I know I promised I'd try and double update last week, and I'm really sorry I wasn't able to T.T This chapter isn't really much more than the previous one... It's also a bit more of a build-up of what's to come, but hopefully now I can really get into the swing of things!

CHAPTER FOUR

An hour later and my mind was still spinning.

I was Song Victoria.

The sweet natured, moral and innocent girl who’d always promised herself she’d never jump into bed with a man on a whim.

Yes, that was Song Victoria.

The simple, modest girl from a small village in inner China. Who loved to work with children and wanted one of her own.

Yes, that was Song Victoria.

The dreamy-eyed girl who wanted to be married by the age of 27.

Yes, that was Song Victoria.

Not this blonde haired, brown eyed girl who currently lay on a man’s bed, in another country and without any security.

I whined softly to myself as those thoughts mulled themselves over and over in my head, torturing me with their repetitiveness and causing my guilt to simply grow and grow, clawing at my heart.

In the past two days, I’d pretty much broken nearly every single rule I’d made and I’d overstepped every boundary I’d put into place. Not only had I (willingly) jumped into bed with a man who wasn’t my boyfriend, I’d then followed him into another country like a love-struck puppy. A country where I couldn’t speak the language nor comprehend the writing.

Not only that, but the man I’d chosen to follow was an idol.

A man who basically belonged to every single fan girl that idolized him.

I dug my face deeper into the plush, feathery pillow as I screamed into its softness. I’d honestly and truly lost my mind and my sanity.

And there was only one person to blame –

Nichkhun

“Why?” was all I spoke into the pillow’s depth, half-expecting it to answer me. When it didn’t, I lifted my head from it and sighed as my blonde locks quickly fell over my shoulders.

Black mascara smears were evident upon the pillow’s whiteness, but I felt no inclination to clean them.

Let Nichkhun see how distressed I was.

Nichkhun

His very name brought up a myriad of confusion within me.

I wasn’t sure what to think about him anymore. Was he still my best friend? Was he still my best friend from over five years ago? The very one who’d made that deal with me? Was he the one I trusted?

That Nichkhun was the one I wanted to believe I’d slept with, because even if I didn’t have any romantic feelings toward him, he’d still care for me. If I was pregnant, he was the man I’d trust to be a father to our child. But then again, would that Nichkhun have taken advantage of my emotional state and pulled me into his bed?

Or… had he changed? Had he changed into this new, idealistic Nichkhun who adored the fame and fortune and believed they could have anything they wanted with a simple click of their fingers?

I knew all about those type of men.

They lusted after a woman and did everything in their power to attain her, but once they’d satisfied that whim… They’d abandon her.

A pang of fear paralyzed my body for a moment as the possibility struck me.

My eyes widened and my heart’s speed began to increase at the thought of him kicking me out and leaving me in this foreign, unknown city.

Surely he…

I shook my head, displacing my silken locks as I refused to allow myself to finish the sadistic thought.

And in order to distract myself, I told myself I was hungry and needed to go in search of food.

With that, I pushed myself off of the bed and padded my way out of the room. I did my best to ignore the strangely soothing scent that the room emanated and tried to forget that it was exactly what Nickhun smelt like.

I shook my head as I exited. Once outside, I was startled to see that it was almost dark outside and the city’s buildings glittered like fireflies in the darkness. I halted for a moment, taking in the city’s depth and blinking at the beauty.

It was strange to be in such a metropolis. I was used to rural-like conditions of a small village, not of this scale.

But, I found it oddly intriguing that I felt no longing for my village as I gazed at the flickering buildings.

“Aish,” I muttered to myself as I set off toward the kitchen once again, convincing myself that I needed food in order to think straight.

When in actual fact, I felt that food of any kind wouldn’t settle in my stomach.

I shivered when my lightly socked feet came into contact with the tiled floor. The sensation was chilling, but it felt reassuring at the same time.

The modern looking, silvery-surfaced fridge stood before me and I marvelled at its design. I’d seen these types of fridges in all the dramas I’d watched – when the poor girl went to the rich love interest’s house for the first time. I could nearly laugh in irony.

 I felt intimidated by the built-in water and ice dispenser and I’d rather let Nichkhun show me how to use it than attempt it by myself. I’d rather not like to break half of his house while he wasn’t here to defend it.

I reached out and opened the fridge, half-expecting to find a mountain of food behind the door (He’d always had a large appetite) but I was thoroughly shocked to find the cooled inside basically bare. I blinked at the numerous, packaged water bottles that made up the majority of the contents. I managed to spot and apple in one of the back corners and a container of something. Upon smelling it, I decided against eating it.

I slumped my shoulders in defeat as I reached for the apple, happy that it felt firm in my fingers. I took a tentative bite, but I was relieved to find the fruit still fresh.

Suddenly I was glad that I wasn’t that hungry.

Still chewing, I wandered into the living section of the apartment and cautiously walked down the two wooden steps before my feet felt carpet. I was right before, even through the fabric of my socks, I could feel the carpet’s softness. For a moment, I wanted to try lying on it to see if it was as comfortable as it felt.

But I decided against that.

I carefully seated myself upon the fancy leather couch, afraid I’d rip it in some way. I then looked at the big screen TV and blinked at its sheer size. Honestly, this would be as good as watching a movie in an actual cinema…

That gave me an idea on how to pass time.

Luckily, the remotes were kept on the glass table in front and it didn’t take long to figure out which remote the TV. The screen blinked to life and I widened my eyes at the vibrancy of colour on it. Yeah, I certainly wouldn’t mind watching a movie on this instead of at an actual movie house!

The colour finally settled and I was greeted by the sight of nine smiling faces, all singing in perfect unison. Their faces were perfect, features accentuated wonderfully. I watched as they skilfully twisted their lithe bodies in outfits of black and then white. They never fell out of step and I simply couldn’t help but feel quite inadequate at this moment in time.

My hair was never that well styled, not even after going to a hairdresser. I would admit that I was thin, but I knew my body couldn’t compare to theirs. They were like dolls, flawless dolls that somehow existed.

My cheeks began to burn.

Were they part of Nichkhun’s world?

How could I possibly compete with any of them?

I no longer felt the need to watch TV and quickly turned it off.

My head was now racing and I felt the beginning of a headache coming along. The best course of action now would be to sleep.

I nodded at my suggestion and walked, without hesitation, to the bedroom.

It was exactly the way I’d left it and the dent in the bed remained from where I’d tossed and ly an hour before. I flopped onto the bed without much difficultly and closed my eyes, a part of me wishing that when I opened them, I’d be back in my small apartment in China and this would’ve all been a-

Since when had the pillow been this bumpy?

I frowned as I lifted my head from my feathery cushion. Well, I hadn’t been imagining things as I could definitely make out the outline of something beneath the pillow. I wondered why I hadn’t felt it earlier, but I then realized that there’d been another pillow over this one.

I bit my lip as I debated what to do.

Was it right of me to go through Nichkhun’s stuff? Or was this something he wanted to keep personal? After all, he’d kept it under his pillow. It wasn’t like it was in the open for all to see.

But then again…

I had the right to look at it. I mean, I was his best friend and he hadn’t told me I couldn’t look at anything right?

Making up my mind, I slowly reached out and snuck my hand underneath the pillow. I didn’t have to travel for long before my fingers made contact with something. I recoiled slightly and the cold sensation that I touched, but quickly forgot it and grasped the object with my hand.

It was a photo frame-

I froze as my eyes widened completely.

Not only was it a photo frame.

But…

It held a photo of me.

“Victoria, wake up.”

The gentle voice pierced through my layer of sleep and I frowned at its familiarity.

I slowly felt myself coming to as light began to invade my vision, causing me to squint from sensitivity. A soft pressure was soon evident on my shoulder and I felt my fingers curved around an object.

How long had I been asleep for?

“You always did look adorable when waking up.”

I knew that chuckle anywhere.

“Nichkhun?” came my sleepy tone as my eyes were able to fully open.

“The one and only,” he greeted me back as he crouched down so that we were eye level.

“What time is it?” I asked, expecting to have been sleeping for quite awhile.

“It’s one in the morning.”

My eyes shot open as my body was forced into a sitting position, “Why did you wake me up then?” I complained, my voice unintentionally coming out whiner than I’d intended.

“Because,” he replied, eyes twinkling with energy, “Now is the best time to go for a walk.”

“A walk?” I questioned and looked at him sceptically. Which sane person went for a walk at one in the morning?

He nodded and his eyes briefly flickered to the object in my hands. I rolled my eyes down to find that I was holding the picture I’d found earlier of myself. I blushed a little, not realizing that I’d actually gone to sleep while cradling it.

No words passed between Nichkhun and I, but they would’ve been unnecessary. Instead, we let out facial expressions do the talking for us. A soft, whimsical smile was curving his lips, as though he half-expected me to find the picture creepy, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that. It was oddly comforting to know he’d gone to bed thinking of me each night.

“So…”

I blinked at him.

“Let’s go for that walk, shall we?”

He looked at me expectantly.

And I offered him a smile and a nod.