“Kai-bai-bo,” everyone shouted as I threw out scissors.

            While living in America I had played rock-paper-scissors many times, but I had played it more times in my five years in Korea than I ever had during my fifteen years in the States. It felt like at least fifty percent of all debates were resolved this way. And they were decided quickly, too. I was still trying to figure out who threw what, when I was told that I had lost.

            It appeared I would be one of the people to room with the manager.  It was a little weird to room with a grown man, but I had made it explicit to everyone that I didn’t want special treatment because I was a girl. I didn’t take any issue to sharing a room with Jungryl, but the way the rooms were set up, there would be two people per room; except for the manager room which would have three people in all. It definitely wasn’t my first choice to have two roommates instead of one, but that was how things went. At least he didn’t stay at the dorm all the time. He had his own family to go home to.

             I watched as it was determined that Sungjong would be the other member staying in the manager’s room.

            “Wait, but I didn’t lose,” he cried.

            “Yes, but you are the maknae so you have to stay in the room with three people,” Sunggyu replied.

            “Then why did we even keep playing,” Sungjong muttered under his breath.

            I was happy that Sungjong would be my roommate, at least. The moment I met him he became like a little brother to me.

            “Looks like it’s me and you noona,” he said with a little smile. At least he wasn’t too disappointed.

            In the end, it was decided that the room arrangements would be Sunggyu and Woohyun, Myungsoo and Dongwoo, Sungyeol and Hoya, and finally me, Sungjong, and Manager Jungryl.

            The room we would be sharing was small; as was everyone’s. The building in itself was undersized considering it would house nine people. There was a small kitchen, a laundry nook, one bathroom, and a weird attic room. Sungyeol seemed particularly excited about the attic, but I didn’t want to go up there at all.

`           We were living in Sungsamdong. It was a nice, quiet neighborhood. There was a small playground across the street and I watched with a smile as a little boy chased bubbles around the swing set. I tore myself away from the window to check out my room with Sungjong.        

            Upon entering our new room, I saw that the manager’s stuff was already set on the bed closest to the door. That meant me and Sungjong had the bedrolls on the opposite end of the room, near the window. I took the spot closest to the wall. After dropping my stuff, I opened the shade to see that the window had thick gray bars over it on the outside. I peered through the bars to see the side yard. There was nothing but a big patch of dirt for about six feet before the next building started. Other than one patch of ground, it didn’t look like the area got any sun.

            “What are you looking at noona?” Sungjong said looking out the window every which way.

            “Nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

            “It’s not a very nice view I guess. Maybe we could plant some grass that could be nice,” he said brightly.

            “Yeah, it’s just really dark out there. It’s a little depressing,” I shrugged.

            “Come eat guys.” Sunggyu said from the doorway surprising us both. How long had he been standing there?

             I pulled the shade back down and decided I wouldn’t open it again.

            The first week together as a band went by in a blur. Our schedule was packed every day with meetings and recordings. By the end of the week, we had started work on two different songs. The executive had been right when he said that our voices blended well together. Recording had its stressful times, but the recording booth quickly became my favorite place. Even when I was told that I was doing something wrong, I just tried different variations and worked harder. I usually ended up with a result that everyone was happy with.

            Then came the part I was worried about; dancing. It’s not that I’m not a good dancer. I had been told I was one of the best female dancers in the company, but being in a mostly male group I knew the dancing would be more rigorous. And I was right.

            “You don’t look so good,” Myungsoo whispered in my ear as we sat in the back of the van on our way to the first practice.

            “I’m fine,” I said quickly.

            ‘You’re nervous.”

            “Shhhh!” I hissed. He hid his amusement by turning to look out the window.

            We met the choreographer upon entering the practice room and my nerves quickly tripled. He had a serious unsmiling face that brooked no nonsense. We all bowed to him in greeting. There was no small talk. We were quickly thrown into warm up exercises while he drilled us.

            He began introducing us to the dance for our most upbeat song on the album. We practiced the moves for six hours with only short water breaks. I noticed some of the boys giving me looks as I leaned on the wall; taking sips of water in between heavy breaths. I wished I could read their minds. Did I smell? Was I doing poorly? I ignored their looks and danced harder. The choreographer even gave me a compliment on my execution. I tried not to act like a puppy that’d been patted on the head, but I was beaming.

            When practice ended and we were all showered and changed I went right into the van, crawled in the back seat, and passed out. When I woke up a little while later my head had rolled onto Myungsoo’s shoulder.

            “Noona, we’re home,” he said quietly. Everyone had piled out of the van and entered the house except for Sungjong. He was standing outside with his head popping in to the van like a prairie dog.

            I got up slowly, feeling every muscle in my body scream in pain. I accepted Sungjong’s arm as he helped me crawl out of the van like I was an elderly woman. Myungsoo carried both our bags as Sungjong helped me to the house. I protested at first, telling him I could walk on my own. But as soon as he took his hands away I staggered back a little. My leg muscles felt like jello. Luckily, he was ready for it and caught me as he chuckled.

            “Its okay noona, I’ll help you. You worked really hard today.”

            “I’m supposed to be telling you that,” I said weakly.

            As soon as I was escorted to my bed, I collapsed onto it. I curled up to Sir Hissalot and passed out again; ignoring the audience of laughing boys huddled in the doorway.

            I woke a while later to someone pinching my nose closed. I opened my mouth to breath and a spoonful of rice was shoved into my mouth. My eyes popped open in shock only to see Sunggyu sitting crossed legged on the floor by my bedroll.

            “Sit up or you’ll choke,” he said sternly.

            “Just let me sleep,” I grumbled, as I chewed and swallowed the rice in my mouth.

            “If you don’t eat you’ll be weak tomorrow and the team won’t perform at its best. Now. Sit up.” It was hard to ignore him when he spoke in that tone. I sat up so that I was crossed legged on the bed roll in front of him; our knees almost touching. He grabbed my nose again and I screamed out struggling, but I was muted as he shoved more rice in my mouth.

            “Yah, I can feed myself,” I yelled, rice flying out of my mouth and into his face.

            His lips were pressed together as he either suppressed a laugh or a growl. Either way he handed me the bowl. In it was a dinner of white rice with steamed veggies and chicken. It was good, but a little bland.

            “Who made this?”

            “Dongwoo and Hoya.”

            “I can make dinner tomorrow. My treat,” I said around a mouth full of food.

            “Looking forward to it.” He watched as I shoveled all the food into my mouth like a pig. I threw my head back and drank the whole water bottle he brought before I handed him my empty dish.

            “You could do with a lesson on how to properly wake up a girl,” I joked as he moved towards the door.

            “I thought you didn’t want to be treated like a girl.” His quiet voice was oddly serious and I didn’t know how to respond. I stuttered for a second before he spoke again in his usual leader-like manner.  “Go back to sleep. We have practice again in the morning.”

            He left the room, shutting off the light as he did.

            Even with ten hours of sleep, I was still tired. My moves were sluggish for the whole first hour of dance practice. I even nearly fell while doing a spin, but two different arms shot out of nowhere and grabbed my arms; restoring my equilibrium. I looked in the mirror to see it was Sunggyu and Woohyun supporting me on either side. I nodded to them in thanks. Luckily, the choreographer didn’t notice my slip up.

            Not everything was missed by the choreographer, though. It could have been because he was tired from the day before or because he trained in the company the shortest time of anyone, but Sungjong was having a hard time today. The choreographer worked on him a little longer than everyone else.

            After five hours of dancing, we had gotten most of the moves down, but Sungjong was still having a hard time linking the moves together fluidly. We could all see that his transitions were weak. Finally, the choreographer had enough and he totally flipped his lid.

            Sungjong’s large eyes were wide as the red faced choreographer started yelling. Everyone stopped dancing and bowed their heads slightly with their eyes on the floor. The choreographer planted his feet in front of Sungjong and vented out his frustrations.

            “You must not even want to debut!” The choreographer swept the room with his angry gaze before returning to Sungjong. “You want to wait till you finish going through puberty to debut so the girls will like you better? Is that what it is?” he asked a silent Sungjong.

            I had enough. I went to step forward to give this guy a piece of my mind, but someone held me back. I turned to see Sunggyu had his whole hand wrapped around my upper arm. His fingers were cool on my hot skin. I struggled to get my arm back, but he just pulled me closer to him and gave me a warning glare, his face just inches from mine. The intensity his eyes was enough to stop me. I gave up and watched as the choreographer wrapped up his hissy fit and ended the practice early.

            Everyone was quiet during the ride back. At home, I went to grab Sungjong’s hand as he was heading for our room, but he slipped away from me, shaking his head as he did. I was left alone in the main room with Sunggyu.

            “He did not deserve that,” I huffed. I was still furious.

            “He wasn’t getting the moves down. The choreographer was motivating him. It isn’t our business what tactics he uses,” he replied simply.

            “Are you just pretending to be a jerk or do you really only care about yourself?” I asked him with a severe expression.  

            That did it. Now he was mad Leader Gyu. “Sungjong has to be responsible for his own actions. If I had let you speak up for him today you only would’ve hurt him. He is not a child. He is a man now and he wasn’t performing his job so he was reprimanded. He doesn’t need some girl coming to his rescue.” He stormed towards his room but stopped to glare at me again. “And I care about all of you with every fiber of my being. Whether you see it or not.”

            It was the nicest thing I had heard him say, but it was also in his angriest state I had seen. I regretted saying what I had. Of course he cared about us. He just showed it differently than I was accustomed to. I realized with shame that I only said that to hurt him. It wasn’t like me to want to cause anyone pain. I felt rotten to the bone.

            When I got over the shock of my own personal scolding, I went to the kitchen to cook so Sungjong could have some time to himself. I prepared the best bibimbap I could manage with what ingredients we had. I couldn’t stop thinking about what Sunggyu said and I couldn’t deny that he was right. I was being over emotional and hot tempered. I had to control my anger or I would embarrass them all in front of industry professionals. It was becoming clearer and clearer to me that Sunggyu had adverted what could have been a very bad situation for us all. But the choreographer was still out of line with what he said and I wasn’t going to forget that.

            As I finished the food, some of the boys filtered out of their rooms, led by their noses and empty stomachs.

            Hoya and Dongwoo started eating the food standing at the counter.

            “This is much better than what we made yesterday,” Hoya said. “Can you always make dinner for us?” His smile made me feel a little bit better.

            “You’re food was good, too. You just have to master the seasoning,” I explained. “I’m going to bed. Let the others know there is food for me, please.”

            “Thanks noona,” Dongwoo said with his large mouth stuffed with food.

            The third straight day of training should’ve been the easiest. We were well synchronized by now. Sungjong was working harder than ever. Everything was going great except, for some reason, I was still struggling on the spin. I spun a little different every time. The boys turns were faster and I didn’t want to lag, so I twisted my body as hard as I could. My efforts were not rewarded as I felt my ankle give way. I fell down to my knee, hitting the ground hard, but I bounced back up to my feet as fast as I could.

            I was hoping no one had noticed. Luckily, the choreographer was watching Hoya; appreciating his perfect form. I kept doing the dance trying to work through the moves without showing the pain. Woohyun was dancing next to me and asked if I was ok. Without stopping, I assured him I was fine, but I could feel someone else’s eyes on me till the end of practice. I was afraid to look in case it was the choreographer. I didn’t let anything distract me as I danced away.

            As soon as practice was over I changed at top speed, in order to make it to the van first. I didn’t want them to see me walking, in case I limped or showed pain. When we got home I was the last out of the van and I walked slowly to the house. Sunggyu looked back at me once with a suspicious look on his face, but I continued walking normally.

            Certainly my ankle would be better tomorrow.  It just needed rest. Icing it would’ve been best, but the boys were messing around in the main room and I didn’t want to call attention to myself. Rest would have to do. Besides, the next morning we didn’t have to practice with the choreographer. It would just be the eight of us going over what we had learned so far. Just having Sunggyu bossing me around wasn’t so scary.

            I woke in the morning with a start. Something was wrong. I turned and saw that Sungjong was still asleep in the bed next to me. I could dimly hear chatter in the main room. I got up and hobbled out of my room only to be confronted by a chorus of laughs. Woohyun, Sungyeol, and Dongwoo were sitting on the ground in the main room playing gonggi stones with giant grins plastered on their faces.

            “Morning noona,” they all said simultaneously. I rubbed my eyes at the sudden brightness after leaving my cave. The boys were still laughing up at me, most likely because I looked ridiculous after just waking up.

            “Aren’t we supposed to be at practice,” I grumbled.

            “Grandpa Gyu canceled it,” Sungyeol snickered. “Guess he can’t keep up with the kids.”

            I couldn’t help but laugh at the nickname.

            “That’s cute,” I said still laughing, but then I forced my face into a solemn mask. “Grandpa Gyu is only six months older than me, though. If you start calling me Grandma Noona or Grandma Julia I will kill you Lee Sungyeol!”

            “Noona, I’d never,” Sungyeol responded feigning a hurt expression with his hand dramatically holding his wounded heart.

            “You threaten Sungyeol a lot,” Woohyun reflected.

            “Is this guy bothering you noona? We’ll hold him down for you. Get Him!” Dongwoo shouted as they pinned Sungyeol to the ground by his shoulders while he struggled hopelessly. His long legs scissor kicked the air as he flailed.

            I went into hysterics at the sight, but fled the scene before someone actually got hurt. When I was in the kitchen I heard Sungyeol whine as they released him.

            I became serious again as I began to worry about Sunggyu’s condition. To cancel a practice just because he was tired didn’t seem like him at all. The only reason I could come up with for him to cancel was that he must be coming down with something. I looked through our cupboards so I could concoct an herbal remedy for him. I found a number of ingredients for tea.

            Once the tea was brewed, I brought it to Sunggyu’s door and knocked quietly. When I received no response, I opened the door and entered slowly. He was across the room, lying on his bed with his headphones in. He was wearing a pair of gray sweat pants and a graphic t-shirt. In the light from his window I could see his skin looked fair and healthy as usual. His reddish brown hair was shining lustrously and his eyes appeared normal and alert as he popped up in bed; surprised by my sudden entrance.

            “I heard you might not be feeling well so I brought you some herbal tea,” I said cheerfully as he removed his headphones. I made my way across the room, only wobbling a little on my ankle as all my concentration went to not spilling the hot beverage.

            “I’m not sick,” he said coldly. The tone of his voice halted me in my tracks. His eyes criticized me as I awkwardly paused half way to him. “I’m just giving everyone a rest.”

            “Oh,” I said still keeping my own tone light. “Well, do you want the tea anyway? It has a lot of healing herbs in it.”

            “I’m not sick,” he repeated.

            I tried to control my expression as I crouched down to place the mug in the middle of the floor. A small grimace made its way onto my face as the weight on my ankle shifted slightly.

            “Drink it or don’t,” I replied simply, before turning and leaving the room. I passed straight by the smirking boys in the main room and  retreated back into my cave. He must’ve still been mad about what I had said to him. And I deserved it.

            My body slowly slumped to the floor and I rested my head on my bruised knee. It hurt a little to have pressure on it, but I could barely feel it over the strange pain I suddenly felt in my heart.   

            When she had closed the door behind her, Sunggyu threw himself back onto the bed and smacked himself in frustration. What is wrong with you Kim Sunggyu?

            Of course he saw her hurt her ankle during the practice. For some reason, he mostly watched her during their dance practices. He also had seen her trying in vain not to limp on it ever since.

             He had expected her to cry when she got hurt or to at least quit the practice, but she had kept dancing like a fool; probably only furthering her injury. He had wanted so badly to stop the practice and force her to rest, but that would have made him a hypocrite. Just a day before he had yelled at her for wanting to step in and protect Sungjong. He wanted to let her make her own decisions, but there was no way he was going to let her practice again today. He respected her passion and was proud of her for how hard she worked, but she clearly didn’t know what was best for her. It was his job as the leader to keep them all safe and that was exactly what he intended to do.

            Why’d she have to come in here and be so nice? She probably felt guilty about what she said the night before. Her words had stung like a slap in the face, but he understood why she felt that way. He deserved worse for what he said to her about her parents on that first night. But even with how he had treated her, she still cared about his well being.  

            She didn’t seem to care about her ankle at all. She hadn’t even iced it. But she heard that he might be sick and instantly brought him tea. Sunggyu found her mind boggling.

            He pushed all of his confusing thoughts away and approached the boiling hot tea. The steam rose from the mug in swirling patterns like smoke signals drifting into the sky. Maybe someone will see and come help me, he mused to himself.

            Sunggyu lowered himself to the ground in front of the tea as he patiently watched it cool. Once it was a good temperature he picked it up and took a sip. He could identify certain ingredients instantly. There was lavender to relieve stress and exhaustion, mint to aid with relaxation and to help lower fevers, and chamomile to help him sleep. He could taste ginseng with all its numerous healing properties, too. But masking all the bitter flavors, there was a large dose of sweet honey. Usually he drank his tea without sweetener, like it was a job. But this was the best tea he had ever had. He savored every last drop.

            Once he finished, he sat and stared at the empty mug wishing he had more.