HAPPY NEW YEAR!. After seeing your comments and the vote, I knew I had to update. 

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You know those moment in life when you wear a fake smile to protect the ones you love?. If  you don't know then you haven't loved, or you haven't had to protect the one you love, I seriously envy you. I know you are wondering why I am standing here with a smile on my face and a hole in my heart, reminiscing  about my past with Seunghyun. It's because I'm leaving him for good; ever watched those cheesy kdrama's where they always have the flashbacks?. Yeah, this is that moment. The only problem is, Seunghyun does not get to say no to the bride and run out with me. This is ing reality.

 

Unable to sleep after the kiss with Seunghyun, I spent the night cleaning. See, that was my first real kiss. I say real because when I was in middle school, smelly Lilly took it from me. She literally pushed me to the wall and my mouth; I guess I could blame her for being gay. It was nasty. Anyways, morning soon came and I knew I had to deal with the awkwardness, well I thought. 

It was six am, ten hours before the wedding when I got a text from Bom to meet her at a playground by the house; I was a little shocked at first, Bom hated me....and it surprised me a little that seunghyun could not see it, but then again he still doesn't know I'm into him. Like I said, the boy is a pabo, but it's okay since I love him. Yes love, I still don't understand why this ing writer wrote crush.

"Hey" I said awkwardly as I joined her on the swing. It was freezing.

"Hi" she said drily.

"Why did you...." I stated to say before she cut me off.

"I know you like Seunghyun". At that point, all I could think was, 'what the is going on'?. Do I wear it on my forehead? Was it visible to everyone except Seunghyun? I was glad I didn't pursue an acting career or I'd be a hobo by now.

"I don't want anything from you Jiyong, and I don't blame you since you knew him way before me, but you need to stay away from him. You need to leave" she said and all I could do was look at my feet. "I'm sorry" she added.

"It's okay Bom" I said looking at her "I was a going to leave anyway" I was glad she wanted me gone also, I wasn't sure I'd have the courage to leave Seunghyun on my own.

"When do you leave"? Was that remorse I heard in her voice?

"Tomorrow after the wedding, when you guys are off to your honeymoon"

"Okay". We sat there, letting the silence consume us.

"I know what you're thinking. Don't worry, I wouldn't tell Seunghyun we had this conversation" I said finally standing up to leave. I had to pack.

"Wait" she said, stood up, and hugged me. 

"P...please..take care of him" ! no one was supposed to see me cry. "Don't let him drink too much wine.... Make sure he eats proper meals and not junk food... He hates going to work so he hides, you'll find him in the bathtub. Stay away from his bear bricks, he loves them more than he loves himself. There I so much more ....but....but...you have the rest of your life to figure it out" It couldn't stop, the tears, I could not stop them and frankly, I did not want to. Not wanting to be there anymore, I walked away from her.

 

The rest of the day was like every normal day, with Seunghyun needing me for everything. No mentions of what happened the night before, which was expected, giving the fact that he'd been drugged. 

"Are you ready yongie" Seunghyun asked as we were about to walk into the church. 

"I should be asking you that" I said as I wished for that overused kdrama plot twist.

 

"Choi Seunghyun. Do you take Park Bom to be your lawful wedded wife. To have and to hold, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health. Till death should you part"? The reverends voice interrupted my train of thought as I froze. The one I love was about to marry.

"I do". It was done, it was too late. My hyunnie was leaving me. 

I was still frozen looking anywhere but at the couple before me when my eyes locked with Seungri; I knew that look, it was the 'What the are you waiting for' look but I looked away. It was too late.

"If there is anyone here who has reasons why this couple should not be joined today, speak now or forever hold your peace" the damn reverends voice again. The church went silent for a while.

"I OBJECT"!!! It was Seungri. The whole church gasped and turned to him but his had his eyes on me.

"Please" I mouthed, shaking my head. I would die a thousand deaths before I humiliate Seunghyun like that.

"Oh..sorry, it's the lawyer in me. Plus, I've always wanted to do that" Seungri said, making the entire congregation laugh. Everyone except me. 

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride". And just like that I out, not really sure and didn't really care much what happened father then.

 

The party followed but it was quickly ending, it was almost time to see the couple off, when I was pulled into the men's bathroom. It was Seungri and he was angry.

"You're a coward Ji"

"I don't care, I have to support him" the darn tears again.

"I saw the ing bags. You're running away"! I have never seen Seungri so angry, he was always the lively one.

"I can't stay...and I can't tell anyone where I'm going either"

"Fine" he said and was about to leave when he turned "I wasn't going to tell you but...Seunghyun and I made out once; we were drunk and we made out like high schoolers, I was awkward the next morning but Seunghyun said he didn't care and to him there was nothing like or gender and that I needed to loosen up. You never gave him a chance Jiyong, so all the pain you're going through is all on you.....Also, I will find you Jiyong. Wherever you go I will find you and bring you back because I know he is going to need you as much as you'll need him" he said and left.

 

I desperately wanted to believe Seungri's hint at Seunghyun being bi but all it reminded me off was, Daesung's hooking up with girls whenever he was drunk and hating himself for it in the morning. It was too late anyways, I didn't care anymore. Seunghyun was happy and that was all that counted.

The moment came for them to leave, there was a string of people hovering them, blocking me from getting closer so I stood far away. It was all for the best, telling him goodbye now would only bring me more pain so I stood there trying to hold in my tears when I saw him walk toward me, the same way he walked toward me to protect me from my boss, years ago when we were in college. He looked so perfect, with a smirk on his lips, hands in pocket, walking toward me, looking at only me. It was like no one eLse in the world existed.

"Like I would ever go without seeing you" and just like that I was in his arms. His large arms, the one that was made for me.

"You..sh..should go. You don't want to miss your flight" I wanted to cry but there was no tears, it was all numb.

"To hell with that. I wish you could come with me" his silky voice by my ears.

"......"

"Promise you'd be here with open arms when I get back". I rested my head on his chest wishing it were possible.

"I promise" Again with the lies.

"I wasn't kidding last night. I really do love you" he said, ruffled my hair and left with his wife.

Driving off with my heart and soul.

 

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Please don't hate me.