The air around me was thick and heavy again. But with the way my skin was moist and sticky I knew it had always been like this and had never changed through out the night. I needed to call for my mother and tell her to open a window in the house. I wondered if my brother had left the fire going...

“Minseok?” a deep voice called me. That voice didn't belong to anyone in my family. My father's voice was much more rough, it wasn't his. Who was in my room? Could a stranger have broken in?

“Minseok?” and a hand touched me. I gasped and sat up with a start, ready to defend myself. I froze with my arms raised above my body as I saw who it was.

I knew that face. That was the face I had seen before I had gone to sleep.

I turned my head about, trying to remember where I was again. I was sure I was at home a second ago. My mother was going to come and wake me up for breakfast soon.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.” the man said. He looked concerned, a bit guilty. I recognized this place. This room belonged to Wu Fan...

“I'm not in Korea?” I questioned more to myself. Wu Fan shook his head. The information processed quickly. I didn't realize I was crying until he reached out to wipe away my tears shushing me to tell me I was okay. Those words made me cry harder, I was completely distressed and upset. I had been so sure I was home. This disappointment was so painful. When Wu Fan realized I wasn't going to stop crying anytime soon, he told me he would get me some water and rushed out.

When I was completely alone I curled in to myself and cried with little sobs. My vision was blurred and my nose was getting stuffy but I didn't care. This was hard. I didn't like it.

When the door opened I looked up and my crying paused in shock for a moment.

Jongdae, not Wu Fan was standing over me with a glass of water. I didn't know what to make of it, but I gladly took the cup of water as he sat down next to me. He reached over me and placed the pillow I had slept on in to my lap. I looked at him, confused as to what I was supposed to do with it.

“I know what you thought when you woke up. You thought you were back home.” he sighed. And a fresh batch of tears escaped and I sobbed again. I found myself holding the pillow against my chest, tucking it under my chin as I continued to cry. Jongdae waited patiently for me to calm down. When I did he told me to drink the water, the smaller the gulps the better.

I followed his direction. Soon enough I was still holding the pillow, but my sobs were no more. I focused on drinking the water. My eyes were sore from the crying and so was my nose. I looked up at him for more direction.

He reached for my under shirt and used it to wipe my nose, and then another part of the shirt to wipe my cheeks.

“Better?” he asked. I nodded.

“Don't worry Minseok, I know exactly what you're going through. I came here right after I had turned nine. I didn't want to. But my mother was forced to. My father had died of sickness, she had no way of taking care of me. There was work here. So we made the trip...” his eyes were remembering everything, and I stayed quiet and let him continue.

“I used to wake up just like you. Thinking and wishing I was home again. I used to cry so hard...my mother did too. But she would go outside by herself. And then when she was done crying she would come in and comfort me. It gets easier Minseok. I promise it does.” he murmured to me. I hoped he was right.

“Eventually you'll start waking up before Wu Fan. You'll cry more silently. And you'll learn to pretend. And after pretending so long you'll forget to pretend, and you'll just be happy. Trust me, I know what you are feeling. It will get so much better once you open up. They'll take good care of you.” he smiled. I knew he meant Wu Fan, Yixing, and Luhan.

“They took good care of me. I know that the day isn't so hard, because of them you can smile and laugh and be at ease. But I know you become so relaxed that you fall asleep relaxed, and then you wake up scared. You're not sure why, but you do. And I know it well get better. I promise. Trust me?” he upped a brow. I nodded slowly. He patted me on the back and told me to come out when I was ready. Just before he left he turned around.

“Oh. Just tell Wu Fan you suffer from nightmares okay? Don't let him think you're scared to be here, it'll break his heart.” he whispered, and with that he closed the door. I sat there for a few minutes before chugging down the rest of my water and quickly showering. I changed in to some fresh clothes and made my way to the dining room.

I paused before going in, I could hear their voices and I heard my name spoken.

“I'm serious Hyung! He told me he just had nightmares!” Jongdae assured.

“Are you sure? He asked me about Korea.” Wu Fan was worried and I felt bad. I didn't want to hurt him after he had been so honest and hopeful with me last night.

“Watch, ask him when he comes in. Don't worry so much.” Jongdae was a good liar, I thought. I took a breath and made my way inside. Once again it became quiet when I entered. They all stared at me, minus Luhan who had his back to me as he stood at the counter. Although he did take the time to glance over his shoulder for a second.

“Minseok? Are you okay?” Wu Fan's voice seemed so small. I made brief eye contact with Jongdae, he bit his lip with doubt.

“Yeah, I'm fine. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I suffer from nightmares. I have since I was little.” I lied, sighing like it wasn't a big deal and made my way to sit next to Wu Fan. He stared at me the whole way. I didn't look at him.

“But you asked me—“

“It happens a lot. I once asked my mother if my father was a philosopher. I make no sense. Really don't worry about it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before.” I cut him off. I made the effort to look him in the eye, a straight face with an easy smile.

“I'm fine.” I shrugged. I was thankful when Luhan asked if I wanted breakfast. I took his offer and distracted myself with eating. Eventually Wu Fan stopped staring at me and drank his morning beverage in silence. A random question popped in to my head, and I figured it would also help get Wu Fan away from the negative thoughts.

“What are you drinking?” I asked him, he looked at me with a bit of a glare at first. When he realized I was genuinely curious his expression eased.

“Coffee.” he replied. I stuck my hand out and he placed the warm mug in my hand. I inhaled the fumes that rose from the light brown liquid.

“Smells nice.” I commented. He chuckled a bit and told me to try it. I did. Yuck.

“Ew.” I gagged and I wanted to wipe my tongue of this extreme bland burning taste.

“You don't have coffee in Korea?” Lay asked and Jongdae shoved his shoulder.

“Of course we do! Minseok's family just probably doesn't drink it!” Jongdae scoffed and Lay shrugged it off with out a care.

“Oh my god do you all drink that stuff?” I was still irritated by the bitterness in my mouth.

“No. I drink tea usually, so does Lay. Jong and Fannie are the coffee addicts.” Luhan spoke up. I only then realized why he was at the counter. He was repetitively dunking a tea bag in his steaming mug. Next to his mug was the sugar jar, and a half cut lemon. He finished with the tea bag and threw it away. He then added a few spoonfuls of sugar and then squeezed the lemon juice in. he stirred it, and then began to drink it in big gulps.

“Can't he burn his tongue?” I asked Wu Fan. He shook his head.

“Luhan can drink boiling water easily. He has almost no taste buds left on his tongue.” Lay answered me from across the table. I must have looked completely shocked because he laughed at me.

“Then how does he know if food tastes good?” I was bewildered.

“His sense of smell is strong.” Lay quipped. I made an 'O' face.

“The taste buds grow back anyways! Do you want to try and drink boiling water? It's fun!” Luhan smiled at me. I shook my head. I liked having my taste buds. Everyone finished their coffee or tea along with their small breakfasts. Luhan was the first to make his way out and Lay followed him soon after. Jongdae stayed for a bit, I think it was so that Wu Fan wouldn't have too much time to question me further about my crying episode. His plan kind of worked, as they realized they were going to run behind schedule with the sun almost fully out in the sky. Jongdae patted my head before leaving.

Before Wu Fan left he turned to me, standing in the doorway with a small frown.

“Are you sure you're okay?” he asked again. I nodded.

“If you're unhappy here, please let me know.” he urged. I stepped closer to him, placing my hand on his shoulder comfortingly. I realized this was my first initiation to touching him.

“I'm not unhappy Wu Fan. I promise.” I stated firmly. He stared at me for a moment, trying to see if I was telling the truth. He finally sighed and nodded in agreement. He patted my head as Jongdae had and jogged off in to the morning sunshine.

I hadn't exactly told a lie. I had said I wasn't unhappy and that was true. But I was still upset. Still a little uncomfortable. Still a little nervous.

But I had to believe in Jongdae's words; this would get easier and in the end I would be happy to be here. I had to believe this. I would.

I made them a quick lunch of steamed sweet potatoes and rice wine. They enjoyed it enough, covering me in compliments that made me embarrassed. I asked Wu Fan if there was anyway I could help in the fields. I didn't want to become a useless housewife.

But apparently that was exactly what Wu Fan wanted me to be.

“Not useless, but definitely a housewife. The title suits you.” he shrugged with his blatant smirk. I scoffed at him. Even if I did like men, and he had technically brought me overseas to marry me, I was no housewife. I was a man. It was a fact.

I had Yixing on my side, telling Wu Fan I could be like their 'basket-picker-upper' and make rounds to bring in their baskets of pickings and load them in to the horse's cart. But Wu Fan wouldn't have it. He didn't want me to raise a single finger to do work. I complained, I tried to convince him, but he denied me again and again. So I had to once again watch the four men walk off in to the sunlight and wait behind. I figured if I wasn't going to do anything I could make my way to the river again.

I played by myself, lying down on a flat rock and running my fingers through the refreshing water, kicking my feet like a small child and splashing myself. The water was so deep blue. Yet I could see the bottom of the river, all of the light green moss attached to the large rocks. The small pebbles in a million different colors cramped with tons of deep brown mud. The atmosphere around the river was much cooler relaxing. It seemed the heat didn't reach down here. The air was light and crisp and I enjoyed it immensely.

I made dinner, seasoned meat of course and tons of rice. I had learned how much these guys could eat, and made plenty for them. I baked some sweet raisin bread and I awaited their arrival.

As the glare of the sun shined out harshly over the mountains, I saw them trudging back to the house. They were laughing and smiling like usual, and I took in Wu Fan's appearance once again.

This intense joy came over me again, I was too happy to see him arriving home. And it didn't help that I absolutely loved the way he looked after a hard day's work.

He walked up to me, smiled and patted my head. I smiled back.

Once again they enjoyed my meal, they teased Wu Fan a bit, and then we all moved out to the patio for their meeting. It was just as amazing as the first. They shared their deepest yet simplest thoughts. They were not judged for it, they were open and honest, and I could see they became closer if that was even possible. The trio said goodnight and headed to their own quarters.

But not before Jongdae quickly pulled me aside and told me not to fret, he had told Wu Fan to have a glass of water ready for me in the morning and to not worry so much. Wu Fan had been given strict instructions on how to treat me in the morning because of me 'nightmare problem'. I felt reassured and he left.

I was left alone with Wu Fan. We changed, and made our way to bed. He lay down next to me and I could feel the tension. He had worries, of me I guessed, and he was ready to pour them out. His jaw was tensed and his body still. His eyes concentrated on the top of the canopy surrounding us. He desperately wanted to say something that was lingering on his mind. As the night before, he was ready to spill so much if I simply asked one question.

I could already tell that he was the type to let things linger in his mind. Thoughts or troubles could boil in his head all day and I was getting the feeling that now, at the end of the day in this bed he was ready to let them out.

I wasn't exactly excited to discuss my waking up trouble from that morning, but I knew he needed to talk about it. He needed to voice his worries and get true results.

“Jongdae, told me about the cup of water...and being patient for you in the morning.” he stated finally after a long bit of silence. I swallowed harshly.

“In case you haven't noticed, I don't believe your nightmare excuse.” he was trying to stay calm. I had never seen him angry before I briefly thought.

“I would appreciate it, if you were honest with me.” he whispered. I carefully turned my head to the side to look at him. I saw that his breathing was unstable and his eyes were shut tight. He was seething with impatience and trying so hard keep his obvious anger inside. I should have been scared, usually I would have. Whenever my father erupted at me I would cower behind a closed door or even behind my mother. I would pout like an infant and tear up in fear usually.

But I was touched, that he was so obviously annoyed and frustrated with me, and he was working with all his strength to keep it from me. Protecting me from himself. I admired it.

“I'm sorry. For being dishonest.” my voice croaked softly. I was relieved to see his breathing become less harsh. His body seemed to relax the tiniest bit.

“I...Jongdae told me it would hurt you, if I told you the truth...” my eyes downcasted. I felt a bit guilty, but a part of me felt at ease, telling the truth was making me fell a bit better. Wu Fan didn't say anything, waiting for me to continue.

“I didn't want you to be worried, I'm not unhappy here Wu Fan I swear. I'm still a little uncomfortable, but only because its new to me...” I held my pillow tight to my face for support. He was gradually becoming more relaxed and I felt myself opening up more. His patience made me want to express myself, something I hadn't done in quite a while. Even at home I didn't do this; bare all my feelings and thoughts to one person.

“I just need time. Just give me time. I will get used to it. And I will be happy. I want to be happy here, because I know you are going to do everything in your power. I appreciate that Wu Fan. And just as you promised to make me happy, I promise to stay with you. I won't leave you lonely. I'll stay, and eventually I'll be happy here, with you.” I took a breath. All the emotions were coursing through me, it made me a little dizzy. I hadn't noticed when he had started gazing at me. A soft expression lining his eyes. He had his side to fully face me again, all his attention on me.

“I'm sorry for not being honest. I'm not okay, I'm very nervous, and scared of my future here. But I'm reassured with your efforts for me. You are so kind to me, I know I will grow to love it here.” my voice had become small, his stare was making me nervous.

“And I'm sorry I lied about the nightmares. I just didn't want you to be upset over it...” I finished as an afterthought. I kept my eyes trained on a random white spot of sheet. I could feel him staring at me, I didn't know what he was thinking. I waited a while as we laid there. Finally he scooted closer to me, my gaze jumping up when I spotted his movement.

He had such beautiful eyes.

“Thank you.” he breathed. I almost asked what for, but he reached out slowly. I stilled as his hand touched my face. His thumb under my eyes and a little down my cheek. I couldn't break the eye contact, but I felt my muscles protest from the pain of becoming so tense. He caressed my cheek a few more times, and then he showed a small smile in the corner of his lips.

“Thank you.” he whispered again. And again I wanted to ask him what he was thankful for. But he quickly patted my head and turned over to sleep. I stared at his back. Still wondering what that had meant. The smallest part of my mind was wondering why my cheeks were so warm, but most of it was concerned about his 'Thank you'. Thank you for what?

I stared at his back until my body found sleep.

I dreamed of my mother and father that night. I was on the boat again, sailing away to a foreign land and screaming in protest. But suddenly a hand reached out from behind me, and a tall figure pulled me in to a tight embrace. He smelled like wood from the trees, and morning air. He assured me that he could take care me, that he would make me happy. I didn't know who it was, but a part of me trusted him. And so I clung to that trust, and I clung to him desperately crying that I wanted to go home.