(little a/n to start: first part of this is heechul and leeteuk's resolve, then eunhae's resolve! feel free to skip over the first bit if you're only reading for the eunhae, but i had to ease into this chapter because....i'll explain at the end! anyhow ENJOY!)

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"Where is he?"

"Excuse me, sir, would you mind lowering your voice? If you have a query, just ask the front desk. Quietly."

"LEE HYUKJAE. EUNHYUK. JUST...WHERE?"

"Heechul..."

Jungsu walked out of the canteen after hearing the booming shriek of the ever-concerned-ever-uncaring Heechul from the reception. Rushing out, he locked eyes with the other immediately. No words needed to be spoken, they never did. Not in this kind of situation.

"Sorry." Heechul mumbled, walking towards the coffee room. Jungsu raised his eyebrows slightly, turning towards the table where he and Siwon sat. The others were still outside. No one could talk about anything now, not when they knew nothing. What was there to say? Sorry? The person who needed to hear it was somewhere else, and no one knew how he was. Donghae hadn't returned, the doctors would not say a thing, and-

"Siwon, I need to talk to Jungsu for a moment." Heechul sat down, motioning for Siwon to leave. There was a hesitation, met by Jungsu nodding slightly.

"I'll be with the others..." he grabbed his bag and phone, pausing for a moment before leaving. Heechul smiled slightly. Concern, at least that was one common chartereristic shared by all members.

The first minute was silence. Thumbs twiddled, phones and off, heads were rubbed and knees crossed. Eyes met, but only briefly. What could there be to say.

"What happened?" Heechul broke the silence, leaning forward and holding his head in his hands, pressing his temples and shutting his eyes. He heard a sigh from the other side of the table, pained and exhausted.

"I don't know. I really don't." These weren't sighs. These were forced words, blocking the pain and confusion, the frustration. Opening his eyes, Heechul saw Jungsu's blotched face, his open mouth and eyes looking towards the ceiling. Pain, pure, unadulterated pain.

Of course the purest emotion would be the worst.

"Hey, hey don't be like this...come on now," Heechul grabbed the other's hand, catching his eyes and holding them. "Whatever happened, however confusing it is, you'll get through it. We all will. Everything will be fine."

"I just...it spiraled out of control. We were having a meeting, and Hyuk was speaking and Youngwoon just made this...remark, about you, and I couldn't stand it. I'm the leader, how could I just let him say something like that, especially after these last weeks! All we've done is argue, Heechul, the three of us, and it's come to the point I just...I don't know what to do. And then Hyuk...h-h-he just fell. We were all screaming and Youngwoon said something to him and Hae and he just..." Jungsu let out a sob, biting into one hand and squeezing harder onto Heechul with the other. "I can't leave you all like this."

Heechul stood up and walked over to the other side of the table. "You're not. It'll all be fine." Helping Jungsu stand, Heechul pulled him in for an embrace. "You're not leaving us just yet, and I promise you, we will figure this out before you go. I won't let you down."

They stood there, Heechul absorbing some of the pain and Jungsu letting some of it go.

"We won't let you down."

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"Hyukjae, time to wake up"

"Mmmnnn, no..."

"C'mon Hyukkie, you're not even tired anymore!"

"Am so!"

"Are not!" Donghae shook him lightly, a smile forming on his face. These brief moments of innocence always made everything lighter, even when everything seemed to be darker around them. Hyukjae opened his eyes, squinting at Donghae. Smiling, the latter leaned back and stop his minor attack. He knew it was time for Hyukjae to wake up - his breathing was quickening and his lips were parting, a sure tell sign of an oncoming nightmare in Hyukjae's case. Or something else. But he feared it would be the worse, considering the recent chain of events. 

Hyukjae blinked, looking around him. Hospital lights, blues and greys, machines - part of him had hoped the fight and the argument and the fall and the pain was all a dream, but another part knew it was real. Knew he would end up here.

"I remember everything, Hae. I just hoped it wasn't real." He said, blinking back tears, holding the hand in his tighter.

"It did all happen, but please, don't be all pained about it! Come on, you've had one hell of a day, let's not reminisce on the events that got us here." Donghae leaned forward and reached for Hyukjae's face, pointing it towards him and welcoming his eyes with a warm smile. "I'm just happy you're okay"

Donghae leaned in, smiling more as Hyukjae blushed apprehensively.

"And guess what. You are going to be okay." Donghae kissed him on the cheek, more than aware of the windows and doors surrounding them. He could feel the other's breathing quicken. He hated this, having to always be aware of their surroundings.

But Hyukjae wasn't letting go of his hand.

"Hae, I wish we were home, I don't even care where, just somewhere for us two." Hyukjae nuzzled into Donghae's neck, whispering, his eyes shut and hand tightly knit with Donghae's.

"Me too. Always, I wish for that." He whispered back, running his fingers' through Hyukjae's hair with his free hand.

Suddenly he felt the hand in his tug away.

"But we're not, and if someone walks by, I can't..." Hyukjae lay back, turning his head away from Donghae. It hurt, it always did, when Hyukjae was like this. But if it helped...if it would help him...what could Donghae do but comply.

"I know, I'm just so happy you're okay." Donghae rubbed his head, leaning back and taking everything in. Hyukjae was okay, whatever was wrong with him was fixable, it had to be.

"What did they say to you? Did they tell you anything?" Even though his head was still turned towards the wall, Donghae could hear the fear in Hyukjae's voice. He didn't need to see tears in his eyes or red in his cheeks to know he was scared.

"Did they not tell you anything?"

"They tried to, but I asked if they could wait. I was tired. I was...I just didn't want to."

"Do you want to hear it right now?"

"All of it. "

Donghae took a deep breath. He was still processing the information himself, three words spinning around in his head: Anxiety. Exhaustion. Balance. Hyukjae was still looking at the window, that made it easier. He was scared the other would cry, and if he did...

It would be better to say it all soon, before the silence took it's toll.

"I'm sure you remember, but you fell. You fell and you hit your head, and once you opened your eyes, you couldn't see. You were sick. The doctor said that hitting your head gave you a concussion, a moderate one, so that's the worst of it. It'll take time to heal, he said you might feel dizzy and sick for the next few days. The bump will probably shrink soon, I don't know if you can feel it or not, but it's right-"

"I can feel it." He interrupted, still facing away. Donghae took a deep breath, once more. This part would be more difficult.

"That's not all, is it?" Hyukjae asked, turning his head slightly towards Donghae for a second, before snapping back. Donghae took his hand with both of his, holding it close and pressing his head down on the bed. There was no resistance.

"That's not all. I'm going to get this out quickly, because I don't really know how to say it. And I'm sorry, but it's probably better I tell you and not some stranger. Just remember, we can get through anything. It's not that bad, really, and I'm going to be here for you, constantly. I'm going to be by your side and -"

"Spit it out, Hae."

"Ok, well...the first thing is exhaustion." There was a sharp inhale from the man on the bed. Donghae paused, looking up slightly, before continuing. "They said it's been building up, that you're over exhausted and your body just isn't balanced. You're overworked, and because of that, overtired. It's all along that line, they said you'll need rest, and lots of it."

"Rest? That's it?" Hyukjae finally turned his head to see Donghae. Donghae turned his head to meet his eyes. Both saw tears, pain, fear. Donghae knew the next part would be the worst. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"Donghae, what else is it? What's wrong with me?" Hyukjae sat up, grabbing Donghae's hands with his free one, eyes yearning for an answer, mind thinking of the worst.

"Nothing...nothing is wrong with you, you're perfect, it's just one thing they said...it could be causing all of this and he can't give his professional opinion but he said it and said you will need to work on it and we'll all have to help you and we will all help you and I promise..." Donghae swallowed, seeing Hyukjae's eyes widen even further. He as wandering off topic. It was scaring the other.

"You have anxiety problems. That's why you're over stressed, that's why you over work, that's why you're tired. Anxiety." Donghae didn't blink, and just watched Hyukjae process the information. His eyes were looking around the room, his mouth half open as if to say something, his forehead creased and hands tightening around Donghae's. 

"I'm wrong in the head..." he said finally, eyes meeting Donghae's once again, full to the brim with tears. As the first one fell, Donghae stood up and, ignoring Hyukjae's prior complaints, took him in an embrace, holding him, protecting him, comforting him.

"You're not. At all. Don't say that. If it's anyone's fault, it's ours, for always fighting and leaving, for the drama and insanity of our lives. There is nothing wrong with you, that word, wrong, it can't apply to you." He leaned back, looking once more into Hyukjae's eyes. "You are perfect. Ok?"

"But..."

"It's not a debatable question, Hyukkie, because I don't care what they label you as. Disorders, problems, minor issues, nothing is wrong. If that's something you have to cope with, it's just that, a minor thing. But it is in no means a flaw. And I'm here. Always. The doctor told me what I have to do, to help you, and I'll do it. I promise you that much." He pressed their foreheads together, wiping Hyukjae's tears from him jaw. Hyukjae smiled.

"I'm not dying, am I?" He said, a hint of a laugh escaping his mouth. Donghae shook his head, squeezing Hyukjae's face lightly before pulling away again. Hyukjae sighed, intertwining their fingers. Donghae looked at their hands, fitting perfectly. They didn't ever need to part. They were complete.

Then the words came back to his mind. Siwon's words, about Hyukjae's worries, his conditioning. It made sense, why Hyukjae had been so scared about their future - the problems with Leeteuk and Kangin must have been spinning around in his mind, burying into his perception of his own friendships. Anxiety. Donghae didn't know much about it, but he knew it could do that. But Siwon's words remained. And Donghae was scared. He couldn't risk losing Hyukjae, not over work, not over family, not over anything. He had felt was it was like to not know how Hyukjae was for only a short while, how it felt to be separated, not knowing anything.

He couldn't risk that for the future.

"Hyukjae, I hate to bring this up now, but it's just...I spoke to Siwon. While you were with the doctors. And he told me about your fears. Your distancing. Your moments of doubt, the ones you didn't share with me." Donghae expected Hyukjae to freeze up, tear his hands away like he always did, but he didn't. He leaned closer, smiling slightly. "Hyukkie, I'm just worried...why didn't you talk to me? Why did you lock me out? What Siwon said sounded like...I don't want to say it, but it sounded like you wanted this to be over."

Donghae instantly regretted bringing up this topic. Maybe it was too soon. It was embarrassing, how worried he was, especially now that he knew the reasons for Hyukjae's stress. It was silly. Stupid, even, to mention every doubting Hyukjae. Shaking slightly, Donghae opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"Hae, you know when I was with the doctors? Once my mind evened out, and everything was visible, I was scared. This feeling of pure realization came over me. I thought of the fight, of what I had said, of how angry you got at Kangin for saying what he said to us. I was thinking, and thinking about what I had said to Siwon. How I had told him I was scared about looking after you, and the group, all at once. I was about to come to some kind of, well, epiphany if you will, when there was this rattling at the door." Donghae laughed slightly. He knew this part of the story. Hyukjae smiled too, continuing. "The door was shaking, and making so much noise. I even heard what sounded like a kick. One of the doctors left, excusing himself for this commotion outside. He said it was probably an emergency. I tried to ignore it, pain for the needles in my arms kicking in, but mainly because I wanted to figure out why I had said those things to Siwon. That commotion had just blown right though my thoughts, and they dispersed everywhere. So I tried to gather them. But the Doctor came to speak to me. He walked inside, locked the door, and came right over, and spoke to me. And you know what he said?" Donghae looked avidly at Hyukjae's eyes. They were gazing at him, a look like one he had seen time and time before contained in them.

"He said that a crazy friend of mine was outside, and that this crazy friend asked him to tell me that 'Donghae is waiting, and is here to hold your hand, and is here.'" Donghae smiled, shaking his head slightly from embarrassment.

"That's when I figured it out, Hae. Those things I said to Siwon, they were...they sprung from worry, and newfound responsibility. I keep thinking I'm the one who has to look after you, and as a leader, I'm the one who has to look after everyone. But I forgot, that's not true. Because it's you, Donghae. You're the one who looks after me, keeps me sane, makes me happy and moderately insane all at once. It's you who keeps me grounded, smiling, content. I don't have to look after you, because you look after me. And without you, I go crazy. I tried to distance myself, I tried too hard to find a way to stay away in hopes of you getting stronger. But you're strong enough. I'm weak, and I need you. I can say that now. I will always need to, to hold me, to guide me. I don't care where were live or what society says. Now, forever, you have to be by my side. Because without you, I think I would go crazy. Even if I'm already crazy, you keep me that little bit saner.

"Donghae, I love you. And I need you. And I'm a fool for thinking it was you who needs me. So I'm going to ask you now, even though I'm leader, and older, and taller...will you take care of me? Will you be there? Because without you-"

"Hyukkie, you're not a fool. When you were in this room, when I couldn't get in, all I could think about was you. And how hard life would be without you. When you're gone, I can cope, but everything seems duller. Dimmer. You're my everything, and I need you by my side, just as much as you need me, maybe more. I will always take care of you, but you have to take care of me too. I can't ever lose you, Hyukkie. I got a taste of it today, and it was poisonous. Never go. Never."

They didn't know if it who pulled the other in, who reached forward first and grabbed the other first, but that didn't matter. Donghae held Hyukjae, and Hyukjae held Donghae. They needed each other, and nothing mattered. Honesty, balance, recovery, resolves. It was out there, truths dug deep into their minds.

Donghae didn't need Hyukjae to take his hand, not when he already had his heart.

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a/n: soooo this might be the penultimate chapter! i'd be happy leaving  it there but i have a feeling i should probably do a little round up....anyhow this was a VERY hard chapter to write! i know this is all fiction, but i've grown so attached to this story as an author! it's weird, writing angst really can hurt my creative heart and mind! so i wanted to do the cheesy resolution and fixes and what not, hopefully it wasn't too cheesy to read! so yes, let me know your thoughts, ideas about continuation - do you think this is coming to a close or is it just me? hope you enjoyed, thank you so much to all you old and new readers alike, you have no idea how happy i am that this story has received your support!!!!