Jessica sat next to the hospital bed. Her tears had dried up. Her face was pale and expressionless. She the sedated girl’s hair. Both of them didn’t look well but only one of them knew of the condition the couple were thrown mercilessly into. Jessica skipped class and work for a couple of days to accompany her wife. The room was quiet other than a few quiet mutters from doctors and nurses outside in the hallways. The constant beeping of the electrocardiograph machine was about the only sound that echoed in the room.

She continued her hair. Noticing how dried up Tiffany’s lips was, she went into the toilet to damp a tissue paper before dabbing it on her lips. It was about the only thing she could have done at the moment. Her feelings were numb. She stared at the girl’s closed eyes. A million thoughts rushed through her mind, but she shuddered at every single one of them and tried to shut them out. Jessica cupped Tiffany’s left hand with both palms and kissed it before holding it under her chin. She gazed at her beautiful bride, now looking sickly and weak. She prayed for a miracle, but how often did that occur in Jessica’s life? Only once. Now that miracle needed another miracle.

Jessica was exhausted but she didn’t want to fall asleep. She couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing Tiffany again. She wished she had her insomnia back before Tiffany cured it with her lullaby the last time. However strong her will was, her drowsiness was even stronger. She drifted off on a sleepless slumber and woke up with a jolt when she felt her palms being squeezed.

“TIFFANY!!!” Jessica hugged her, crying.

“Woah. What’s wrong?”

“No…nothing,” Jessica lied, rubbing off tears that trickled down her cheek, “I’m just happy you’re awake.”

“I can’t remember anything... How long was I out?”

“Two days.”

“Ah my eyes hurt! Like some kind of pressure in my eyeballs,” Tiffany groaned in pain.

Jessica couldn’t hold back anymore. She broke down in tears and ran out of the ward, covering with one hand and the other wiping off the hot droplets rolling down from her eyes.

“…Jessica???” Tiffany was left confused and startled on her bed.

She ran. The horrible dread returned to stab her heart. She ran and ran and ran for as long as the roads took her until her legs buckled and she tripped, falling face first onto the grass. She didn’t bother to pick herself up. She just cried sprawling on the ground, grabbing handfuls of grass in some hope to release what she was feeling inside. It didn’t work. Nothing would. She covered her face with grass and sobbed miserably. She didn’t know what she should do.

***

Jessica checked Tiffany out of hospital a week later. Both sat in the car silently as Jessica drove back home. There was nothing that could be said. The car was shrouded with a musty thick atmosphere throughout the journey. As soon as the car parked into the driveway, Tiffany just opened the door, stood up, grabbed her cane and walked into the house without muttering a word.

“…Tiff…?” It came out like a squeak instead. Jessica just stared at the blind girl as she didn’t respond and headed to the bedroom before locking it.

***

“I am so sorry. How is she?”

“You said sorry over a hundred times already, Yuri. She’s okay so far, apart from a few complains that her eyeballs felt like bursting.”

“Sorry. Is she going through chemo?”

“No…it…it has spread. There was no point in chemo…”

‘Well, did…did you try to talk to her?”

“I did but she doesn’t want to see me since I checked her out a fortnight ago”

Jessica looked down at the wooden cafeteria table, “I don’t know how to face her, Yuri. I really don’t. I…” she let out a deep sigh.

“Jessica, look, I don’t know if I should say this but…” Yuri’s voiced trailed off and her eyes avoided contact with her best friend’s.

“What?”

Yuri sighed. “Tiff--Tiffany’s time is limited. We have to accept that. We can’t run away from it. The more we try, the more time we waste. It’s never going to disappear.” Yuri hated herself for being so harsh and blunt but there was no other way to put it.

“Jessica,” Yuri held her hands and looked at her in the eyes, “You have to make full use of the time you have now. Please don’t make that mistake that you will regret your whole life. Don’t abandon her. Not now. Not at this stage. Please.”

Yuri had a point. However, Jessica’s heart was a boiling pot of mixed feelings. She couldn’t stare at her loved one knowing that she was going to die and there was nothing that could be done. Her weak heart couldn’t take it. That feeling couldn’t be described in words. Whichever path she took, both will hurt as much, but she has to decide which path had the consequences that she could bear.

***

As Jessica left for university for the first time since she was checked out, Tiffany was lying on her bed, sleepless. Being blind somehow amplified the gripping intensity of what she felt beyond her threshold, she cried again. She covered her face with her pillow to drown out her sobs when she heard the doorbell rang. She lifted her head in surprise, wiped off her tears and grabbed her cane before answering the door.

“T-Tiffany?”

“Dad? DAD!” Tiffany pounced on the manly figure and hugged him, squeezing him tightly with her arms. Before her dad could react, she broke down crying on his shoulders. The old man struggled to hold back his tears. His lips shivered. He knew he had to be strong for his daughter. He was the only one left whom Tiffany’s could count on.

They sat on the couch, with daddy’s hand tightly gripping Tiffany’s. His eyes were red but he was thankful Tiffany couldn’t see it.

“Tiffany,” her dad started.

They shared a long, meaningful conversation that was way overdue. Somewhere in the shipwreck of feelings that was flooding her, Tiffany felt comfort.