The grass was always greener on the other side. As for the Liu’s, the other side meant sunny Los Angeles.  It was paradise for Amber. The trees that swayed to the comfortable breeze and the sun’s rays on her skin gave her a certain sense of freedom; that finally, she was away from the pretending and the shouting and the hurting. She felt like a kid again.

When the Liu’s took her in, she felt she’d lost everything. Back then, her world only revolved on her sisters, Soojung, Suzy and Su-yeon. She knew she wasn’t related to them by blood but they shared the same warmth and understanding as if they were sisters. They were the only people she knew who cared about her. So when ahjumma told them there were parents visiting the orphanage, she knew she didn’t want to be adopted by anyone. Her sisters were enough. And besides, she was afraid of parents. Parents were cruel.  She felt like that ever since ahjumma told her about how her parents left her on a waiting shed one dreary night.

But as Mrs. Liu held her hand that day and embraced her, she recognized a new feeling building up inside her body. It was warm and sweet; a longing for a mother’s love. She cried and hugged her back. Mr. Liu ruffled her short disheveled hair and smiled. Amber had been adopted.

It was weird at first, because her new parents argued before it was settled; something about having a son and not being the “heir” of a company. Amber was confused and decided that maybe she was never meant to have parents. But then, they stopped fighting and decided they were still adopting her. She had mixed emotions. She was happy she had found nice parents but at the same time, sad because all of her sisters were also getting adopted by the other visitors. Amber was going to leave her world.

She looked at Suzy who seemed to be contented with her adopted father and at the only two blood-related siblings who got adopted together by the same foster parents. It was a nice sight, seeing them have normal lives. Maybe I’ll have a normal life too, she thought. Just then, she heard someone cry.  She felt something wet on her back and a pair of arms hugging her from the waist. A small voice emitted out of the intruder. “Ddyodoongie doesn’t want to leave Ambweo unnie.”

She smiled and patted her head, “It’s okay Soojung. We’ll see each other again. I promise.” Soojung wailed loudly, “I want Ambweo-unnie to come with us!”

“We have to be separated for awhile, okay? When we see each other, I’ll buy you plenty of ice cream from the ice cream man. You always wanted that, right?”

The little girl nodded and sniffed. Su-yeon came and hugged Amber too with a promise that they would meet each other soon. She held little Soojung’s hand and went back to their foster parents.

With that, they were separated from each other.

Amber’s parents were very caring and nice, which was more than what she expected from them. She was pampered and loved so much that it was too good to be true. She knew there was a glitch.

It was his father’s idea. He told her about how her grandfather was strict and how he hated having little girls in his care. Her father told her that she needed to act like a boy. It was the reason why they started calling her “Joseph”. She wore boy’s clothes, always had shorter hair and was addressed as “Master Joseph” by the people who always followed her father around.

She acted what she was told for 2 years. She had the same kind and caring treatment from her parents.  Her father treated her like the son he never had. They would go to baseball matches, played basketball and assembled robots like a father & son would. The only one who treated Amber like a female was her mother. She’d read her books about princesses and how everything worked out at the end.

But she knew there were never happily-ever-after’s in reality.                                 

Her father admitted to her grandfather that she was a girl. The old man got angry and proclaimed that they were never to set foot there again. They decided to migrate to the US indefinitely, leaving no trace about their whereabouts to her grandfather.

Amber still wore boy’s clothes and played robots, basketball and all the things she did before, except she wasn’t pretending anymore. This was the real her and her parents accepted it whole-heartedly. As she grew older, she had friends, mostly boys, who would play and hang out with her. She had a wonderful childhood in LA.

Until that fateful day she learned that they had new next-door neighbors.

“Dad, where are we going?” 8 year old Amber Liu watched her dad fix his necktie and polo shirt. She also sported the same outfit, but with a lighter shade of blue.

Her dad smiled and tapped her back. “We have new neighbors. You want to take a guess who?”

“Are they ninjas? I always wanted to have those kinds of neighbors.” She sheepishly grinned, which then her father replied with a laugh.

“We’ve met them before. I think you might remember them,” he flicked his wrist to take a gander at his watch and tutted, “Well, let’s not make them wait.”  

They were on the porch of their new next-door neighbors’ house. The door swung open and she saw a woman with a pretty bun. She made a saccharine smile, and welcomed them.”Oh, and this must be Amber!” She kissed her cheek and pinched it lovingly.

As they entered, she saw familiar pictures of two children. Her heart thumped in a rapid pace. Could it be—

And as she stared at the two children in the living room, her smile went up to her ears. Suddenly, tears blurred her vision.

She called the older one and the girl smiled incessantly. The girl pointed to her younger sibling and she motioned to her direction. The little girl she once knew had become such a pretty sight. Her hair billowed up to her shoulders and those upturn of lips was wondrously beautiful, she ached just seeing it.

“Soojungie…”

*************

Soojung had never felt so betrayed before in her entire lifetime. The vision burned her from the inside out. It was gnawing her like hungry little maggots, making her skin crawl with terror of anticipating what they would do next.

She forgot that she was carrying breakfast. It was wrong of her to worry about that stupid prick in the first place. If it wasn’t for her persistent concerns about her eating habits, she wouldn’t have seen this perturbing scene.

She realized someone noticed her presence. Soojung stared at Amber with all the remorse her heart can muster while the tomboy just stood there, rendered speechless at her intrusion.

She dropped everything she was holding and walked away. Her heart was aching more and more as she put one foot in front of the other. The thud of her feet was slowly progressing into the beating of her heart, faster and faster until she was running down the stairs, not even bothering to wait for the elevator to arrive. There were tears streaming down her face. She didn’t even notice when she started sobbing or where she was going. All she knew was that she was in a hurry to get out of this hellhole.

All of a sudden, someone grabbed her wrist. She turned around and saw the same person who was breaking her very being into a thousand pieces. It was taking all her will power not to slap this dim-witted bastard then and there.

“Krys, what you saw back there, it was a misunderstanding…”

She let out an inaudible reply. Amber looked at her questioningly, “what?”

“I hate you…” She repeated. “I hate you so much right now that it feels as natural as breathing. Not a single day goes by that I don’t think of ways to torment you and make you feel the same way…”

Amber released her grip and gaped at her speech. Soojung’s voice was filled with so much pain that it was frightening and heart-wrenching at the same time.

“I hate you because I constantly worry about you, even when I’m not even thinking right,” she continued. “I hate you because every time I’m with you, my mind goes blank and I feel more alive than ever.”

“I hate you because when I see you with someone else, it’s breaking me so much that all I want to do is murder that little wretch and make her realize that you will always be mine, but I can’t…”

Soojung was looking at the ground, her shoulders shaking from her outburst. Amber held the sides of her face with her hands and caressed her cheeks drenched with tears.

“I hate you because all I want right now is to be with you, even if it means just being friends. But this… this is too much, Amber.”

She raised her head to look at Amber. Eyes still stained with tears, she mustered her last ounce of strength and said, “Miss Liu, please accept my letter of resignation.” She let out a piece of folded paper in her hand, just enough for Amber to see.

 ______________

Suzy stared at the space between her and the desk, the space where Amber had been. It was filled with emptiness that bore in the arenas of her mind. She touched her lips and remembered when it caressed Amber’s.

She didn’t regret kissing her.

A smile crept up to her cheeks as she fixed her dress and left her boss’ office. Almost instantaneously, she felt a stinging sensation in her right cheek. She realized she was slapped by none other than, her childhood friend, Su-yeon.

“How many times do I have to tell you not to meddle with everything!?” Su-yeon exclaimed.

“You call this meddling, unnie. I call this claiming what’s mine.” Suzy seethed.

“She was never yours. You know that Amber was fond of Soojung, even before, and you’re just too damn adamant to accept that fact!”

Suzy pointed a finger at her and protested, “No! You take that back! She saved me that day, right?! Not Soojung! She chose to save me!”

Her head hung low and her hands were balled into angry fists. Su-yeon sighed and said with a low raspy voice, “Amber never chose to save you that day, Suzy. Soojung did.”

***********

God, that was so hard to write.

Imagining Soojung bawling her eyes out is just... ugh.

Thank you to all the new readers who read this from start to finish. It warms my heart that people find this story a good read. Also, to those who stayed and posted comments despite my late updates, thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank youuuuuuuu! You guys are such wonderful people! *feels in my heart places* 7 upvotes too! Awww, you guys. :))

Hmm, I'll try to update next week, okay? If not, then it will be as soon as I have time.

Oh, and let's mess around on twitter too: @thegirlholden. I just started so I hope you guys welcome me there. Keep reminding me to write updates so that I won't forget. LOL

See ya! Author out~