By second semester, Seunghyun and I were unseperable. The both of us and our friends, Daesung, Taeyang, and Seungri; the real one Seunghyun, who turned out to be a real sweetheart. His only problem was that he thought with his half the time. We all got a house around campus together and I had to deal with Seunghyun's stream of girlfriends and admirers, it was painful but I was sure it would end soon, it was close to graduation anyway. The thing about Seunghyun was, he was always touchy with me; giving me hugs at home and even in public places, ruffling my hair, falling asleep on my shoulders when we watch a late night movie together, calling me for every little problem. I even met his parents, who I love by the way. Not so much his sister though, she has been asking me out for the longest time behind Seunghyun's back and I want to tell her that I'm gay but I didn't want her telling Seunghyun and ruining what we had. Everyone in the house knew Daesung was gay and didn't care, but I just couldn't do it so I had my friend Chaerin lie, and pretend to be my girlfriend which did not end well.

 

One day Seunghyun asked me to join him and his girlfriend out to dinner; don't get me started on how much pain that always was for me since he did it like all the time. We were out and guess who we see?. Chaerin and her boyfriend kissing outside the restaurant we were. I had never seen Seunghyun so pissed, he almost killed the boy that night. I had to throw myself on the poor boy to stop the beating. Then I lied to Seunghyun about Chaerin and I had broken up, and left Chaerin to take her boyfriend to the hospital. The perfect and ever composed Seunghyun turned monstrous that night, because of me, how could i not fall in love. I wanted to ask him why he did that for me, but with Seunghyun, all my 'why's' only made me fall deeper for him. He always managed to give the perfect answer like 'I don't want to see you hurt' or 'when you hurt I hurt' like seriously, why aren't we married yet?

 

Daesung could never stand Seunghyun though, even though he never let it show. He was so sure Seunghyun knew I was gay and was only stringing me along but I begged to differ. See, when it came to street smarts, Seunghyun was more on the stupid side. So he never knew he was slowly digging my grave for my heart failure from all the feels in the future; there I go again with being a drama queen. 

We finally graduated and went on to graduate school and while we all weren't in the same graduate school, we all met once a week. Well, Seunghyun and I met every other day with him always like 'yongie, I miss you', 'yongie, are you cheating on me' and my favorite, 'yongie, I'm hungry. i only like your food'. I would have avoided him but have you seen him all pouty?.

We were going good, we graduated from graduate school and got descent jobs and Seungri thought it would be nice for us to move in together.

My job as a fashion designer, made me travel a lot and Seunghyun was always home with open arms every time I got back. But things changed one day. He had a girl with him, Seunghyun was getting married. Apparently , he wanted to surprise me and it worked. I almost peed my pants. They had been dating for two months and they couldn't wait to tie the knot. It was too soon but I knew better than to say anything, Seunghyun had always supported me in everything I'd ever done and it was about time I returned the favor. She was gorgeous also, her name was Park Bom, oh she had a bom alright. 

I left for my room when the tears were a little too close to the surface, I couldn't pretend anymore. I was hurt. I wasn't sure how long I stayed in there crying till I was done and washed my face. It was all for the best, maybe now I could finally move on. I was so sure though, that was what pained me the most, I thought we were going to end up together. I was almost too sure.

"Ji"? It was Seungri. What did he want, I thought as I let him in, shutting the door behind him.

"Sorry ill be back out. I had to make some calls" lying had been an everyday thing since I'd fallen for Seunghyun.

"You're in love with Seunghyun aren't you"?. Seungri asked as I froze.

"N...No"

"Oh come off it Ji. I've been watching you since he introduced you to us"

"Please don't tell him" I pleaded.

"Oh no I won't. It's not my place but I have to tell you, I'd only treat someone the way Seunghyun treats you if that was the person I want to spend the rest of my life with" he said and left. Leaving me with tears streaming down my cheeks, wondering what happened to me, I used to be feisty but look at me being a complete mess.

 

Announcing being engaged was not as painful as the announcement that the wedding would be in two weeks and Seungri and I were left to plan the bachelor party. Seungri had been tormenting me since that day in my room, giving me weird glances or sending text to take off my mask. The boy was crazy.

The bachelor's eve finally arrived and Seunghyun was a little surprised and angry; he'd told me earlier not to do anything extravagant like getting strippers and what not but Seungri had an agenda of his own. The night ended up being fun, although I had to leave when Seunghyun was getting ed by the stripper. I almost threw up in my mouth.

 

Everyone left with someone that night; daesung left with his boyfriend for the night, Taeyang and Seungri left with some girls to continue the party and I was stuck with a drunk Seunghyun.

"How long has it been since I called you ken doll"? He asked slobbering all over the place. He knew Seungri had done something when he go a text from Seungri saying, 'thank me later'.

"Approximately ten hours" I said leading him to his room.

"You...c..can't blame me, you look too perfect". I wish I could make him stop. He was killing me.

"I should be telling you that Seunghyun" I said pushing on the bed. I needed to get far away "I'm going to get you water to drink" I said and was about leaving.

"You always take care of me yongie. Maybe you and I should be getting married tomorrow instead". I stopped at the door, unable to move.

"I...I'm going...to..to get wa.." I don't know how long, I stood there trying to get the words out without showing the tears or hurt in my eyes. 

"Are you crying"? He was right behind me now, he took my shoulders and spun me around to face him. "Don't cry yongie. I hurt when you hurt" his hands circled my waist.

"Don't so this Seunghyun. You're getting married tomorrow" I said but wishing he would never let go.

"Do what"?. He might be drunk out of his mind on whatever Seungri gave him but his eyes were honest, like the Seunghyun I've been in love with all this time.

"I love you". I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders as I said it. I'd been dying to say it, so much that I almost imploded with all the feels.

"I love you too" he said almost immediately and I desperately wanted to believe him but if he loved me so much, why was he getting married tomorrow?

We stood there, with me in his arms, enjoying the warmth of our body heat meshed together when it happened. Seunghyun's lips on mine. I dont know who initiated the kiss but I didn't think much into it. It started lightly, with him pecking my lips slowly till I couldn't take it  anymore. I parted my lips, letting his tongue in, which he did and it made up for all the pain I had been through for he last couple of years. He entered me swiftly, exploring my mouth and I let him. He stopped, taking my lower lip between his teeth, and pulling it playfully. I was still resting against him, not sure how I was going to move when he lifted me off the floor, placing me on the bed. 

"Seunghyun...we shouldn't" I said with raspy voice. We were entering a dangerous zone as both our pants were tented already. I was going to say more when he passed out on top of me and that was when I remembered he was drunk. The kiss meant nothing to him, and once again, I was the one hurt.

"I love you so much hyunnie. But after tomorrow I'm going to have to leave you" I said to him when I had pushed him off me. Looking at his peaceful sleeping face. "I got a job offer from Paris and I wasn't going to take it but now that you're getting married. I think I should leave you so I called this morning and took the job. My flight leaves tomorrow night, and by then you'd be off to your honeymoon. I want to let you know that I don't regret loving  you. I love you so much and if I had to do it over again, I would choose to love you all over again. As much as it hurt, I actually enjoyed the pain. Goodbye Seunghyun" I kissed him one more time and left, closing the door behind me.

~~~~~~~~~~

is it weird that I feel really depressed after writing this chapter?