Memories, might just be the fuel

   we burn to stay alive.

Mr. Im might have been the cliché, supportive-father rather than the pair of hands that bruise, tongue that utters words sharp enough to pierce her flesh, eyes that does nothing but judge, and the living entity that is set on making Yoona’s life a pandemonium. But he isn’t. And on every fifth of October, her father morphs into a poor excuse for a human being.

October fifth symbolizes the day Yoona came to earth and the day her mother left it.

Yoona associates this day as a progression of her father’s instability. He gets crazier by the year. And she can’t stop that. Just like her obvious disappointment in another year wasted.

Murakami once said that people’s memories just might be the fuel that they burn to stay alive. Truer words couldn’t be said. Her memories about her father are the fuel that she burns in order to keep on living and forgiving. With every punch comes a flashback of warm smiles and holidays wasted on the beach. Cups of hot chocolate that her father used to make for her when she was eight and small enough to shimmy her way into cubbyholes compensate for the barbaric yells he showers her everytime she slips up. 

Nothing atones for what he’s done now, though.

She knows that the remaining fuel has decreased until she can’t find sufficient memories to cover up his present psychopathic ways. When she casually mentioned that it would be her birthday next week, her father immediately reacts and does the very thing that she thought he'd never do.

Attempt to end her life by poorly-aimed shots.

 No excuses; the pungency of rusted metal and sweat makes her squirm in the corner of the police station.

It’s six forty-six; the clock tells her. It’s morbid here; the mint green wall screams. It’s where your father’s going to be for quite some time; the policeman, Kim Jonghyun's words echo in her mind. We can go now; Luhan whispers with his hands stuffed in his pockets. Impatience is crystal clear in his voice; he just wants to get out of this depressing place as soon as possible.

As to not delay Luhan, Yoona stands up with all the energy she can muster. Her feet feel like a pair of twigs that might break at the slightest movement; but she continues even though the weight of Jonghyun’s words gravitate her strength downwards.

Mr. Luhan filed the report in and there’s going to be a court meeting regarding this. It’s a good thing that Mr. Luhan came at the right time. Don’t worry; you’re safe now that your father is locked in. You know, maybe you should head out to the hospital for your injuries. Everything’s already taken care of; you’re fine. He had told her in a monotonous tone. She doesn’t exactly know what the bulky policeman wants to achieve but whatever it is; it just got her pissed enough to ignore him and his vile stench throughout the whole ordeal.

The very moment they step out of the police station, the hum of nightlife greets her. They’ve been inside longer than she thought. Lights from the buildings and little shops are on. Cars whizzes past them, leaving light fumes behind. Pedestrians shuffle forward as soon as the light flickers green. Life goes on. Beside her, Luhan talks; his breath turning into puffs of smoke. “It’s cold tonight.”

Yoona wants to roll her eyes and scoff, thank you, captain Obvious but she resists the temptation as Luhan starts walking. He keeps on walking, and instead of calling ‘wait up’, she hurriedly tries to catch up to him.

Left. Right. Left. Right. Left. As their footsteps fall in synch, Luhan smiles.

--------

Her mind is filled with nothing but questions tonight.

And they mostly start with Why.

Why would it matter right now whether I like beef or chicken? When Luhan listened and ordered chicken steak as a takeout when they happen to pass by a little restaurant. She’d been nothing but a lazy drag trailing behind him.

Why are we here in your place? ; the second that Yoona followed him inside his quaint little apartment and Luhan tossed his shoes off to the side. He had taken her by the wrist and guided her softly to the couch. He placed the carton containing the viand that he bought on the table before disappearing into his bedroom. He didn’t give her enough time to wonder as he came back a minute later; carrying the blanket that she previously used and a white box containing god-knows-what. Either way, she can hardly care.

Why are you doing this? She wondered when he draped the blanket over her shoulder, making her realize that she is in fact, shivering because of the cold. The blanket is warm and smells like evergreen. Maybe he thought it wasn’t enough so Luhan got down on his knees in front of her and he opened the box. The mini part of her that suffers from having a school-girl crush on him can’t help but think that in a parallel universe; Luhan is proposing. But of course, it’d be in a different world and the items inside are [no way in hell] an engagement ring.

Why does it hurt? She asked herself when his fingers prod certain spots on her arms and knees. Her question is answered when she looked down and saw the cuts and bruises she obtained earlier. She flinched when Luhan gently patted wet cotton on her knee. It’s silent and she’s reminded by what happened earlier. Her eyes roamed downwards and she drummed her fingers against her thigh. Luhan noticed and talked.

Why are you distracting me? Now, Luhan is talking. He speaks as he cleans and bandages her wounds. The steady rhythm of his monologue diverts her train of thought. He tells her useless things—things that probably won't be useful when a zombie apocalypse happens—but she listens. He’s concentrated on fixing her up but he tells her about that time when he was eleven and managed to get himself locked inside a library. He says his parents had been worried then, and he wasn’t. For a book lover like him, getting trapped in a library is probably the closest thing to heaven he can experience. She finds out that he’s a man of many ambitions. He tells her that when he was a gangly thirteen year old, he wanted to be a pilot, a few months later; the dream shifted to being a top notch chef before finally dwindling down to being a teacher in the ripe age of fifteen.

He talks to distract her and she listens to keep herself sane.

--------

“That bastard. How is she? Thank God that you were there. What would have happened if you didn't act immediately.” Jaejoong’s voice replaces the static on the other end of the line.

Luhan clutches his phone closer to his ear, looking down from his window. As usual, the street is still busy and it shows no signs of slowing down. “Don’t worry, he’s finally locked up and she’s okay. I finally got her to sleep and it’s all been taken care of. When are you coming to pick her up? You’re the only legible guardian, you know.”

“Uhm, about that.” Jaejoong’s tone turns hesitant and Luhan has a feeling that he won’t like where things are going to go. “Let's just talk about it tomorrow, bye." 

Jaejoong hangs up.

Isn't that polite. 

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People are like trees, Luhan thinks as he lies down on his couch minutes after making sure that she's okay. Darkness and tranquility surrounds the room; the perfect setting for sorting out conceptions. He's learned something from this incident today; in her bizzare way--Yoona has taught him something. 

With her hidden wounds, he's learned that people are just like trees. They might be beautiful, old, young or any other variations but you can never really know; (you may think you do but you really don't know) what they're like unless you've accidentally stumbled upon their roots. You'll realize that there's more to them than what you see. That they way you percieve them isn't the way that they really are. You observe the tangle, the twists, the eccentric ways of their roots then you understand. That the reason why they act the way they are is just the effect of certain incidents. That flaws, accidents, tragedies aren't natural but they just happen and they're usually the aftermath. 

And sometimes, like Yoona; they carry these suitcases full of bitter tragedies inside them. You can't see them, but they're there; underneath smiles and light touches. Sometimes, you might get lucky and see brief flashes of these every once in a while when they come floating up the surface. 

As someone who's never been too exposed to such morose events; Luhan could never comprehend. He thinks of the boisterous and sometimes-crazy girl and he understands, however slightly. Bad things happen; they just do. And Luhan is determined to prevent anymore from happening to Yoona. She must have enough. 

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[A/N; Okay, isn't this sad and just downright depressing? I hope you don't mind Luhan (: Once again, thatnk you for the votes, comments and subs. I really appreciate that (: Oh & GUESS WHAT. I PROOFREAD THIS FOR THE FIRST FREAKING TIME I ACTUALLY PROOFREAD SOMETHING. I feel so proud. ANyway; I hope you liked this update (: & I think that the picture is kawaii, though. I might start putting that in every chapter hohohoho~  ]