So, my grandmother is feeling better but I'm hanging out here for a while  just in case.  I was going to write while I was here, as she had no internet the last time I visited, but it appears that she has joined the 21st century in the last 4 months because she has internet and cable now!  Exciting for me, and you because I get to update!

Chapter 33   

Taemin was tired most of the time and still slept more per day than he was awake by far, but everyone cycled through his room looking after him and talking to him when he was awake and just watching over him while he wasn’t, over the moon about the fact that they could talk to him at all.

News broke the day after Taemin woke up of their manager being committed by the police due to mental instability.  The man was fully admitting to being the one to beat Taemin, even without all of the evidence stacked against him.  His bank accounts were being seized in order to pay for Taemin’s medical bills as medical insurance in Korea does not cover a patient if they are the victim of a crime since they expect the assailant to be the one to cover the costs.  With the amount of out of hospital care Taemin was going to need after he was released it was not going to be enough, but it would cover a large portion and SHINee had already agreed (without telling Taemin) to cover the rest out of their accumulated accounts.  Not to mention the money that fans had been raising through their SHINee World fan club to help offset Taemin’s medical bills.  Large donations had been made by other celebrities and the endless gifts and letters that he received every day was lifting his heart and helping to keep a smile on all of their faces.

Onew, Minho and Key were off at the hospital right now, visiting with Taemin and checking to see when he might be released finally.

Jonghyun however was sitting in the train station waiting for his family to arrive.  He had finally been caught with his calling when he thought that they weren’t home and his mother picked up.  She had demanded that her and his father were to be able to come and visit him in Seoul and “make sure none of this nasty talk is true.”  While with some parents that might have been a mere flippant remark, with his mother Jonghyun knew that it was a threat.  Unheard was the ‘or else.’ 

Jonghyun could not settle the nerves that had been running through him since that call.  He had told Onew that they were coming, and the older singer could assume why, but he hadn’t told the SHINee leader just what he was going to say to them.  He knew what he wanted to get across, but it hurt too much to imagine the conversation in his head and try to figure it all out because he knew how painful this was going to be.  He was going to loose half of himself today, and it wasn’t fair, but it was reality.  Not the reality he wanted he thought with a harsh sigh.    

An announcement came over the PA system – his parent’s train was here.  He rose to his feet but due to his height wasn’t able to see much over the heads of others.  He debated momentarily whether to stand on a chair even though that would call attention to him in the crowd of people rendering his disguise of sunglasses and a hoodie pointless.  In the end he took the chance and spotted his parents towards the back of the herd of people exiting the train.  Steeling himself for the inevitable he waved his hands over his head to try and catch their attention.  His parents bore steely faces as they joined him and they left to go to the coffee shop they often frequented when they came to visit him. 

Conversation was stilted.  Jonghyun didn’t want to bring up the topic and it seemed his parents were waiting on him to explain everything and didn’t want to launch the first fiery barb.  But for a few more moments he didn’t have to choose, for a few more moments his two worlds were still together and he wanted to have that for a little longer.  No matter how awkward that moment was.  Awkward was easier to deal with than painful. 

His parents asked to go back to SHINee’s new dorm, they not having seen it since they moved because of their leaked address.  They approved of the location, but actually seemed to have a problem with the fact that there was more space and that there were less people in each bedroom.

As his father looked around the room that Jonghyun shared with Minho, he ‘tsked’ and shook his head.  “At least with all five of you in one room no one was going to try anything.”  His father said in a leading manner, still searching around the room, possibly to find more things to complain about. 

And so it begins Jonghyun thought sarcastically, and said, “Dad!  I’m not ing Minho so don’t worry!” in a very aggravated tone, throwing his hands up in the air and glaring at the side of his father’s head.    

His mother appeared appalled at his choice of language and let him have an earful, “Kim Jonghyun.  We raised you better than to talk like that!”

Jonghyun snorted and rolled his eyes, “Yeah, you ‘raised me better.’” Jonghyun walked angrily from his bedroom to the kitchen trying to cool off some before continuing the confrontation with his parents, but they followed him right out, fire in their eyes.  They knew that they had reached the topic that they had traveled all the way here to speak about. 

“You didn’t raise me to be better than anything,” Jonghyun said quietly, his back turned to his parents, “You raised me to hate.”

His parents seemed shocked.  “We did no such thing!  We raised you to follow the rules of good ethics and moral character.  Now if the Taemin-boy is a , then you do not need to associate with him and you certainly will not live with him.  You can leave SHINee for a solo career.  And if SM says no, well you’ve had a good run as an idol; you can leave now and be well cared for.”  His father nodded, seemingly content with himself with his solution to the matter, and he was reinforced by a light patting on his arm in agreement from his wife.

“Besides,” she added, “If he really is a homoual than he had this coming to him.”

Every muscle in his body seemed to seize up.  Jonghyun was pissed!  He turned and faced his parents, jaw tight with suppressed rage.  His blood ran cold in his veins and he looked upon people that he had loved and cared for his entire life, that he had looked up to and hoped to one day emulate, with unveiled disgust.  He didn’t even recognize them anymore – they were strangers to him. 

“No one deserves what happened to Taemin.  For any reason.”  He could not disguise his anger from his voice and his parents’ expressions twisted on their face.  “Why should it matter anyway?  It is so stupid a thing really…”

“It is not stupid, homouality is dirty and disgusting.  Only the bottom-scrappers of society would ever be so low as to abase themselves to it.  It is a sign of the degradation of society and it should be stopped in all forms.”

“Do you hear yourselves?” Jonghyun asked, waving his hands in the air for emphasis?  “You sound like one of the stupid pamphlets that men hand out on the streets while begging for money. ‘The degradation of society?’  How does love hurt society?!  How does someone expressing their love for someone else, between two consenting people, committing themselves to someone else, how can that possibly be hurtful to society?”

The Kims appeared aghast at their son’s comments.  Not even trying to follow his line of questioning, Mr. Kim spouted, “The homoual agenda is going to destroy everything that is good about this country!  And their brainwashing has already started on you son…”

“Brainwashed?!  I’m not brainwashed!  Or at least I’m not anymore!”  Jonghyun was seething and he moved to stand on the other side of the kitchen counter, placing it between himself and his parents because he was honestly afraid of what he might do to them without that barrier to at least check him.  “I have believed every line you ever fed me about them, and I used to spout them too.  It’s so easy when you don’t know anyone personally whom you would hurt by saying those things.  I never knew how much it would hurt to think those horrible things you always taught me about them when that person was someone that I care for.”

“You cannot associate with people like this son; it will rub off on you.”

“’Rub off on me?’ Dad, it’s not a disease, it’s not contagious.  It’s a preference, that doesn’t affect me in anyway.  I can be friends with someone who is gay, care for them like a brother, and I will not turn gay or whatever other stupid notion you have stuck in your back-watered head.  And even if it is a sin, ‘Hate the sin, not the sinner.’  Isn’t that what they always say in church, you know, right before they turn around and bash an entire group of people for being nothing more than what they were born to be?  Who they love doesn’t change who they are as a person, their personalities don’t suddenly shift because they person they like shares a similar chromosome pattern.” 

Jonghyun was left panting after his speech.  He was saying all the things that had been running through his head since Taemin had first been out-ed, and especially since Taemin had ended up in the hospital.  When you know the person, when you are judging them on who they are rather than one aspect of themselves, it becomes very hard to continue upholding those supposed values that had been engrained in him since he was a small child. 

His parent’s looked like they were gearing up to speak up but Jonghyun cut them off, “No!  I’ve listened to your crap for my entire life, and the worst part is that I believed it too.  So now you can listen to me.  Our manager beat Taemin so badly that he was in a coma for a week.  Beat him because he shared ideas similar to yours, because he thinks that there is something inherently bad and wrong about homouality and that it needed to be obliterated.  Beat him so badly that his lungs could not function on their own and he had to be on a respirator.  Beat him so badly that he actually died.  Taemin died in the operating room, his heart stopped beating and he had to be resuscitated by the doctors.  Taemin is seventeen-years-old, he is a child!  On what planet does it make sense that it is okay to beat a child to death, especially when they have done nothing to harm anyone else ever in their entire lives?!  You’ve met Taemin, you liked him, you thought he was adorable.  And he had to fight for his life, and it looking at months, possibly years of physical therapy to get back to where he was physically just a couple of weeks ago.  All because one man, who didn’t sound too much different from you guys, decided that he needed to be punished or whatever he thought he was doing by going into the waiting room that day.” 

Jonghyun shook his head, “Maybe if I hadn’t listened to you, maybe if I hadn’t been so concerned about myself, I wouldn’t have felt so uncomfortable around Taemin.  I wouldn’t have wanted to be away from him, would have been totally fine hanging out with just him.  But because of the ‘brainwashing,’ to use your term, that I had from you, I left Taemin alone and vulnerable.  Taemin is the way he is now, weak and facing a long recovery because I failed him.  I promised myself when this group formed that I would look after my dongsaengs and protect them, but I failed Taemin because I was too caught up in myself.”  Jonghyun looked up at his parents, with eyes seemingly chiseled from ice for all the warmth that was in the look that he gave them now, “I will not fail him again.” 

“You would choose a sodomite over your own family.”  His father’s returning words were just as cool, not as a question, but a statement, acknowledging Jonghyun’s decision. 

“You’re the ones forcing me to choose.  I don’t want to, I’ve been trying to avoid this conversation like the plague, but I can’t go on like this anymore.  I will not agree with a side that preaches hate and condones violence and pain.  I have to do what I think is right.  This situation has shown me that there is far too much cruelty in the word, unnecessary cruelty, which benefits no one but the feeble minded and hurts innocent people.”

“Well that’s it then.  We have warned you of where this path that you volunteered yourself for could lead to, and yet you raced down it anyway.  Our views cannot coincide it seems.”  His mother said calmly, as though she knew that this had been coming.

“Kim Jonghyun.”  His father said formally, and Jonghyun braced himself for what he knew would come.  The atmosphere around them stilled, as though the entire universe had stopped to listen in to their conversation, and it was suffocating.  He clenched his hands on the counter so tightly that his knuckles turned white, but he did not look away.  He would not give them the satisfaction of looking away, and he wouldn’t make it easier on them by giving them the chance to not have to look him in the eye as they cut all ties to their own son for a stupid and petty reason.  “You are no longer a member of our family.  You are no longer welcome in our home and need not ever contact us now or in the future for any reason.  You will be written out of our wills and stricken from the family records, it will be as though you have died.  You are not our son.  You have no family now.”  He smirked vindictively and added, “I hope it’s worth it.”

Quietly, trying to maintain his composure before his parents, as he would always think of them, “Family doesn’t have to be blood; it’s the people where you find your home.  SHINee is my family now and I happen to think that if you choose your family, it makes it all the stronger.”  He looked them both in the eye, determined to remain strong, at least until they left and he could finally collapse into grief. 

They turned and silently left the dorm, not even acknowledging his presence and banging the door loudly on their way out and the tension in the room suddenly fled like water from a popped balloon.  Jonghyun felt battered, like he had been the one to take the blows rather than Taemin.  But he also felt somehow lighter, like he had been scrubbed hard with a course stone and was now clean again; ready to live life without the hatred that he had brought to bear previously because of the misguided lessons of his parents. 

He wasn’t happy.  No he couldn’t say that – he had just cut all ties off to the family that had raised him, that had loved him, that had been his foundation and rock in his life.  He felt like he had cut out a piece of his heart and now he had a hollow piece inside him that would never be filled, like he was floundering in the water.  But as hard as it was, he knew it was the right thing to do.  He knew that one day he would see the shore and that he would find his stable footing again, and that he would be grateful one day that he had go out on this limb and stood up for his friends. 

Now though, overwhelmed with everything – with his joy for Taemin, his sorrow for his loss, his confusion and fear and the sudden cessation of the adrenaline that had pumped through him during his standoff with his parents, he was overcome by tears and ran to his room and cried into his pillows like an adolescent child. 

I hope that I was able to capture this in a believable way.  I have had to make decisions between my friends and my family before (my family isn't exactly forward thinking on issues like race and uality) and it is truely heart-wrenching, but it is sometimes something that needs to happen.  It's never been my parents in my case, but I can imagine how much pain I would be in if I ever had to.

Also - the whole insurance thing I talked about at the beginning of the chapter, where it will not cover injuried resulting from an attack - that is true.  That is how medical insurance works in Korea, so if the person who commits the assault is not caught, the medical expenses must be picked up entirely by the person who has been assaulted.  I think that it is so stupid, it's like adding salt into the wound, but that is how it is over there.

As I'm starting to see the end in sight for this story, I've worked up the courage to ask my friend who this is based on to read it.  I never let my friends read my stuff, but I think for once that I would actually prefer if he did.  It's a weird feeling, but I think it might be nice if he could give me his opinion on it.

As always: thanks for reading and please comment!