Chapter 15:  

It's difficult to remain true to who you are when everything familiar around you seems to have faded into oblivion, when everything that once was is no longer what is. You find yourself in a position where the prospect of changing with the tides means forgetting, and staying the same means foolishness. Then, you realize... It takes someone truly strong to be capable of staying true to what they were and meld it into what is.

Lu Han looked at the skies through his window, unable to sleep. Their engagement party loomed right around the corner and Lu Han felt uncertain.

Yoona... She seemed quite uncertain of her decision now, unlike the woman who did not waver when she was faced with the problem then. She seemed like a sheep, cornered and afraid for some reason that escaped him. He had been paying close attention to the way most people had been treating her, and he could see nothing wrong. If anything, they were far more cordial than he had expected.

"Sighing to the moon will get you nowhere," Kris said as he strode in. "I knew you were still awake."

"How did you know?" he asked, tearing his gaze away from the moon and towards his friend.

"I didn't knock, if that's what you're getting at. You asked me not to, remember?" he asked. "Well, that's about to change soon, I guess. Having second thoughts? The wedding is still at least a good year away."

"On Yoona's eighteenth birthday," Lu Han said, indirectly agreeing to what his friend had said. "It's been more than a year. Do you know how she is doing in school?"

"I hear she's doing very well. She has made a friend already, a girl named-"

"Jia."

"You knew, why ask?"

"Yoona might be candy-coating the truth, Kris. She's not going to lie, but she's going to make things seem better than they are. Her heart is far too soft to even think of sharing burdens with others, she thinks that doing so means weakness."

"I thought you two talked about that."

"But I haven't been completely un-candy-coating everything, either. I can't let her worry, Kris. She's got enough to worry about."

"You know, Lu Han, you guys have a serious problem here. You might not be cheating on each other, but from what you're telling me, neither of you are saying what is real. How are you to say right now, that you still love her, really? It might have become another 'candy-coated' thing, Lu Han," Kris warned. "It's easy to say things."

"I still do, Kris. There's no worry about that," he assured.

"You don't really have to tell me, you know. You have to know it for sure inside."

"How do you know?" Lu Han challenged.

"I don't, but I'm assuming that's also what's keeping me here, Lu Han. I'm no brother by blood, but I'm like your brother anyway. I'm not here for the money, you know that. I'm here for you."

"Kris-"

"Lu Han, I'm not kidding. What's inside is more important than what goes out of your mouth. We humans... We're notoriously famous for being capable of saying things we don't mean just for the sake of face. I'm telling you right now that no matter how many times you try to say that you love Yoona, if you can't act on it, it's nothing, Lu Han. Nothing. She might not be doing much right now to show it, but isn't the fact that she came here for you even if she's just seventeen, a college student without a degree? You forget--she has a brother who she loves a lot, who clings to her as if she was a physical embodiment life, but both of them made the sacrifice for you. From where I'm standing, I think that's love. Yoona loves you enough to do something big for you that otherwise would never have crossed her mind, and Kai loves her enough to let her go do what she wants even if he needs her badly. I urge you, Lu Han, please don't keep the thought to yourself. Bring it to action, bring it to life. This is the first time I've ever seen you be a tad bit selfish, and yet, somehow, I don't like what's going on. I don't like what's happening to the prince I once really adored, the prince who was willing to give up the whole world for the good of others."

The two had a sort of stare off. Lu Han stared into Kris' eyes, as if searching for the answers, while Kris searched Lu Han's eyes, hoping that the answers he wanted, no, needed badly were there. Somewhere.

Lu Han sighed. "I'm sorry. The past few days have been quite harsh."

"I know. No one's pushing you to marry someone you neither know nor really like, but someone's pushing you to handle international affairs of life and death importance, quite literally. I know, I'm your sidekick, remember? Everything you're given as a task, I know. Which is why I'm so efficient," Kris said with a huge smile, finishing off the solemn, heavy discussion, segueing to a lighter, more friendly discussion.

~°~

"You look sick," Baekhyun noted. He and Tao had gotten into the custom of visiting Yoona every now and then, helping her in whatever way they could, keeping her company. Lu Han's job took much time, and Yoona was already spending far too much time with schoolwork, now that she was back in school. Neither Victoria nor Hangeng were much help, since they really encouraged Yoona, even helping her with her studies more if they could.

"I'm not," she replied a little crabbily. Her project wasn't looking very optimistic.

"Why didn't you just stay with a tutor instead?" Tao asked. "The Emperor would gladly send tutors for you than to have you going around the campus, following deadlines when everyone knows you've already got too much on your hands as it is."

"Don't lecture me, kid," Yoona hissed, trying to keep her attention on the craft she was creating. She had enrolled herself in a course that concerned itself with international as well internal relations, and now, she was preparing for a presentation, one that will propel her from freshman to at most a third year standing. She needed it. Right now, she was delayed at least a year due to her lessons, and she hoped to catch up before she was thrown into a bigger mess.

"Lecture? That's not a lecture!" Baekhyun exclaimed. He narrowed his eyes at Tao and warned, "His lectures are worse."

"They're for your own good, Baekhyun. How are you supposed to grow as an artist?" he asked.

"Baekhyun's a dancer," Yoona commented. "What more artistry do you want?"

"Yoona, he-"

"I know, I know. Am now a Wu Shu martial artist aside from whatever I was. If I want to be better, I have to remember that even if being a hybrid performer is good, it doesn't constitute much for growth as a martial artist. Wu Shu is not only the job-" Baekhyun recited monotonously.

"Okay, I get it," Yoona replied. "Be a dear and please pull that string will you, Baekhyun?"

"This? Sure," he replied and gently tugged on it. The string pulled away a piece of paper, revealing a diagram of the relationships of the members of the Asian continent. It was more like bridges, and she would just explain everything to those she was to present to.

"You're really amazing," Tao commented.

"I spend a lot of time with books and art," she explained. "It was what I wasted my time on as a child."

"It was worth it, wasn't it?" he asked.

"Yes, it was," she replied. Though those were the words that they uttered, they had an underlying meaning to it as well.

You spent your childhood on your own when you could've been like any other child?

Yes. But I don't regret it.

Lu Han would've wished for the freedom you could've had.

I know.

~°~

Kris smiled as he watched his friend interact with the children. Truly, the most empathic people are those that truly know pain. The souls that have faced crushing defeats but came back alive, though wounded, are the really strong ones. And the ones claiming strength but crumble to nothingness and are unable to stand back up are the real weak ones. For what strength is there in something that only proves its strength in a moment of tranquility?

"You really like kids," Kris mused as they walked back to the car that was waiting for them. Their short trip to the orphanage was over, and now, it was time to go home.

"Like? I don't think so," he replied. "I've a fondness in my heart for kids like those, kids like us."

"Us?"

"People think that we're of a different level. They think that we, yes including you, grew up as children served with a golden spoon, everything on a silver platter, but that's not the truth. They don't understand that we're less like kids who grew up in lovely homes and more like those in an orphanage. I just... I feel for them, you know? They don't know my reality, even if it’s the same as theirs, and I think it might be better that way."

"I think they know," Kris said as the car began to make its way back. "Birds of the same feather flock together."

"It doesn't matter," Lu Han replied. "What's important is that I'm doing what I can to show them my support. Those kids are my hope, they're my future, Kris. They could be the generation that begins to remove the possibility of kids like me, 'cause they know how much it hurts."

“We can always start it with you,” Kris reminded, patting Lu Han gently on the shoulder.

“I’m not enough,” Lu Han replied. “I’m just one speck of dust in a world of giant things. One little dot, Kris. That’s all I am.”

“And so are they. Well, right now, they’re still specks of dust.”

“But they’ve got freedom, they’ve got hope. They’re not trapped, Kris, and I think...that’s the biggest difference. They have a chance of making it, I don’t,” Lu Han sighed.

Kris looked at his friend as the car zoomed down the highway. With the engagement looming just around the corner, Lu Han seemed more stressed than ever. And in Kris' observation, so was Yoona. She seemed so eager to get back to school that Victoria and Hangeng could not do anything but help her do so. They seemed to enjoy it, though, helping Yoona that is, yet Kris questioned if it was the right thing to do.

"Shall I arrange for you to meet with Yoona once we get back?" he offered. He hoped his friend would say 'yes' for his own good.

"Does anything need to be re-scheduled?" Lu Han asked tiredly. The trips were taking a toll on him, and unlike Kris, he wasn't able to take naps every now and then because all eyes were on him.

"Nothing we can't handle without you," Kris replied gently. "You need to talk to Yoona and you need to sleep. It's likely that the moment Victoria lays her eyes on you, she's going to make you stay in bed for the next three days."

"Do I look that horrible?" he asked.

"Zombie. Sometimes, you hardly make sense."

~°~

"Hello, love," Lu Han greeted, wrapping his arms around Yoona from behind. She sat, hunched over her schoolwork. Just a while ago, Tao sat in front of her, helping her whenever he could, with whatever he could, but now, he was nowhere to be found. He had slipped out so quietly she did not realize it.

"Lu Han," she exclaimed softly. She did not expect to see him, though she did miss him quite sorely. Despite the proximity of their living quarters, they met mostly in dreams, settling in comfortable silence for the most part, knowing that words weren't of vital importance.

"I missed you," he whispered, breathing in her scent. Truly, he did. They had barely seen each other the past week.

She chuckled softly. "How can you? I've been right here."

"I'm sorry I haven't been around as much as I should," he said. "I wish I could be by your side more."

"It's alright," she replied. "We've both been busy. We can't do anything about that, though I'm glad you're here."

"I am, too. Are you busy?"

"Homework," she replied, her tone hinting apology.

"Let's get to work, then," he concluded, settling beside her comfortably.

"Aren't you tired?" she asked.

He smiled. "Tired? I can do this, love. We can do this."

~°~

"Here," Yoona said, handing a bubblegum pink-haired young woman an envelope.

The other woman opened it and quickly read through the letter. "Am I even allowed to this event?"

"Why would I give that letter to you if you weren't?"

"Oh, I don't know, maybe you wanted to lord it over me or something," she replied jokingly.

"Jia."

"Seriously," Jia replied with a chuckle. "You're getting engaged? It's so soon!"

Yoona smiled. "No, it's not. I've been here for quite some time, and the agreement was six months. It's been more than six months."

"Are you ready for this? Prince or not, you have a choice, Yoona. If-"

"Stop fussing too much, Jia. Lu Han takes such good care of me even if we don't get to see each other as much as we'd like. And... I know I love him. Is there anything for you to contradict? You're my only friend in this whole school, will you do me the favor of going? For me, please?"

Jia sighed with a smile. "Okay. But I want to meet that best friend of yours, okay?"

"She will be there," Yoona promised.

~°~

Tao walked down the hallway with Baekhyun scuffling behind him. They were assigned to take care of some things at the academy today.

Baekhyun sat across a familiar face, having an impromptu stare-off with the person over lunch. Actually, before lunch was a better description, as they had yet to touch their lunch, and they were waiting for Tao to arrive.

"Geeze, you win," he said. "Nice to see you again, Aze."

His hair was cropped short, very short that had the barber shaved just a little bit more, he would have been bald. "Nice to see you too!" he replied, grinning from ear to ear. "Didn't expect to find out that you'd fly up the ranks so quickly in such a short amount of time. You're almost a guard!"

Baekhyun shrugged. "Tao's been pulling strings, I think."

"Who's been pulling strings?" Tao challenged amiably as he dropped his tray in front of the two. "I do not pull strings, Byun Baekhyun. I pull you up the ranks by squeezing every ounce of strength and ability out of that skinny frame of yours and polish you like there's no tomorrow."

Baekhyun laughed uneasily, but was brought to an abrupt stop when Tao instantly dropped the friendly air and put on a serious one, projecting the gravity of the topic they were about to tackle.

"Kidding aside," Tao began. "How is your task faring for you?"

"My... Task?" Aze asked, bewildered.

Baekhyun shot him a confused look mixed with apology. He had not breathed a word of his motives to anyone other than Aze himself, not even Kai, who was his best friend, at least not explicitly, nor Kristine when she had dropped him a random call, asking how he was faring.

"Baekhyun never spoke a word of it," Tao assured him quietly. "But there's something up, isn't there? Mr. Lim, I would not be a guard if I were not aware enough of such important matters. Whether or not anyone told me, I would still find out, it's my job. Lives are probably at stake here, including yours, so please, tell me. I can help you."

"How can you help me? You're just a kid like me," Aze scoffed, though there were tears in his eyes, threatening to fall.

Tao gave him an encouraging smile. "I'm a guard, aren't I? I'm Prince Lu Han's guard, Master Chen Long's special case, don't you think I have enough credentials to make me a good enough messenger at least?"

Aze sighed. "You'll help me?"

"I'll do my best," Tao promised.

 ~°~

Yoona sat in front of the vanity table, waiting for the stylist to arrange her hair and do her make up for her, with a far off look on her face.

"Would you like to share?" Baekhyun asked, popping into the room, all dressed up with his hair arranged neatly. He half-sat on the vanity table, fiddling with his cufflinks.

Yoona smiled a bit and replied, "I'm scared. Is Kai there already?"

"Lu Han's keeping them distracted," he assured her. "I'm kind of excited to see him, too. I miss my buddy."

She chortled softly. "Wouldn't you? You guys are practically twins half the time."

"And as the unofficial brother," he said, looking into her eyes as if searching for something. "I think I have the right to know what's going on in your head 'cause I'm the next best thing to a freedom wall."

"Baekhyun!" she exclaimed softly.

"Seriously," he said, as the stylist ushered him off the table so she could work. He decided to stand behind them, in view through the mirror, but far enough not to stand in the way. "Besides, I'm your guard tonight"

"You got promoted again!?" Yoona exclaimed, her eyes widening in shock.

He chuckled and nodded. "I've been paying extra attention, Noona, so I can be good enough to be a guard soon. It's not easy, Teacher Huang Zi Tao has been squeezing every bit of energy out of me to do so."

"I can tell," she mused. "You've become sharper recently."

"Sharper...?"

"You're not cute anymore, Baekhyun. You've become handsome," she mused. "You really look quite different, really. Will Kai still be able to recognize you?"

He chuckled. "I'm not the question here, you are. I don't look all that different, but you've really changed a lot, Noona. Tell me, is anything, anything at all, bothering you? Because sometimes, when I think about it, I can't recognize you as much anymore."

"So many things have changed, of course I would, too."

He shook his head. "No, it's not change for the better. If anything, its obscuring who you are."

"Do you really know me that well?"

"I'm not entirely sure," he replied honestly. "But when you step out there and Kai can't recognize you anymore, then I'm sure that you're different. I can only hope, Noona, that this change is for the better."

"I hope so, too," she muttered as he left the room, ushered out by Victoria for a briefing.

A/N: Hi guys. Sorry if I haven't updated in so long. >.< One word is capable of explaining everything to you, though: university. But while I was away from updating, I was actually sneaking in the bits and pieces of the story (since I write on my phone. Palm rocks since it has a word document function. '.')b ). I just have to go through them again before I post. Yes, I've finished writing! :D You guys get until chapter 18 with the characters of 'Of Desires and Dreams'. Thank you for sticking with this story this far. :)