***************************************************

Kyuhyun used to think the strange feeling he got when Yesung hyung was around would disappear with time. But it just grew stronger – and it was driving Kyuhyun crazy.

It’s wrong to feel like that about a guy. It’s not just laughable – it’s disgusting.

Most of his family and friends said so, and he played along, mocking guys holding hands in the street, talking about how god made a man and a woman – damn, at times he didn’t even know what crap he was saying. He’d say almost anything to convince people he was as straight as could be.

It was bad to even be thinking about it. Yet Yesung’s face was in his mind at all times. His black, shimmering eyes. Soft dark hair, a little too long for a guy, as Kyu tried to make himself think, but always ended up daydreaming of running his hands through the silky darkness.

And then Yesung’s slender figure, dancing at a concert, moving around his slightly feminine hips…

And then…

WHAT THE HELL, KYU???? GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF!!!! he used to order himself, only to continue thinking about his hyung five seconds later.

Then Kyuhyun would take all of his frustration out on Yesung himself. Not just because the male was the cause of Kyu’s troubles, but because he was always there, never complaining, while everyone else would sensibly flee Kyu’s company when he was in rage mode.

On top of it all, every time he hurt his hyung, Kyuhyun felt absolutely awful about it. He was careful not to show it, but sometimes at night, an unexplainable tear would appear.

Why the hell am I crying???

He was a man. Crying was forbidden too. So he would get angry with himself all over again – it was an enchanted circle he just couldn’t escape.

…If there was a place with no right and wrong… No rules, no people telling you what to do… I wish there was a place like that. Somewhere I could take you, and treat you the way you deserve.

Those thoughts never fully formed into words. Kyuhyun would always deny them before they could. But once….

****************************************************