Dear Diary

The world is terribly unfair. All along, I thought I was blessed with a brain that far surpasses the average IQ, when in actual fact, I am utterly and irrefutably dumb. I am so terribly upset now and I am trying my best to write this in my miserable state of mind. I have always wanted to see this experiment through its twenty-six plans and was actually looking forward to the final outcome. What would Daehyun and I become? Where would I stand in his life? However, I regret to inform that I might actually discontinue with this experiment, for I am devastated at what I have done. I have messed everything up just to capitulate to this selfish desire of mine and that helpless hope that maybe he could like me.

It started when we were paired together to do a project for our Drama class.

“Each pair will pick a scene from this box.” Our Drama teacher, Ms. Cho, shook a tissue box which was filled with little slips of paper. “Your objective is to rehearse with your partner and perform your respective scenes to the class next week. This project constitutes 50% of your final grade.”

I looked around me; the class had been divided into pairs and much to my surprise and utter delight, Ms. Cho had paired me together with Daehyun. I bit my lip, trying to repress the smile that had been creeping on my face. Daehyun seemed happy he was paired with me too.

“I’ll pass this around and you will each take a piece of paper at random. There will be no switching of scenes. However, if you are uncomfortable with the scene you are doing, I will allow you to make some minor adjustments with my approval.”

Ms. Cho passed the box to the first pair. Daehyun and I were sitting right at the back and hence, when the box eventually reached us, there was only one slip of paper remaining. I took it out and unfolded it, my eyes widening when I read:

‘Romeo & Juliet by William Shakespeare, Act 1, Scene V, lines 92-112’

“Do you know this scene, Daehyun?” I asked, turning to the boy sitting beside me.

He shook his head.

“We will do the performances in the first lesson next week. This gives you exactly one week. If you need to make adjustments to your scenes, please see me after this lesson to discuss the changes with me,” Ms. Cho said. “Now, I will give each of you a worksheet and you will answer either one of the questions presented there. I will give you fifty minutes to complete it.”

Daehyun groaned, “Man, I hate theory.”

“Same,” I sighed.

He glanced towards me. “At least you still score well for it.”

“Because I study,” I responded.

“Hey,” Daehyun said indignantly. “I study too.”

I chuckled. “Sure, you do.”

Daehyun pouted. I bit my bottom lip; he looked so adorable with his bottom lip stuck out and his eyebrows furrowed. We bantered for a while more, until the worksheets reached us. Daehyun kept nudging my leg with his – he was clearly bored – and I tried my best to ignore him and focus on my essay. Feeling a giggle rise up my throat when Daehyun leant towards me and whispered in my ear that Ms. Cho’s eccentric clothing made her look like a huge grasshopper, I stepped on his foot, looking back at him with a barely-suppressed smile. Daehyun was leaning back, hands behind his head, essay long-forgotten, as he fixed his eyes on me. He was grinning broadly and his eyes were reduced to half-moons. I turned back to my half-written conclusion, feeling that same fluttery feeling I have in my stomach every time I catch Daehyun smiling at me. I finished my essay long before the others did, despite Daehyun’s frequent disturbances, and urged Daehyun to complete his. He finally relented with a grunt. He barely finished it when the bell rang and we both handed our essays in together.

Daehyun and I exited the classroom and headed for the cafeteria. We’d grown so used to each other’s presence that it seemed second nature for me to hang out with Daehyun now. Even Himchan had told me once or twice that I appeared to be hanging out with Daehyun more than him. I brushed his comment off with a laugh because truthfully, I kind of liked spending time with Daehyun. We took our food and sat at the same table, once again, allowing that bubble to encapsulate us as we laughed at each other’s jokes and paid no attention to the outside world. I would occasionally remind myself not to grow too fond of Daehyun, for I knew he was going to be someone else’s soon, but I tried not to think about it too much and enjoy myself for the time being. Perhaps I was purposely being ignorant, but whenever Daehyun smiled, bringing his eyes up into two twinkling crescents, with those adorable creases at the sides, I seemed to forget everything except the person in front of me.

“Why don’t we meet at the library later? We probably should get started on our project. You don’t have anything later on, do you?” asked Daehyun after catching me off guard with one of his beaming smiles.

I laughed nervously, mainly to just try and shake some sense back into my head and replied, “Yeah, sure. We can do that. I’m free after three.”

“Great,” he smiled again and my heart acted out once more. I ducked my head and bit into my burger.

“We’re doing R&J, right?” said Daehyun casually.

“Mhm.” I nodded while chewing.

“Ms. Cho wouldn’t ask us to be Romeo and Juliet, would she?” chuckled Daehyun. “Have you taken a look at the scene?”

I swallowed my mouthful. “No, I haven’t.”

“It wouldn’t be a weird scene, would it?” There was a tinge of nervousness in Daehyun’s laugh.

I could somehow tell what he was referring to. “Nah,” I said uncertainly. “Besides, we’ve missed the opportunity to change it.”

“I suppose,” said Daehyun, and that concluded the topic. We moved on to other things.

I met Daehyun at the library at 3.05 pm. I’d rushed all the way to the main building to get there as fast as I could. It was annoying how I always seemed to dread each minute I couldn’t spend with him, and to anticipate my next meeting with him like my life depended on it. I saw him sitting at a far corner, a navy green hoodie pulled over his messy tresses. He looked really good even though he was just decked out in casual wear. I cleared my throat quietly and tried to fix my shirt as I neared him. He looked up, saw me and smiled so broadly that it sent my head into a dizzying spin.

“Hi,” he greeted and I returned the greeting.

I sat down beside him. The book ‘Romeo and Juliet’ was already placed on the table in front of him.

“I’ve just arrived,” he told me. “I took this from the shelf. Let’s see what scene it is, shall we?” He opened the book and flipped through it.

I nodded and leant towards him, being aware that my face was in dangerously close proximity with his. His scent infiltrated my nostrils subtly.

“Ah, here it is,” Daehyun said as he pushed the book between us so that we could look at it together.

We read the scene quietly, and slowly, I could feel the embarrassment seeping into us. My eyes widened when I finished reading the scene and I turned to Daehyun, whose face was stark red.

“This scene, it’s—” I began.

“—yeah,” finished Daehyun.

None of us spoke for a while. I tried to think of something to say – anything.

“I- I think we should find Ms. Cho and change it… if you want?” mumbled Daehyun.

“Y-yeah, that’s a good idea,” I stammered.

It was an embarrassing few minutes, to say the least, for Daehyun and I were trying to figure out a way out of this situation amidst our awkward eye contact. I was somehow feeling rather hot under the collar – it was like my face had heated up. We discussed for a while more before agreeing on looking for Ms. Cho. We managed to catch her in the staffroom.

“Yes, boys?” she asked as she came out of the staffroom.

“Er… Daehyun and I picked the Romeo and Juliet scene,” I began.

“And?” she probed.

“We would like to change it.”

Ms. Cho frowned. “Haven’t I made it clear that you won’t be able to change your scenes?”

“I…” I looked at Daehyun helplessly.

“Can we change some parts, at least?” he spoke.

“I gave you that opportunity in class, but you did not come up to me,” she said in a frustrated tone. “What would you like to change?”

Daehyun brandished the Romeo and Juliet book and told her, “These parts.”

An amused smile graced Ms. Cho’s lips and she looked up at us. “My dear boys, this is just an act, I’m sure you’re well aware of that. It is unfortunate that this scene was picked by you two instead of a boy and a girl, but I’m also happy with a gay act.”

Daehyun gaped at her. “But—”

“The kisses are the main point of the scene. I’m sorry, but I won’t be letting you take them out of the scene.” When she saw the stunned looks on our faces, she added, “As long as the audience thinks you’re kissing, I’ll let you off. I’m sure you can come up with something. Besides, this shouldn’t be much of a problem, seeing as you’re close friends.”

Neither Daehyun nor I could say anything. My face was heating up so much at the thought of having Daehyun’s lips press against my— I can’t even write this right now without blushing, oh God, help me.

“Now that that’s settled,” Ms. Cho continued, when she realised no one was going to speak. “I’ll let you practise that scene. I’ll be looking forward to seeing it next week. Oh, and before I forget – please hold on, boys.”

She disappeared behind the door. An uncomfortable silence ensued. I heard Daehyun gulp audibly. I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes and saw that his ears were beet red. He must have been as embarrassed as me. Though, most of what I was feeling was pure shock at the fact that I was going to be intimate with Daehyun.

“Ah, here we go.” Ms. Cho appeared, holding two stapled documents. She seemed completely unaware of our shocked demeanours. “I’ve just finished marking your essays. Please bring them for our next lesson as I’ll be discussing the questions with the class. Well done, Youngjae.”

She smiled as she handed me my essay. I took it wordlessly.

“As for you,” her voice hardened slightly as she handed Daehyun his essay. “You’d better be putting in the effort for my class, young man, else I’ll be letting your parents know about your poor marks.”

Daehyun didn’t say anything. She bid us a cheery goodbye and disappeared into the staffroom. Daehyun and I walked back to the library in silence. I was thinking hard on how to escape this situation – it would be so awkward if we were to do it. Especially since Daehyun already liked someone else – I was sure he didn’t want him to see us kissing.

We entered the library and sat back down at our table. Daehyun placed the library book on the table; he was avoiding my eyes the entire time and it made me slightly sad that it bothered him to that extent. Did he hate the idea of kissing me so much?

‘What are you talking about, Youngjae? He likes someone, for goodness sake. Of course, he’d be feeling uncomfortable with kissing someone else.’ A whole string of miserable thoughts raced through my mind.

“If- if you don’t want to do it, it’s fine,” I stammered. “We can try to persuade Ms. Cho. I’m sure she’ll give in eventually.”

“…you don’t want to do it?” I was surprised to find that his voice shook slightly.

“N-no.” I bit my lip. “No, it’s not that. I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

“I… think I’m fine with sticking to this scene.” I looked up to see Daehyun blinking rapidly in a different direction, his face practically coloured red.

He still wasn’t looking at me.

“O-okay,” I mumbled.

I should’ve been feeling upset that we were still doing that scene, but my heart raced even faster and I started imagining us acting it out. I began to bite my lip, trying to suppress those thoughts.

Daehyun gave a small cough and flipped the Romeo and Juliet book back to the page where our scene was at. We stared at the page for a long time, not really knowing where to start.

‘Kisses her.’

The black font stared up at me wickedly and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it.

‘They kiss again.’

I finally looked away.

“Shall we begin practising our roles?” Daehyun asked hesitantly after a while.

“That’s a good idea,” I mumbled, still feeling my cheeks burning.

We decided that Daehyun would be Romeo and I, Juliet, or rather, Julian. We began speaking our lines, though we somehow managed to come to an unspoken agreement to skip the kissing parts. By the end of the session, we had each memorised our lines.

“We’ll rehearse it again with the actions another time,” said Daehyun as we packed our bags. “I’ll see you again tomorrow, after school?”

“Yes,” I replied.

“Hey, are you okay?”

I paused in my packing to look up at Daehyun.

“You’ve been really quiet.” He reached a concerned hand forth to brush my hair out of my eyes.

I leaned back slightly and inconspicuously, avoiding his hand. I dropped my gaze back down to my bag. Truthfully, I was battling with myself in my thoughts. As much as I enjoyed doing that scene with Daehyun, I was also extremely nervous and worried that Daehyun would be uncomfortable. It didn’t help that the line, ‘they kiss,’ kept echoing in my head.

For the next few days, we thought up our actions and movements, and kept rehearsing after school. We always skipped the kissing parts, but when it was Sunday and it was getting dangerously close to our presentation day, Daehyun texted me, saying it was inevitable and that we couldn’t draw it out any longer. He began his text with an apology, though I didn’t think he should apologise, seeing as I was the one feeling sorry that he was forced into this. We eventually settled for doing fake kisses, in which one of us would turn the back of his head to our classmates, blocking their view and making it seem like we kissed, when in actual fact, our lips wouldn’t be touching at all.

If I were to be perfectly honest, I’d say that I did feel slightly upset when we finalised our plans – a very tiny part of me had hoped we’d somehow be able to go all out with the scene – but if Daehyun was uncomfortable with the kiss, then I’d have to accept his alternative.

We met up for one last time on Monday afternoon. This time, my heart thumped loudly against my ribcage when I saw Daehyun waiting for me at the back of the school – we’d migrated there to rehearse our scene as we couldn’t do so in the library. He was avoiding eye contact with me again, greeting me with a quiet voice as he flipped through the Romeo and Juliet book, even though he didn’t need to, for we already knew our lines by heart.

“Shall we begin?” I asked, thinking it would be best to get this over and done with.

“Yeah,” he replied.

We rehearsed the scene right to the point before the kiss.

“I’ve thought about this for a long time,” said Daehyun. “I think for the first kiss, you should just stand still while I move towards you. I’ll twist our heads so that we can block the audience.”

I froze as Daehyun placed both hands under my jaw and tilted his head. Blood rushed up to my head as I forgot to breathe, my eyes locked on his soft, plump lips, which were just inches away from mine. Daehyun’s eyes bore into mine and we remained in that position for a few seconds. He quickly let go and backed away.

“Relax,” he said, as he shot me an almost sad smile. “I promise, I won’t kiss you.”

I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it back when I decided that I couldn’t trust myself to form any coherent words. Daehyun was already back to thumbing the Romeo and Juliet book. Upon his instruction, we continued our scene.

“Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged! Give me my sin again,” proclaimed Daehyun, his hands holding mine.

We paused in that position.

“Do you mind if I…?” said Daehyun uncertainly as he raised my hands and put them around his shoulders before slipping his hands on both sides of my waist.

My eyes widened and I had to remind myself to breathe for I had momentarily forgot how to and my head was spinning and my skin was heating up at the areas where Daehyun’s hands rested. I gulped, mentally flinching when an audible sound was heard, but Daehyun paid no notice as he leant forward for the second time that day. I couldn’t help myself as I closed my eyes, my heartbeat the only sound that I could hear for a mile. I was sure Daehyun could hear it too. I could feel his breath against my lips and I yearned to lean forward and press my lips against his. His breath smelt really good, like mint. It almost seemed like Daehyun had on some mint candy before coming for this practice session.

All too soon, his hands left my waist and he stepped away from my hold. I opened my eyes slowly to see that he’d already retreated a metre away and that his gaze was on the floor. I couldn’t see his face, but his ears were flaming red.

“That’s the best I could think of,” he muttered. “It also shields us from the audience because my back will be facing them.”

When I didn’t reply, he looked up at me, that same look of worry he had during our first rehearsal last week.

“Hey, are you okay?” he asked.

I swallowed my extremely dry throat and nodded.

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” He bit his bottom lip and I tried my best not to look at those lips; those lips, which had just been an inch away from mine. I swallowed again.

“Not at all,” I attempted and was displeased when my voice came out sounding an octave higher.

Daehyun stared at me for a long time, unconsciously his bottom lip, wetting the chapped skin. I stared back.

He looked away first, his eyes finding his bag and he automatically went over to it, packing his things.

“We’ll conclude it here today,” he said. “I think we’re quite prepared for tomorrow.”

I went over to my own bag and silently began shoving the pad of paper I’d taken out to jot down notes and pointers in, as well as my stationery. Daehyun waited for me to finish doing so and we walked to the bus stop together. Neither of us talked. I wanted Daehyun to say something, anything that could distract me from the whizzing thoughts in my mind and the pounding heart in my chest – but he didn’t say anything but a simple, “Bye,” before he boarded his bus and sped off. I waited for my own bus to arrive, occasionally placing a hand on my chest, trying to steady my frenzied heart. My bus arrived and I rode it back home.

I don’t fully understand what came over me yesterday. Of course, I was still feeling extremely flustered over our ‘kiss’ scenes, but I was also feeling rather despondent. After all, Daehyun’s lips were so close, yet we didn’t even touch. I was a mess, and I lay on my bed, looking at my ceiling, just replaying that scene over and over again. I couldn’t even keep my cool during our practice, how was I supposed to remain calm and remember all my lines the next day, when we were to present it to the class?

Somehow, I’d gotten round to thinking of the possible implications behind Daehyun’s reactions to the ‘kiss’ scenes. It is true that he had turned red, but it was probably because of embarrassment. I gave a frustrated sigh as I remembered that he likes someone else. I felt my eyes prickle and thought that it was so unfair. How could he have had such an impact on me when he wasn’t even attainable? I’d only just come to terms with myself about my crush on Daehyun before I learnt about his crush on someone else. It was really unfair.

I am ashamed to recount this, but I had a sudden of inspiration right at that moment. I jumped up from my bed and reached underneath it to retrieve the papers on my 26 plans – I’d gotten into the habit of hiding them there as Daehyun visited my house so often. I rewrote Plan K, and stared at it once I was done remodelling it. There was no turning back now; I knew I had to follow through with the plan.

And follow through, I did indeed. I told myself that I would at least try to get Daehyun to develop some feelings for me, for I did not want to regret this whole ordeal, including the many hours spent on doing this experiment. This experiment could end anytime, now that Daehyun has proven to be a very unreliable variable, and so, I wanted to make the most out of this experiment. Looking back, I realise how foolish I have been and I wish I can turn back time so that I can murder myself before the whole ordeal took place. Indeed, it could be nothing but the recent high I’d gotten from the almost-kisses that made me determined to lock lips with Daehyun the next day. And perhaps, I did have the slightest suspicion that Daehyun’s ears had turned red not only due to embarrassment, but also, because maybe, he did like me in that sense. I fell asleep in high spirits that night and a false sense of hope, including a very nervous tummy that kept me tossing and turning until the fatigue eventually took over me.

I woke up today with an intense feeling of apprehension; I felt like puking, though I knew it was just the nerves. Apart from it being the boldest plan I’d ever come up with, it was also a presentation that accounted for a huge percentage of our grades and I didn’t want to screw it up. I skipped breakfast, fibbing to my mother that I would have something in school, before rushing off. I felt bad lying to her, but I didn’t think my stomach could handle food while it was doing a series of intense somersaults. I met Daehyun at the bus stop – he’d texted me the night before, requesting for a last-minute rehearsal. He smiled at me as soon as he saw me, but I didn’t smile back, for my mind was already refusing to go through with the day and my legs were already feeling wobbly. His smile faltered after a while, but he still chatted amiably as we trudged up to school. I nodded, keeping my eyes trained on his side profile and on his lips – were they always this plump?

We rehearsed our scene, and it was flawlessly executed, except I was still extremely tensed. My hands were clenched, my eyes were squeezed shut and my body had slightly leant away as Daehyun’s lips hovered an inch away from mine.

“Youngjae.” His voice had me opening my eyes to find him looking at me with an unreadable expression. “It’s okay if you don’t feel comfortable doing this. It’s still not too late to back out. I’m sure Ms. Cho will understand if we explain properly.”

I blinked. “I’m not uncomfortable,” I mumbled.

It was true. I’d never felt as secure as I did in Daehyun’s grip. His hands fitted perfectly around my waist and mine were flung around his shoulders like they belonged there. In fact, I liked being this close to Daehyun. It was just that my heart was beating so fast, it felt like it was about to jump out of my chest, my mind was swimming with opaque thoughts of what Daehyun’s lips would taste like, and my body was just refusing to move, not even to breathe, causing me to surrender to a temporary paralysis.

I couldn’t explain that to Daehyun; I couldn’t explain that I was acting that way because I really liked him, so I just hoped he understood that I was not uncomfortable at all.

Our Drama class was the first thing today, and perhaps it was a good thing, for it got things over and done with quickly, but I was also feeling rather panicky, as I knew that my plan had to be taken into action very soon.

Ms. Cho called up the groups one by one, and I watched them without really seeing, clapping when I heard applause and cheers. The drama studio was cold, and I was shivering, which was not helping me contain my nerves at all. I felt someone nudge me and looked to my left to find an outstretched hand holding a familiar sweater. Daehyun smiled at me and nodded to his sweater, signalling for me to take it.

“It’s okay,” I told him, already feeling a blush creep up my face. “You’ll be cold.”

Daehyun then took the sweater and brought it over my head and down my body. He chuckled when he saw my arms being pinned to my sides. I blushed even harder and slipped my arms into the sleeves. It felt so nice and warm and it smelt like Daehyun. I liked it very much.

Daehyun slipped a hand into mine and I looked at him with wide eyes, surprised at the sudden action.

“Relax,” he told me, his thumb drawing circles on the back of my hand. My thoughts screamed at him incoherently, as I tried to fix my face into a neutral expression. “Don’t be nervous. We’re going to do fine.”

I nodded, most of my attention on the tingles that were shooting up my arm, and my heart, which had picked up in speed. I didn’t know if it was intentional or not, but Daehyun’s hand continued to grip mine. I felt like I was slowly slipping into my own personal heaven, being wrapped in Daehyun’s sweater and holding his hand.

When it was finally our turn, we nervously made our way to the front. Ms. Cho glanced at the sheet of paper we’d all written our acts in, and looked up at us.

“Romeo and Julian,” she read. “Performing Romeo & Juliet, Act 1, Scene V, lines 92-112. Show us what you’ve got.”

Instantly, the class hushed as they paid us their full attention. I felt butterflies erupt in my stomach. Daehyun took my hand; I felt the familiar, rough texture of his palm and forced myself to focus.

“If I profane with my unworthiest hand, this holy shrine, the gentle sin is this: my lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.” Daehyun’s voice rang across the studio. He had a beautiful, deep voice and the entire class watched, enraptured.

“Good pilgrim,” I began. My voice shook slightly, but I eventually relaxed at the small, encouraging smile gracing Daehyun’s lips. “You do wrong your hand too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this, for saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.”

“Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?” said Daehyun softly, though his voice was still clear for all to hear. He brought his other hand up to caress my face as he said this.

“Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer,” I responded.

“O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.” His fingers trailed down my jawline and his thumb brushed ever so slightly against my bottom lip. I felt my skin heat up at the skin contact. “They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.”

“Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.” As rehearsed, I placed a hand on Daehyun’s chest. I thought I felt his heart pounding rapidly in his chest, but looking back, I think I might have mistaken it for my own, which was beating so loudly, I was surprised the sounds didn’t echo off the walls of the studio.

“Then move not, while my prayer’s effect I take.”

With that, Daehyun twisted his head, shielding our faces from the audience as he cupped my face with two hands, bringing his lips close to mine. I shut my eyes. A collective gasp sounded through the studio; some girls squealed while others sighed. A second passed, and then two; Daehyun retreated.

“Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged.” His voice sounded husky and his eyes were strangely glazed, as though he was in a trance.

“Then have my lips the sin that they have took.” I stared into Daehyun’s unblinking eyes. He was looking at me with such affection and love – I have to admit, his acting was really good.

He smiled. “Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!” Pausing a bit, he continued in a low voice, “Give me my sin again.”

This was it. I wrapped my arms around Daehyun’s neck as he turned his back to the audience. He placed both hands tentatively on either side of my waist, always so cautious. His lips were brought close to mine again and I caught a glimpse of his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down, before I closed my eyes. With my heart hammering in my chest, I pulled him closer and touched my lips with his. My mind went wild and my heart skipped two beats. His lips were everything I’d imagined – soft and rough at the same time, for all the many times he’d bitten them, making them chapped. I felt Daehyun’s hands tighten their hold on my waist in surprise. It only lasted for a second, before I pulled back to view a stunned Daehyun. I was jubilant at first – I did it, I’d succeeded Plan K – but it soon turned to horror when I realised what I’d actually done. I had kissed Daehyun, on the lips. He was so shocked his hands were still on my waist and his entire face was flushed the brightest crimson I’d seen. I pressed my palms against my burning cheeks, feeling absolutely mortified. Yes, the plan was a success, but I’d ruined everything. Why did I let my emotions get the better of me? Why was I so selfish to want to get Daehyun to see me in that way? Why was I so desperate for him to like me before he could even confess to his crush? Clearly he didn’t like me – the look on his face was proof enough. He continued staring at me with the same expression he wore when I broke that kiss – his lips were slightly apart and his eyes were wide and staring.

I pulled myself away from him and ran back to the back of the class, where I sat down and buried my face in the sweater’s sleeves, realising all too late that it was Daehyun’s and that his scent was making it worse. I hadn’t realised the commotion our scene had caused, but now that I wasn’t choked up in the burning sensation of Daehyun’s touch, I could hear exclamations bouncing from one classmate to another.

“Oh my God, did they kiss?”

“No, of course not, didn’t you see the way Daehyun purposely blocked our view?”

“But they were so sweet!”

Ms. Cho stood up and went to the front of the studio. Daehyun walked back slowly, his face still very red. I thought I saw a small smile on his face – he was probably laughing at me for my humiliating act. I avoided looking at him altogether, even when he sat down next to me.

“That was such a romantic act, Daehyun and Youngjae,” praised Ms. Cho. “I’m glad you’ve found a way to bypass the kissing scenes. Now, I will be handing you some assignments to complete tonight. Meanwhile, I will be grading your performances and I will let you know of your results tomorrow. That is all for today, have a good day, everyone.”

The bell rang. I quickly shot up from my seat and took my assignment before attempting to squeeze through my classmates, who were dilly-dallying their way out of the studio.

“Youngjae, wait!” called a familiar voice, and I pushed my way through, even more desperate to get through.

A few of my classmates shot me puzzled looks, but I didn’t have time to apologise to them.

“Youngjae!”

I managed to escape and sped out of the door, away from the drama studio and away from Daehyun. It was fortunate that I didn’t share any other class with him that day. I spent my lunch in the library, ignoring my buzzing phone and the ten text messages Daehyun had sent me. I was too much of a coward to face him just yet. I went straight home once I was dismissed and flung myself onto my bed the moment I reached my bedroom. I felt like curling up in a hole forever.

You see, for some weird reason, I thought there was a chance he could like me, for I was feeling miserable over his crush on someone else, and the fact that he was going to confess to him so soon. I resorted to trying to get him to like me in the most embarrassing and selfish way possible. It was so obvious through his reaction that he didn’t like me at all, and I had just humiliated myself in front of him. Groaning for the umpteenth time, I reached for my phone and decided I should pluck up my courage to see what he had sent me.

Most of the messages were things like, ‘Youngjae, where are you?’ and ‘Please pick up my call.’ But there was one message which stood out from the rest. It read: ‘Why are you avoiding me? Are you angry at me? I’m sorry if I did anything wrong.’

As much as I wanted to throw my phone away and just coop up in my bedroom for the days to come, I knew I was being unfair to Daehyun by acting like this. Hence, I decided that I could at least try to salvage this friendship, if I could, because none of this was Daehyun’s fault and it was me who had ruined the whole thing. Therefore, I came up with another plan, Plan L: Lie. I am going to come up with an excuse for why I kissed him and hope that he accepts it. I really hope he doesn’t look more into this, and that he doesn’t hate me for it. Regardless, I suppose I should shut myself away until tomorrow comes. You can do this, Youngjae.

Yours sincerely

Youngjae

A/N: Hi guys, sorry for this extremely long and awkward chapter hahaha I don’t even know what I’ve written omg. Yas daejae kissed but youngjae is being annoying and he’s going to ruin it all buhu. Anyway, I actually want to get your opinion on something. I’ve been wanting to change my story title for a while now, because idk what I was doing but I just randomly picked a title a few years back and it turned out to be completely irrelevant to the rest of my story except the last chapter. I was thinking ‘26 Plans’ would be a better title? I’m kinda hesitant tho because ‘Plan Z’ is a unique title and I’ve had it for so long it’s kinda grown on me but idk. I’m torn so I’ll just let you decide. Pls vote in the poll below :) also, thanks for supporting this story! It means so much to me. I know I haven’t been the best writer what with the hiatus and all but heh heh yall are gems. 

Thank you!