Dear Diary

Today was a normal day. As normal as any day could get. But something unusual also happened today. Yes, I still said it was normal.

I came up with a brainstorm a few days ago. It was one of the best ideas I've ever had. I'm glad to say I've carried it out. I'm still unsure as to whether it's a success or a failure. I guess I'll just have to wait haven't I?

I'm dying to know him; him who makes my heart beat fast, him who makes me exceptionally nervous when he's around me and him who makes me choke when I'm about to say something. He doesn't know me, sadly enough. But I'm fully aware of him, even though I have yet to learn his name. All I know is that he's exceptionally handsome. What I don't know is why I am attracted to him, more than just wanting to be his friend. So I've decided to find out more about him... And in the process, let him know of my existence.

I'm puzzled. And Yoo Youngjae is never puzzled. I'm the smartest kid in the class, I almost always get perfect scores... except when I miss the previous lesson due to staring at him for too long. He's dangerous for me and my grades. He's got a certain supernatural effect on me I don't know what but I'm just going to find out.

I was in my bathtub two days ago, sinking into the warm comforts of the hot soapy waters when I sat up straight, splashing water all over the floor. I came up with an idea, possibly the best idea I'd ever come up with ever since my idea for the science fair won me the first prize of $200.

I clapped my hands in glee and shouted, "Eureka!" just like what Archimedes would've done. I was ecstatic. Never have I had such a brilliant plan. I think I can still feel the jolts of my brilliance radiating through my body right now. Anyway, I quickly ran to my room, not without completing my bath of course, and took out all my construction papers, one that I usually saved for projects, and began planning.

I planned a total of 26 different plans which I am sure won't change for the world. I stood back to admire my masterpiece. It was perfect, it looked like work done with a genius brain. So I carefully took those papers and pinned them to my notice board, standing back to stare at it with glee. Yoo Youngjae had just found a new project.

I knew it would be easy. I'm Yoo Youngjae for goodness sake, the student who never fails to top the class. Discovering a new feeling towards someone and figuring out what it is would be a piece of cake.

So then I slept, excitement hustling inside my body. I couldn't wait to carry out Plan A the next day. But most of all, I couldn't wait to meet his face once again and have that fuzzy feeling in my chest whenever I lay eyes on him. True, I was obsessed over him. But why? That was what I was going to find out.

I woke up, feeling over the moon and instantly remembering my plan for that day. I'd prepared everything the night before. Plan A was 'Anonymous Letter'. It said it all. I was going to slip him an anonymous letter confessing my obsession over him. Being the smart fella I am, I typed it out so that my handwriting would not be revealed. I don't need him to know it's me. I just need him to know that someone is attracted to him. Because I'm planning to go step by step. And this step is what Plan A is all about.

I arrived early to school. School is a place of learning and I cherish it every day. I know I love coming to school because I can learn new things, marvel at the wonders of science and eagerly immerse myself in the outstanding formulas of mathematics. But there is also another reason why I always look forward to school. He is there. He attends the same school as I do and sometimes even some classes. Yet I still don't know his name!

It's very annoying. Not knowing the name of the person you're very interested in. He's very quiet during class and he almost always does his work on time... Like me. But he doesn't raise his hand to answer questions, maybe he did so a few times... But I don't know.

My memory is not the very best at remembering vague details. It is excellent for schoolwork but never for minor things. It does bother me a lot because I'm sure I must have let his name slip past my ears multiple times.

Back to the plan. I was like a member of the FBI, moving stealthily across the lockers to a particular one which is his. I would be pleased for my own skills and for not getting seen by anyone if I hadn't gone extra early to school that day to ensure that I was the only one there.

I peered through the slits of his locker door. I saw nothing but darkness. Sad. I'd wanted to catch a glimpse of his name on his textbooks. Reading my note over again, I bit my lip and slipped it through. I was nervous and I didn't know why. My tummy felt like it was full of fluttery things and it wasn't a very good feeling at all.

Someone's presence startled me and I jumped, before scowling at the freshman who cowered away from me. I dislike it so much whenever someone interrupts me from a plan. I swiftly went to a nearby water cooler and hung around there, watching as more and more people started filling up the once empty corridor. I had a pretty good view of his locker and kept an eye on it, waiting for him to arrive at school.

He did. And he went straight for his locker. My heart jolted at his appearance and I stared as he unlocked his locker. All might have been well though, if a bunch of monkeys hadn't pounced on him from behind.

They looked younger than him... freshmen perhaps. How I hate freshmen, even though I used to be one, they never take school seriously. Not like any of the seniors do too but at least they are mature, unlike those two baboons who clung onto him and distracted him from opening his locker.

I was frustrated by then and I kept glancing at my watch. If he didn't hurry up, the bell would ring and classes would formally start. But he had to open his locker right? To get his books. Fortunately, those chimpanzees left him alone, I scowled at their retreating backs and almost missed my precious the boy opening his locker and instantly catching sight of the note.

I smiled and continued watching him while leaning against the water cooler, ignoring the glare I got from some other guy who wanted to use it. He took some time to read the note and that was probably the longest minute in my life... Excluding that moment when I was waiting for the results for my finals last year. You'd never guess what he did next, dear diary.

He laughed.

My heart skipped a beat. He laughed in his own cute way before folding it up neatly and shoving it in his back pocket. How was I supposed to feel right then? I can't remember how I exactly felt but I remember I had a sense of hope?

I don't know what this means. He laughed. Clearly he laughed. I could see the way his eyes crinkled up into half-moons and how his lips shaped into a perfect smile. He looked positively beautiful. I know you aren't supposed to call guys beautiful but there was no way to describe how he looked like that morning. He didn't throw away the paper and I think that's what got me hopeful. He folded it up neatly with his delicate fingers and stuffed it in his back pocket. Now I don't know why I even bother myself with this guy but he must be pretty important to me if I plan on finding out who he is and getting to know him better.

The day went by like any other normal day... Except one slight misfortune which happened while I was in physics class with him. We were supposed to hand in all our physics homework today. I completed mine yesterday night. I was so sure I did. But I couldn't find it even when I flipped my backpack upside down. The teacher was surprised. Of course he would be. I ALWAYS hand my work in on time. But that wasn't what got me upset though. What got me super upset was when I caught him laughing at me. He caught my eyes and burst into laughter and my cheeks flared up in embarrassment. It would've probably been the most embarrassing moment in my life, making a mistake in front of your crush.

Hmm... Crush. Yeah, I guess I can call him that. I seem to like him quite a lot. Strange though... I almost wrote love. Do I like him? I can't seem to stop thinking about him. And I love his eyes, his smile, and basically everything about him. Maybe I do like him. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just an infatuation. But isn't an infatuation the same as a crush? Why am I contradicting myself?

This is so confusing and much harder than I thought. Even harder than my calculus homework. Speaking of calculus, I need to get back to it. Plan B will commerce tomorrow.

Yours sincerely

Youngjae

P.S. I still can't find my physics homework.

P.P.S. I'm sure I like him.