Kris sighed at the wallpaper of his computer. It is him and Amber, taken right after they were officially dating. She looked so lively, as always. He, though not as cheerful as she looks, managed to show a smile. Something that he rarely does after being a trainee.

He has been seeing less of Amber by the day that looking at their photo together was a joy for him. It is not that he does not want to see her, it is just he gets too caught up with work, and number one rule in SM Entertainment is work comes first, everything else comes later, including love and relationship.

He looked at the watch on the screen and finally realized that he has been looking at the same picture for the last hour, just staring blankly to it. Quickly he shook his head, trying to stop himself from dwelling on the same problem over and over again. Reluctantly he turned off his computer and walked to his bed. It is already past midnight and he has a photo shoot tomorrow with the other EXO-M’s members, so it is better to rest up.

As Kris lies down on his bed and looks up at the ceiling, all things that happened for the past couple of weeks have managed to cloud his mind once more. And to that he lets out a sigh.

He always knows that long distance relationship will be hard for both of them, especially on him. Though he looks like a playboy to the outside world, the guy that is charming and can woo any girl off their feet, in truth, he was just another guy to fall in love with Amber. In their relationship, it was him who is the rookie. But yet, though their love story did not start it off with a cliché beginning, he really wants to fight for it, not just for Amber, but mainly for himself, because he knows that he will be nothing without her.

And do not take this negatively either. It is not Amber’s popularity that he wants; no, though only debuted few months ago, he already got enough fans than he can handle. It is in fact her presence that he needs.

No one notices this, even Amber herself, but she is his rock. The one that keeps him sane all these years of training and the one that keeps him grounded so that he can be a star beside her. No one knows. Not even his close friends and members because he is always an introvert. He rarely shares feelings with anyone, even Amber.

That is why he kept his feelings for her hidden before. There are a lot of reasons; one is that he wants to focus on training. And second, he did not want to distract her from any of his meaningless confession.

But then, EXO debuted, f(x) became more stable, and her list of lovers goes on. That is when he realized that perhaps being just his rock, his protector, and his guardian was not enough for him. He did not want to see her from a far and watch random guy throw themselves at her. No. He wants to be beside her, to hold her, to be the one that congratulates her on their wins, the one to wipe her tears away when she is homesick and tired of the pressure of being in the limelight, the one that practices rapping with her, and the one that she will go with to get touch up on her tattoo.

And somehow, after having established himself as the one guy that ‘supposed’ to do all those things, he had done nothing on that list. One by one, guys slowly lining up to her once more despite the fact that she is taken by him and tried to be her ‘go-to-guy’. And the one that he fears the most, the one that he thinks has a high chance to take her from him completely, is none other than his old foe, the one that he had actually won Amber from, Mr. Flaming Charisma, Choi Minho.

The EXO-K boys have been warning him and gave him all the details that are going on between Amber and every guy that got close to her. And the boys have been on high alert whenever Minho comes around.

He was thankful for the EXO-K boys for their help, especially Suho. He was the one that first gave him the alert. Being a leader himself, he knows the pressure of being a leader, and maintaining a long distance relationship with one of the most sought out girl in the KPop industry add more complications to the mix.

He was also thankful to Kai. Though he is busy courting Krystal against Taemin, he still wants to help him out as much as possible. He really appreciates that. He was just hoping Kai ended up better than him, especially since the love problem he is having is very similar to his. The difference only lies in the fact that Kai and Taemin are best friends, not like Kris and Minho who are rivals from the start.

Kris had always known Minho will somehow haunt his relationship with Amber. He knows that Minho is a fighter and has a competitive side that does not allow himself to lose. But he had thought that Minho’s sportive side will win over and make him back away with dignity. Well, that is what he was hoping for until he realized that for people who are in love, pride and dignity are second to them. And Minho is no exception.

What Kris did not anticipate was the fact that another person is going after her again. Based on reports from Chanyeol and Baekhyun, L is already on the move again. But he knows that L is not much of a threat for him.

He knows his Amber well, and he knows that whatever decision she made is final and nothing can change it. If she chose to break up with someone then she would never take that person back. That is why there has never been an on-and-off-again relationship in her long list of boyfriends.

And yet somehow, Kris still feels that Minho can easily take Amber away from him despite the fact that she had already rejected Minho more than once.

He is never going to admit it, but deep in his heart he knows that he is very insecure about his relationship with Amber. It is not that he does not trust Amber, no, he trusts her with his life and he believes that she will never cheat on him or break up with him to go to another guy. It is in fact, he who does not believe in himself.

Before all the dramas that happened between him, her, and his rival, he was so confident that he can bring her happiness. He had known her long enough and he was already close to her from before. He can easily talk to her and practice with her. He got a tattoo so that adds another plus point. He also plays basketball. He speaks the same language and he is a good listener. So he is perfect.

But then Minho suddenly came into the picture. That is when he realized that if he wants to proof he is worthy of her, then he has to step his game up. He still has his confidence, but with Minho being overly competitive and a lot of people rooting over Minho than himself, he began to wonder, perhaps he is not the best guy that can bring Amber happiness.

Sure, he and Amber had undeniable chemistry together, and of course they are so comfortable with each other, but then so do Amber and Minho. And what more confusing for him is the fact that despite the language barrier between them, Minho still manages to make Amber smiles and laughs and does all the other things that Kris is able to do to her.

That is when he began to feel small compare to Minho. And he, along with everyone else, is convinced that it will be best for him to admit defeat and let Amber be with Minho. He had already made a decision back then.

But when he went to her dorm to express his ‘withdraw’ from the duel, before he could say anything, she actually confessed her feelings for him. He was so overwhelmed that he just stared at her with his mouth opened, not believing in what she said. Amber was quite disappointed with his reaction of course, and was about to leave him alone, but Kris was not a fool. That is when he immediately grabbed her and kissed her like he had never kissed before to seal the deal with her, to mark her as his.

Truthfully, everyone, and I mean everyone did not see that coming. Everyone was just so involved in the mindset that Minho was going to end up with Amber. That is why even up till now Minho is still fighting for her and people are still rooting for him to win her ‘back’. Kris was just as confuse as everyone else is. But what can he do? Turn the love of his life down? The hell no! He trusts Amber and her decisions, and she had already picked him. Perhaps she saw some qualities in him that no one else saw, some qualities that make her loves him. Who knows, right?

Kris just sighed once more as he thought about how he and Amber got together. He should have known that their past will haunt them and that drama that started their relationship will never end that easily.  

Nowadays, because of his insecurities over their relationship, he has been having an inner dilemma on whether to just stay on with their relationship or end it. It may sounds a bit exaggerating to end a relationship only based on his problem with Minho, but the problem is he is not only insecure because of Minho.

Being an introvert has made it difficult for him. He rarely shares his feelings, thoughts, insecurities, and everything that is going on in his life with anyone, including Amber. Don’t get him wrong, he loves being a listener to all her stories and all, but when most of her life involved a hundred different guys and also other people, he cannot help to feel a bit jealous. Yet, he cannot bear to stop Amber from socializing with all the guys and girls she hangs out with. She is a social person from the very start and it will be unfair for her to stop socializing just for him. She had never asked him to do something absurd, so why should he?

He was striving to be the patient boyfriend to her, but seeing guys circling around her every move and being unable to remind them who her man is because of the distance really ticks him off. And because he rarely shares anything with her, he really exploded when he saw a new photo of her with Minho and this time it was posted by Minho.

Amber was completely shocked. She has been hanging out with Minho since forever, so it seems normal to her to take a picture with him. Boy was she wrong. That single thing was the perfect trigger to make him blow up. And he did.

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How did that happen? The chronology goes like this. Kris and Amber were going for a date night that day. Kris was in Korea and Amber had no schedule that day. They had planned to spend the time by shooting some hoops, followed with a big lunch, then probably movies or karaoke, and then spend the rest of the day in her dorm, just cuddling.

They were having a blast after watching some action movie and were going to just spend the rest of the night in her bed, but then, Minho posted a picture of him and her together. And the stupid thing is Amber actually showed it to Kris. That is when he exploded.

His argument started off with jealousy and how she spends more time with other guys than with him. To which she counter attack by saying that he was never there for her in the first place. The argument leads up to how hard it is to maintain a relationship with the distance and all that stuff, blaming the company but mostly each other for not making more sacrifices. Then somehow it leads up with Amber blaming him for not sharing anything with her, and making her frustrated with that, which leads to her being with other guys. And he also blames her for keeping all the stuffs her exes gave her. They just argued about everything.

The two of them were lucky that none of the f(x)’s members were home because that sight of the two of them fighting is not pretty. Shouts and screams can be heard throughout the whole dorm and everything that has been bottled up inside was being thrown out at that second. Jealousy, insecurities, trust issues, every possible problem you can think of relating to a relationship was mentioned.

“You know, I think you’ve been spending too much time with other people. I’ve been here for a month and we only managed to squeeze time together today. It is always, everyone else first to you. Minho, L, Daniel, Donghae hyung, Siwon hyung, Key, Suzy, HyunA, Krystal, should I go on?” he shouted.

“They are my friends and we made plans before you came. You know I never broke promises. And you even mention the girls? They are my GIRL friends.” she defended herself.

“Do you know how hard it is to look at your profile online and all I can see is pictures of you with other people instead of me? People are thinking that you are dating Minho, or L, or even Suzy!”

“Why are you saying this?” Amber shouted, feeling frustrated at their endless argument.

“I feel like you never love me or least never show me that you love me.” Kris stated.

“Never love you? Never show you?!” Amber shouted back. “Listen here, Mister. You are a walking block of ice. Do you know how hard it is when every other guy is saying they love me, but my own boyfriend never treats me like that?”

And that is when Kris went quiet.

“You know what, maybe I was wrong for choosing you over Minho.” she finally said.

Kris’ eyes went wide, shocked with her sudden confession.

“I think we need some alone time apart.” he said.

Amber did not say anything and just turned her back on him.

“I’m leaving to Taiwan tomorrow.” he added.

“Do as you wish.” she replied still having her back facing him. And the next thing she heard was the sound of her bedroom door being slammed and that was the last time she saw him.

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Kris ruffled his head as the fight scene replayed itself in his head once more. He was feeling guilty all over again. He really wants to apologize, but deep in his heart he was still convinced that Amber did all those things he accused of her. Though he does not want to admit it, but he feels that Amber does not love him a hundred percent. He feels that there is someone else in her heart. It is just that he does not know who exactly that person is. No one knows. Perhaps it was Minho, perhaps it was L, perhaps it was Suzy, or perhaps it was someone else.