Manager Jungryl came into the dorm practically carrying a completely dazed Julia. Hoya knew by now about her relationship with Sunggyu. It came as a surprise at first, but then all the puzzle pieces began to fit into place. The past few days had been terrible for them all as they watched helplessly while she starved herself and wouldn’t leave her room. Sunggyu had told them that he was going to fix the problem. They were all deteriorating without her.

            He watched the Manager all but drag her into the house and wondered how this could possibly fix the problem. She was worse than when she left.

            “What happened?” he shouted as he ran up to the manager. He looked into her face and saw no signs of life even though her eyes were open.

            “I think she’s in shock,” he said quietly. “The fact that she hasn’t been eating or drinking normally is not helping the situation.”

            “What happened?” he asked again.

            “Your leader in his infinite wisdom has decided to leave the band. Meet your new leader,” Jungryl said as he insensitively waved her limp arm at Hoya as she stared blankly at the ground.

            Hoya couldn’t take it anymore. He carefully pulled Julia to him and lifted her into his arms. She was lighter than she had been when he gave her a piggyback ride.  He fought the nausea growing in his stomach as he felt how frail she had become.

            He felt better that he had her now, but he didn’t know what to do with her. Some of the other members filtered into the room. Sungyeol and Dongwoo crowded around him, but he kicked them away.

            He slumped against the wall with her still in his arms. She was staring at her hands now as they rested in her lap. At least now she had something she was focusing on instead of that dead stare that he hated.

            Jungryl left to go make calls as Hoya rocked her back and forth in his arms. Eventually, all the members were in the main room and Hoya told them that Sunggyu had quit the band. They were all shocked. Woohyun started crying as he collapsed to the ground. Hoya had heard that it was Woohyun that told the manager. He tried to understand his position, but at that moment he didn’t feel very sympathetic.

            They all sat in silence as he rocked his favorite noona slowly. The others were having a heated discussion when Sunggyu’s name made its way to Julia’s ears. She woke from her state with a start. Her hands were suddenly gripping Hoya’s shoulders tightly. He tried not to make a noise as she accidently scratched his neck. It reminded him of holding a frightened cat the way she was clinging to him.

            Tears sprung into his eyes as she stopped clutching and began sobbing into his chest. He held her head and looked at the others as they all watched on hopelessly. What could they do? Hoya decided he was doing all he could as she slowly began to calm down.

            Her breathing evened out and she lifted her head to look at Hoya for the first time. They were all surprised when she smiled and laid her hand on his cheek. “Hoya, I missed you.”

            “I’ve missed you too noona,” he said stunned. “Are you okay?”

            “Yes Hoya, I’ll be fine. Thank you for helping me,” she said as she got up. She was acting really weird. Almost like she was drunk…. Or crazy.

            She stood in the middle of the room and scratched the back of her head the same way he had seen Sunggyu do it many times before. “Don’t worry everyone,” she said quietly. “Woohyun! Pay attention!” she shouted suddenly. Everyone jumped a little and Woohyun lifted his head from where he had collapsed in guilty self loathing. When he looked at her she smiled and continued. “I am your new band leader Julia, but don’t worry it is only temporary.”

            “You aren’t going to leave us too are you noona,” Sungjong asked fearfully.

            “Never,” she said smiling at him. “Don’t worry Sungjongie. I am going to bring him back. Just you wait. Nothing’s over.”

 

 

            She had showed them a brave and confident face that night and for the last two weeks. Woohyun watched in shame as she was forced to hide her pain as she faked positivity for the sake of the others.

            All of this is my fault.

            His intentions were to help, but his heart hadn’t all been in the right place. He had been jealous of their love. He told himself that wasn’t the reason for his betrayal, though. He knew that they would’ve gotten caught eventually and they both would have been fired. If the public had discovered their tryst first there would have been no controlling the situation. If Woohyun had known that Sunggyu would leave the band, though he wouldn’t have said anything. He had a hard time breathing without his best friend there.

            Julia as crazy as she was had actually proven to be a good leader. She amazed him every day. He didn’t understand how she could smile. Her smiles were faked for the sake of the younger members, but she still managed to keep them out of the darkness. They all missed Sunggyu, but they were all functioning. If it wasn’t for her they would’ve been completely lost.

             Woohyun couldn’t smile. The guilt was eating him alive. He hadn’t told her yet that he informed the Manager of their relationship. That made him feel even more guilty. She deserved to know why this all happened.

            He had been following her everyday as she walked aimlessly around Sunggyu’s hometown hoping to find him. One of the last promises Woohyun had made to Sunggyu was to follow her and keep her safe; so he did.

            He watched from afar as she milled about the town looking down different streets and visiting all the shops. She even asked people if they had seen him around. She wore a disguise and pretended she was a fan. She was out everyday all day looking for him. She tried calling his phone at least thirty times a day, but she never received an answer. He had tried it too.

            He had followed her in secret for two weeks as she wandered around. He was already concerned to start, but she was looking more and more feeble each day. She was eating again, but being on her feet from dawn to dusk was wearing on her. He had to do something.

            She was almost at their dorm one day when she collapsed to her hands and knees from exhaustion. She got up and brushed her bleeding hands on her pants before walking forward like nothing happened. He had enough.

            He ran up to her and turned her around as her eyes widened in surprise. He saw a beautiful hope flicker through them as she thought maybe it was Sunggyu grabbing her, but it was replaced with disappointment as she saw it was only Woohyun. Witnessing that glimmer of hope broke him down. He started crying as she looked at him with concern.

            “Woohyun, it’s okay,” she crooned. “I’m going to find him.”

            She smiled at him comfortingly. He couldn’t take it. He fell to his knees on the side walk and hugged her around the middle. He buried his head in her now boney body as he cried. He sobbed harder as he smelled Sunggyu on her. She had taken to wearing the sweaters he left behind. When she thought no one was looking she would hold the sleeve to her nose and inhale with a dreamy look.

            She was his hair now as he cried.

            “It’s my fault noona,” he said; fearing her reaction. “All of this is my fault. I told the manager about your relationship. I was scared and I was confused. I thought I was helping. I really did.”

            He lost himself in his guilt and waited for her to start yelling or hitting him. Instead he backed away in shock as she came to her knees too and held his face between her hands. She looked in his eyes with tears building in her own.

            “It isn’t your fault,” she assured him. He stopped crying and stared at her confused. Why wasn’t she mad?

            “I’m so sorry for all of this,” she cried as she lost her façade for the first time since everything had happened. “Please tell me you haven’t been blaming yourself this whole time?” She was crying so much that Woohyun forgot his guilt completely and became worried.

            “Noona why are you sorry?”

            “I’m sorry you all had to go through any of this because of me. If I hadn’t been in this band. If I hadn’t met Sunggyu,” she choked. Saying his name visibly destroyed her. “Don’t ever blame yourself for any of this.”

            “But noona, you need to know that I told the manager because I was scared, but I also told him because I was jealous.”

            Her round eyes only got rounder as she looked at him confused. She really didn’t understand the effect she had on people.

            “I thought at the time that I was in love with you too.” Her expression sobered a little as he continued. “But I realized since all of this happened that what I thought I felt was nothing compared to what you feel for each other. The feeling in my chest since Sunggyu left is killing me. I am not the same without him here. He was my best friend and I did this to him.”

            She held him and soothed him.

            “Woohyun do you trust me?” she said suddenly.

            He wiped his eyes and looked at her before nodding.

            “Than trust me when I say that I will bring him back.”

            Part of him thought she was insane and as she whispered in his ear he realized that part of him was absolutely right.

 

           

            It had been three weeks since Sunggyu left and Dongwoo was pretty sure everyone had lost their minds. Noona was out all day and night looking for him and Woohyun was following her around like a stalker. Sungjong was suffering with both Sunggyu being gone and noona being absent all the time. Luckily, Myungsoo was there to comfort him.

            Dongwoo, Sungyeol and Hoya just kind of drifted around lost and confused. Dongwoo had been on all of the different social media sites and fan club pages and he knew how word was spreading around. People were not happy that Sunggyu had left and neither were they. They were losing fans by the day as they hung in limbo.

            Dongwoo was beginning to lose hope all together, but then Julia called a band meeting. They all sat up against the wall in the main room as she paced in front of them. There was a weird sort of energy about her that day that made him sit up straighter.

            “Okay,” she said suddenly with a clap that woke them all up. “Are you guys ready?”

            They all shouted a yes as they were revitalized by her energy.

            “I had a meeting with the Executive recently and apparently our first concert is coming up!” She sounded excited, but also manic. Lately she had reminded him a little of a mouse that someone had given caffeine as an experiment.

            “After everything that happened we are just going to go have a concert? Without Sunggyu?” Myungsoo mumbled beside Dongwoo.

            “What else can we do?” Noona exclaimed. At first they thought it was a rhetorical question, but she waited for them to answer.

            “We could open our own coffee shop and sing for tips!” Sungjongie exclaimed brightly. They all laughed.           

            “When Sungjongie turns 21 we could change the coffee shop to a bar and sing and dance on the tables for even better tips,” Dongwoo added. He wanted to keep the positive mood going. It had been so long since any of them had laughed.

            “Can we have a mechanical bull?” Myungsoo asked him seriously.

            “Of course!” he replied. Myungsoo nodded his approval.

            “We could always be street performers.” Woohyun offered. It was the first time Dongwoo had seen him smile since Sunggyu left.

            “No you guys!” Sungyeol suddenly shouted shocking them all. His face was serious, but his mouth suddenly spread in a big grin as he continued, “We should join the circus!”

            Everyone was laughing and rolling on the floor. Even Julia laughed before saying, “Dongwoo would make a really good clown.”

            “Good?! Just good?” he asked in shock as he stood up. He approached her as she smiled at him. For once her smile felt genuine. He picked her up as she screamed and he spun her around.

            He lowered her to the ground and tickled her as the rest of the guys came over laughing. “I…said…really good,” she pointed out between laughs.

            “Good enough I guess,” he said as he collapsed to the floor beside her still laughing. They all laid around on the floor enjoying the comfort of being around each other.

            When their laughter died down she spoke again.

            “It’s in one week,” she said quietly. She didn’t sound happy anymore, but she still sounded hopeful. “We are going to give those fans quite a show.”

 

 

            I hadn’t cared at first when Executive Choi told me about the concert. The concert had been scheduled months ahead of time, but with everything that happened I forgot about it. I had just listened to him without really hearing what he was talking about. That was until he mentioned the media.

            “Since Sunggyu’s sudden exit the fans are all in an uproar. There hasn’t been much positive talk about your band lately, but I have a plan to fix it. I have decided that your first concert will be broadcasted live over the internet for anyone to see. The media will be covering the whole event too and I hope that this will stir up some good feedback.”

            I showed no reaction to the news and just nodded for him to continue.

            “You guys are going to have to give them the best show of your life. I want you to show them that you do not need Sunggyu.” He smiled brightly at me and all I wanted was to punch him in the face.

            “Well we better get prepared then,” was all I said to him that day.

            Since then we had prepared very seriously for the show. I kept myself together for the band’s sake and it seemed to work. Everyone was still sad and a little lost, but they all worked hard.

            The day of the show I felt no nerves. I went around offering support to my band mates as they listened to the roar of the crowd from our place backstage. None of us had been in a concert before, but everyone seemed oddly calm.

            “This is for Sunggyu,” I told them as we all put our hands together. “Let’s make our leader proud.”

            Everyone smiled in response and we made our way onto the stage.

            The roar of the crowd hadn’t been all positive we realized as we performed. I looked into the mob and saw a lot of upset faces staring back at me. I guess the tickets were non refundable. A few people outright booed us, but we kept dancing and singing like we couldn’t hear it.

            The only time we faltered was when someone in the crowd decided to throw a soda can up stage. It whizzed by just inches from my face as I stared in shock. Hoya moved towards the general direction of the thrower as if to fight everyone over there, but I stopped him. My hand went to my necklace without thinking as I tried not to stare into the cameras that were streaming the whole disaster live.

 

 

            It was the first time in a month that he could actually see them. Sunggyu had been waiting for hours for the show to start as he sat at the internet café across the street from the stadium. He was wearing a full disguise to hide from the fans, but also to hide from them. Just being in the same general area as his band comforted him, but he was afraid if they saw him he wouldn’t be able to keep away anymore.

            Leaving had been the hardest thing he had ever done, but it became clear to him it was the only option. He couldn’t watch her kill herself over him. He knew that if she was thrown into the leadership role she would take it seriously. She truly loved the whole band and he knew she would never abandon them. Not the way he had.

            He watched them perform in awe. They were doing so well. He looked them all over once, but then all he could do was watch Julia. She looked healthier than the last time he saw her. There weren’t bags under her eyes anymore and her skin was bright and clear. She still hadn’t put weight back on, though. He remembered the feel of her soft and lightly muscled frame as she pressed against him, but he shook the memory away.

            Her eyes were a little distant except for when she caught the camera. Anytime she looked into the camera he felt his heart skip a beat. It was like she was looking right at him.

            He watched the show in sudden trepidation as the crowd started to turn on them. His body went cold all over when he saw something fly towards Julia’s head from the audience. Her eyes widened with fear as she clutched at her necklace.

            He got up and stood above the computer trying to keep himself from running across to the stadium. He was about to go when he saw Julia pick up a microphone and step forward all alone to greet the crowd. He watched with sudden anxiety as she attempted to soothe the fans.

            “Hello everybody,” she yelled loudly. She was keeping a positive tone even as they booed. “How you all doing tonight?” He heard over his headphones a mixture of love and hate coming from the crowd.

            “I know,” she said sadly into the microphone. Everyone seemed to quiet at the change in her tone. “I know exactly how you all feel. We have recently lost a wonderful man from our team. I know you all must miss him as much as we do. Do you guys miss Sunggyu?!” she shouted into the microphone and held it out to the crowd. They seemed confused as to whether to cheer or boo.

            “Yeah, I miss him too,” she whispered into the microphone with her head down. “Do you guys want to know why Sunggyu left?”

            What is she doing?

            The crowd sent up an uproar and she looked into the cameras as she continued to speak. “Kim Sunggyu left because he loves us and would do anything for us. He left because his love was too great. He left because he fell in love.”

            The crowd was mumbling in confusion.

            “I am in love with Kim Sunggyu!” Julia shouted into the microphone proudly. The crowds mumbling got louder as they became thoroughly confused.

            “I’m in love with him and he is in love with me and because of that he had to leave the band. We are not allowed to love each other for fear of the public’s reaction. So what do you say public? What is your reaction?”

            She held the microphone to the crowd and heard a near complete silence in response.

            “If you are watching this now Sunggyu I just want to let you know  that I’m sorry. I’m not as strong as you. If I can’t be in this band with you then I don’t want to be in it at all.”

            “I won’t be in this band without Kim Sunggyu either!” Woohyun shouted as he stepped forward.

            “Me either!” Sungyeol yelled into Julia’s microphone. “There is no Infini-”

            The microphone suddenly went dead. Sunggyu was surprised it had taken Woolim that long to cut the mic feed.

            Unfortunately for Woolim the lack of working microphones didn’t stop the cracked Infinite team from ruining the company’s image further.

            Sunggyu couldn’t sit back and watch anymore.

 

 

            I became a little unsure of the plan when the microphone died. Of course I knew it was an insane plan to begin with.

            The other members were unfazed as they stepped forward and continued yelling out their feelings to the crowd. The fans were mad now, but I could tell their anger wasn’t directed at us.

            The cameras were still rolling on us and I tried to figure out my next move. What would Sunggyu do? I thought to myself. Well Sunggyu would probably say I was being an idiot and that I should go to bed. What would my mom do?

            I cleared my throat and started to sing, “love, love, love.”

            The crowd quieted as they strained to hear me. I sang “All You Need is Love,” as loud as I could into the silent stadium. When I got to the chorus the boys started to sing with me.

            I smiled as tears filled my eyes. Even though, I was possibly destroying all of our careers my band was still standing by my side. I shouldn’t have been so surprised, but I was.

            Dongwoo  was the first to throw his arm over my shoulder as we sang. The rest soon followed and we formed one connected chain as we swayed back and forth and sang the song. By the time we got to the second chorus the whole stadium had started to sing. It was a beautiful sound.

            When the song ended the whole crowd fell silent. Everyone stood around confused as I tried to decide what to do next. I hadn’t really planned much of this.

            I was distracted as I heard the fans at the front right of the stage start to scream and point behind us. We all turned together to see Sunggyu standing towards the back of the stage.

            I lost all feeling in my legs as they buckled below me. Luckily, my two favorite rappers caught my arms and held me up. When I had my balance again they nudged me forward into the middle of the stage. I stumbled closer to Sunggyu as the crowd cheered wildly.

            My eyes stared at him in disbelief as the gap between us diminished. I reached out to touch him as if he might be a mirage. My hand met solid human being as I rested my fingers over his beating heart.

            “I leave you in charge for one minute…” he said with a smile on his face.

            I laughed with delight as his eyes disappeared. I had missed that so much.

            “I warned you that we’d all be lost without you,” I smiled as tears ran freely down my face.

            “I guess it’s all or nothing from now on then.”

            I couldn’t keep my body apart from his for one second longer as I jumped into his arms. I laced my fingers through his hair and brought my face up to his forehead. I caressed his skin with my nose slowly as I moved my way down to his mouth. I heard him take in a sharp breath.

            “All,” I said before I kissed him in front of all of our fans and the whole country.

 

 

 

****************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

            Infinite was all anyone was talking about the next day. They were on every news stand in every district. The internet was ablaze with support for the band. They received offers for interviews, reality shows, books, you name it. The whole country was fascinated by the band’s story. Sunggyu and Julia became the number one idol couple in the country.

            They had a meeting with Executive Choi the next day to work over new contracts. Sunggyu was allowed to reinstate his leader status. Sunggyu informed the public that although they were pressured to hide their love he had never actually been fired for his feelings. Woolim Entertainment was still receiving heat from the press, but it helped that Sunggyu had quit on his own terms. It also helped that the new contract allowed for them to have relationships if they wished.

            Sungjongie finally felt like he could breath as he made his way to the dorm knowing that both Sunggyu and Julia would be there. Life was better than ever.

            It was midday when he came back from lunch with his mother. He walked straight into his room without realizing Julia had company. He was already fully in the room before he saw noona and Sunggyu sleeping peacefully on her mattress. Sunggyu was taking up most of the space as he laid on his back with noona curled up against his side. His arm was draped over her shoulders as her face was nuzzled in the crook of his neck. One of her arms was wrapped up in his shirt and her leg was thrown over her leader’s body with her foot resting snuggly under his calf muscle. It was like she was clinging to him for dear life even as she snoozed away serenely.

            He was about to turn and leave when Sunggyu stirred. He brought his nose out of her hair and spotted Sungjong standing by the door.

            Sunggyu beckoned for Jongie to come closer with a sleepy smile on his face. Sungjong approached and bent down to listen to his leader, but Sunggyu didn’t have anything to say to him. Instead he just reached out and ruffled Sungjongie’s hair lovingly before he rested his cheek back on Julia’s head and fell asleep.

            Sungjong stood above them for a second and watched with a smile. When his leaders were happy so was he. Ever since the concert they had been extremely happy. Life was great. He decided to let them rest by themselves as he silently left.

            He stepped out of the bedroom and accidently walked straight into Myungsoo as he was leaving the shower. Sungjong’s hands met bare abs as he braced himself against his friend. When he realized he was touching a shirtless and still damp Myungsoo he backed away with a surprised sound.

            Myungsoo just laughed and looked into Sungjong’s wide eyes, “Like what you see Sungjongie?”

            He gave Sungjong a sly wink. Sungjong watched Myungsoo’s as he disappeared into his bedroom.

            Actually, he did like what he saw. He had liked what he felt under his hands, too. His heart was racing a mile a minute as he went back in his room and quietly eased himself onto his bed. His leaders slept soundly in each other’s arms undisturbed.

            He stared at them suddenly with an irrational jealousy. Why couldn’t he be happy too? Why couldn’t he cuddle up with the person he loved and just feel pure love cuddling him back?

            He closed his eyes, but only saw Myungsoo’s face behind his eyelids.

            What is happening to me? 

 

I hope you enjoyed part 1 of the story. The story continues in 8finite: Part 2 Myungjong's Story