"Hyung, we didn't win..."

"I tried so hard, I'm so sorry-"

"We lost because of you."

"It's not my fault, Kyuhyun, I just'-"

"How could you let us down?"

"I'm so sorry Wook, really-"

"He would be so ashamed of you. Truly ashamed."

"Kangin...I can't-"

"You're the worst member we have. This is entirely your responsibility!"

"Sungmin-hyung...I'm so sorry...I don't know what to do."

"Hyukkie, why..."

"Hae?"

"You're not my Hyukjae anymore."

"Hae, don't..."

"Get out of my sight."

"Hae-don't go! Hae, HAE! DONGHAE! DONGHAE COME BACK!"

______________

"DONGHAE! DONGHAE!" Hyukjae thrashed in in sleep, rolling around, tears flooding down his face in his dream state. Donghae sat in the corner of the room, biting his tounge. He hated seeing Hyukjae like this, amidst a nightmare, but he needed the sleep. He couldn't just wake him up, not when he was so tired.

The screaming continued. Donghae fought back his own tears and pulled out his phone.

Jungsu-hyung, he keeps screaming my name in his sleep. What do I do? - Hae

Hyukjae quieted down, he was more whimpering Donghae's name now, his fists squeezing the sheets. Donghae wanted to cry, seeing him so helpless, so vulnerable. Hyukjae has never seen him so distressed, tired, scared. And he had never felt so helpless.

His phone buzzed.

Idiot. Jungsu is asleep, so I took the liberty of answering this for him. Are you a fool? Go and hold him, whisper encouraging words into his ears, don't wake him but if he's screaming your name, just let him know your there. Maybe dream Donghae will be as nice.

Donghae smiled. He assumed this was Kangin's response.

Thank you Kangin-hyung. I will do that. - Hae

He got up and changed out of his jeans quickly. Another buzz.

Kangin? You really are stupid. You think Kangin would dare call you a fool? Fool. - Heechul

Donghae laughed. He should have known, only a man who seemed as icy as Heechul could give such loving advice. He walked over to the bed and slowly crawled in next to Hyukjae, who was whimpering his name softly.

"Shhhh, Hyukkie, I'm here." Donghae took the crying man in his arms, his hair. Immediately the whimpers subsided, and Hyukjae's breathing slowed.

"It's all going to be okay. I'm not going anywhere. I'm staying right here." Donghae placed a lingering kiss on Hyukjae's forehead, closing his eyes and taking in the peace they were feeling.

There was a silence, only the sound of their breathing filling the air, until Hyukjae uttered a whisper, so quiet Donghae almost missed it.

"Hae..."

"Mmm?" Donghae opened his eyes. Hyukjae had his eyes shut - it must still be in his dream. The poor man did tend to sleep talk when he was exhausted. Donghae shut his eyes.

"Lee Donghae, I'm scared." This was louder. More pronounced. Donghae's eyes sprung open and met with Hyukjae's tired eyes, staring right into his.

"I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. The dream was nice, and that woke me. I haven't slept in so long without nightmares. It seemed unnatural." Hyukjae looked truly broken. Donghae's heart clenched - this was not the man he had fallen in love with. Something was destroying him, from the inside out.

"Why are you so scared?" Donghae brought him closer, their foreheads brushing against each other. Hyukjae smiled slightly, but not out of happiness.

"I'm scared I'll let you all down. I know Teukie-hyung said I'm to take his position, but he doesn't trust me. That's why he's always telling Heechul...you know. I saw you listening in." Donghae smiled, he knew Hyukjae would call him out on that. He kissed him, reassuringly.

"You won't let us down. I know it."

"I've already let you down." Hyukjae pulled away, looking at Donghae in the dim light of the surrounding city flooding in through the window. Donghae felt that stupid pang in his heart, the one telling him that Hyukjae needed help, the kind of help only he could give, but he felt all but adequate at.

"Hyukjae..." Donghae took his hand and intertwined their fingers, "how? You can't have-"

"I won't take your hand." Hyukjae looked sadly at their intertwined fingers. "Not in public, not when you really want me to. Not in the van, not on the streets, not at the airports, not in the dorms, not when there are eyes that I care about. You hate me for it."

Donghae sat right up, pulling Hyukjae with him. The latter wouldn't meet his eyes, so Donghae grabbed his head and pointed it towards his. He looked the man straight in the eye, not blinking, not letting him look away.

"Don't you ever say anything like that. I could never hate you, not if you denied me a kiss, not if you broke up with me, not if you cheated, not if you killed someone I loved, not if you moved away and I never heard from you again. At worst, I could feel anger towards you, but hate? Never, Hyukkie, could I ever hate you. I love you so much, I loved you as a best friend and now I love you as a partner. Because that's what you are, my partner. My companion, my sidekick, the other part of me. Without you, I can't do anything. I can't dance, I can't sing, I can't feel happy. Remember when I left for China? Remember how I told you about the manager yelling at me? It was because my dancing was off, my singing flat, my variety skills dull. That's how I got good at acting, I had to act like I wasn't useless without you. Remember when we fought? I hate reminding you, and myself, but you must - I could barely sing a note without my voice wavering. My smile wasn't the same, and the only time I truly felt happy was when you showed the tiny piece of affection towards me. On stage, you remember? You make Yesung move so we could stand together? That made me smile so much. Your presence made me have meaning. I sound cheesy, I sound stupid, but you have to know this. I can't be without you anymore. I'm no co-dependent, I'm no overly-reliant, I'm just in love with the person I was made to be with. I could never hate you, just like I could never exist without you."

Hyukjae was shocked at this confession. Donghae looked so out of breath, emotionally drained.

"Does it hurt you to see me like this?" He asked quietly, ashamed.

"It hurts me to see you hurting, when I can do nothing to stop it." Donghae replied, letting go of the other's chin.

"I'm sorry for hurting you." Hyukjae was blunt, but Donghae knew that one simple sentence spoke a million words. Hyukjae was never one to ramble on. He always said he was shy, and even with his love, that shyness showed. Donghae grabbed him into a hug, nuzzling his head into the other's neck.

They co-existed perfectly.

Once they were lying in bed again, smiling like happy school girls, Hyukjae finally asked something that had been bugging him from earlier.

"Hae, I know you were listening in on Jungsu and Heechul-hyung earlier. I heard you upstairs - your footsteps are really loud." Donghae giggled like a child. Hyukjae rolled his eyes.

"You want to know what they were saying?" Donghae teased. He knew Hyukjae would hate admitting to loving gossip, but he was like the rest of the group. A little bit of gossip always made his day.

"I've been worried about Jungsu and Heechul, they seem so lost recently. And Kangin..."

"I know. I'll tell you if you REALLY want..." Donghae lightly pushed Hyukjae, enjoying this game.

"I don't need to, but, maybe it would explain..."

"Oh come on, Hyukkie! You just want in on the gossip!" Donghae laughed, poking Hyukjae's cheek. He saw him pout.

"No, but, It's just intere-"

Donghae kissed the pouting lips before they could make any more excuses. Once he pulled away, he saw Hyukjae smiling like a mad man.

"You promise, if I tell you, you'll go to sleep?"

"The nightmares...."

"I'll be here to hold you, I promise."

Hyukjae was silent, seriously contemplating what to do. He was scared, sleeping normally meant having those horrible dreams of losing a music show, and the entire group ganging up on him. Sometimes the dreams were worse. He'd never tell Hae, but sometimes in his dreams, he would catch Hae in a private studio in SM, kissing Yoona. It was a stupid fear, but because of the fans, one that had developed into a nightmare. He couldn't ever imagine Donghae leaving him, he didn't know what he would do.

That's why he was so scared to spend every night with Donghae, in case his nightmares somehow revealed themselves. He was so ashamed.

But he did want to hear about what was going on with his Hyung's.

"I promise I'll go to sleep after." He smiled, kicking Donghae's leg. The other man squealed, rolling over and tackling Hyukjae.

Who knew if they'd ever get to sleep at this rate.

________________

Hey readers! Just a quick question - I was thinking, at some point maybe this should become rated in one way or another, for one chapter or so. Would you guys want that, or should I keep with this as it is? Are you guys enjoying it? I'm trying to balance the security of their relationship with the angst so it's interesting at least! Thank you for all the comments, I love reading them! Please let me know about the rating thing! Thank you so much! xxxx