"Good morning, Dayoung." She greets brightly as she flops down beside me. I look at her, and now all i can see is how fake she is. A lying hypocrite.

"Good morning." I say as sweetly as I can. "Where's Sandeul?"

"In the toilet." She giggles. "Constipation."

"Oh." I answer flatly, not really interested in her but rather Sandeul. I don't know why, I just want to see him again. I stir my cup of chilled mocha. It looks even more interesting than her face right now. Right, i'm jealous, but why does it matter anyway? Nobody cares.  She does her homework, an essay due later and I roll my eyes.

Acting like she's hardworking now.

Why did i even make friends with her in the first place?

"I'm back from the battle! And i won. It was a brown victory." Sandeul sighed contentedly as he sat down beside her, and she scrunches up her nose.

"That's gross."

"It's part of life, what can i do?" Sandeul shrugs, and I giggle. He's so funny. "Hi, Dayoung."

Something ticklish in my tummy. I like this feeling. "Hi, Sandeul."

"Where's jinyoung hyung?" Sandeul looks around. Jinnie pinches his cheeks, and I had to look away. Is she doing that on purpose? 

"He has no lessons today, silly."

"I don't have any either." Sandeul beams. "I just came to see you."

"What are you studying, Sandeul?" I cut in rudely just to end their lovey-dovey conversation.

"Business management." Sandeul grins proudly. "I'm taking over my dad's company next time, anyway."

"Oh, that's brilliant!" I clap my hands. He's rich. That's a bonus point.

Sandeul seems delighted at my comment. "Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Nope." I answer honestly.

"That's surprising, you must be quite the heartbreaker, aren't you?" Sandeul teases, and Jinnie smiles.

Heartbreaker? "No i'm not."

"I'm surprised a pretty girl like you isn't attached." Sandeul compliments, and I smile shyly.

"Nobody confessed."

"Hey, my lesson's starting. I'll end in one and a half hour." Jinnie stands up, grabbing her bag. I cheer silently in my head. Go, go, go. She leans down to kiss him. "See ya. Be nice to dayoung!"

"Bye baby!" Sandeul waves as she disappears from view. I'm even more nervous now, being left alone with Sandeul.

"So...," I start, "Love story?"

Sandeul sighs. "There's nothing much. I lost my memories. Apparently she was my girlfriend before i lost them, but we almost didn't end up together cause i was dumb. But we ended up together anyway."

"Did you get into an accident?" I ask curiously.

Sandeul nods. "Car accident."

"Oh. Don't you feel sad?" I probe.

"Of course i do." Sandeul looks down at the table. "It actually bugs me a lot, me not being able to remember anything. But i guess it doesn't really matter. It can't matter." Then he looks up with a bright smile. "Let's talk about you. I don't even know you."

"Shoot." I giggle.

"Family members?" Sandeul asks.

I've never told anyone about this, not even jinnie, my 'bestie'.

"Parents and a younger sister. You?" 

"Parents and a younger sister. She's really cute." Sandeul grins, taking out his wallet. He opens it and shows it to me. Two pictures; one polaroid of him and jinnie together with the beach as the background, and one of him and a younger girl. She's cute and chubby. "Her name is Hannah. She's overseas right now, but she'll be back soon. Can't wait for her to be back, my precious sister."

"Aw, you guys are close." 

Sandeul nods. "Of course! You should meet my parents. The only one i can be close with is Hannah."

I giggle. He said i should meet his parents. And only girlfriends do that, right?

"I'm not close with my family at all. My sister's name is Minyoung, but we don't even talk." I admit. "Sometimes i feel like i'm an orphan."

Sandeul frowns, keeping his wallet. "Don't feel that way. I'd be your older brother." He adds cheekily.

"Really? That's nice." I fake a smile. I don't want him as an older brother.

"So... Jinnie has a lot of admirers doesn't she?" Sandeul asks innocently, and i clench my fists under the table. Lee Jinnie, Lee Jinnie, Lee Jinnie. What on Earth is so good about that hypocrite? I'd just be honest, then. Maybe the exaggerated truth. But she has everything, and that can't possibly hurt her.

"Guess so. Sometimes she's overly friendly with the guys, that's why." I say, watching his face carefully. His expression darkens. Yes, i've done it. Just continue doing this.

"How?" 

"Hmm," I put my hand on my chin, pretending to be deep in thought. "I can't tell you. She's my best friend."

Instead of getting angry like i expected, Sandeul just laughed. "Never mind, i don't really need to know. I trust her, 100%."

My smile dims. This guy is an idiot. "Do you like her that much?"

"Like?" Sandeul laughs. "I love her."

Ouch, that hurts. Why am i feeling like this for a guy i've met for barely two days?

"It's just that the memories thing really bother me. I'm just scared of losing her."

"If i were her, i wouldn't let you go." I say, meaning it from the bottom of my heart. Sandeul seems to think it's a joke and just chuckles.

"That does make me feel better, thanks, dayoung."

I love it when he calls my name. It sounds so nice. "Welcome." I beam.

"You look different from yesterday, without the eyeliner and make up. You look more innocent now." He compliments.

"Thanks, you look the same, though."

Sandeul laughs, sweeping his fringe back. "Well don't blame me for being so good-looking."

"What's jinyoung's relationship with Jinnie?" I raise my eyebrows.

"They're really good friends. They're like brother and sister." Sandeul smiles. "She doesn't have a sibling, so she looks up to jinyoung hyung as a sibling."

I stir my coffee again. "Oh. So you trust jinyoung?"

"100%." Sandeul answers immediately, without hesitating. "There's Gongchan and Baro too."

"Who are those? Are they in our school?'

"Nah. Maybe i can introduce you to them. I should introduce you to Gongchan, i think the both of you will make a great pair." Sandeul laughs, and that kills my spirits. I don't want Gongchan. I want him. Call me a for liking my friend's boyfriend, but i don't care.

You fight for your own happiness.

"Match-making is so yesterday." I tease.

"You won't regret it, though." Sandeul flicks my forehead, and i hope that is the first move in bringing our relationship closer.

"You're really nice to talk to, Sandeul." I say.

"Of course, i'm me for a reason. Don't you have lessons?"

Of course i have. In fact i should be going now. But i'm just gonna skip it today for you. "No, i came back today to pass up something. I'm waiting for Jinnie."

"Oh, that makes one of us." Sandeul smiles. "Maybe you can tell me more about her. I want to know her better. Our fourth anniversary is coming, i wanna give her the best memory in her life." 

My smile fades completely. I'd help all right. "What do you wanna know about her? I think you'd know her better than i do."

"What do you girls like? Like what you think is romantic and all that..." Sandeul's voice trail off.

"Er..." I start. "Romantic? I think that as long as i can feel someone's sincererity, that's romantic enough."

"Anything else?" Sandeul asks.

"How about a BBQ party?"

"BBQ party? That isn't private enough." Sandeul frowns. Like i'd help you think of any.

"I don't know, Sandeul. I'm not a very romantic person, and i don't expect much. Does she?" 

"No she doesn't, but i want to present her the best i can." Sandeul explains.

He is so sweet.

"Why don't you give me your number, and i'd call you if i get any ideas." I suggest innocently as i hand him my phone. He types his number without any clue and hands it back to me. He even added a smiley face to his own name.

Gotcha.

"Give me yours as well." He hands me his and i type in my number, entering the same smiley face.

"She won't get jealous if she sees a smiley face beside my name, right?" I ask smoothly.

"Nah, how can a smiley face even be compared to the five heart-shapes beside her name?" Sandeul even shows me her contact. My toes are laughing. She doesn't deserve any of this.

"Hannah's a sweet looking girl." I say, hoping to know his life.

"Of course she is. She is the sweetest girl on earth. She's second to jinnie." Sandeul laughs. I just want to strike a conversation without mention of that person.

"How is she sweet?"

Sandeul his head to the side. "Hmm... Hannah is cute. Her aegyo is daebak, really. It's the best! And she's sweet and sensitive and considerate. I think girls are made up of sugar and sweets and everything nice."

"That's very nice of you." I giggle. "I'm sweet too aint i." I joke.

"Yup." Sandeul laughs, and i dont know if he's joking or being serious. His phone vibrates and his eyebrows furrow in concentration as he reads it, but i can't take my eyes off him. Everything else vanishes as i look at him.

Why did i meet him only now?

If i met him earlier, my life wouldn't be like this.

"I gotta go for a while, Jinyoung hyung needs help with something. Tell jinnie to call me when she's out, and that i'll be over at jinyoung hyung's house so ask her to look for me there! And tell her i love her." Sandeul adds cheekily.

My heart drops. I don't want him to go. I want to talk to him, i want to get to know him. I want him to get to know me. I want to tell him everything about my life. My dark past. Even if all he will talk about is Jinnie, it's fine too. I want to be in his presence.

"Okay. See you soon?" I ask, faking a smile again.

Sandeul grins. "See you soon, definitely."

She will never know what you said. Clenching my fists, i grab my bag and leave as well. Skipping lessons today. That acting genius can be alone for all she wants. It's not my problem. 

Everything seems to hurt as I start to walk out of the university campus, but as i think of Sandeul, something warm fills my heart.

Will you still hate me, if you know falling in love is not in your control? Love at first sight, do you believe in it? Will you understand how i feel? Given a choice, i wouldn't go for someone who has a girlfriend too. But what can i do, when heaven just loves to make a fool out of me? What can i do when everything is so twisted?

I grew up being bullied, being outcasted, feeling scared all of the time. Believing i should be hated and hurt. What can i do when he gives me something i've been looking for for a long time; a sense of security?

What can i do when he's the only one that can make me feel nice and warm when everything hurts?

When i was little i used to pour salt on slugs. I liked watching them dissolve before my eyes. It would be one thing to be a loser if it meant no one paid attention to you, but in school, it means you're actively sought out. You're the slug, and they're all holding the salt. And they haven't developed a conscience. It doesn't matter if that enemy has never done anything to hurt you - you just have to pretend you hate someone even more than you hate yourself.

You know what salt works on slugs? Because it dissolves in water that's part of a slug's skin, so the water inside its body starts to flow out. The slug dehydrates. This works with snails, too. And with leeches. And with people like me.

With any creature, really, too thin-skinned to stand up for itself.