Dear readers, subscribers, and everyone alike. Please note that this is just a review and not an update concerning the story. I had already posted the link on my forewords, but the owner told me to put the review in a separate chapter. Not want to create a mess or anything, I just obliged.

If you want to know, please read on, but if you find it troublesome, I won't pester on it. Thank you.

Title: The Truth Behind Amber Josephine Liu

Author: XiaoZhen

Reviewed by: KpopLover15751

Title: (3/5)

To start off with; your title did spark some interest which urged me to read on. However your title could be improved by situating to a shorter size so it captures the reader’s attention more. I was intrigued by first appearance but the more I look at the title, the less mysterious it becomes. The words could be change to a more descriptive word that makes the story itself original.

I was wondering if you actually had to write Amber’s full name. I feel reading the full name can sometimes bore a reader thus making them skip your story. The full name doesn’t intrude with your story which is why I think you could have skip writing her full name.

Having the romance genre depicts that your title should have a romance feel; instead, I feel there was a thriller theme to it more than a romance. ‘The Truth Behind’ has a sense of mystery making me want to find out about the plot.

I do feel it was a strong title which isn’t the greatest nor does it needs some serious improvement. Well done.

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

Your description/foreword was written exceptionally well showcasing your talent for the readers to see. Looking into your description and foreword, I found it straight to the point without dwelling on the plot and giving it away. This is better than over-describing the plot however having precise sentences can have a downside as well. Your structure was excellent and even better is that you didn’t have a character profiles which I despised the most in description/foreword.

Looking at your description, it is clear and concise nonetheless it didn’t urge me as a reader to read on. As stated above, it gives a straight view which is why it didn’t have questions and curiosity in my head descriptions should have done. Why not add questions or sentences that give rhetorical possibilities which makes readers like me be interested to find out. On a positive side, your storyline isn’t prolonged throughout the description presenting me that you have the ability to write creatively and think of ways to produce detailed sentences. Honestly, it was like a normal description; an advice for your future stories is to think of writing techniques such as rhetorical questions.

Moving onto your foreword; I am pleased that there is an extract of your story from chapter one so it gives an over-view. There is nothing wrong in your foreword however saying that; next time, perhaps try to have a past prologue showing us what lead to your chapter one’s situation. This makes it more unique whilst at the same time hints us of the coming chapters. Another thing you have done well is you didn’t outline several chapters and only focused on one thereby making me anticipate the future chapters.

Originality of Plot: (18/20)

Looking back through what I have read; your plot was indeed an impressive romance story. Although it is an over-used idea about how the girl gets many boys who loved her; the way you implement the story was purely original and breath-taking. It had me hooked right from the start till the very ending. The feelings describe was shown in a comprehensive and powerful way that I can see the emotions that range throughout each chapters in the story.

Even if there were many suitors, I could clearly see the main suitors being Kris and Minho and during the course of the story, they both were balanced over the love triangle therefore it gave me no hint who Amber would chose out of those two. This made me edgy and curious so I really wanted to read on and find out. It was really a drama story however romance always went well with drama which makes it so much more fun to read.

Each chapter focused on certain character’s feeling and it emphasized each point of view which was original idea I love from you. You displayed how the past was with Amber’s relationship as well as showing present and future which is an advanced skills author has. The part where each of the suitor’s feeling was revealed was indeed the strongest chapter I have read. The other four were each determined to win over Amber’s heart yet I knew by reading the story, Amber hasn’t got a place in her heart for them.

Suzy was a shady character in the beginning nevertheless the ending only happens because of her advice so it shows she was a really important character contributes to the story. Also, Krystal as a side character had a strong sub-plot which I found electrifying to read about. It incentives just as much interest as it did to the main plot.

Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation, Spelling): (21/25)

Your mechanics was indeed a strong point which I admired as a reader. You had no spellings mistake which is expected from an author with an amazing storyline yet those obvious errors cut down your marks considerably. I didn’t even notice any mistakes till I concentrate at the language skills you used. There are many mistakes however it is those that is hard to notice and find out.

1.       Grammar – Your grammar was your weakest point in mechanics. Observing your story, it was based on past tenses but it changes from past to present really easily. You were starting off from a past tense chapter that was filled with present tenses words which sometimes confuses me whether this was in the past or present.

Eg. Myungsoo smiled as he read the text message he just received from a friend. The news about the fight between Amber and Kris has spread throughout SM Entertainment like wildfire.

You used ‘smiled’ depicting it was in past tense however the word ‘has’ is a present so the correct term should have been ‘had’.

2.      Sentence Structure – Your sentences were powerful however you tend to use long sentences which necessarily aren’t a bad thing however it makes the reader out of breath read it as well as showing how you cannot write short sentences.

Eg. And fortunately for Myungsoo, most of SM artists have big mouths, not towards the reporter of course, but towards the close entertainment circle of idols, so it did not take long for the news to reach him.

All of these consist of commas and this looks like a paragraph rather than a sentence. Put a full stop perhaps in between ‘course’ and ‘but’ so it gives us time to breath before continuing.

Your vocabulary was great; an advice would be to grab a dictionary and find interesting words to add. ‘Serious’ could have been ‘pensive’. I am not saying to use extravagant word that reader might not even know but when you use a descriptive word, you use it a lot so vary your words more.

The punctuation was one thing I am most strict with and checking, there was none so well done. You clearly have an in-depth knowledge about writing skills.

Writing Style: (9/10)

Your writing style is very different compared to other authors. You focus on one character in each chapter during the start. It was the first time I read a story like that. It was clear that you have got a unique writing skill in this story and it was a pleasure to read.

One improvement you can make is to describe the action instead of stating them. For example, you had ‘…not noticing that a single tear had managed to escape her left eye’. You can describe the tear like this ‘…Not wanting to ponder over it any longer, Krystal quickly brushed off all that anxiety in her heart and left the dorm, leaving traces of her glistening tears seem to pour out.’ This had more descriptive words as well as being a metaphor.  It shows if you use the tear as a descriptive word rather than a subject, it becomes much more influential.

Using imagery techniques is furthermore a defined way of writing dominant stories. Creating imagery in ways such as using similes or personification is a clever thing that would be really useful if you are writing an angst or a romance genre story. This is a romance story hence why I am giving you these tips to keep in mind over your next story.

Characterization: (9/10)

Your characters were portrayed immensely over their emotions and actions. I felt what they were feeling along with them in each chapter clearly showcasing your talents of character personalities. One thing that could confuse readers is over the pure amount of characters used. There was Amber, Krystal, Minho, Kris, Henry, Myungsoo and Daniel. Being brutally honest, it confused me over how many suitors Amber had.

Being the main character, Amber, Kris and Minho exposed deep emotions such as Amber being confused over who she loves and how she doesn’t want to hurt the other’s feeling. Then there was Kris and Minho who were both competing. Kris was shown as a worried person beneath his hard exterior conversely the ending displayed him being calm and letting go. It made me feel as if Kris knew he is going to lose to Minho. He wasn’t as tough as he seem.

On the other hand, Minho is caring but still determined. He wasn’t necessarily the bad guy but he wasn’t a person to give up either. It presented how much he loves Amber and wants her to love him back. This I find sweet and romantic so I love Minho’s personality the best.

Krystal being a side character surprisingly had ranges of feeling that was as powerful as the three main characters. Her envy was clearly written and her fragile state was obvious in the chapter. I pitied her when I read about how she and Minho’s relationship crashed down.

This was a really great story which is why giving advice are hard enough for me. Just one tiny suggestion is to lower your side characters down. It won’t affect the story much if you cut down one or two characters since it will still show the plot and personalities.

Flow of Story: (8/10)

Flows are crucial within the story and yours was balanced during the start; it disappointedly felt a little rush at the end. It still smoothly flowed from one idea to the next; the only thing was to slow down a bit in the last few chapters.

Make your ending longer by writing more scenes and creating more suspense. Add sense such as smell and sight to enhance your chapters. Furthermore, many add another plot idea at so your story isn’t based on one plot. A side plot would have been interesting read as well. You used your opportunity of the drama excellently such as the past in everyone’s point of views.

I would say that your flow could have been more balanced if you stretch the scenes into one or two more chapters. Perhaps by adding in the way Minho felt when he received the phone call. Two paragraphs were not enough; writing how he travels would have made the flow slower. Did he ran, sprint, dash? Explore those points a bit more in order to produce a unhurried pace.

Furthermore, the one where she chose who she loves could have been written more detailed since it was in one chapter that left me hanging. Describe how she chose who she wanted. Yes fireworks are great but how did she realise that when she never kissed Minho? The ending stride are always important so in future, remember to extend it more than you would have done in your middle and beginning chapters.

Ending: (4/5)

Your ending has a plot twist which left me surprised but at the same time confused, she didn’t explain in depth why she chose Minho. You stated it.  As an author writing a romance story; always remember to describe, not state. Considering this is your short story, I understand that the ending would have progressed faster which I didn’t cut down your marks drastically.

The ending was a fulfilling chapter taking in the consideration that this is a short story so I am in general contented with the ending.

I didn’t even know who Amber was going to choose till the very end; I thought she chose Kris and I thought she was going to deny Minho’s feelings. It was a superb plot twist which I enjoyed reading and it is one of the best endings I have read.

Overall Enjoyment: (4/5)

I am not an Amber/idol fan so it wouldn’t make me read the story. Aside from that, the story was a true romance story which I feel authors out there should take notes of. I am not going to dwell on this section longer since this isn’t an improvement section. I am just saying that your story had been on the edge of my seat during the entire story and made me want a sequel too. Reading it the first time, I was more of an ordinary reader reading this then a reviewer. Honestly, you should definitely write more stories. Work on your description/foreword and you would be a really great author in AFF.

Total: (84/100)

Bonus (Poster): (0/2)

Unfortunately, you didn't have a poster.

Total After Bonus: 84%