chapter seven:

hard time.

It happened during the shooting of Tao’s new CF. His best friend Chen arrived with pale face, panting and crying like no other tomorrow.

“Why are you making that face?” Tao frowned, “Is there something with your relationship with Suho?”

“It’s not me, Goddamit!” Chen shouted, trying to catch his breath.

“Then, what is it?” Tao asked, putting the magazine he was reading between his break on the table beside his chair.

“Your mom, Tao…” Chen whispered, “Her condition is getting worse…”

“No…” Tao whispered. He grabbed his jacket and ran from the changing room with Chen followed behind. He didn’t even care about his clothes and shooting.

“Where are you going, Tao?!” His manager yelled, stopping him, “You still have to do the shooting!”

“My mother is more important than this silly CF, Gege!” Tao pushed his manager away and ran toward his van. Chen immediately instructed the driver where to go because Tao seemed so distracted.

Mom, Tao prayed, please be safe…

“Mom…” Tao whispered from behind the glass.

His mother was unconscious in the glassy room with all equipments around her. The monitor was showing him that his mother’s heartbeat was so weak. Tao couldn’t hold it anymore, he broke down into tears.

“Tao…” Chen hugged him, “Be strong.”

“My mom…” Tao cried, “I can’t see her like this. Oh, God…can she even survive from this?”

“Don’t be talking like that! Be careful with what you say, Tao, your words are your pray!” Chen warned him, “Auntie will be fine, Tao.”

Two days.

Tao hadn’t slept for two days. And during that time he had been crying until his eyes couldn’t produce a single tear anymore. How could he sleep when his mother was sleeping like a dead human? It looked like she could die anytime soon. And Tao hated the idea.

Chen wasn’t there anymore. Tao could understand that his best friend couldn’t leave his work. But, at that hard time, he needed someone to lean on. He needed someone to hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay. He couldn’t face it alone.

He felt his phone vibrate. He took it from his pocket as he got a new message.

From: Bun Barista

You haven’t come to coffee shop for a week. I wonder why. Haha. Well, I just want to inform you that we now are holding a discount! It’s 20% discount if you buy two cups of hazelnut caramel and espresso!

Okay, I’m blabbering too much…

Wanted it or not, Tao’s lips twitched slightly upward. He was glad Minseok texted him or else he wouldn’t be on his right mind. He stood up and approached the glass wall.

“Mom…I’ll be leaving for a while.” Tao said and left the spot.

“Welcome!” Xiumin greeted him, “Oh, Tao! Where have you been?”

Tao didn’t answer. He sat on the stool in front of the bar and lowering his mask.

Xiumin could see Tao’s swollen and red eyes now. He gasped and leaned closer to get a better look.

“Tao…” Xiumin whispered, “What’s wrong? Were you crying? Did your manager make you work that hard?! Oh, God, I swear I will punch him one day!”

Tao chuckled weakly to hear Xiumin’s sudden outburst.

“It’s not him…” Tao managed to say, holding his tears, “It’s my mom…”

“Your mom?” Xiumin frowned in worry, “What’s wrong with her?”

Tao couldn’t hold it anymore. He covered his face and cried quietly.

“She’s dying Xiumin…” Tao muffled his scream, “Oh, my God, what should I do?!”

Xiumin gasped. He hurriedly pulled Tao into the changing room, giving a faint ‘later’ when Luhan shot him a questioned look.

“Tao?” Xiumin held Tao’s hand tightly, “What are you talking about?”

“She’s dying…” Tao cried, “Oh, God, if she leaves, how about me?! I’ve lost my father once. What if I lose her too?!”

“Tao! Don’t say that!” Xiumin hurriedly hugged the crying guy in front of him and tried to soothe him with caressing his back. But, Tao cried harder. Xiumin could feel Tao’s shoulders shaking violently against his body. He didn’t like to see Tao crying. Tao always smiled in front of him.

“Can you do me a favor, Xiumin?” Tao whispered after he had finished let out his sadness.

“What is it? I’ll do it!”

“I-I can’t watch my mother by myself in hospital, can you please accompany me there during your free time?”

“Of course I will!” Xiumin nodded, “Do you want to go back there now?”

Tao nodded. Xiumin smiled and got up from the bench, “Wait here for a while I’ll go to Luhan first.”

Tao nodded and Xiumin left him.

“Luhan…” Xiumin called his friend.

“Oh, God, Xiumin, what happened to Tao?! He looked bad!” Luhan asked whisperingly.

“He has a hard time now. His mother is hospitalizing and she’s on very worse condition.” Xiumin answered and put off his apron to give it to Luhan, “I…I use my day off to accompany him. I can’t let him face it alone. Can you tell it to manager?”

“O-okay…” Luhan nodded, accepting Xiumin’s apron, “You’re going now?”

Xiumin nodded.

“Be careful.” Luhan smiled sadly.

It was miserable for Xiumin to see Tao looking at the old lady inside glass wall with longing eyes.

“Tao…” Xiumin whispered after a half day of silence, “I’m going to buy some drinks again. What do you want?”

“Coffee…” Tao answered weakly.

“No more coffee for you. You’ve drunk five cans today!” Xiumin shook his head, “I’m going to buy you lemonade, okay? Wait here.”

“Xiumin…” Tao tugged Xiumin’s hand when he was about to leave, “I’m sorry for boring you…you-you can go home if you want.”

Xiumin smiled, patting Tao’s hand softly, “I’m not bored, Tao. And I won’t go home, not anytime soon.”

“Thank you…”

“You’re always welcome.” Xiumin said before leaving Tao for the drinks.

“Thank you.” Tao said after he had accepted the lemonade.

“It’ll make you fresher.” Xiumin said, sipping his own juice, “When did the last time you sleep? You look weary.”

“I don’t know. Maybe, two days ago…”

Xiumin almost dropped his can, “What?! Two days?! God, Tao, I know you’re worried about your mother, but you have to pay attention to your health too!”

“I-I can’t sleep…” Tao admitted, “It’s like…I always have bad dreams if I do it.”

Xiumin sighed before pulling the lemonade from Tao’s hand before pulling Tao’s head down onto his lap.

“Sleep for a while, Tao. You can’t get sick at this time.” Then, Xiumin hummed a soft lullaby while his hand was Tao’s hair gently. It was weird that suddenly Tao felt the weight in his heart lighten. With a sigh, he let his eyes drop down.

Xiumin looked down to see Tao after he felt the Tao’s body relax. He saw the tired face of the rapper and gently caressed the cheek. He looked Tao from different view now. Tao that he had been watching all these times looked carefree and cheerful. He didn’t know that Tao had a huge problem in his life other than the tight schedule.

Xiumin traced Tao’s outline with his eyes. Tao surely had a handsome face that could make every girl melt. He had a pointed nose and sharp eyes. Shortly, Tao was another perfect person Xiumin had met other than Kris.

Kris. He was supposed to have crush to that foreign man, Xiumin realized. But, somehow, he didn’t want to think about that. All he wanted to think about at that time was just Tao. He wanted to secure the younger boy in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be okay.

“Ah…”

Xiumin looked up and found a guy staring at him and Tao, “Are you…Xiumin?”

“How did you know my name?”

The guy smiled and sat beside him, “I’m Chen, Tao’s best friend, Suho’s boyfriend. We’ve met before, remember?”

Xiumin smiled back, “Ah…I see.”

“I’m glad he’s finally asleep.” Chen sighed, “The doctor said if he didn’t sleep today, they would give Tao sleeping pills.”

Xiumin looked down and Tao’s bangs, “He…I don’t know if I deserve to know this, but why doesn’t he look like loving his job? I mean…he always comes to my shop with tiredness and weary face. He doesn’t seem enjoy it…”

“Of course he doesn’t.” Chen sighed, “He’s being a celebrity because of force. If he didn’t do it, then he couldn’t afford his mom hospital fee.”

“How about his dad…?”

Chen looked down, fidgeting his fingers, “He was dead. He got an accident when he was cheating with another woman.”

“How could he?!” Xiumin widened his eyes.

Chen shrugged, “He never complains about it, but I’m sure he’s crying inside.”

Xiumin looked down to see Tao’s face and sighed. He didn’t know that Tao had such problems. He was younger that Xiumin by three years for God’s sake! Yet, his responsibility was much heavier.

“Here. I brought this.” Chen put the plastic bag beside Xiumin as he got up from the bench, “There are rice balls and milks. I’m sure you haven’t eaten yet.”

“Ah…” Xiumin blushed as his stomach grumbled.

Chen chuckled and nodded, “Eat it. I have to go know. I still have works to do.”

“Okay, thank you for the foods, Chen.”

“You’re welcome.” Chen walked away before stopping a few meters from Xiumin, turning his head back, “Xiumin, I trust you. Please take care of Tao.”

“Don’t worry, I will.” Xiumin smiled.

Chen smiled contently before continuing heading away.

PIIIP!!!

Xiumin head snapped up since he heard the sound. His eyes got wider when he saw the line in monitor beside Tao’s mother’s bed was straight.

“Oh, my God, no!” Xiumin shouted, “Tao! Tao! Wake up!”

Tao hurriedly woke up and looked at Xiumin, “What’s wrong?!”

“Your mom!” Xiumin pointed the monitor.

Tao looked like going to fall anytime soon. He approached the glass wall and hit it with his fists, “Mom!”

“Wait here! I’m going to get doctor!”

XIumin ran toward the receptionist and told the accident. They quickly called the doctor and headed toward the glass wall.

“You can’t come in!” The nurse stopped Tao before he could enter the glass wall.

“Mom! Please, save her, Doctor!” Tao cried. The doctor sighed before closing the curtain so Tao and Xiumin couldn’t see inside.

Tao slumped down on the floor in front of the glass wall and cried heart wrenchingly.

“Tao…” Xiumin squatted down and hugged the younger, “Tao, don’t cry…”

“Mom…Mom…” Tao kept whispering.

PIII-

Xiumin heard the sound had been gone. He looked up to see the doctor stepping out from the room.

“How…how’s she…?” Tao whispered.

The doctor shook his head, “Our deep condolences…she’s gone…”

“No!!! It’s impossible!” Tao screamed, grabbing the doctor’s collar, “Why didn’t you save her?! Why?!”

“Sorry…”

Tao slumped down back on the floor and cried on the doctor’s feet. Xiumin couldn’t do anything.

“The mother of Tao, the famous rapper that has been topic these days was gone. From the news we had, she had lungs cancer and couldn’t be healed. Now-”

Tao turned off the TV and threw the remote to the wall in front of him before pulling his hair frustratingly.

Why can’t they leave me alone?! I need some time alone, goddammit!

“Tao…” A soft voice called him. Tao looked up and he saw the one he loved in black suit, “We’re ready to head to the cemetery. Are you ready?”

“Do I look like I’m ready, Xiumin?” Tao asked back.

“I’m sorry…” Xiumin looked down to his feet.

“Don’t be.” Tao said, patting the space beside him, “Sit here.”

Xiumin did what he was told.

“You know, Xiumin, it’s really hard to accept that my mom has gone…” Tao said, looking down on his lap, “I…I don’t know what to do after this…”

“Chen said…” Xiumin replied, “You don’t like your job now. Is it true?”

“I would never be a celebrity if it wasn’t for my mom.” Tao nodded.

Xiumin sighed and they fell silent again.

“Hey, Xiumin.”

“Hmm?”

 “Where do you think my mom’s going to?”

Xiumin pointed up, “Up there. Heaven.” And then he pointed where Tao’s heart was, “But, she will always be here. In your heart.”

Tao couldn’t help but chuckled between his tears, “You told me like I’m a kid.”

Xiumin blushed and looked down. Suddenly, a pair of long arms enveloped him. Tao hugged him tightly.

“Thank you, Xiumin…”

Xiumin closed his eyes and hugged Tao back, “You’re welcome…”

One by one all people went away until it was just Xiumin and Tao in front of Tao’s mother’s grave. The sky seemed sad about the departure of her as well, because it didn’t stop pouring its tears. Xiumin was holding the black umbrella while Tao was squatting down on the wet pavement, holding the grave.

“Tao,” Xiumin whispered, “Let’s go.”

Tao nodded and stood up. He turned his head up to Xiumin and stared at the chubby boy in front of him deeply.

“Tao…? What-”

But, Xiumin was silenced by a pair of cold lips against his, Tao’s lips. It was a quick kiss. Tao pulled away again after three seconds. Seeing the shock on Xiumin’s face, Tao decided to hug the older.

“I love you.” Tao whispered against Xiumin’s ear, “I love you, Xiumin.”

Tao pulled away again since he didn’t get his answer.

“Tao…”

“I’m sorry.” Tao whispered, “If you don’t love me back, it’s okay. I just wanted you to know my feeling.”

And after that Tao walked away under the rain, leaving Xiumin. It needed few times before suddenly Xiumin dropped the black umbrella and chased Tao. He hugged the taller yet younger guy from behind, sticking his face on Tao’s back.

“Xiumin…?”

“I love you too!” Xiumin cut Tao’s words, “I love you too! I don’t know since when, maybe since you came to my place, or maybe since I wonted by your presence. But, I don’t care! I love you too, Tao!”

Tao turned his body and hugged Xiumin tighter than before, “God…I love you, Xiumin!”

They pulled away slightly just to lean closer to get their first real kiss, the sweetest one.

They didn’t care if they were under the rain and wet. They didn’t care the fact they were still at the cemetery. They didn’t care if the oxygen in their lungs would be running out soon. They didn’t care anything other that they were there, both of them, kissing each other passionately like couldn’t be separated. What they care was they loved each other. That was absolute.

But, they didn’t know of another person was there and taking their photos.