Donghae's apartment wasn't large. It wasn't even medium. It was cozy, perfect for a small family, with big windows and shiny surfaces. Good feng shui. The living space was scattered with photos of himself. It wasn't vain, he was just proud. And half of them were gifts anyhow. At least half.

Hyukjae loved the apartment. He loved how simple it was, how tidy, how the disorganization had some patterns. He loved the goofy pictures of Donghae, and the serious ones too. He loved that in the corners there were pictures of the two of them, or of him, poking out, smiling at him. He loved the smooth floor and the lack of furniture.

He hated that he could not live there.

Donghae threw his bad across the room and fell onto the couch. The meeting with the producer had turned into a day and night out - last freedoms before the hard work started. Hyukjae had seen more that a couple drinks pass though Hae's mouth. And it showed now.

Picking up the bag and placing it on the back of the door, Hyukjae signed and sat down next to the tired Donghae. The latter rolled his head over to face Hyuk, his eyes wide and begging.

"Hae, I can't stay." Hyukjae read him like a book, every time. Donghae continued, pouting his lips - except with the moderately drunken state he was in, he looked more like a bulldog than a puppy dog. Hyukjae chuckled.

"Stop pulling that face you fish" he leaned down and pecked Donghae's pouted lips, his cheek after. "I can't stay. The fans saw us leave the van together, they'll figure something out if I don't end up back at the dorms."

"But Hyuk..." Donghae sat up and crossed his arms. He knew this was a useless battle, but if it would keep Hyukjae in his company for a little white longer, it was worth it. He tried to form some coherent sentence, but found himself whining.

"Hyuk, I got this place for us. And me. But us. We, we needed space, so I got us space - and now you wont stay!"

"Hae, you know I want to stay," he pulled Donghae's head to rest on his shoulder, holding the younger tightly, "but I can't. It's too suspicious."

"No one will care" Hae mummered, burying his head in Hyukjae's shirt. Hyuk smiled, wishing it were true.

"Hae, you give Yoona one look on stage and people think you're dating. You give her a hoodie to borrow and they say it's because you're declaring your love. If I stay the night and leave in the same clothes, they'll suspect something."

"You're not a girl."

"Not the poi-'

"You have clothes here." Donghae was still pressed against Hyukjae, resting his mind and head. The soothing hands were entwining with his hair and it calmed him, despite the taboo subject of Yoona being brought up. Hyukjae hated to bring her up - it was unnecessary, mentioning past scandals with little truth to prove a completely different point, but he knew it would get Hae to be quiet...er.

Hyukjae stood up, pulling Donghae with him, and walked him to the bathroom.

"Brush your teeth, for 2 minutes, and I'll help tuck you in." It was amazing how the roles had changed, before Donghae was comforting a lonely Hyuk, and now Hyuk was trying to make Donghae feel less deserted. The dizzy younger man nodded and walked to the sink, almost tripping over the bathmat. This stirred a smile from the elder.

Walking to the bedroom, Hyukjae wondered what would happen if he moved in with Donghae. The member's would be fine, happier actually with one more sad soul out of the dorms. The fans abroad would go insane. The home fans, not so much. The media would either ignore it or turn it into a giant spectacle. It really could go any way.

Laying out Donghae's pajamas, Hyukjae imagined living with his love. He imagined waking up, watching dramas, eating ramen, letting their pets roam the house. It seemed unreal.

Deep down he feared it could never happen.

Amidst his thoughts, Donghae stumbled into the room and fell flat on his face, on to the bed luckily. Laughing to himself, Hyuk sat next to him. Donghae had shut his eyes tightly, pretending to be asleep.

"Hae, you can't sleep in jeans." He whispered, nudging the pretending deep sleeper. A snore replied.

"Fine, but you'll get hot and sweaty!" Hyuk stood up and walked towards the door, fleeing the scene. He knew that Hae wouldn't allow this.

"Don't leave." It was hard to hear, the whispered plea, but it echoed through Hyukjae's mind. He turned around and saw Donghae's face looking right at him, the eyes starting to water, his hands starting to shake. He hated seeing Donghae get so upset.

He walked over to Donghae and lay down next to him, rolling on his side, face to face.

"I'll stay until you are asleep."

Donghae clung onto Hyukjae, holding him close, nuzzling his head under the sharp jawline. He kept his eyes wide open, promising not to fall asleep

Hyukjae kissed the top of Donghae's head, feeling his own tears start to form. He didn't want to go back to the dorms and have another lonely night. He didn't want to wake up to the echoing silence that had overtaken what used to be the noisiest dorm in all of Seoul. He didn't want to take up a whole bed to himself.

He didn't want to live without Donghae.

"You could stay. I don't care what they say. Just stay." Donghae's tiny voice was so quiet, Hyukjae wondered if the sudden sound was meant for him, or just a thought.

"Don't be naïve, Hae. We can act like any other couple behind closed doors-"

"And on stage...."

"Sure, and sometimes on stage, but if we did it in public, we would never be treated the same." Hyukjae felt tears stream down his cheeks, speaking the truth always hurt, but he had to be the one to do it. Donghae carried the optimism, Hyukjae the logic. And he had the heavier load.

Silence engulfed the room again, and in the next ten minutes a pattern of breathing formed. Hyuk looked down and saw Donghae's mouth hanging slightly open, his fists unclenched and legs loosened. He has out.

Prying himself away from the sleeping fish was difficult, but he did it without waking him from his slumber. Hyukjae took it upon himself to remove the jeans - he knew how Donghae got when he got fabric patterns on his body. Pulling the covers up, Hyuk smiled at the peaceful sight in front of him. Donghae looked like a child when he slept, his face pure. There was a cocoon of love and warmth around him, one which he assumed no one could break. He leaned down and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you Hae. I wish I could stay. He whispered, his lips lingering for a second longer.

His phone buzzed, and Hyukjae jumped. Hae started to move, so he ran from the apartment as he could. Waking Hae would mean he would never leave.

Once safely outside, he answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Hyuk, it's me. I nee-

"Who?"

"YAH. HEECHUL. Can't you tell your Hyung's voices apart now?"

"Yes, sorry Heechul-hyung. What's up?"

"I need you to come home now. Jungsu's completely drunk from your stupid day out, and so is Kangin, and I can't look after them both."

"Sorry, I'll be twenty minutes."

"Make it speedy. You shouldn't be spending too much time over there anyway." Heechul sounded annoyed, probably because several drunken men had just ambushed him. Hyukjae swore he could hear Leeteuk shout hello in the background and then fall over.

"Hyung, I've left already."

"Just be careful Hyuk. Try not to go over there alone, yeah? They'll figure it out eventually and we can't have that happen, not until after you two enlist at least." Heechul sounded sincere, honestly worried. Hyuk knew he was right - his logic overweighed his optimism at this point.

"Yes, I know. I'll see you shortly." Hyukjae hung up the phone and looked at Donghae's door.

Through the wall, Donghae had gotten up and was standing with his ear to the door, listening to Hyukjae's every word. He shut his eyes, wishing Hyukjae could just come back in.

Hyukjae pressed his hand to the door, staying for a moment longer.

"I love you Hae. We'll be able to be us some day." He whispered, walking away from the door, down the hallway.

Donghae fell to the groud, crying.

"I love you too Hyukkie."