Okay, Chels, be subtle about this.

I slowly inch over to Eli so that there's only a few inches separating us.

God, my heart feels like it's doing jumping jacks on a sugar high.

The Life of Pi starts, and Eli and I sit next to each other uncomfortably, trying to ignore the disgusting kissing noises Tanya and Kevin are making.

I could get them arrested for public disturbance.

But we're not in public.

Crap.

Please. Someone shoot me. Put me out of my misery.  

I hear a psst! “Chels, what are you doing?” Tanya mouths, apparently detached from Kevin. “Make the first move!”

Nodding uneasily, I scoot a little closer to Eli.

And a little closer.

And a little closer.

I'm pretty sure my face is the color of an apple right now.

The movie continues and I start getting bored. I used to get totally immersed in movies and randomly start crying/screaming/yelling at sad parts, but unfortunately, after a few years in the cutthroat entertainment industry, being stranded in a lifeboat at sea with a tiger doesn’t seem all that bad.

This is my sorry existence. 

Suddenly I become aware of little sniffling noises next to me.

It’s Eli, tears streaming down his face.

“Oh my god, are you okay?” I ask worriedly. "What happened? Did you hurt yourself?" 

With difficulty, Eli musters up the energy to tell me what the heck's wrong with him.

“Richard Parker left Pi,” he bawls. “How am I supposed to be okay?”

I stare at him with a bemused expression on his face until it finally hits me.

The movie. He’s crying about the freaking movie.

I start laughing uncontrollably.

“Shh! This is the sad part!” Tanya whispers. “Don’t laugh!”

I keep laughing at Eli, though, who turns to me and gives me a rather crabby expression.

“How can you not cry?” he asks. “Are you a soulless robot or something?”

I shrug. “Maybe I’m just manlier than you.”

Eli’s jaw drops. “You? Manlier than me?”

I nod solemnly, and Eli slaps his forehead.

“Sometimes I wonder about what goes on in your brain,” Eli sighs. "Are your abs as well-defined as mine? Huh?"

"You'll never know," I tell him flirtatiously.

I chortle as he turns pink. Finally, I'm the one making him all embarrased and blushing, not the other way around.

But actually, he probably will know in a few more months. If our relationship goes well.

WHOA OKAY WHAT AM I THINKING GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER CHELSEA

My thoughts are interrupted by a warm breath near my ear.

“Chels, come with me to Plate and Pastry with me tomorrow,” Eli murmurs seriously. “I have to talk to you about something.”

I internally fist-pump. “Sure!” I reply, smiling. Yes, he asked me to go to Plate and Pastry with him! I’m one step closer to being his girlfriend.

So why are there shivers of foreboding going down my spine?