I was wide awake.

Technically we had all gone to sleep about five hours ago. Wu Fan was like a dead man. His body was complete dead weight on top of me save for his deep breaths.

I'd tried to fall asleep, really I had. I'd closed my eyes and kept them shut for a long time, I'd counted sheep in my head. There wasn't much else I could do with long limbs of my husband slung over me. He wasn't going to budge—trust me I tried—so I was stuck in bed.

The one time I'd gotten out of bed was to feed baby Rui on the third hour mark; he'd started whimpering and turning this way and that so Wu Fan had huffed and moved away so I could run to the kitchen and get a bottle. But after I'd returned and fed him, Wu Fan had quickly yanked me back in to bed and gotten comfortable. So now I was stuck immobilized with worries in my head.

I wasn't exactly worried, there wasn't great problems plaguing my mind or anything.

I could just hear everything. And by everything I mean I heard every little breath from the tiny baby sleeping soundlessly next to our bed.

Every little breath that hitched, when he gurgled, if he moved his feet. I heard every little thing and I could not sleep. I was on high alert.

The small rustle of Rui Jing's hand rubbing his face as he sighed in his sleep made me hold my breath. I mean what if I was breathing too loudly and he woke up?

And I couldn't fall asleep. What if while I slept something happened to him and I didn't wake up? Wu Fan was lifeless when he slept, by now if I fell asleep I'd be too exhausted to wake up. Things could happen to Rui. A sudden fire could start, he could fall out of his hammock, there could be an earthquake, the zombie apocalypse could start—oh the possibilities.

The need in my chest to get up from the bed was rising. A good cup of water would probably clear my head along with some inhales and exhales of fresh air.

When Wu Fan rolled over in his slumber I kind of did a ninja flip in to the air and out of the bed. I froze as my feet touched the wooden floor and my ears reached out to listen if I'd woken either my sleeping husband up or the baby. With a sweet beat of silence I creeped in to the kitchen and got my cup of water and part of my sanity back.

So this was what it was like to be a parent.

The thought was constantly there, the question rattled in my mind even when the baby was right there in my arms; Was he okay? Was he safe? Am I doing this right?

I could just feel the bruises under my eyes forming from the lack of sleep. And yet I wasn't tired. The adrenaline in my system was always pumping my heart steadily and keeping my brain buzzing.

As I set my empty cup in to the sink I thought it was about time for Rui to wake up for his next bottle.

The stiffled cries were muffled by the walls. Yes it was indeed time for that.

I could've gone back in the room and grabbed him to save Wu Fan from waking up...

But then again it wouldn't hurt if Wu Fan did more than make faces at Rui all day.

I quietly began to prep Rui's bottle while his crying got louder. I reached up in to the cupboards to get the formula can before pouring the purified water in to a bottle. I couldn't help but smirk when I heard a low groan from behind my bedroom wall and I heard the shuffling of heavy feet. Wu Fan had definitely woken up. Rui's crying grew louder as my husband carried the upset baby in to the kitchen.

I stiffled a laugh when I saw my husband's eyes weren't even. He held Rui upright thank god and didn't say a word to me as he offered him over.

I kept my mouth shut and didn't reach for the wiggling infant who cried louder. I carefully plopped two scoops of formula in to the bottle and twisted the cap on. Wu Fan nudged me with his elbow and let out a low grunt for me to take the fussy baby from him.

I ignored his request and carefully shook the formula up in the bottle. I whispered a cry of pain when Wu Fan stepped on my foot.

“Give me a second, his bottle is almost done!” I growled while I shook the small container back and forth. Wu Fan huffed in annoyance and put Rui against his chest. The baby still cried and turned of course, because he was hungry. While Wu Fan tried to console the upset infant in his arms with his sleepy eyes still closed, I watched in amusement.

Finally after a few more moments of my games Wu Fan grunted out some words,

“Minseok! Take him!” he begged and pushed a crying Rui in to my arms. I laughed but took my son carefully and popped the bottle in to his mouth. Within seconds he was quiet. Wu Fan sighed dramatically and leaned his head against my shoulder.

“You're evil.” his hoarse voice whispered to me. I chuckled in agreement. We didn't say anything for awhile as Rui drank his bottle. We stood there together in silence in the dark kitchen. The light of the moon made our fields a dark blue, the floor of the kitchen a cast away gray. Wu Fan slung and arm around my waist and kissed both mind and Rui's faces. I melted in to his warm arms and hummed in satisfaction. This was the way I wanted my life to always be now. I wanted to hold my son for the rest of my life. I wanted to be enveloped in Wu Fan's arms for forever.

“I love you.” I told him. He kissed the back of my ear and told me he loved me too. We stood like that for a little longer. He swayed me back and forth gently while Rui continued to eat.

“You should get some sleep.” my husband suddenly advised. I looked up a little bewildered when he moved from behind me and took Rui in to his own arms. The baby complained at first, but settled back down when his bottle was brought to his lips again. I stood there in amazement.

Wu Fan laughed and shooed me off, “Go sleep. I've got him.”

“It's fine, I can—“

“not sleep for another night? I forbid you from it Minseok.” he pressed his lips lightly against my forehead before looking me straight in the eyes,

“We're in this together remember? We're going to raise him together. I've got him. Go sleep.” he demanded sweetly. With one last kiss I was sent to bed.

I tried to be stubborn and stay awake until Wu Fan came back in to our room. But I couldn't help it. My mind was at ease with the knowledge that my husband was taking care of everything. I could rest with that. My eyelids fell down like anchors in to the ocean and landed with a heavy thud.

~ ~ ~

I placed the small spoon full of white mush up to Rui's mouth again. With wide eyes he opened his small mouth and consumed its contents. I cooed at him at how well he ate, how cute he was, how amazing he was. Baby Rui looked back at me with coal black eyes and made an unintelligible baby noise. He was a few months older now, already his features were developing. He could now smile at me, and make these odd noises while he rolled slowly around on the floor. Although he was a pretty calm baby. He wasn't fussy unless he was hungry or needed changing. He would virtually let anyone hold him and happy lay wherever he was placed. Except for when we talked to him, he stayed viturally quiet. At first I thought there was something wrong with him, but Ani told me to there was nothing. That even as a baby we have personalities.

“He's observant. He likes to watch what goes on around him and he listens carefully.” she told me. I watched him closely and found what she said was true. Rui wasn't mute or deaf; when someone entered he turned his head around to see who it was, and he made enough noise for a normal baby.

It was just that he was watching us with his big eyes. Watching what we did and responding to them them quietly and calmly. I stopped worrying about it all together after awhile.

Ani had suggested I started mashing up rice and milk together to feed him, along with any fruits I desired. The key was to add water to the mush and then feed it to him. Everyday he got bigger, his black hair got longer and his cheeks grew chubbier.

While I was feeding baby Rui in the highchair Wu Fan and Yixing had made by hand, Luhan and Jongdae were arguing by the sink.

“Where did you find that thing?” Jongdae teased with his wide smile. Luhan glared at him with determination as he held up the large device in his hands and aimed it at the grinning man. With a push of his finger a bright flash lit up Jongdae's puzzled face right before a thing white square popped out from the bottom.

“It's called a camera you idiot. And I got it from the market! Cool huh?” Luhan smiled in victory. Jongdae immediately snatched the device and flipped it around. There was another bright flash and another white square popped out. When Jongdae picked up the little square he frowned.

“I don't see anything.” he complained. Luhan called him an idiot again, “You have to wait a few minutes before the picture shows up.” and sure enough after a few moments the image of a doe-eyes Luhan appeared on the square.

“Don't you dare flash that in Rui's eyes. You'll blind him and I'll kill you.” Wu Fan waltzed in to the kitchen. He sat down beside me and smiled at baby Rui. I continued to feed the baby his rice porridge while Luhan and Jongdae took turns taking pictures of one another.

“He's smart already.” Wu Fan mumbled against my shoulder.

“How do you know?” I asked while smiling as my baby accidentally smeared some of the rice porridge on to his cheek.

“He knows who you are. See they way he looks at you?” I could hear Wu Fan's teasing voice. I'd been teased about this for the past couple of months. Yixing had started it that well muscled freak. One word out of his mouth and they all were laughing and teasing me about it ever since.

“Yes. He does recognized me.” my voice was dripping with acid, “I'm his father. Just like you are.” I just knew what was going to be said next.

“I think he recognizes his Mama.” Wu Fan snickered. I whipped around and began punching my cackling husband. They'd all thought it was so hilarious to call me the mother, the mama and the mommy. Only because they knew how much it irritated me. They acted like I actually was a woman sometimes and it got on my nerves. I was a man just like them, Wu Fan especially should know that since he d me every night like a teenager.

But no, Yixing had laughed about how I fussed over Rui like a crazy mother and then it had all gone downhill.

“Can baby Rui say Mama?” I heard a distinct from behind me. I turned back around and sure enough Yixing was smiling at the black eyed baby. Rui stared at him with a bright expression and reached a white porridge covered hand out to Yixing's face.

“Say Mama~” Yixing cooed and I lunged for his face myself.

“I am not his Mama you idiot!” I snarled and got a handful of his brown locks. Yixing protested as I aimed to rip a few of his hairs out of his head. Jongdae came skidding over to Chinese man's rescue by slapping my hands away. In return Wu Fan ran around the other side to pinch Jongdae's forearm.

All the while Luhan happily sat with baby Rui and continued to feed him his porridge.

In the end Yixing had a headache, the backs of my hands were sore, and Jongdae's forearms were pink. But baby Rui was happily asleep in Luhan's arms with a full tummy.

“I'm not his Mama!” I growled at Yixing who maturely stuck his tongue out at me and went over to thank Jongdae for defending him with sweet kisses. I rolled my eyes at them and went over to Luhan who placed the sleeping baby in my arms.

“He sleeps too much.” Luhan's nose wrinkled in distaste. I scoffed at him while turning my baby over in my arms to pat his back lightly.

“He's supposed to Lu, he needs it.” I informed him. He shrugged at my information and skipped away in to the living room. Wu Fan followed me as I went in to Rui's room to place him in his crib. Again Wu Fan and Yixing had made the crib with their own two hands. It was large and circular, the dark blue padding was soft and sewn by me and Luhan. I carefully placed the sleeping baby in to his crib. I watched him silently as he slept, Wu Fan's arms came around my waist as I felt his smile against my cheek.

“He's so amazing.” I sighed. Wu Fan kissed my cheek loudly.

“Are you ready for him to grow up?” my husband checked. He laughed as I whined no. I was not ready for him to get bigger yet. I needed him to stay this tiny and adorable forever.

“It's going to be awesome Minseok. He'll call you Mama, and me Papa, and—“

“He is not going to call me Mama you jerk!” I growled and tried to elbow my annoying husband in the gut. He held me close and laughed at my complaints.

There was no way in hell my son was going to call me Mama. I was a man damnit.

~ ~ ~

My head snapped up in shock so fast I could've broken my neck. I could feel the air flowing in to my open mouth, my eyes burned a little bit from not blinking. Had I just heard that?

“Rui?” I questioned the toddler sitting in his crib. Little Rui had black thick hair that was currently styled this way and that after his nap. His deep black eyes were staring at me as his tiny mouth moved around. And there is was again, clear as day.

“Mama.” he said. He'd spoken, an actual word.

I started jumping up and down in excitement. My baby had just said a freaking word!

“Rui! You're amazing little gem!” I smiled and picked him up. Immediately I sped walked with him in my arms outside. I started calling for Wu Fan like an idiot. I could see him off in the distance as he wacked away at the tall crops. When he heard me calling he jogged over to me, worry written on his face. As we got closer to each other he seemed to relax, since I was smiling after all.

“What is it?” he laughed, clearly I was fine as I smiled widely at him and held Rui up. Wu Fan looked puzzled but took the baby anyways and kissed him lightly on his chubby cheeks.

“He can speak! He called me Mama!” I celebrated by myself. After a moment Wu Fan got what I was saying. He too freaked out and gave Rui thousands of kisses. My baby had said his first word. It took me an hour to realized what exactly he'd called me. But still, he'd said his first word.

~ ~ ~

“I can't believe you taught my son to call me Mama you jerks!” I groaned. The trio sat triumphantly on our front porch. It was another day in the sunshine as Rui crawled around our feet.

“You liked it didn't you?” Yixing teased. I glared at him.

“Yeah I remember you being excited.” Luhan shrugged.

“You clearly were happy about being called Mama.” Jongdae joined in. Now I knew why Wu Fan wanted to kill them half of the time.

“I hate you all.” I spat and plopped down next to my husband who kind of consoled me kind of laughed at me. I was mad only for a fraction of a second more. I couldn't stay mad when I saw how well the trio played with my little gem who crawled right up to Yixing and raised his arms up. Automatically his uncle picked him up and kissed that precious face.

They all took turns trying to get Rui to stand on his own, placing his tiny feet on top of theirs and holding his arms steady. He wobbled a bit and never took a step forward unless they held him up. But Rui seemed a little amazed that he could actually stand up. And after the trio left him to crawl on his own, Rui began holding on to things so he could stand up on his own.

It was a few weeks later when Rui stood up on his own. And a few weeks after that when he walked on his own from my arms to Wu Fan's.

~ ~ ~

I absolutely adored Rui's thinking face. His little cheeks puffed out and he pierced his eyes in to little slits. I smiled in delight as he stared at an expectant Luhan.

“Luin.” the toddler uttered. Luhan huffed a 'close enough' and scooted away to let Jongdae have his turn.

“What's my name Rui?” the man smiled and waited. Rui stared at him for a few moments then happily declared, “Jonay!” it wasn't that close, but it had Jongdae smiling in delight and giving my baby kisses of joy. For Yixing, the baby said, “Yising.” Which Luhan complained was way too close. I was still Mama no matter how hard I tried to teach him 'Appa' instead. And of course Wu Fan was a proud Papa. Rui Jing happily toddled over to me and tugged at my sleeves for attention

“Mama, I wafood.” he declared.

“Say please!” Wu Fan told the toddler. Immediately my baby gasped a 'Please' sounding word to me. I scooped him up and took him in to the kitchen where he munched on some peach slices.

~ ~ ~

I made myself cross eyed and stuck my tongue out. When I uncrossed them I smiled at the little boy who was giggling at me. We were heading to Ani's that day. It was too hot for comfort, so the whole gang was shirtless except for my little gem. I carried a bottle of water in my hands, and every time Rui's cheeks got too pink for my liking I poured a tad on top of head and made him drink some. Wu Fan carried our son in his arms, I reminded myself that my little gem needed to wash his hands when we got there because of all that dirt on his fingers.

“Mama, we see Ani now?” Rui asked from over Wu Fan's shoulder. I told that we were, and we were almost there.

“Papa we there.” Rui whispered in to Wu Fan's ear. My husband laughed and kissed him in thanks. When we arrived at the field of wildflowers Wu Fan put Rui down so he could run by himself up to Ani who was waiting on the porch. Luhan was right behind him, and they began to play fight over who Ani loved more.

Of course Ani assured them that she loved them both equally. She talked to Rui in Mandarin, and I was proud that my little gem could talk right back to her in a mix of both Mandarin and Korean. We spent the day at Ani's home, Rui spent a great amount of time telling her about all the things he'd done that week with his Uncles as well as what Mama and Papa had taught him. Wu Fan and I decided it was best if we just spent the night there, after all it would be better to let Rui rest after all of the excitement in the day. We returned home in the morning and went back to our daily routine.

~ ~ ~

“Rui Jing! I said no!” my firm tone made the small child's face crumple. He was standing right at my feet while I tried to cook dinner. I'd told him two time to stay seated at the table and to not come near me. I didn't want him to to accidentally touch the oven and burn himself. But of course he'd woddled over to me anyways. And when I turned around after feeling a tug at my pants there he stood all cute and bright eyed.

“Rui Jing, go sit at the table now.” I demanded of him. The beautiful dark eyes I loved so much began to gain moisture.

“Mama!” he cried and raised his arms up to me. He was spoiled. It was my own fault for letting everyone carry him and never let him walk on his own. Now he always wanted someone to hold him. Including right then when I was preparing friend meat and I had hot dumpling frying. No to mention the rice was boiling already.

I heard his small whimpers start up and my instinct was to turn around and pick my gem up and hold him tightly. But I stopped myself. He needed to learn.

“Rui, go sit at the table.” I said again and continued to attend to the hot food on the stove. He called for me again, but this time there was that distinct whine he let out. It was broken and high pitch. He always let out that exact sound right before he began to cry hysterically. I cringed and waited for the waterfall of tears to errupt.

I whipped myself around when no sound followed, every bad thing that could possibly happen ran through my head at lightning speed.

Wu Fan was pressing sweet kisses on to Rui's smiling face as he held him. Yes, so spoiled.

“Why you crying xiao baoshi? Mama is busy cooking!” Wu Fan's deep voice absolutely delighted Rui Jing. He often tried to imitate it.

“I want Mama.” my son replied easily.

“Mama is cooking. Come play with Papa.” Wu Fan suggested. The way my little gem's eyes lit up made my heart ache.

“We go play Uncle Jonay? We play chase.” Rui loved to be chased around the fields. Wu Fan had been very strict about Rui Jing never going in to the actual sugar cane fields though. He could obviously get lost and we never wanted that to happen. But being chased around the rice field paths by his Papa and Uncles was Rui's favorite game. Besides that he like to ask his Papa to name all the stars at night time. Did Wu Fan actually know the names of each and every star? No. He usually named off random men he knew from his old village, and anyway it excited Rui none the less.

“For you.” Wu Fan held out a gift for me. I carefully put down my cooking spoon and held the small bouquet of Plumerias to my face. I was touched that my husband still remembered my favorite flower.

“I haven't gotten these in a long time.” I smiled at him. He smiled back, “I know. I just wanted to remind you about how I feel about you.”

I stepped forward to kiss him on the lips. His hand came to the back of my neck and pulled me closer. I hadn't kissed him like this in a long time. His one hand ran down from my neck to my lower back as his tongue pushed past my willing lips. Just as I was about to wrap my arms around him to deepen our kissing, a small whine made me snap back.

“Papa! Play chase! Mama cook, we chase!” Rui reminded Wu Fan. He let go of my lips with a regretful sigh. The way he bit his lip told me he wanted more of that later. I kissed him one last time before letting them go and play.

~ ~ ~

“How old is he again?” Luhan asked me while sticking the first blue candle nicely in to the large round chocolate cake.

“He's four. What kind of uncle are you?” I joked and laughed harder when Luhan elbowed me in the rib lightly. With my information given Luhan placed three more candles neatly in to the cake. I quickly grabbed a match and lit all three sticks. They glowed illuminated the dark kitchen with a light glow. My little gem was already turning three. We based his birthday off of the day we'd found him. For his birthday we'd let him ride Wu Fan's horse around the fields and I'd made him a chocolate cake with coconut and cream frosting. I didn't think he'd appreciate the fact that I'd slaved away with churning the cream and cracking open a coconut by myself, but I knew my baby would love the taste.

And I was of course right when his little self gasped loudly and bounced on the couch in excitement. Luhan took photos of him with his nifty camera and we all sang him happy birthday. Yixing had carved a piece of wood in to a horse as a toy that Rui adored, Chen had provided a wooden man to go along with it. While the trio and my little gem were playing together and eating cake Wu Fan pulled me close against the couch and began to place sweet pecks to my ear.

“I'm so in love with you Minseok.” he reminded me.

“I love you.” I replied.

“Are you happy?” he asked me. And it reminded me of my first days here, when Wu Fan and I were new to each other. The days when I'd been so homesick and nervous, the days Wu Fan had wondered if I'd be happy here with him.

“Yes.” I kissed his smile and made sure he held me as tightly as possible. Because I was in love with him, and I was in love with the way he held me. And I was in love with my life here with him.

I was in love with our life.

~ ~ ~

I was taken aback as Wu Fan tugged me away from Rui who was playing with some homemade paint Yixing and Chen had made him. I peered up at my husband with a confused stare, waiting for him to tell me what was wrong. The rain was letting up lately, my Rui was still four and a very curious child. With the sun coming in more Rui went out with his uncles on the weekends to go play in the shallow parts of the river. But that day was a week day, a work day, so I'd put him in front of blank wall and let him have at it with his finger paints.

It had been a peaceful day, until my husband had come storming inside and yanked me up from the floor and in to the hallway. The worry written all over his face made a small spark of panic ignite with in me. He was gnawing on his lip and desperately running a shaking hand through his locks.

“What is it?” I asked him after he nervously tried to gain courage.

“Remember those letters I told you about?” Wu Fan checked. I shook my head. What letters? Someone was writing him letters? I cringed away when his hands gripped my shoulders and he shook me with an exasperated sigh.

“The letters Minseok! From Tao! She was sending me letters remember?” he half yelled. We both froze for a second, listening for Rui. I could hear my little gem singing some made up song quietly as he continued to paint. We both relaxed before I glared up at him. Yes, I remembered those letters.

“What about them?” I snapped. The small dash of anger ceased when I saw that he was so worried, in disbelief and so scared.

“I should have read them damnit.” his voice was breaking. I saw the frustration rising as his fists clenched and his jaw tightened. What was so wrong? What could a letter from Tao had done?

“Wu Fan what's wrong? Tell me.” I whispered. My eyes kept scanning him over and over again. All they found was panic and frustration, anger and hate.

“I opened one, only because she wrote on the front of the envelope that it was an emergency.” he sighed heavily while lone tears trailed down his face.

“And you know that I'd help her if she really needed. Right? I told you just—“

“Just the necessities and nothing more. I know of course. What did the letter say?” I cut him off. There was something bad. I felt it. And his words left me shocked and completely annoyed.

“She's coming here. She's on here way here.” he grunted with hate. I felt my heart fall. Why would she come here? But that wasn't just it.

“She said she needs my help.” well that wasn't too bad...

“That there are men hunting her.” what?

“To kill her.” his eyes met mine.

My world was crumbling. The ing sky was falling and my heart was going to give out. No. She couldn't do that. She couldn't come here. Not like this.

Both of our heads snapped up when we heard Rui calling for me.

My heart was breaking all over again. Wu Fan pulled me further in to the hallway, lowering his voice as he spoke quickly.

“These men she talks about, they're powerful and dangerous. They will follow her Minseok. They'll come here. Here.” his features were so messed up as he tried to hold everything in. I could hear my little gem calling for me to come and play with him.

This evil woman.

This .

If she came here, they'd follow. And they'd kill.

All I could hear was the sound of Rui's voice calling me.