngjae pushed open the door, he could feel Mrs. Hong's intimidating bulk begin following him inside. Forcing a tight, polite smile on his face, Youngjae turned to face the wannabe intruder. "I'm sorry for any trouble Hei-Ryung has caused. I'll be sure to tell her to avoid making such a disturbance in the future. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd hate to intrude further on your time," clear, concise, and straight to the point, Youngjae left no openings for Mrs. Hong to shove her way in.

     That didn't stop her from trying, though, and for a much longer than was normally necessary time, the woman stood there with hanging slightly open, trying to think of an excuse. It was fascinating watching as her entire face was used to drive her brain. moved quietly as she tried out various comebacks, her eyebrows furrowed and unfurrowed periodically, and her nose wrinkled just slightly, all so that her brain could think. Eventually she had to give up, though. Mimicking Youngjae's smile, she bobbed a quick bow that, although polite on the surface, obviously held nothing of substance behind it.

     "It was a pleasure meeting you," she drawled, not even attempting to hide her disapproval of Youngjae.

     "The pleasure was mine," Youngjae responded, then watched as Mrs. Hong sauntered her way into her apartment. Once the door had closed behind her Youngjae quickly slipped inside of Hei-Ryung's apartment and began searching for the source of the music. It didn't take him long, since there wasn't much in the way of furniture in Hei-Ryung's apartment. Across the living area was a small, supine portable radio that was quietly unraveling the piano notes. After he crossed the room and turned the radio off, Youngjae could hear in the background the soft mewling of the kitten clock he had seen during his last visit here.

     It was surprising that Hei-Ryung hadn't fixed the thing yet. Youngjae would do it for her, but he didn't want to surprise Hei-Ryung by randomly wandering through her apartment. It would be hard enough earning her trust without Youngjae acting out of turn, especially since Seulki had barely been able to convince Hei-Ryung to give Youngjae a spare key to her apartment. Frowning thoughtfully, Youngjae slipped one hand in his pocket and felt the spare batteries that had randomly appeared there.

     Well of course they hadn't just come out of thin air, but he certainly didn't remember putting them there. Not that it was surprising. Youngjae, who had an almost innumerable amount of electronics in his possession, often had bits and pieces lying about on him. Spare batteries were perhaps the most normal thing he carried, in fact. And from what he had seen of the clock, it should work with the batteries just fine. So, against his better judgment, Youngjae carefully picked his way through Hei-Ryung's apartment.

     Fortunately it didn't seem that she was home, so he didn't run the risk of suddenly running into her as she stepped out of one of the doorways. He didn't know where she was, or, more importantly, when she would be back, though, so Youngjae kept one ear fixated on the front door for even the slightest of sounds. He certainly didn't want Hei-Ryung walking in on him creeping through her apartment uninvited.

     It took him a few minutes, but eventually Youngjae found the kitten clock stuffed in a closet underneath a threadbare blanket. Carefully pulling it out, he glanced at the bottom. Fortunately he wouldn't need a screwdriver, though if that had been the case he had an all-purpose pocket knife in his back pocket. It was just a pain to take it out and go through all the gidgets and gazmos... gadgets and gizmos. "The life of a criminal really isn't for me. I'm losing my mind just thinking about getting caught, and I'm not even doing anything illegal!". Popping off the bottom, Youngjae pulled out the old batteries- instantly silencing the kitten- and slipped in the new ones.

     Blissful silence.

     Admiring his handiwork with a grin on his face, Youngjae turned the clock around in his hands and headed back for the living room. Hopefully having her clock back in working order and where it belonged would be a happy surprise for Hei-Ryung and not the terrifying one Youngjae expected it would inevitably become. Kneeling beside the coffee table, he carefully placed the kitten clock on the glossy brown surface of the coffee table. As a test run, he gently pushed the button down, held it for a moment to make sure it didn't stick, and then let go.

     "Mew! The time is ten thirty-one!" The message played once, followed by an obviously digital purring, and then the clock went quiet. Completely silent. No broken, repetitive announcements about the time. Sitting back, Youngjae nodded in satisfaction and watched the second hand tick by. He didn't know if Hei-Ryung not being in her apartment was cause for concern, and didn't want to call Seulki to ask. The woman was busy enough without him pestering her about trivial matters like this. After all, as far as Youngjae knew, Hei-Ryung had simply gone shopping and would be back any minute now.

     He should leave before that happened.

     "One, two, th-!" Youngjae had almost jumped to his feet when his hand, flailing wildly about in the air during the transition between sitting and standing, smacked into Hei-Ryung's coffee table and sent a sharp jolt of pain up his arm. Crying out in agony, Youngjae fell back onto the floor and curled into the fetal position, his hand cradled pitifully to his chest. "It hurts!" he moaned, squeezing his hand to try and stop the throbbing in his hand.

     Now not only would Hei-Ryung be freaked out by her radio turning off and her kitten clock reappearing on its own, she would be terrified by the pool of blood on her floor. Risking a small peek at his hand, Youngjae braced himself for the mess he was bound to find- except there wasn't even a bruise. So maybe he had been overreacting just a bit. Chagrined, Youngjae sat up and shook off the pain in his hand. He could be an actor with those kind of skills, if he actually put forth the effort... and had any interest in that particular career path.

     So, actually, he couldn't be an actor. Mostly because he didn't want to be.

     Now thoroughly distracted from the pain in his hand, Youngjae got onto his feet- with much more caution this time- and started heading for the door. He had gotten about halfway when the doorknob started turning. On the other side he could hear the vaguely familiar voice of Hei-Ryung. Panicking, Youngjae froze like a deer in the headlights and frantically looked around for a place to hide. Not that he needed to, of course. After all, Hei-Ryung knew that he had a spare key to her apartment, and if he calmly explained why he had let himself in then she would take it well. Hei-Ryung seemed like a reasonable, albeit nervous, person, after all!

     He hid behind the wall, which was only going to work for a few seconds. Maybe he could slip out behind Hei-Ryung, though, and leave her none the wiser.

     "Strange," he heard Hei-Ryung mumble, and then the door shut behind her. Holding his breath, Youngjae turned his head just enough to peek around the corner. There was no need for that, though, because Hei-Ryung was walking right past him. Youngjae went rigid, nothing but his eyes moving as he watched her pass and hoped that her peripheral vision was not all that great.

     So, of course, it was.

     "Oh my gosh!" Hei-Ryung screamed, scaring Youngjae just as much as he had scared her. Her hand flew up to as she stumbled backwards, wide eyes fixated on Youngjae. In her rush to get away from him, Hei-Ryung tripped over her own feet and fell backwards into one of the bookshelves with a painful thud.

     As it began tipping forward after being disturbed, Youngjae lunged towards Hei-Ryung and used his body to stop the bookshelf from falling on her. His shoulder pressed against the shelf, he managed to keep the monstrosity from falling on top of her, but couldn't do much about the books that rained down around them. Fortunately for both their sakes, Hei-Ryung preferred paperback to hardcover. The danger only lasted for a moment, but it took a lot longer for Hei-Ryung to cautiously poke her head out from beneath her arms and peer up at Youngjae, who was struggling to keep the heavy bookshelf from crushing the both of them.

     Seeing Youngjae's plight, Hei-Ryung hurried to help him push the bookshelf back into a vertical position. "I-I'm so sorry. I just... my feet..." at a loss for words, Hei-Ryung swung her hands in a semi-circular movement to demonstrate what her feet had done. "A-are you hurt?" she whispered, her hands hovering in the air as she hesitated to touch Youngjae and check him over for injuries.

    "Don't apologize. I'm the one who was hiding," Youngjae assured her, resisting the urge to rub his shoulder, which was sore after bearing the weight of her ridiculously heavy bookshelf. He didn't want to worry her even more, especially since it seemed Hei-Ryung was already prepared to dissolve into tears.

     Nodding furiously, Hei-Ryung turned her attention to the books that formed a small mountain on her floor. Following her gaze, Youngjae grimaced at the mess the two had managed to create. Bending down, he picked up one of the few hardback books that had fallen and glanced at the front. The book jacket as missing, though, and he couldn't tell from the plain black cover what the title was. Beside him, Hei-Ryung also began picking up the books and replacing them on the shelf.

     "So... why were you in my apartment?" Her words were biting, but her tone was genuinely curious. Glancing up at her as she carefully placed the books one by one, Youngjae didn't know which to believe.

     "Your neighbor- Mrs. Hong?- called and complained about your radio being too loud," Youngjae told her, gesturing to the object in question before also beginning to replace the books.

     "Ah," Hei-Ryung replied simply, nodding her head in understanding. That was the end of their conversation, which was replaced by an awkward silence between the two of them. Youngjae cleared his throat a few times, attempting to initiate more talking, but the only response he got was Hei-Ryung disappearing for a few minutes and then returning with a glass of water for him. Smiling weakly, he accepted the cup and took a seat on the arm of her couch. She continued working while he took his water break, showing no signs of stopping along with him to make small talk.

     As the silence grew longer, Youngjae began wondering if perhaps Hei-Ryung was purposefully ignoring him. She didn't seem the type to be spiteful, but he did know that she didn't like having people around. Especially in her apartment. So for him to show up unannounced and then end up causing all this trouble for her... he wouldn't be surprised if Hei-Ryung was just waiting for him to leave. Which he should have done as soon as he turned off the radio, rather than poking through her things and making himself at home when he knew he wasn't welcome.

     "I'm sorry for intruding like this. I know you don't like people and want to just be left alone, so I should have..." Youngjae's voice trailed off as he watched Hei-Ryung's face go from blank to devastated in a split second. He didn't know why she was so upset, though. He hadn't thought he had said anything that would offend her, though he was still learning a lot about this strange girl. Sighing heavily, Hei-Ryung turned her back to Youngjae and continued to quietly work.

     "What? Did I say something wrong?" He asked, his mind drawing a definitive blank as to what that 'something wrong' could be.

     "It's just that..." she wanted to talk, Youngjae could tell, but she didn't seem to know how to put her thoughts into words. Unsure of what else to do, Youngjae kept quiet and waited for her to get things sorted. "I don't hate people," she finally admitted, so quietly that Youngjae had to strain to hear her. "In fact, I rather enjoy having people around," she looked up at him and actually smiled a little when she saw his expression, which Youngjae had been trying to hide. "You don't believe me, do you?" she chuckled weakly, though it wasn't a sad kind of weak. Her voice was just too quiet to be very strong.

     "Well, I mean, you do have a bit of a reputation..." Youngjae admitted, hurrying to join her in putting away the books while hoping that the monotony of physical labor would make things less awkward.

     "I know. I've always been nervous around people, so I was never really able to make many friends- well, not very many, at least. Eventually, everyone around me labeled me as a "loner", and it became easier to go along with their preconception of me rather than struggle to change it. Or, maybe I just didn't know how to change it," she sighed, never once stopping her work. Following her example, Youngjae listened attentively while he helped her shelve the books. "I've always played the part, because that's who I've become. Though really I'm a lot friendlier. It's just that I'm not friendly in the way most people perceive it."

     "And that would be?" He prompted, bending down and picking up the last few books. He was surprised they had been able to work so quickly.

     "I like being around people, and I like listening to them talk. I've just never been able to hold a conversation very well, myself," she admitted, shrugging her shoulders and taking one of the books off the top of Youngjae's stack. "I do enjoy being in the company of others, though. People always seem to have something interesting to say, even if they might say otherwise. I even like talking about the weather!" Hei-Ryung seemed to find this amusing, and started laughing a little- a little burst of muffled happiness. Covering with one hand, Hei-Ryung looked down at the ground and tried to swallow it down.

     It was kind of cute watching her fret, mostly because she seemed to not know what to do with herself now that she had started laughing. She obviously didn't want to laugh in front of him, so although her sudden bout of happiness was spreading to him, Youngjae forced himself to only smile a bit as he focused on shelving the last few books. Hei-Ryung hadn't been kidding when she said she didn't know to to keep up a conversation, though, because they were quickly moving towards another lengthy silence.

     In order to avoid this, Youngjae said the first thing that came to mind: "Apparently the weather's going to start getting warmer soon. The clouds are supposed to get blown away before the weekend, too," he commented, and as he was unsure where to look he ended up turning to face the window. Hei-Ryung remained quiet, but Youngjae knew that she was listening. Which meant he was just going to have to do the talking. "I'll be glad when spring finally comes. I'm starting to get tired of wearing such heavy clothing all the time, and the winds we've been having recently are horrible."

     "Hm," Hei-Ryung hummed, nodding her head in agreement. At least he was getting something out of her.

     "Of course that means unpacking all of my spring clothes, then sending them to the dry cleaner to get washed. That can get pretty expensive. Do you pack up your clothes for winter?" he asked her, trying to draw Hei-Ryung into talking.

     "Uh-uh," she shook her head.

     "Really..." his voice trailed off. He didn't know what else to say. Gradually the silence between them began growing longer, but Youngjae's mind only got blanker.

     "Did you fix it?" Hei-Ryung asked, pointing to her kitten clock. He nodded. "Really? How?" She asked, tip-toeing over to the coffee table and kneeling beside it.

     "It just needed some new batteries," he replied mildly, following her and sitting on the couch. Leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, he picked up the kitten clock from the table and turned it over in his hands. "I happened to have some spare batteries in my pocket, so I figured I'd use them to fix your clock." She really did find all topics of conversation fascinating, because Youngjae had Hei-Ryung riveted. Forcing himself to not smile at how amusingly strange this whole situation was, he rubbed his thumb along the bumpy surface of the kitten's back.

     "Thank you."

     "No problem."

     "So do you normally have batteries on you?"

     "Well, I wouldn't say usually, but... yeah, I generally have random bits and pieces like that in my pockets. I have a lot of electronics, and they're always breaking down on me..."

 


Author's Note:

I'm sorry for keeping you guys waiting! School has been crazy this past week and I never got the chance to sit down and write out this chapter. Hopefully it's at least a good chapter, considering it's been two weeks in the making...

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katgirl
[5/3] FINALLY hell week is over and I can get back into the swing of things. It might take me a while to put out updates at first, but I'll try my best! TT^TT

Comments

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Marymanou
#1
Ok hands down this is one of the most well written bap stories I ever read! Seriously the storyline, the detailed way you portray all the events as well as the character's personalities, just everything is so amazing~ It feels like reading an actual book hehe please keep up the good work authornim!
imanie93
#2
Chapter 44: i'm waiting for century~please update more~
katgirl
#3
So apparently I just do not have the ability to balance school and writing, especially now that I've started working more. I highly doubt I'll be able to put out any updates during this semester (AGAIN TT^TT), although I might be able to do some writing over Spring Break if I end up staying at home and not going on a road trip with friends. I'm really, REALLY sorry that this story keeps getting put onto the back burner, but the semester will be over at the end of April and I should be able to put out updates again. Until then, thank you for sticking around TT^TT
imanie93
#4
Chapter 43: Please update soon~I'm start addicted for this story~And I don't know why,I keep imagined Hei Ryung as Juniel~haha..
imanie93
#5
Chapter 41: I wonder if Youngjae had any feeling to Hei Ryung~
Dream_Weaver
#6
Chapter 43: Thanks for the update! I actually find myself relating to Hei-Ryung sometimes. I feel like we've all been in a situation where we've written a strongly-worded letter only to delete it before sending. I love how Hei-Ryung is letting her inner detective come out, too. Keep up the great work! :D
Scarierthanakitty
#7
Chapter 41: It's a shame this story isnt well known YET.. :c it's one of my favorite b.a.p fics!!! Thanks for updating :) Poor hei-ryung ..