"Hei-" a yawn that almost painfully strained his jaw interrupted Youngjae- "Hei-Ryung, are you there?" He mumbled, rubbing away the sleepy film blanketing his eyes as he cracked the door to her apartment open. There was no response from the 'illustrious' author, which didn't exactly surprise him. As far as Youngjae knew, Hei-Ryung could have gone to bed; most normal people had. Glancing at the kitten clock she kept on her coffee table, Youngjae squinted his eyes to try and enhance the moonlight and make it easier to read the time displayed. As far as he could tell, it appeared to be almost eleven-thirty. Groaning, he ran one hand through his hair and used the other to peel off his shoes. Normally he would have waited until tomorrow to come and check up on Hei-Ryung, but he had a bus to catch in an hour and he wouldn't be back in the city for a few days.

     "Collapsed?" He could still remember how shocked he had been when he received the phone call that his mother had collapsed- again- and was confined to her bed for rest; all he had been able to do was repeat the last word or two he had been told. Although the caller had assured him that his mother was well-cared for- the woman was popular amongst her neighbors, and Youngjae didn't doubt that they were all chipping in- he had still insisted on coming home to look after her himself. Unfortunately, it had taken him a few days to finish up the unavoidable appointments and clear out the rest from his schedule. He had even attempted to drop hints to Ji Suk that something was wrong and Youngjae needed a little slack so he could take care of it, but either his uncle was extremely dense and had missed all the little clues Youngjae gave him or Ji Suk just didn't think it was more important than schmoozing the board members. Eventually, Youngjae had tried to address the problem directly, figuring that his uncle would be understanding and maybe even offer his help, but Ji Suk had always been too busy to listen.

     If he really thought about it, Youngjae supposed that his uncle's behavior the past few days had been suspicious. Of course, Ji Suk was the CEO of a large company, so it was only natural that he would be busy- Youngjae took a few steps into the apartment and cautiously began looking around for Hei-Ryung- but that didn't account for why he was always too busy to speak with Youngjae; even about things that didn't pertain to his mother. It was almost like Ji Suk was avoiding talking to Youngjae simply because he was afraid that the subject of his mother's health would come up. "That's ridiculous, though," Youngjae thought, finishing his sweep of the living area, "he doesn't know about her illness. It's impossible for someone to be scared of something they don't even know exists." Poking his head around the corner, Youngjae made sure that Hei-Ryung wasn't waiting for him with pepper spray before investigating the last two rooms.

     She was nowhere to be seen. "Where could she have possibly gone this late at night? She doesn't even go outside in the daylight," he thought aloud, scratching the back of his head. Sighing, he decided that he would leave a note one her desk. It wasn't as good a means of communication as directly speaking with her about the fact that she hadn't sent in even a single page of her latest book for Seulki to look over- nobody at the company even knew what the next book was about- but it would have to do. He couldn't wait around for her to wander back inside whenever she felt like it, and he didn't have time to look for her, either. The train would be here in- Youngjae glanced at the kitten, which stared back at him with glassy eyes- forty minutes. If he wanted to catch it and not make his mom wait another day, he would need to be quick.

     "She must have sticky notes around here somewhere." Carefully rummaging through the stacks of papers she had on her desk, Youngjae tried his best to find something blank and unimportant-looking to scrawl his message on. "Notes, more notes, doodles- how important are doodles to her? Best not to mess with them, I guess- even more notes... here we go," a small stack of bright yellow squares sat underneath a few receipts for groceries. Pulling them out, Youngjae was about to write down his note with a pen he had found during the search when he noticed that she already had something written down on the top post-it:

    I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times

     Youngjae vaguely remembered having read over Hei-Ryung's answers for the magazine interview at the request of his uncle, including the one that was ommitted from the official publication. "It will be a good way for you to come to understand her," had been his uncle's excuse for handing over what was a relatively lifeless list of questions and answers. Of course he may have judged it too harshly because of the fact that he had been busy trying to prepare for his return home when Ji Suk insisted on handing him more work. Whether or not the magazine had an interesting story was unimportant, though. What really mattered was that Hei-Ryung was writing things like this so soon after giving such a despair-filled answer to what should have been a simple question.

     He had come here to tie up loose ends, not play psychotherapist for a possibly suicidal hermit. He didn't have time to go looking for Hei-Ryung, to make sure that she was alright and not throwing herself in front of oncoming traffic. Besides, it was most likely something she had jotted down because it sounded poetic. It was a slim chance that it had any actual meaning to- "Hei-Ryung asked me today how far a person would have to fall to die." It had been an off-handed remark by Seulki a few days ago and, at the time, Youngjae hadn't thought it all that important. Now, though...

     "She seemed fine!" After making sure to lock the door behind him, Youngjae sprinted out into the hallway and made his way towards the elevator. He would check the roof to make sure Hei-Ryung wasn't preparing to do anything stupid, and then he would leave. They could talk about her lack of a manuscript in the morning. Hei-Ryung owned a cell phone, after all, and it wasn't as though they had time zone differences to worry about- he was just going to the country, not a different country. He shouldn't have to worry about Hei-Ryung having a busy schedule, either, since she didn't do anything with herself except mope around her apartment.

     Absolutely nothing. While he was running around attempting to accomplish the impossible, she was sitting around watching reruns of television dramas. While he was attempting to help the both of them, she was dragging her heels in the dirt and actively making things difficult for him. If it was just her life she was ruining, he honestly wouldn't care. If Hei-Ryung was only hurting herself by never leaving her apartment and slacking off on her writing, then he would be more than happy to ignore her- Hei-Ryung's issues shouldn't be his problem. They were, though. Every time she ran to hide in a bathroom or freaked out in an interview, he was the one who looked bad in front of the board and who had to work twice as hard to recuperate the lost respect. Every time she screwed up, he had to take the consequences. Youngjae was moving forward, but with the dead weight he had tied to his back the progress was slow.

     "She collapsed again and hit her head, but she seems to be doing alright now. The doctor-"

     "What doctor?! The same one who can't even diagnose what the problem is in the first place?!" He smashed down on the elevator button. Every time Hei-Ryung screwed up, that was one more day his mother had to wait for proper treatment. That was one more day his mother had to pretend that everything was alright, just so that her son wouldn't worry about her.

     That was one less day his mother had to live.

     Losing his patience, Youngjae gave up on the elevator and started storming up the emergency stairs.

     The local doctor had assured him that whatever disease was attacking his mother wasn't fatal, and that with rest she would be fine. That had been years ago, though, and his mother wasn't getting any better- though, admittedly, her stubbornness meant she wasn't getting much rest. She needed a real doctor, someone who could run real tests on her and worked at a real hospital instead of a room above the butcher shop. It took money to pay for a real doctor and real tests, though, and if whatever disease his mother had needed treatment, Youngjae would need even more money.

     And yet the one person who could help him reach that money was possibly about to throw herself off a rooftop.

     "Selfish. Hei-Ryung is selfish," Youngjae thought as he reached the final flight of stairs. Panting lightly, Youngjae pushed open the door to the rooftop and took a cursory glance around. At first, it appeared to be empty, but before he could let out a sigh of relief and head back downstairs, he spotted a figure, awfully similar to Hei-Ryung, perched on the ledge.

     "If I were to lay down and die right now, nobody would care in a few days." Clenching his jaw, Youngjae stomped across the rooftop. He wasn't trying to be quiet, but Hei-Ryung- he was by now certain that it was her staring forlornly into the distance- hadn't taken notice of him. She was convinced that nobody cared about her, that- in her own words- she made "zero impact" on the world. She was so caught up in her own selfish little world that she couldn't see just how many people depended on her. She couldn't see that Assistant Editor Lee's entire career depended on her; that the Nalgae Company relied on her as one of the highest-grossing authors; that he needed her if he was going to go anywhere with the board members; that his mother was lying in bed right now, waiting for a girl she had never met before to get her act together so she could have proper treatment.

     "Hei-Ryung, what the hell do you think you're doing up here?!" Youngjae demanded, digging his nails into Hei-Ryung's wrist as he yanked her off the ledge. Screaming in surprise, Hei-Ryung allowed her legs to go out from under her and hung limply from Youngjae's grip. Staring uncomprehendingly up at him, Hei-Ryung opened to scream again but was cut off by Youngjae. "I don't care how tragic your life is, you are not allowed to give up on it! Do you have any idea how selfish you are being right now?!" He roared, pushing Hei-Ryung away from the ledge and glaring at her.

     "W-w-w-w-" stammering, Hei-Ryung tried to loosen Youngjae's grip on her wrist. "What do you- let go of me!" She insisted while tugging her wrist away from his as his grip began to tighten painfully around it. Youngjae didn't let go, though. He didn't want her running off to a bathroom and ignoring the problem. "What are you talking about?

     "Maybe all of your self-inflicted problems will disappear if you kill yourself, but did you ever think that the world doesn't revolve around you? This isn't one of your books, Hei-Ryung! You aren't the heroine that everyone must accommodate because she's oh-so-special! In the real world, everyone else has just as many problems to deal with, and if you throw yourself off the roof it's only going to make those problems even worse! Stop being so selfish-"

     "What do you mean throw myself- I was just sitting!" Hei-Ryung interrupted, peeling Youngjae's hand off her wrist. There were faint purplish-red marks on the skin. Biting down on her lip to keep from crying, Hei-Ryung squared her shoulders and frowned disapprovingly at Youngjae. "I have no intention of taking my own life, Youngjae. I'm not selfish... that selfish." Lowering her eyes, Hei-Ryung quietly corrected herself as Youngjae's furious gaze began to weigh down on her. She was only just now realizing exactly how angry he was.

     "Which is why you've been talking about dying for the past few days, and leaving suicidal notes around," Youngjae retorted, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at Hei-Ryung. She didn't appear to understand what he meant. "I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times- sounds like it wasn't a coincidence that I found you-" he quieted down when he heard Hei-Ryung mumble something in response. "What did you say?"

     "I have wanted to kill myself a hundred times, but somehow I am still in love with life," she snapped with a burst of confidence. "My apologies if you mistook something meant to inspire hope as a message of despair!"

     A heated silence filled the space between the two young adults as both glared at one another. Narrowing his eyes, Youngjae maintained a steady glower, while Hei-Ryung's eyes flickered unsurely between him and the ground. "I'm the one who has been doing everything for her- including running the risk of missing my bus- and yet she's the one yelling at me. I have never met anyone more selfish in my life!" Youngjae thought, watching as Hei-Ryung slowly collapsed on herself; her eyes became permanently locked onto the ground, and her shoulders sunk so that her chest became a concave bowl. Shakingly, she reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "And now she's behaving like the victim. Honestly..." Rolling his eyes, Youngjae unfolded his arms.

     "Where's your manuscript?" He asked, the cutting edge of his voice still there despite a noticeable calmness in his demeanor. "Ms. Lee mentioned that you haven't sent it in yet."

     "I'm still working on it- maybe after a few more pages-"

      "Maybe," Youngjae mimicked with a scoff. "I sure wish I was as special as you, Ms. Cha. Then I could have the audacity to say 'Maybe I'll do my job; maybe I'll leave my apartment; maybe I'll just sit around and wait for everyone else to take care of me, because I'm just so damn important'." Hei-Ryung cringed, but kept shut. "Do you have any idea how selfish you're being? In a world with seven billion forty-seven million people, you have the nerve to act like you're the pink-haired main character of some cheeky anime. You aren't Rapunzel! Nobody is going to come along and save you from your tower just because you sit around waiting for them! Nobody cares about you that much!" Hei-Ryung bowed her head to try and hide the tears, but it was useless when Youngjae could still hear her sniffling. "And then when somebody calls you out on your bull, or things get too hard, you start crying and acting like the victim," he scoffed, grabbing her wrists so that she couldn't cover her face with her hands.

     "Did it ever cross your mind that you're the one victimizing everyone else? That you're  the problem? Did you ever stop to think that-"

     "Yes!" Hei-Ryung screeched suddenly, ripping her hands away from Youngjae and glaring up at him. "Every day! Every day I try and figure out how to make things right, but I just don't know what I'm supposed to do! Every time I try, I just end up making things even worse for the people around me! I would be more than happy to jump off this roof right now and get rid of myself so that maybe the world can be a better place, but like you said, it's too late!" Trembling, Hei-Ryung struggled to keep her voice steady. "I can't go back and change my decision, so that people won't rely on me anymore. I can't go forward because every time I try things just get worse. I can't stop, either, because the world doesn't stop! No matter how much I drag my heels, I just keep getting pulled forward!"

     "Of course you do!" Youngjae snapped, losing his patience with how ignorant Hei-Ryung was. "The world does not stop just because you want it to! Life does not revolved around you! Just because you stomp your feet and cry about how tough things are, it doesn't change anything! Why can't you see that?!" Hei-Ryung winced as Youngjae raised his hand to slap her, but he checked himself at the last second and instead irritably scratched at the back of his neck. Breathing deeply, he calmed himself down to the point where he was- almost- certain he wouldn't physically harm Hei-Ryung; no matter how tempting it was.

     Shaking his head, Youngjae dropped his hand at his side. "I don't have time to argue with you about this," he sighed. "Just... try to get something into Ms. Lee before I get back." Hei-Ryung nodded meekly while rubbing at her eyes to try and get rid of the tears. "Honestly, I don't know why we even keep you around any more. It would be better for the company if you just disappeared," he muttered, striding past Hei-Ryung. He would have to catch a taxi if he wanted to make his bus, and even then he would probably have to pay extra so the driver would feel comfortable with speeding a little. Glancing over his shoulder, Youngjae wondered if he should ask Hei-Ryung for some spare cash to compensate him for the time he wasted on her. He didn't trust himself to keep the conversation short, though. Not when he was still fuming. After throwing the roof's door open, he made sure to slam it behind him for good measure.

     "I'm sorry," Hei-Ryung whispered after him, slowly sinking towards the ground until she was crouching. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry..."

     She wasn't sure how long she stayed like that, endlessly repeating the same two words, but by the time she could think beyond three syllables her fingers had frozen stiff and she was shivering. She was pretty sure she had fallen asleep a few times. It was still dark, too. Sniffling, Hei-Ryung wrapped her arms around herself to try and stay warm. Her legs were stiff, too, making for a slow and painful ascent to a standing position. Her legs were exhausted, she had never squatted that much even back in her high school physical education classes, so she leaned against the roof's ledge to try and give them a break. She would have sat, but a prickling, irrational fear at the corner of her mind told her that if she returned to her former position, Youngjae would come bursting through the door and start yelling at her again. Swallowing hard, Hei-Ryung tried to bring moisture to her bone dry throat.

     Going back to her apartment was impossible. Youngjae had a key and could easily let himself in, which meant that her former fortress was now more vulnerable than a glass palace. She considered asking Daehyun if she could spend the night in his apartment, but she didn't want to bother him so late at night- or was it considered early morning now?- and besides, she didn't know him very well. As kind as he was, Hei-Ryung didn't want to push the boundaries of their new friendship. Unless Daehyun was already fed up with her and she had completely missed it. Sighing, she tried not to think too hard about just how many people hated her, and went back to planning where she should go.

     Eventually she decided to go for a walk, despite common sense screaming at her that it was a stupid idea for a girl to walk all by herself in the dark. Even if she had been listening to the better half of her brain she wouldn't have cared, though. At this point, it didn't matter what happened to her. In fact, if something terrible were to happen to her, it would probably be for the better. Nobody could blame her or call her selfish is someone else jumped out of an alleyway and beat her to death. They could bring baseball bats and corner her against a car, thrashing at her indiscriminately until nearly every bone in her body was broken and she was choking on her own blood.

     "Stop! He's not even conscious anymore! You're killing him!"

     Hei-Ryung wrestled down a whimper and wrapped her arms around her stomach. She felt ill.

     "Go ahead and scream. Nobody cares about you or him! They won't come and help!"

     "Nobody is going to come along and save you from your tower just because you sit around waiting for them! Nobody cares about you that much!"

     It couldn't be true that nobody cared about her. Somebody, in this world of seven billion forty-seven million people, had to care about her. Unless, like Youngjae said, she was being selfish in expecting anyone to care. Maybe she was spending too much time with her writing. Maybe she should stop expecting the world to fall tidily into the various roles an author creates in their stories. "I know that's not how it works, though. I know life doesn't follow a beginning, , resolution path. If it did, then a lot of things that have happened wouldn't have. I know that life is messy, but that doesn't mean I have to accept that. It's not selfish of me to try and look for some form of sanity- is it? Am I being selfish? I didn't think I was, but-"

     "Ms. Cha?" Hei-Ryung stiffened when she heard her name, worried that Youngjae had come and found her. Shaking, she stiffly turned to look at him, prepared to drop her eyes at a moment's notice. It wasn't Youngjae who had called her name, though. For a brief moment, Hei-Ryung stared blankly at the young man standing a few feet away from her. The first thing she noticed about him was that he was not only wearing long sleeves, but that he also had on a leather jacket to hold back the morning chill- a stark contrast in wardrobe from when she had met him a month ago. The second thing she noticed was that he was looking at her with a very concerned expression. Embarrassed, she rapidly blinked away the tears that had settled in her eyes and tried to straighten herself out as best she could. It was a difficult task, though, considering she was wearing pajama bottoms and slipper boots; she hadn't been expecting to go out in public when she got dressed earlier in the evening.

     "J-Jongup," she greeted, her voice picking the most inopportune moment to give out on her. To make up for it, she slapped a tentative smile on her face. Jongup, surprisingly, didn't return the expression. "What are you doing out here? It's late." Realizing that she was an adult and he was a high school student, Hei-Ryung straightened her back and tried to assume an heir of authority.

     "It's just past five," Jongup pointed out, "so I'd say it's more early." He dragged the words out as he became distracted by the marks on Hei-Ryung's wrists, barely visible as the sky above them began lightening in anticipation of sunrise. He raised an eyebrow and silently questioned Hei-Ryung what happened, but she pretended as though she weren't paying attention. She didn't know how to explain things without turning Youngjae into the bad guy.

     Until she knew how to explain that Youngjae wasn't in the wrong- that it was all her fault- she didn't want to say anything that was certain to give the wrong idea. "Y-yeah. Early... still, shouldn't you be sleeping? School doesn't start for a while," Hei-Ryung suggested, nervously fiddling with her fingers. She hadn't expected to meet anyone, especially anyone that she knew, so she didn't know how to proceed from here. Should she excuse herself and go home? Or should she just keep walking and act as though she was heading somewhere? Neither seemed very viable, considering the first ran the risk of meeting Youngjae and the second would be an obvious lie- who went anywhere while in their pajamas?

     "I have a few hours," Jongup agreed, also nervously shifting around. Reaching up, he fiddled with the collar of his jacket, trying to get it to lie perfectly flat. "I came to get the cafe ready," he explained, pointing over Hei-Ryung's shoulders. She hadn't realized that she had wandered so far from home. "Um... do you want to come in with me?"

     "Would it be selfish to say yes? I don't have anywhere else to go... but he obviously wasn't expecting anyone else. I would just end up getting in the way. I should tell him no. Jongup shouldn't be looking after me- especially considering that I'm the older one..." Hei-Ryung had just begun to shake her head when Jongup hurriedly added, "It would be nice to have someone helping me!" Widening her eyes, Hei-Ryung wondered if Jongup had the mysterious ability to read minds, or if he genuinely would appreciate the help. She had never prepared any sort of a business for opening, but so long as she paid attention and did her best she probably wouldn't get in the way. And if she did, she could always leave.

     Swallowing hard, Hei-Ryung nodded her head.

     "Great! Have you eaten yet?" Jongup's entire face brightened as he broke out into a grin. "Usually I eat when I get here," he explained, catching the hesitant look Hei-Ryung was giving him.

     "N-no, I haven't eaten." Now that she thought about it, she was pretty sure she hadn't sat down for a proper meal since yesterday afternoon. Although it would have been late, she had planned on eating dinner after she came back in from getting some fresh air.

     "Then we'll start with breakfast! It won't be a normal Korean breakfast, but we do have some pastries and juice," he chirped happily, reaching into his pocket for the cafe key. Wrapping her arms around her middle, Hei-Ryung quietly followed him, all the while feeling like she was the child and he was the adult. Regrettably, it wasn't an uncommon feeling for her.

     "Maybe I'll just sit around and wait for everyone else to take care of me, because I'm so damn important." Lowering her eyes, Hei-Ryung let out a long, shaky sigh. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that Youngjae had a point. She didn't want to worry Jongup any further, though, so she dropped the melancholy emotions and tried her best to replace them with happier ones.

     "If I remember, you like orange-"

     "Orange juice!" Hei-Ryung interrupted. "I'd like orange juice, please," she hurriedly added, lowering her voice sheepishly. "...like order my own damn orange juice." Smiling back at Jongup as he held the door for her, Hei-Ryung allowed herself a brief moment of triumph. At least she could do something for herself, even if it was something very small.

Author's Note

I'm so sorry about not updating last week! I caught a cold and couldn't think straight long enough to put out a decent chapter. Thank you to everyone for being patient with me, and hopefully this week's update doesn't disappoint! ^-^  It would have come out earlier, but I accidentally slept in too long, hehe

((And ohmigosh, AFF changed their layout! It took me a little while to figure it out, hehe))